No friends, No job, No education.

[Rosie17]

I'm not sure how to feel about my life situation. I have just turned 18 and have no friends, no job, no further education I am going for, and now living with my grandparents who live like it's still 1945 in England, they are also highly unconscious and push their beliefs on me. This time last year I was very 'popular' and doing well for myself in a systematic sense, but I was miserable. I met a man and he enlightened me on what my true nature was and showed me how it had been stripped from me all these years. I lived with him for 5 months. It was beautiful and chaotic for my once bigger egoic self. I left him because things like my old comforts were pulling me back home. He advised me to go in the end because I thought I was miserable but it was really my ego dying. I just feel peaceful on my own, and in company of others if they are not disturbing me. But I can't help feel a niggle of loneliness and longing to meet people here that will be a good balance for me. The man I met was far a head in the depth of his awareness than I was. Where as the people I am with now (my grandparents) are so asleep it makes me somewhat frustrated but I keep it all in because if I express too much I would have no where to live. So I literally keep quiet on what I truly feel inside. I don't want my old life back, where I was surrounded by 'friends' but felt lonely. Nor right now do I feel comfortable moving back in with this man. Anyway he has told me he has to move on and he has I believe, but I understand why, I couldn't keep him waiting who knows how long it takes to be ready. I just really feel there must be people.

Sorry for the long post, I just felt I needed to get this off my chest as I haven't expressed this to anyone. Thank you for reading.

Hi Rosie17

Well, for the best part people here can be regarded as friends, people of this community, so you can talk away here. Although I can't claim to be in your circumstances I think I understand how you must feel. I mean, it isn't going to be easy if you have no job, no income, to give you a sense of freedom. And spiritually trapped in your environment. No consolation saying "but you're young yet" because you're of an age precisely where you want to explore life. College might have been a start but probably impractical - the fees, the debt you accrue these days. It would have given you a chance. Mix if you want to, don't if you don't but people in roughly your situation are there. I feel the pressures building up. If you have no income you can't even choose the clothes you'd like.

You don't say where in England you're located. Is it up north or in the south/ south-east? Hopefully it isn't in London - not a very nice place to be at the moment, I learn.

However, if you feel spiritually inclined (and it should be a very normal part of your life, doesn't have to involve religion at all) this is a good place to be as I see it. A start would be diarising your feelings. Write things down. It really is a wonderful therapy. Write down what you'd like to do and be. (Obviously you'll need to be careful what you say about your grandparents in case they're prone to snoop if they know you're keeping a journal.)

You certainly seem level-headed about the man. Are there things he taught you at all? Viewpoints, ideas, pointers to how to broaden your awareness? Are they worth writing down along with what you think about them. I mean, after all, you made a start here....

Anyway, just some thoughts. Others here will probably have things to say. Here's wishing you well and hope to read more. I may have more to say but I was just closing down for the day when I noticed your post. Been a tiring day! Sleep tight!

Sincerely, L

Yet another duplicate post. The site has it in for me!!

[Shinsoo]

Expressing yourself does have some cathartic benefits, even if no one sees it but you.

I know how you feel. There is a man in my life who is like--light years ahead of me spiritually. He talks circles around me and makes my head hurt, but dang is it fascinating to hear him talk. And he is a wonderful teacher, he has also helped me clear my head from all the negative talk at times...about how I can't do things, etc.

Anyway--it is good to know that you prioritize yourself first here--though it feels bad right now, I bet once you figure out what you're going to and want to do, it will be much easier to deal with--and who knows, you might even attract someone else.

Maybe use all this new time to decide what motivates you, what inspires you--like Lorelyn said, maybe incorporate what he's taught you, into finding your passion in life.

Your grandparents--though they may be unconscious, they are still responding to the vibes you give out. If you show any hesitance or uncertainty in your spiritual quest, they are going to assume it's because you're not following whatever doctrine they follow. You have to find a way to stand firm, and yet be respectful to them. It's not easy, given it is encouraged to listen to your elders, but sometimes you have to put your foot down when the conversation strays from one of concern about your spiritual health, to trying to push beliefs down your throat. (You're going to hell!)

I hope things turn out better for you--I'm still in a rather dark place myself but I'm clawing myself out of it.

-Trinity

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

my thinking is:
do the things that bring you joy in the doing of them Rosie17.
don't focus on "needs" and be forever satisfying some minimal
requirements; when you notice some need, provide that expeditiously
and move on to the things that excite you without delay.
if you want friends, be friends, with anyone who crosses your path.
if you want a job, do a job; provide a service that you enjoy.
if education interests you, read some books.

[Rosie17]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Hi Rosie17

Well, for the best part people here can be regarded as friends, people of this community, so you can talk away here. Although I can't claim to be in your circumstances I think I understand how you must feel. I mean, it isn't going to be easy if you have no job, no income, to give you a sense of freedom. And spiritually trapped in your environment. No consolation saying "but you're young yet" because you're of an age precisely where you want to explore life. College might have been a start but probably impractical - the fees, the debt you accrue these days. It would have given you a chance. Mix if you want to, don't if you don't but people in roughly your situation are there. I feel the pressures building up. If you have no income you can't even choose the clothes you'd like.

