Is 'Being Yourself' Selfish?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by SaturninePluto

My favorite movie quote of all time comes to mind here. "People don't much like me, and I don't much like them".

For whatever reason this thread reminded me of it. It is essentially how I feel. Honest truth is people don't like me much. I spent years wondering why. I've spent time trying to change what others don't like. Time trying to figure out exactly what it is they don't like so I can change it.

What I found is I wanted to be liked, but I thought that was a normal and natural feeling.

Truth be told I don't care anymore. There are plenty of people I don't much like in all honesty.

I am perfectly comfortable being who I am. I am constantly told by my very family that I only think about myself.

I do not even want to get into what I do for these people.

Point is despite knowing them all my life, their lives, and that they are family truth be told they don't have a semblance of a clue who I actually am. I feel it may be like this for many people. People only know us as much as the time they take to get to know us A and as much as we ourselves are willing to reveal B.

I don't fully know or understand any of them either.

What I know for certain is I know myself.

Why would I care to be anyone or anything but?

Thank you! That made a lot of sense to me.

My family are exactly the same. I have also spent time in thinking those who decry 'selfish' only do so because they feel their own 'selfish' needs are being unmet, when according to the Celesine Prophecy, the whole of human existence boils down to see who can steal the most energy from everybody else.

I got over wanting to be 'liked' as I figured (going on every life-experience I've ever had) this was basically impossible, but I have settled for wanting to be acknowledged, included in conversation and not being told that I am full of excreta every 5 minutes...but I guess one has to be 'liked' to have all that not happen. lol

Then again, I am made aware that certain people were born basically unpopular to lessen their worldly attachments and make the whole process of ascending much smoother...sometimes I just get bored with creating my own little universe and all the characters within it and I long for a change.

[Snow Goose]

You said you long for a change, what ideally would you like your life to look like?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Gracey

I spent many years of my life being hated by society for being a red head who didn't fit in with others. Daily I experienced hatred from the people in my environment. I spent many many years alone. It was rough not being part of the crowd, or even having one friend, but ya know what, being alone taught me to be me. to learn my own likes and dislikes, not to be led by the nose of others. Through that and other challenges in my adulthood, where people tried to convince me that i needed to change who i am, I learned that I do not need to look to others for acceptance. I learned to accept my own self. i am detached from the opinions of others, their opinions reveal who they are, not who i am. so, you are arrogant and stuff. so what, be you anyways. it is who you are right now and there is nothing wrong with being you in all your honesty. if you feel you need to change something, then you will.

my ex finance who died was an arrogant, loud mouth guy. not many people liked him, but they didn't know him. they only saw what offended them so they could fuel their own hatred. know what i mean.

you will eventually come across people who accept you for who you are and those will be the people who accepts themselves for who they are.....

you wanting people to like you for who you are shows that you care about them, and that is a good thing. those who like and love you will see that.

Thank you Gracey!

Yes, I am beginning to reach some awareness that others will see only what they want to see and thus it becomes a reverse projection of themselves in the process and I guess my whole consternation boils down to how superficial and shallow the majority of the human race is in regards to it all. I often wish that people would spend some time getting to know me, not merely judging a book by its cover and thus hangs the tale.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Snow Goose

You said you long for a change, what ideally would you like your life to look like?

Like Gracey, I live alone and have no friends and I have tried to be part of society, which only ends up in total rejection or being totally ignored into oblivion and whenever I join a group I'm made to feel totally unwelcomed there...leaving me feeling "If I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone".

What I'd like my life to look like is that of being 'included'....not necessarily liked or disliked...just included.

We are selves.

So - "Is being yourself selfish?"

Does it matter?

[Snow Goose]

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

Like Gracey, I live alone and have no friends and I have tried to be part of society, which only ends up in total rejection or being totally ignored into oblivion and whenever I join a group I'm made to feel totally unwelcomed there...leaving me feeling "If I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone".

What I'd like my life to look like is that of being 'included'....not necessarily liked or disliked...just included.

A few years ago I had to cut out all friends and relatives from my life. My partner also worked long hours and I only seen him one or two days a week. I had to give up work as I had a mental breakdown too. I didn't leave the house much and I did hide away from society for a bit. So I can relate to how you feel in a way.

I recently went back to work which is helping loads, what kind of groups have you tried and why didnt it work out?

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

We are selves.

So - "Is being yourself selfish?"

Does it matter?

I guess this whole thing started with a member on here pushing all my buttons which just brought up a ton of negative stuff for me and I needed the release.

Apparently, me being myself and doing what I do came across as 'lecturing' and 'indoctrinating' and 'egotistical' and 'selfish' to him. I simply advised him to ignore me then and just mind his own business...to which he said that 'ignoring other people is very rude' but I felt that being judgmental and labeling people was even ruder still.

