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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #1  
Old 13-12-2012, 03:32 PM
Drewcious281
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Extremely confused!!

Hey all,

wow i havent been on here since summer or longer. Well i need some advice on a current situation with the woman im dating.

I try to sum it up in short.

Was tired of normal dating scene in my city so decided to try a dating site for fun. Met a gorgeous smart career oriented woman. We hit it off instantly starting october 18th. Built a friendship that evolved to us dating and being intimate often. She said she just wants to date me and i said same. past couple weeks she says she sees herself falling for me and being a part of her family. She has 3 kids but has the body of a playboy model.

So i know she is busy with her business and her kids but she usually has time to meet me a couple times a week for happy hour or dinner and usually on the weekend she stays with me or i stay with her. she is bad at small details and remembering communication so i try to help her but i believe communication should be equal. she also said she is old school to where the man persues the woman. Im cool with this to an extent but still some equality.

Last thursday get into our first big fight in front of her sister that i just met. It was stupid on both parts and just a bad day for both. We made up saturday and she stayed with me. She opened up crying about her childhood and how it effects her attitude. i comforted her, etc. She left home sunday morning since her kids were coming home. chatted a bit sunday night via text. everything was all good. then dont hear from her at all monday. no biggie maybe really busy. nothing at all tuesday. i text her tuesday night and she was very short and boring. Nothing at all Wednesday. This is not normal. I tried reaching out to her so why should be the one continuing this. something is wrong and i dont know why when everything was fine.

On a side note a friend called me tuesday morning saying she saw her meeting some guy at a coffee spot but they seemed really casual and friend like not to mention he didnt look her type so im dismissing it but should i dismiss it? She is usally very straight forward and honest if something is wrong. This is eating at me because i thought we were progressing but i dont feel i should contact her since ive tried and didnt get much. Today we were supposed to hang out and go to a christmas event but since i havent talked to her im assuming its not happning. what should i do?
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  #2  
Old 13-12-2012, 04:20 PM
twinkle twinkle is offline
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Due to the fight, maybe she thought she was off to a bad start with you and you saw a bad side of her she did not want you to see. I do not know if she is close to her sister, but I would not my boyfriend around my sister because my sister also affects my attitude- if that is what she meant.

Your relationship is rather new for it to be serious. It is common for people on dating sites to date multiple people at the same time. If you told her you would like to get serious with her (if that is what you want), maybe she would stop dating other men. It sounds like she is unsure about you.

Last edited by twinkle : 13-12-2012 at 05:30 PM.
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  #3  
Old 13-12-2012, 06:54 PM
Drewcious281
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We agreed a month or so ago that we werent dating other people and especially not being intimate with others. She seems like a very honest and straight forward person so that i wasnt so much worried about. How could she be unsure about me when just after saturday night she opened up her past and cried to me when she said she doesnt do that with anyone unless she really cares for them. Also she said she sees herself falling for me. I thought we covered everything with the fight. Yes she is very close with her sister so that did hurt her her sis saw that but she also told me her sister understood that stuff happens and not to worry about it.

We have never gone this long without talking cause she will usually call asking what the heck is going on but this length of 3 days and not talking is not normal. I plan on calling her later tonight if i dont hear from her because i need to know whats going on. Im must curious what yalls thoughts were why she is acting this way. Ive heard different things.

She either is scared of how fast she is falling for me?

She is still bothered about the fight and needs time?

Since she said she is old school and preferes to be persued she is waiting for me?

I would say maybe she wants to open up her options again but a few people i talked to about this (women) said based on how she acts and things she tells me they dont see this but who knows.
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  #4  
Old 13-12-2012, 07:15 PM
twinkle twinkle is offline
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You wrote "We agreed a month or so ago that we werent dating other people." Obviously, she is not being honest person if she is still dating other men. She sounds unsure about you because she is still dating other men. Ask her (clarify) want she wants with you. If she is not replying as quick as usual, something is on her mind.
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  #5  
Old 13-12-2012, 08:09 PM
Drewcious281
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I never said she was dating other men. I said a friend said she saw her meet a guy for coffee and that they seemed like they knew each other already and acted like friends. No big affectionate hugs, etc. The girl im dating said beforehand that she meets weekly with clients and sometimes friends from her home town that come up to visit so for me to not think she is dating someone else cause she isnt. i meet with some of my female friends time to time for a drink or something too. Doesnt mean im dating them. Either she is lying to me or it was a friend. Honestly im not too concerned with that. Within the montha nd half we have been dating she and i both made it clear we are not dating anyone else and pretty much in a relationship. both of us arent big on titles but we knew where things stood with us. WHere do you keep getting this "her dating other people" from? I never said that.
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  #6  
Old 13-12-2012, 09:03 PM
twinkle twinkle is offline
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You said a friend saw her having coffee with a man. Since you met her on dating site, it common for members to meet other members that way. I hope she was not lying about meeting clients for coffee when they are really people she might be dating. But she might be telling the truth about that.

Well, go ahead and call her. She might prefer you to initiate the call and remind her about the Christmas event. If she does not seem interested when you call, then there is a problem.