You don't say where in England you're located. Is it up north or in the south/ south-east? Hopefully it isn't in London - not a very nice place to be at the moment, I learn.

However, if you feel spiritually inclined (and it should be a very normal part of your life, doesn't have to involve religion at all) this is a good place to be as I see it. A start would be diarising your feelings. Write things down. It really is a wonderful therapy. Write down what you'd like to do and be. (Obviously you'll need to be careful what you say about your grandparents in case they're prone to snoop if they know you're keeping a journal.)

You certainly seem level-headed about the man. Are there things he taught you at all? Viewpoints, ideas, pointers to how to broaden your awareness? Are they worth writing down along with what you think about them. I mean, after all, you made a start here....

Anyway, just some thoughts. Others here will probably have things to say. Here's wishing you well and hope to read more. I may have more to say but I was just closing down for the day when I noticed your post. Been a tiring day! Sleep tight!

Sincerely, L

CC


Hello Lorelyen, Thank you for writing to me I really appreciate it.
Yes you are right about the job, I am looking for one so I will feel a sense of freedom but I don't want just any job. I am quite fussy, I have to get the right feel for a place before I even start applying lol. I feel I do want to explore more of life, but I now know I'd never want to go back into any education especially go into it for the social outlet as that never truly worked for me before, sadly.

Well, I've been moved around England a lot. I did live in North London till the age of 10 then moved out of the city with my parents. But now I am living in Kent, and it's really beautiful here. Wonderful nature and countryside, so quiet. Very different from city life as I've also lived in Edinburgh for almost half a year. Do you live in the countryside?

Thanks for the idea, I shall do that haha. I used to write a lot about how I was feeling when living with this man. But since coming back I have been a bit lost and confused with my own feelings. I agree it can be very therapeutic. Haha, I don't feel my grandparents would snoop, but I really don't know. I'd better find a good hiding place lol.

I am really forever grateful to this man as he has shown me what I feel is the most important thing in life. Just the simplicity of being awareness. I've taken on a lot of his viewpoints, ideas and pointers I suppose. Even though at the time I did not truly listen to what he was trying to get across to me I do feel it now. I only didn't listen because it felt like it was only him that was like this. He introduced me to everything. Now I see many others are very much like him and it pleases me. Because before his truths were not my reality, but now of course I realise they are. They are everyone's and every things truths.

Again, thank you ever so much for writing. I wish you very well too, and hope to hear back from you. & I hoped you slept well after your tiring day!

[Rosie17]

Originally Posted by Trinitydown

Expressing yourself does have some cathartic benefits, even if no one sees it but you.

I know how you feel. There is a man in my life who is like--light years ahead of me spiritually. He talks circles around me and makes my head hurt, but dang is it fascinating to hear him talk. And he is a wonderful teacher, he has also helped me clear my head from all the negative talk at times...about how I can't do things, etc.

Anyway--it is good to know that you prioritize yourself first here--though it feels bad right now, I bet once you figure out what you're going to and want to do, it will be much easier to deal with--and who knows, you might even attract someone else.

Maybe use all this new time to decide what motivates you, what inspires you--like Lorelyn said, maybe incorporate what he's taught you, into finding your passion in life.

Your grandparents--though they may be unconscious, they are still responding to the vibes you give out. If you show any hesitance or uncertainty in your spiritual quest, they are going to assume it's because you're not following whatever doctrine they follow. You have to find a way to stand firm, and yet be respectful to them. It's not easy, given it is encouraged to listen to your elders, but sometimes you have to put your foot down when the conversation strays from one of concern about your spiritual health, to trying to push beliefs down your throat. (You're going to hell!)

I hope things turn out better for you--I'm still in a rather dark place myself but I'm clawing myself out of it.

-Trinity

Hi Trinity,

Yes I feel it does have a positive, relief affect too.
I can relate haha, he did make my head hurt but also he was very fascinating and even though I'd complain he'd talk too much I'd still ask questions lol. I'm glad to hear someone did that for you. I feel he did that for me too but maybe I just wasnt ready to dive right into his world.

Yes, I felt bad coming back home because I wanted some sort of comfort. But in fact I just felt I had to leave because I didn't feel happy while I was there coming to the end and he always put himself first with what made him happy so I felt I must only do the same here. So, thank you for saying that I really appreciate it.

Yes, I feel my grandparents are confused by me. My grandfather is very old fashion with thick beliefs on what's right and what's wrong. He also is a very frustrated man who can get angry very quickly so I am frightened sometimes by him as he can shout and smash things especially if you say he is wrong or you even slightly put a beleif of your own up against him. My nan is a quiet lady but she is totally submissive to him and she does everything for him, I'm sure she doesn't mind as she is from the era where that was expected for her life to turn out that way, she also can shout at me though haha. I may be portraying them as bad, they are not bad and have a lot of love in them, they have just been through harder times that make them more hard. They love each other dearly and they love me I feel but they have funny ways of showing it. What would make them happy if I was to get myself set on a life path like theirs, career, house, husband, kids. But I feel my life won't turn out as rigid as that. So I hope eventually they will accept that if not the only way for me to live would be to move out.

