How to Mend a Battered Heart

I was reading a post yesterday about a lady who dliberately gave her child up because she didn't feel she could give that baby what it needed, without it affecting her other children. Very poignant.

We got onto the soul and how the soul decides who it's to be born to, and that it's a joint decision, ie the soul choses the parents. I added that I couldn't imagine that I would deliberately choose my mother as she was not a good mother and all she taught me was how not to trust.

I went on to say that maybe I wasn't looking at the bigger picture. Juanita, quite rightly, pointed out that, no, I wasn't and that there'd be much to learn from this situation.

I totally agree with this and 99% of the time that's how I look at things. However, on occasion, and yesterday was one of those occasions, I feel myself diving into a state of 'low, hurt and pain' when I look back at how things turned out.

I don't want to go into detail, but like a lot of people, I didn't have a good childhood. There was no sexual abuse but there was plenty of physical and mental cruelty - all carried out by my cold, hard mother.

I had a fantastic relationship with my father and it just improved as I got older - until I hit my 40s and it all came tumbling down.

The father I loved so much turned against me, due to the influence of a rather forbidding sibling of mine, who had always been jealous of the relationship I had with my dad.

As a rule I'm an upbeat kind of person with a positive attitude, but I have a dark side. This dark side rears its ugly head, from time to time, telling me I can't trust anyone and that I'm not good and enough taking offense at the slightest comment or joke someone has made in innocence. I tell myself I am being ridiculous but, after a lifetime of this, it's hard to shift. It doesn't happen too often but it does happen and I think it's all to do with my parents/family.

So, yesterday, when I was having this 'low' I thought to myself 'How can I get this pain to stop?' I feel I've forgiven my mother and my father but from time to time it just hurts so much and I just can't seem to shift it. I don't think about my past too often for exactly this reason, but it's still holding me back. No matter how positive my attitude is, and please don't think I'm a victim - I don't see myself that way, but this cr*p from my youth is still getting in the way of me having a fulfilling life.

So, like I was saying, yesterday I was thinking I needed to do something to stop this pain and self doubt from cropping up - to move on once and for all. Like I say, I feel like I've forgiven them but why am I still hurting after all these years.

Then, this morning I was looking at a website that was talking about the 'Capricorn Full Moon' tonight and what it means. You know what it's like when you're browsing - something catches your eye and then you go off on a tangent. Well, that's how I browse....

Now I've always been a big believer of 'when the student is ready the master will appear.' Somehow I ended up on a web site called owningpink.com - just from following this Capricorn full moon. On owningpink.com there's a link to a book they recommend called 'Radical Forgiveness' by Colin Tipping. I was amazed - but not at all surprised

So, the reviews look pretty good and the author talks about our souls choosing their life paths beforehand...

I'm now in a situation where, by reading his book and following any exercises therein, I might finally be able to put a few demons to rest. I certainly hope so, anyway.

Sorry for the long post but if you got this far, thanks for reading!!!!

LL

[Celera]

I'm sorry you've had such difficulties, Lanzalady.

I was also adopted by a controlling, mean-spirited woman. I loved my dad, but he was not strong enough (emotionally) to protect us, he mostly went along with her on things because it was the easiest way. For a while I was angry with him about this, but now I'm getting older and I see how both of them were just weak frightened people who maybe will need several more lifetimes to develop.

I agree that there are times, no matter how much progress we make, when those old negative messages our parents implanted in our brains will start playing again -- mine is "you will be fat and lazy and never amount to anything." Awesome, right? The best cure for that stuff is to remember that you don't have to believe those things anymore. Also, I find exercise and talking with friends are good at keeping you from just circling around those negative thoughts.

Incidentally, I was adopted. I've met my birth parents, and have three full biological siblings also. I think they are my soul group, and for some reason I wanted to spend this life being more distant from them for some reason.

Originally Posted by Celera

I'm sorry you've had such difficulties, Lanzalady.

I was also adopted by a controlling, mean-spirited woman. I loved my dad, but he was not strong enough (emotionally) to protect us, he mostly went along with her on things because it was the easiest way. For a while I was angry with him about this, but now I'm getting older and I see how both of them were just weak frightened people who maybe will need several more lifetimes to develop.

I agree that there are times, no matter how much progress we make, when those old negative messages our parents implanted in our brains will start playing again -- mine is "you will be fat and lazy and never amount to anything." Awesome, right? The best cure for that stuff is to remember that you don't have to believe those things anymore. Also, I find exercise and talking with friends are good at keeping you from just circling around those negative thoughts.

Incidentally, I was adopted. I've met my birth parents, and have three full biological siblings also. I think they are my soul group, and for some reason I wanted to spend this life being more distant from them for some reason.

Hi Celera,

It sounds like we've both had trials to deal with. Like yours, my dad was a weak man too who allowed my mother to carry on the way she did. I didn't get angry with my dad until things went wrong between us. I felt he'd let me down...again. After he passed away his priest said, 'He as a good man. Weak but good.'

Then he went on to complain about the Co Op doing the funeral. 'The Co Op's a supermarket for goodness sake - they don't know how to arrange funerals. Something always goes wrong when they're involved.' It did make me laugh.

I used to wish I was adopted and would pray that my real mum would come and get me.

And to think we've organized all this beforehand....?



LL

At the risk of sounding trite.

Time is , in my experience the healer. each moment after the evil time as a moment that distances one from it. the memory stings for a long time but the event itself diminishes in strength as we put space between us and it through days , months and years.
The sharp pain becomes a dull ache with the passing of time with the odd sharp stab caused by remembrance.