By the way, if I am falling quickly for a guy the last thing I would do is avoid him. Women are different from men that way.
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  #7  
Old 19-12-2012, 07:13 AM
112
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Call her!! Ask her upfront what's up. It's not good for either of you to be agonizing over this... Good luck, let us know
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  #8  
Old 19-12-2012, 10:08 AM
benjamin
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sounds like she's sort of avoiding you ... yep just call her, be straight up and give yourself some peace
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  #9  
Old 19-12-2012, 09:30 PM
Drewcious281
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Sooo alot has happened since i last posted. I finally called her last thursday and her excuse was that she was waiting for me all week to call her since we had a date Thursday night. I told her that i tried reaching out to her but she was real short and boring so she needs to reach out to me just as equally. She tells me again like she said when we first started dating that she is old school and prefers to be persued which i dont mind to an extent but she needs to persue me too.

So we had words and argued a bit and i found out that the guy she met was her ex to give him closure since he cant seem to get over her. She admitted she should have told me but she was also upset that i hadnt cancelled my online dating profile like we agreed. well she didnt cancel hers either so ***. I was busy and totally spaced it. she also was mad that i had changed my profile picture. i changed that a month ago and not to attract anyone but cause i thought it was a cool picture. She admitted to being super insecure even though she is a bomb shell so because of this i told her she puts her defense up and chases everyone who cares about her away cause she cant get off her high horse. anyway i can honestly say i won that argument cause she didnt know what to say and i said take care of yourself.

Next day i was the bigger person and emailed her saying it was a pleasure, your a good woman but looks like we dont see eye to eye on things. that we can be friends since we shared a great connection etc. a nice goodbye email. She replied saturday saying how i meant alot to her and definitely wants to hang out and be friends.

Sunday comes along and she calls me around noon asking if i want to come over and hang out and talk. I had nothing else going on and figured to give her the benefit of the doubt. i wont lie i did miss her. So i go over and we talk a bit and resolve our issues with the past two tiffs. we had some crown shots and beers and built a bonfire outside. she then confesses how that something about me she just doesnt want to let go. She enjoyes being with me too much and doesnt want to lose me. She admitted she has fallen for me.

It was really a special night that made me realize i love her too. Not fully IN love with her but i do love her. So throughout the entire night we were very intimate and close. she played that song by the Lumineers -ho hey over and over saying it reminds her of me. I was truly flattered. We take a bath together and then get ready for bed. Now here is the twist....

I get a event notification on facebook and she flips a lid asking who the hell is texting me at that time. I told her its a facebook notification that i have no control over. she got mad that my phone wasnt on vibrate. our phones were never on vibrate before. it was never an issue plus im on call 247 for work. She was pretty wasted and i was pretty buzzed but not as bad as her. So in short she called me nasty names and i bit my tounge till i couldnt anymore and asked why is she being a crazy b**ch. She slapped me. I sucked it up. she then slapped me again like 10 seconds later.

I flipped out and put my clothes back on and wanted to leave but she took my keys and hid them. then she was saying how sorry she was and how much she loves me but ive been in abusive relationship before and i was already furious. i just kept my distance from her but she persued. then in snap of a second she turned into this evil woman putting me down and saying how she can have anyone she wants, blah blah. more of her being insecure. then nice again then trying to kick me out into the cold and threatening to call someone to get me out. i kept saying well just give me my keys and im out but nope.

Finally i layed on the couch and said first thing morning i want my keys. she went into her room slammed the door and played full blast at 1:30am that song she dedicated to me. then after a while opened the door and was crying out loud. I thought to go comfort her but she slapped me a total of 4 times. the last 3 for no reason. Why would i go to her. morning came and i left. as i drove home i admit i cried the whole way. i have not opened myself up to someone and had that much passion with someone in over 2 years and especially before the holidays. it really hurt she acted that way. Later in the day she texted me and said nothing about what she did. she pointed out all my wrong and said she will forget about what happened and remember the good times and maybe far down the road we can be friends. she said that same **** thursday night and called to make up sunday then tells me she loves me and cant be without me??

A friend of mine seems to think she suffers from BPD and i admit i do see some symptoms there. sure wer were drunk and i was in wrong to for calling her a name and being angry but i did not flip out like she did. i swear. she didnt admit to any of that so i told her i dont have anyting to say and have a nice christmas a new years. she didnt respond.

Heres the thing and before you say its wishful thinking its not. Since this is spiritual forums i also have medium and contact abilities. i have a very accurate gut/sense. I know and feel when someone or she for example is going to call me to make up, hang out or talk. I feel again she is going to with in the week or two tops. Thing is i told myself im done cause i wont put up with a crazy woman like this but something still attracts me to her. I asked myself if she admitted to her wrong and truly meant it than we shall see but on the other hand this is the third big fight we have had in 2 weeks in 2 months of dating. She is too damn proud to let me in and it causes issues but then when we are alone she is the sweetest most amazing woman ever.. for the most part. ha. I miss her but im still very hurt with her. I WILL NOT reach out to her. If she wants to work things out she can call but even so i really dont know if i should. what is your take on this novel??? help me out...
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  #10  
Old 19-12-2012, 09:42 PM
twinkle twinkle is offline
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She sounds like a drama queen. Well, she was short with you because she was mad that you did not cancel your online dating profile. Most women would get annoyed about that, especially if the guy had recent activity uploading a new photo. There are some dating rules for women that advise women to wait for the man to call or pursue them- so she might be following that. I do not believe she can get any guy she wants as she states. She might be able to get a guy to sleep with her, but I do not think she can hold onto him with this type of headache behavior. She sounds like she needs to be on medication.
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