Sexual orientation and Awakening

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by OEN34

I think you, L and others have perhaps gone a little off point and not answered the OP's question.

The OP didn't mention the words sex or love in his post. In fact, he's been quite vague in details, but has said he is questioning his sexuality.

Some of us are attracted to the opposite sex, some of us the same sex, some of us both sexes, and some neither. If someone has considered themselves heterosexual and then starts to question if they are homosexual, there's been a shift somewhere. For arguments sake, 99% of the shift in this situation will be due to being physically attracted to the same sex, and also feeling completely at ease, safe, secure and natural to them when they're in their company. The basics of any attraction we might say - the fundamentals.

So yeah, IMO, a very second-nature question or feeling would be if I could imagine or have the desire to be intimate with someone of the same sex - this would answer a large percentage of my confusion. Or am I attracted to both sexes? Am I leaning towards one more than the other, etc etc. I can't list all the questions, but I'm sure you see where I'm coming from.

I do agree with you that sex can be confused with love - I have been guilty of that in the past, so you're absolutely right, but this belief isn't connected to what the OP has discussed. He hasn't mentioned sex or love in his question, only that he thinks he might be homosexual.

Where does the physical attraction to whomever or whatever come from?
It is largely from the heart and mind. Sexual attraction...however you want to frame it...whether purely emotional or purely arousal...is an evolution.

It is not purely of the penis or testes or whatever. As R6 and I have said variously, sexual arousal in men is very base (i.e. a hole in fence if nothing else is around...or "men would blow themselves" if they could) until and unless it is conditioned to imprint onto something else. I.e., a person.

That is where the heart and mind come in. That is why watching too much porn causes non-physical ED. The waterworks are fine but the heart and mind have been conditioned to only respond to porn...

Sexual attraction for men is exactly that...it is routing the base urge to rut (onto anything) through the complex, mysterious heart and mind duo...
and that is HIGHLY respondent to equally complex cultural conditioning. Though in some ways it may seem very obvious (LOL), in fact it is complex.

Otherwise the hand would do it forever. Or the hole in the fence.

We want to make it simple...and the strong sexual urge is there for survival purposes. That very basic fact is true. And yet, even so, it must be conditioned and channeled through human culture and human communication and human networks and relationships...else we'd have long since died off if the hand or the hole in the fence sufficed.

And definitely, human sexual desire is crafted to be that blank slate to be infused, moulded, disciplined and employed with our emotions, our thoughts, and with our honour and our decency...because we're not animals. We lack their innocence and always will do. So it's clarity, awareness and responsibility alongside love and desire that we have as the alternatives. That's it...there is no other, and there's nothing for it

Opening one's heart may involve fuller ways of seeing their humanity. For many men, it very well may involve initial sexual thoughts of everyone or anyone -- because the male sexual urge wants to run rampant and unbounded. But when a man sits with his expanded heart consciousness, that may or may not mean he needs to or wants to expand or change his partner preference. I just think these things are much more deeply wired emotionally and not just physically, and they call for allowing expansion of lovingkindness and heart centre that does not have to mandate that sexual acts accompany it. That would be a rather sick and repulsive mandate for humanity as a whole...as in, I can only see your full humanity if I get to penetrate you. Or, that's how I view lovingkindness, as something that only goes hand-in-hand with sex.

Do you see what I'm saying? We need to allow for the heart to expand without necessarily having anything to do with sex...meaning sex may or may not accompany lovingkindness or care for others on a purely individual basis, but should never be mandated or expected in order to bring lovingkindness. In our society at present, it is often seen as very difficult for men to express lovingkindness to anyone without mockery or abuse. So then they are left with only sexual outlets as a means to come by or express affection or love...and that is wrong and dehumanising clearly. IMO one of the first things we need to do in society is allow men to express love and affection and kindness toward others without the assumption that there is only or always sexual overtones on men's part. Men would in turn need to allow themselves this freedom, this liberation, as well.

Caveat being...women rarely feel long-term, lasting desire for anyone without a deep and mutual authentic love. Most women are hetero, like well over 95%. And yet that doesn't mean we don't feel deep love and care for other women, friends, fam, children, etc. Feeling deep love & care is usually not sexual for women...but we're allowed to express our hearts so we are allowed to figure that out. It's much harder for many men due to the brutal mainstream paradigm and not just in modern society but it's particularly low and coarse these days.

Women are much more wired to the individual person heart/soul and body/mind...and most women lose physical desire without an abiding authentic love. So it's just not sex first for the vast majority of us, not if we are true to our centres.
But I do get that so much of men's emotions are forced into a purely sexual outlet, that it is of great importance to honour it. I'm just saying that believe it or not, it is really still all about the heart and the love...sex is just an expression of that IF the heart and the love are honoured and given that seat of honour.
I also realise there is a lot of healing that often needs to occur before any of us can do that, particularly if our culture has been harsh and unforgiving as with men's hearts and emotions.

Peace & blessings
7L

[aimtobe]

I'm just catching this thread. So, 4 pages is a lot to catch up on in a minute. But I wanted to mention a book that helped me when I went through this part of my journey.

Coming Out Spiritually
by Christian de la Huerta

Yes, it is an older book, but it helped me understand spirituality and sexuality - their similarities, their purposes, how they coordinate, etc. and offered guidance per religion/beliefs. It is definitely a book worth keeping on your bookshelf. I read it maybe in 2013? and still own it.

[r6r6]

Still_Waters---I believe that it was the Buddha who said that, if there was any drive stronger than the sexual drive, he would not have been able to reach enlightenment.

There is primal rquirement of for air/oxygen and parents will trample their own children to find oxygen. Ex fire in crowed theater or any enclosed building where air is not pumped in.

Your point is well taken and it seems to be more so with males than with females for some reason.

Or men are just weaker to same sexual drives/impulses that women also have. I once read a good book in these regards Sex on the Brain...Blum{?}

While one has the body, one has the opportunity to deal with the sexual desire and to proceed peacefully once the body is left behind.

There is no rational, logical common sense reason to believe there is a "one" once the biological/soul has died. It is primarily an unfounded religous superstition passed on via many generations.