It got me thinking though, it seems to matter to others, but not to me, but if I am to attempt to at least try and 'get on' with others, what they say or feel has to matter, right? yet it's also a two-way street and not a one-way dead end. It's like them saying "you never listen to me" but then again, they are not prepared to listen to you either because they believe you are not listening to them...thus communication totally breaks down.

To make matters worse, after I said I wasn't going to respond and bow out of the conversation, he was like "that's right, run away...only goes to prove my whole point and what I have been saying all along...take the coward's way out" and nothing...nothing grinds my gears as much as those who truly believe that "those who speak last speak the loudest"...and so it seems that yet another forum member goes on 'ignore'.

This was the impetus behind this thread and just triggered a lot of bad stuff for me and I humbly apologise.

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...=116992&page=7

[Raziel]

I believe that being yourself is default 101.

Lots of things are semantics - people pleasers are often told to be themselves as it is interpreted that the are living for others. Problem is they are simply more considerate of others feelings as they are kind by nature I.e themselves.

There are common courtesies when interacting with others to treat others how you wish to be treated - if a person appears rude but doesn't mean to be it is for them to learn to speak their truth in a more delicate manner, adapt but don't change.

I myself am starting posts with "I believe" or "I find" from now on- adapting to others observation of my tone.

The sentence "I don't like that" becomes "no thankyou but I appreciate the kind offer".

There are circumstances where a person can't do this but plenty where they can.

Remember when Buddha took candy from a baby?

Nope - because selfishness is surely not the same as "self" - self is reflecting on ones actions not merely making excuses to give a person carte Blanche in life.

.

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Snow Goose

A few years ago I had to cut out all friends and relatives from my life. My partner also worked long hours and I only seen him one or two days a week. I had to give up work as I had a mental breakdown too. I didn't leave the house much and I did hide away from society for a bit. So I can relate to how you feel in a way.

I recently went back to work which is helping loads, what kind of groups have you tried and why didnt it work out?

Thank you for your understanding.

I had two volunteer jobs, but instead of being put in a position where I was actually participating with others, I was given a brush and bleach and told to go and clean the lavatories...after I had finished, I was told to go and clean them again...and again....and again.

When lunchtime came, I sat by myself, somebody saw this and invited me to join in the conversation...I went up and sat with others, but no attempt was made to talk to me...they just went on about their private lives and when I said "that's interesting, please tell me more" they turned away from me and changed the subject which left me feeling "and that, my friends, is why I prefer to eat my lunch alone".

I went to an anxiety support group and people there were talking about their own problems and I would occasionally add the "I'm sorry to hear that" but did anybody ask me about my life? my problems? nope, because they were too wrapped up in their own to even notice I was there.

I went to a symposium and the lecturer asked for questions...I asked one and all that was said was "anybody else want to ask me a question?" and of course the lecturer answered them! so I stood up and said "excuse me, but I was asking you a question and I believe that I was first here" and they got security to come and eject me from the function.

This is what happens when I try and assert myself in any way, shape or form. There must be a reason for this...there must be, beyond my encroaching belief that other people do not even exist.

Originally Posted by The Necromancer

I guess this whole thing started with a member on here pushing all my buttons which just brought up a ton of negative stuff for me and I needed the release.

Apparently, me being myself and doing what I do came across as 'lecturing' and 'indoctrinating' and 'egotistical' and 'selfish' to him. I simply advised him to ignore me then and just mind his own business...to which he said that 'ignoring other people is very rude' but I felt that being judgmental and labeling people was even ruder still.

It got me thinking though, it seems to matter to others, but not to me, but if I am to attempt to at least try and 'get on' with others, what they say or feel has to matter, right? yet it's also a two-way street and not a one-way dead end. It's like them saying "you never listen to me" but then again, they are not prepared to listen to you either because they believe you are not listening to them...thus communication totally breaks down.

To make matters worse, after I said I wasn't going to respond and bow out of the conversation, he was like "that's right, run away...only goes to prove my whole point and what I have been saying all along...take the coward's way out" and nothing...nothing grinds my gears as much as those who truly believe that "those who speak last speak the loudest"...and so it seems that yet another forum member goes on 'ignore'.

This was the impetus behind this thread and just triggered a lot of bad stuff for me and I humbly apologise.

http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/sh...=116992&page=7

You've hit on a point. There's stuff and people here who aren't "spiritual" at all (beyond the possible state that we're all Spirit). One hopes that if people join they have some wish to self-develop / spiritually develop - or discuss some part of their spirituality - but don't. They pretend they're "being spiritual" but learn nothing. Picking up a bit of the jargon doesn't make someone spiritual.

I have no problem with someone being contentious if they resolve some matter concerning their beliefs or development but often it's gash responses with no significant content, just to have a presence here, stir something up or just argue for the sake of argument.

Maybe I'm one of them. I don't think of myself so, but.....