Am I telepathically communicating with my friend or my ‘spirit guide’?

[McGregor]

Hi,

I could have written that same message. I was like you. I know what you feel and your confusion. I was lost then and I am still lost but I was lucky enough to find my soulmate. Before I was even not sure if I know how to love because what I tough love was. never really happened to me... I had strong feelings for people and even once I had a hard time to break up with one girl but to be honest it was more about the scare of never find the right one more than anything else... or to be seen as not "normal". I am also really intuitive with people... I know what they feel and sometimes I can even confuse it with my own feeling... my capacity of analyzing a situation even make me think at one point I was able to predict the future... but no this is not one of my gifts. I even channell some feeling into anger and I grow a lot of red energy... now I am stuck with it but it's a way better than it was... thank God I never hurt anyone and a bad period...

I never trust anyone because I was never able to trust myself... I still hate myself for the thing I did when I was a kid and I don't think I will never be able to forgive myself. Even if the people that are concern did or don't even remember it... I exile myself from my relative because I felt that was not my place... my closer family member would take me 3 days driving non stop to reach... 5 if I sleep and drive 12h per day... I left my parents house while I was 16- 17 and I never look back... it has been over 20 years now... I don't even speak my native language anymore... well I mean I still remember how to but I choice not to... I can go on and on on the same subject for pages but I just share the part I think may trigger your curiosity...

What is even more confusing is when you realize your soul have been craft with same material than other souls and if you meet your cast, you will have attraction for them and you will feel there attraction for you but that will never be as strong as your soulmate.. in my case I was sharing memories and emotion that was not coming from me and only many years later I realize those was the one from my soulmate. To be honest for over 10 years I even made the choice to not listen block them... I thought I was crazy...

When I saw my soulmate for the first time, it felt like I found something I lost a long time ago and I didn't even know I was searching for her... It's hard to explain but that day changed my life... so there is hope... for me, it happens when I was in the darker period of my life and I wish you to not get there... It also happen in the weirdest place possible... I must have done something to destiny for that to happen this way;) But since then I learn a lot and I unlock memory from my past life with her... I remember when she give birth to our first boy many years ago... I remember she try to kill me for 13 years in one life... I remember I let her die in another life... but we share more good memory than bad one... the good life was so good and the bad one was so bad... maybe why I always hated myself so much...


Well I am better to come back to your story;) Sorry about that;) Maybe that person who dies was the one for you and it would be sad but you don't need to go through it alone... there will always be someone out there that can understand you and share a life with you... trust your inner voice and learn how to trust yourself... then you will be able to trust the other... dead is not the end of anything except if you do it to yourself on purpose.. don't break earth rules .... there is not a lot of rules and the consequance are really bad... if it's not in this life you will find your soulmate in the next one... if that was the one she will probably stay close to you until your time come and both of you will come back in the next life at the same time.... well maybe few years difference it depend of your choice and vessel availability... but make her proud, be true to yourself and make the run the best you can for you and the people around you... because no body can do it for you...

I hope you will find yourself.