Thank you Trinity, I'm sorry to hear you are in a dark place too. I hope you manage to rise above the darkness, it's hard but it's definitely achievable.

[Rosie17]

Originally Posted by H:O:R:A:C:E

my thinking is:
do the things that bring you joy in the doing of them Rosie17.
don't focus on "needs" and be forever satisfying some minimal
requirements; when you notice some need, provide that expeditiously
and move on to the things that excite you without delay.
if you want friends, be friends, with anyone who crosses your path.
if you want a job, do a job; provide a service that you enjoy.
if education interests you, read some books.

Hello,
Thank you for writing.
Yes, I try too. I love walking in nature and music so I try and occupy myself with these things. I enjoy the simple pleasures in life. I guess because I'm quite isolated at the moment it is hard to struck up a friendship with just any passer by lol. I wish it was like the movies. Yes, I would like to find a job I enjoy so I am on the look out for one. Also, not much education interest me. Maybe of the discovery kind.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Rosie17: I am looking for [a job] so I will feel a sense of freedom....

sure, with whatever monies you might collect, you might feel a sense freedom
in that you could afford to purchase things on a whim. yet, having a job is a
commitment of your time and effort... which seems to limit your freedom.
i figure: do something you enjoy doing... if it provides a service that someone
appreciates, you'll find that they'll pay you for your work... presto: you've got a job.

Rosie17: I guess because I'm quite isolated at the moment it is hard to struck up a friendship with just any passer by lol.

just adopt the attitude of being friendly. when someone reflects that back to you, you've made a friend.
if you're feeling a need for a friend, go to wherever people are experiencing need...
provide them with some of what they need and you'll have become their friend.

also:
discover the things that interest you, and educate yourself about them!

Good morning, Rosie! At least the sun's out today.

Originally Posted by Rosie17

Hello Lorelyen, Thank you for writing to me I really appreciate it.
Yes you are right about the job, I am looking for one so I will feel a sense of freedom but I don't want just any job. I am quite fussy, I have to get the right feel for a place before I even start applying lol. I feel I do want to explore more of life, but I now know I'd never want to go back into any education especially go into it for the social outlet as that never truly worked for me before, sadly.

Yup, jobs can be a problem when you're looking for something specific. I started in an ad agency but quickly got fed up with the place, the office politics etc., but I'd made good with a few clients and could rely on ex-classmates in multi-media and so I went freelance - a bit perilous at first and while I could depend on my parents should I run into trouble I was determined not to. They're wonderful people. So during times of lull I've had to do things I'd sooner not to get by, like the most banal being supermarket shelf filling. It's very up-and-down. College for me? I suppose I'm somewhat a loner and felt anonymous most of the time but did meet a couple of Caribbean people who became significant on the spiritual side. I rarely joined in student activities - they were mostly banal. So yes, you have to get fulfilment at some level.

Well, I've been moved around England a lot. I did live in North London till the age of 10 then moved out of the city with my parents. But now I am living in Kent, and it's really beautiful here. Wonderful nature and countryside, so quiet. Very different from city life as I've also lived in Edinburgh for almost half a year. Do you live in the countryside?

Yes! What a lovely area - rural Kent. My parents live in rural Surrey and I have a place in Brighton which is fairly lively. Pretty cosmopolitan. I can make the best of both worlds then, times I love to walk and just be in nature, its scents, its sounds, the whole feel of it. As my work is a fair bit portable I can spend days at my parents. Made a few videos around there.

I am really forever grateful to this man as he has shown me what I feel is the most important thing in life. Just the simplicity of being awareness. I've taken on a lot of his viewpoints, ideas and pointers I suppose. Even though at the time I did not truly listen to what he was trying to get across to me I do feel it now. I only didn't listen because it felt like it was only him that was like this. He introduced me to everything. Now I see many others are very much like him and it pleases me. Because before his truths were not my reality, but now of course I realise they are. They are everyone's and every things truths.

Isn't it just the way when things suddenly explode into one's life?! If I may say so you seem to be going through a long period of consolidation. Seems as if it was meant that way and it'll take time for things to settle. The only similarity I can claim is being thrown right into confusion when fostered. My birth parents aren't nice (I haven't been in touch with them at all really since I was pulled out) so there was I, fearful of my future, suddenly landing in the laps of calm, caring, wonderful people to whom honestly, I really owe everything. It was like suddenly jetted into the light. Just the freedom was overwhelming. I'd have nightmares that if the timing had been just slightly different someone else may have got that placement and I'd be landed with rotten foster parents. So I had a lot to learn, pdq - like, how to be. Such was my early life I suppose I'd learned to stand on my own feet early. Perhaps a good thing.

Anyway, it's nice talking with you, Rosie. Here's wishing you a pleasant Bank Holiday and on. Looks like the weather is at last shaping up. Mind, it won't be so great in Brighton when the hordes start to descend on us!

Talk later,
L