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[Namaste1212]

Found my way to Buddhism. I would like to learn more on how to focus on making myself happy. I'm very empathic with a bad temper which died down alot. I live on my own which helps for solitude / self care. I've become a much happier person and careless of what others think of me. There's only one person that brings out the bad in me, and it's my mother.
To make this short, any advice on how to stay happy around a person who's judgmental especially towards me ? I know she'll never change. I've thought about disconnecting my relationship w her, but I love the rest of my family. I only see them once a week for short period of time because I cant handle being around her.
Any peaceful ways/tips would be greatly appreciated!
Namaste

[Jeremy Bong]

Hey,

Let me have a wild guess: do you have any connection with the mother, her user name is Necromancer in this forum. It reminds me that she has a girl who is not listening to her advice and you said, your mother isn't good with you. And I suppose you're Indian.

To be happy is simple, let your thinking be more easily getting along with others. To respect your mother or others is the main factor to be respected by others. Or you want to be treated well by others, you have to try to treat others well.

All mothers will have expectations for their children. But sometimes it may be not so reasonable or too strictly guided. But her love is to be respected by their children one way or the others. If you have problems with her, just to apologize with her.

As for your mother you just show filial piety to her. She can treat you not good when you never show up certain things that she can praise you or with other reasons. To stay alone isn't not good, under certain circumstances it is OK when it's necessary. I think to form your own family, to marry the right person can bring you happy also.

To believe any religion, we can't indulge too deep otherwise we may have no other choice to select for our living. I know a lot of spiritual stuffs just after I was retired and I dig deeper and deeper to reach at my present stage. Jesus and Buddha Gautama integrated into my body but I never thought to learn anything from them and they never told me what to do from there onwards.... My comment is learning any religion is not as you expecting: 1+1=2 .

To learn Buddhism is only to let you to be a good person. To say the right words, the right....... things. So be good luck. Friend!

[Namaste1212]

Thank you for the response and haha no she's not my mom altho necromancer was my character in diablo! :p
I did make peace w her awhile back. But still shes always bringin up my past and in front of ppl.
And I work so I'm not completely alone, and I see selective friends and family. I recently became an Auntie to a little girl so at family gatherings I hang out a her alot.

[shiningstars]

Originally Posted by Namaste1212

Thank you for the response and haha no she's not my mom altho necromancer was my character in diablo! :p
I did make peace w her awhile back. But still shes always bringin up my past and in front of ppl.
And I work so I'm not completely alone, and I see selective friends and family. I recently became an Auntie to a little girl so at family gatherings I hang out a her alot.

You might enjoy teachings by the Thai Forest tradition, Namaste1212. Google Ajahn Sumedho.

shiningstars

[Lightwaves]

Be honest with her. Tell her your feelings about things in general and if she doesn't respond in kind then know that she is struggling herself. Understand that all people have their struggles. In peace.

[Captain]

I have or shall I say had a mother who does that as well, bad mouth me in front of others, past issues which she manages to embellish and not give the whole story. For example if I was angry and difficult as a teenager but not saying my step-father, her husband was drunk and abusive primarily to me during that time.
She gets cards and presents on the usual occasions and I call her back when she leaves a message. That's it. I went thru the whole guilt drama of respecting my mother by allowing her in my life.
What most people seem to glaze over is the fact that there are many narcissists and other personality disorder types walking around. Narcissists make horrible and damaging parents, especially when they scapegoat one child or play favorites. All children are damaged in these dynamics.
We have learned thru genetics that narcissism skips generations. A narcissist cannot raise another narcissist. But when a narcissist is your parent you can guarantee it knocks the ego right out of you and you clears your karma in your youth.
As a practitioner of Tibetan Buddhism, I find the lack of ego to be a great help to me.

Do a practice, do the daily prayers and perhaps a Tara or Manjusri practice and you will see your obscurations such as anger gradually dissolve and your peace and compassion will increase. Good luck!

[naturesflow]

Originally Posted by Namaste1212

Found my way to Buddhism. I would like to learn more on how to focus on making myself happy. I'm very empathic with a bad temper which died down alot. I live on my own which helps for solitude / self care. I've become a much happier person and careless of what others think of me. There's only one person that brings out the bad in me, and it's my mother.
To make this short, any advice on how to stay happy around a person who's judgmental especially towards me ? I know she'll never change. I've thought about disconnecting my relationship w her, but I love the rest of my family. I only see them once a week for short period of time because I cant handle being around her.
Any peaceful ways/tips would be greatly appreciated!
Namaste

What is the bad of you that comes out?

What is coming out is obviously something that is still attached in response in yourself. So finding what the reaction is and looking at this as something you might be able to go deeper in you to release might serve you. She is the cause of the reaction. You have the cause and the reaction in you to look deeper into and release yourself from that.

Reactiveness is a good teacher to show you there is something moving in you that can move you deeper and show you more of you beyond this point. Moving away from her if you hold within you a seed that is formed and held in will react to something else in another way, somewhere else. If you are clear you wouldn't be reacting.

Sometimes we have to let people go, sometimes we have to let go to know if we need to let go. So you have to determine, do I want to see if I am clear about this in me, in this reaction that arises around her? Or can I get clear in me with this reaction first, tend to this in myself and then see if I still need to move away from her.

Sometimes ending the reactions changes the external movements and we find balance and ease naturally with difficult situations, just by becoming the change yourself.

[Elohim]

Meditate by observing your breath, when you are with the breath , the mind becomes empty

No money involved
Google Pyramid Meditation , it just observing your Breath