It's not much , but it is as I have found it to be.

Originally Posted by Lanzalady

Hi Celera,

It sounds like we've both had trials to deal with. Like yours, my dad was a weak man too who allowed my mother to carry on the way she did. I didn't get angry with my dad until things went wrong between us. I felt he'd let me down...again. After he passed away his priest said, 'He as a good man. Weak but good.'

Then he went on to complain about the Co Op doing the funeral. 'The Co Op's a supermarket for goodness sake - they don't know how to arrange funerals. Something always goes wrong when they're involved.' It did make me laugh.

I used to wish I was adopted and would pray that my real mum would come and get me.

And to think we've organized all this beforehand....?



LL

I don't believe in coincidence so finding this book was, perhaps, orchestrated by your Dad who knows what you went through and what you are still going through because of it....Spirit will always lend a hand when they can... After you have read the book and see a bit of the bigger picture, please let us know if had any effect on your personal perspective...hugs

Originally Posted by Neville

At the risk of sounding trite.

Time is , in my experience the healer. each moment after the evil time as a moment that distances one from it. the memory stings for a long time but the event itself diminishes in strength as we put space between us and it through days , months and years.
The sharp pain becomes a dull ache with the passing of time with the odd sharp stab caused by remembrance.

It's not much , but it is as I have found it to be.

Hi Neville,

Time is a great healer indeed and while the initial shock diminishes what's left is the belief (I can't trust/I'm not good enough) which continues to cause pain. It's like I never really dealt with it - I tend to put it out of my mind so it's never resolved. It's fine for a few weeks then it catches me by surprise.

That's what I need to confront.

LL

Originally Posted by Juanita

I don't believe in coincidence so finding this book was, perhaps, orchestrated by your Dad who knows what you went through and what you are still going through because of it....Spirit will always lend a hand when they can... After you have read the book and see a bit of the bigger picture, please let us know if had any effect on your personal perspective...hugs

I don't know who ochestrated it, but I definitely believe it was deliberate. Like I mentioned above "when the student is ready the master/teacher will appear." It's always been one of my favourite sayings.

It's time I learned how to handle this once and for all.

I'll definitely let you know the outcome.

Thanks folks

LL

[Seawolf]

I'm interested in what that book says. I didn't have a good childhood either, there was trauma, abuse, neglect, etc. The only things that's really helped me is to take responsibility for my life instead of blaming others. I don't know why but that's the only thing that has made real positive changes in my life.

Originally Posted by Seawolf

I'm interested in what that book says. I didn't have a good childhood either, there was trauma, abuse, neglect, etc. The only things that's really helped me is to take responsibility for my life instead of blaming others. I don't know why but that's the only thing that has made real positive changes in my life.

Hi Seawolf,

It seems this club of 'I had a bad childhood' has quite a few members

I've not read much of the book and I will need to retread it when I've finished as it's quite deep.

Basically what we experience during our human experience is decided upon prior to us being in this life. Our pain stems from separation from the Source/God. The human experience is one of separation from the Source/God.

We will choose souls to give us those experiences and no matter how bad they are, that is what is supposed to happen. Unfortunately our egos get in the way, because we've forgotten where we've come from. We're supposed to forget where we've come from otherwise our human experiences would mean nothing.

Radical forgiveness comes into play to help us heal and to 'awaken'. If a person felt that their father didn't love them when they were a child, that is the lesson that was pre arranged - to feel that experience but to resolve it. Unfortunately it becomes part of our belief system - I am unlovable. Then, they get married to someone who has affairs making us feel our belief was right all along, when in fact the two souls got together to work out a way how that person could forgive how the father made them feel. The soul attracts someone who will give that person the same experience in order to deal with it properly.

Ie, I felt my father didn't love me. Instead of feeling that experience, as previously agreed by the souls involved, I believe that my father didn't love me. It becomes a core belief - I am unlovable. Instead of forgiving, without blame, I hold onto it. I become a victim and will then attract people into my life that will either, a) give me the opportunity to forgive without blame (as was the original agreement) or b) enforce my incorrect belief of being unlovable. Unfortunately, people going through this would rather be 'right' instead of 'happy'.

Apparently my soul will keep attracting the kind of souls that will do the damage my father did, until I get it right and just forgive, without blame - and without blame means NO ONE ACTUALLY DID ANYTHING WRONG. In other words everything happens exactly the way it was supposed to.

I don't know if I'm making any sense of this but I have to say, it gives reason to EVERYTHING!!!!!! Instead of, 'why me?' it's more, 'Ohhhhh, now I understand.'

I've not come to any exercises yet but I'm sure they are there. When I've finished the book, or if I find anything I can share immediately I will.

LL

[Belle]

Absolutely-dutely !

And to think we are a co-conspirator in all these nonsense patterns of abuse. Neville makes the good point of "time". I'm a big fan of "time" and avoid the instant healing.

I applaud the lack of blame, and would go further to say that instead of referring to these people / our parents as controlling / abusive - just people who are walking their own difficult paths. To give them a label as controlling / abusive creates an energetic which keeps us in a controlled / abusive scenario.

I know I am speakign to myself about this as well - i easily refer to my mother as "manipulative" but that keeps me as being manipulated by her.

Sure, she may go on to manipulate someone else but in order for that not to be me, I need to find a healthier word. "healing" perhaps? Because that is honest and true (I think).