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Originally Posted by Lucky 1
LOL!!!!
My wife is all of those things and then some! But a drone??? no way!!! and her pair is figuratively speaking....occasionally bigger than mine...... and she definitely has her own opinions and will disagree when she sees fit to do so
Me??? I can be sweet and kind....but no one who knows us would say I'm as sweet and kind as my wife is.....not even close.....
Curvy? No one would say that about me!
My wife on the other hand is nicely curvy!!!
The fact is that after my failed first marriage..... I did in fact think long and hard about what kind of woman I wanted to be with..... I found her and after more than 25 years I can say that we are well matched and very good together!
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Err.."sweet and fun" is what you said. I suggested other neutral terms which didn't imply someone who is submissive and subservient, meaning, you could use them to describe anyone with those same traits, but (IMO) in a more respectful way that honours their dignity
It's not about whether you think you are as kind and caring as your wife -- certainly, our culture has not schooled most men to think of kindness as powerful or central to a man's character. And yet it very much is. Kindness needs a serious upgrade in the eyes of most.
It's about whether you would use the term for yourself or any other man you esteem and deem it acceptable and good. If so, then it is OK in my book to also use for a woman. If you think it's a "limp" term and you would never use it for yourself in public, then clearly it's not something that you personally prize for yourself, and it should never be used to describe anyone else. I'm not sure if you understand that, but it's a crystal-clear insult to do. Jim Crow terms come to mind, and reserving special terms only for women and girls is barely a step above this, if at all. This is how folks get mentally downgraded, controlled, patronised, disrespected, and ultimately dehumanised.
So now we come to sweet and fun. (Or "playful" or other too often sexualised terms). Those who are in charge don't have to worry about being in a state that is pleasing and soothing to others (sweet) and being entertaining to them, or not being bothersome (fun). That's for lackeys and stooges and sidekicks, traditionally. Or, slaves, servants, and/or women. Suppose that's why I prefer kind and caring, and most definitely would apply to both men and women of character.
Re: curvy and that not applying to you...hahaha....well, I think the vast majority of women would be labelled curvy relative to men. So you can leave this one off in my book, or not, as you wish. You could just say I prefer women and we would get the point. I don't like to read a laundry list of physical traits or colouring preferences etc...but that's me. Many women could fit the exact same physical bill as your wife...probably the majority of women on earth, LOL.
So I would hope and trust that had your wife been sportier with different colouring or what have ye, you'd still have loved her. Meaning, they weren't on a laundry list and you came to love the person. I know I am aligned with a reality that's not yet come to be in many ways (LOL), but IMO don't think the physical list of traits is necessary because it's impersonal and you can slot in a million others who fit the same bill physically. I get if folks say I like a sparkle in the eyes or warm smile or someone who has a presence and is present with me...but I think you know what I mean.
Thanks for sharing and letting me share too. I really believe all this exchange and reflection is very important for men and women to understand how to see one another's full humanity. In particular, it starts with how we see them within our hearts and minds. Words carry power and help to shape our realities, for all their limitations. When you change the words, you can begin to see how some words are or feel diminishing or controlling, whilst others seem powerfui or perhaps more neutral. Sometimes we can't tell and that's when conversation with others is so important...because words are used in community with one another.
Peace & blessings
7L
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