Anger during hoponopono

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Ground

There is no need to forgive. Why should one forgive? Because other people say so? Why care about what other people say?

Perhaps we forgive not because other people say we should but because we want to release the past. We no longer wish to keep dragging around the burden of what has happened.

And maybe when we truly forgive, we realise that nothing really happened and there is nothing to forgive.

Peace.

Originally Posted by iamthat

Perhaps we forgive not because other people say we should but because we want to release the past. We no longer wish to keep dragging around the burden of what has happened.

And maybe when we truly forgive, we realise that nothing really happened and there is nothing to forgive.

Peace.

Yes!

[7luminaries]

I'd say it's fairly unusual to not forgive but to maintain a neutral attitude toward a person. I do think it's key to understand the difference between forgiveness and reconcilation, which requires remorse and contrition and a sustained act of what we call repentence....a turning away from the misaligned behaviour and a turning toward more loving behaviours, on the part of the perpetrator...here, her mum.

Forgiveness does not require her mum reform and apologize with a true spirit of remorse and humility. That may or may not ever happen. But it also does not mean Donya condones the acts by forgiving them. She is simply letting them go in the spirit of love and generosity, and of healing.

Donya -- your anger is a natural reaction to the injustice of being brought into this world by someone who didn't want you or who did, but who was too toxic to love you and mother you properly. You absolutely should IMO allow yourself to feel your feelings and to explore them more deeply.

If channeled into the desire to understand What Is more deeply, righteous anger at the injustice of your situation (understandable by nearly everyone) is a great source of spiritual energy, properly channeled. It is a huge aid to clarity, to the drive to centre and to Source and to authentic love. Righteous anger -- a reaction to the needless injustice and suffering, and to the gratuitous and flagrant indulgence of the iniquities of humankind, is very much an aspect of love.

Through deeper exploration of What Is and of the sources of your anger, IMO it is an opportunity to gain great clarity on your situation and more broadly on similar situations affecting so much of humanity. Clearly, your mum's way was not the way of lovingkindness. And in no way do I agree that you chose an abusive childhood before your birth, nor that you did anything that caused or justified her abuse. Did you put a gun to her head, LOL?

I think it's more along these lines...you chose your mum and she chose you...and then things got out of hand on her end and she didn't cope well. She treated you (as a fellow human being and also as a vulnerable child) in ways that were abusive and unkind. Clearly, it was not in "the plan" but at this point on her journey, she has not yet found her feet on her spiritual journey. She is likely still under the sway of her iniquities and has not yet learnt how to struggle more successfully with the challenges of life.

A sad fact is that only a generation or so back, it was openly accepted everywhere to beat one's kids and many still do ("spare the rod and spoil the child" was a commonplace saying 50 to 100 yrs ago, acc'd to the history books). Around that same time, it was openly accepted everywhere that your husband might smack you or beat you if you got uppity or failed him in some way...and too, it is still ok in many cultures.

What this meant is that for all those for whom power, control, and aggression were common M.O.'s (ways of behaving), society totally supported them. So for those with anger or aggression issues, they had FREE REIGN to completely indulge their prerogative to abuse others.

Now that it's becoming less and less acceptable to brutalise others (especially those who are weaker & more vulnerable), we see how many now don't or can't or won't look inward to make changes. Society is --- with GREAT difficulty and only for a few very selective and egregious things -- very, very slowly beginning to hold up a mirror to these folks...and (surprise) they are...furious, of course. LOL.

Why? It's always the same. The reaction of all immature souls is to DENY. To refuse to own their actions and behaviour, and to try to justify it. As if, like I said, someone put a gun to their head and made them do it.

It's not your fault and you didn't make anyone beat you. Our society is currently also still quite immature, and thus is having a really hard time holding anyone to owing their stuff -- simply because society itself is made of up loads of folks who as yet are also having the same trouble owning their stuff. Aggression, greed, indulgence, exploitation, and utilitarianism are the key "values" in our society right now. So your mum was raised in a culture which had actively promoted the abuse and exploitation of the vulnerable...and which in many, many ways, still does.

But now we're coming to a cross roads... the individual has always selectively been held accountable in modern society for abusing and harming others, largely always to either address grievous wrongs (murder, rape, etc) and/or to enforce social norms which reward the powerful and support the power-over status quo. So it's quite interesting that societal norms of abuse and exploitation are now suddenly running up against the historic social norms of individual responsibility...which had been largely ignored for the last half-century or more in the realm of personal relationships. Meaning, absolutely "anything went" in the realm of personal relationships...there was a total amorality. And certainly, abuse of the past also continued.

Now some of the amoral social norms of modern society have begun to evolve in some small ways....baby steps. Now folks like your mum could be confronted for her past abuse and most would say it was no longer acceptable. Before, she had society to back her and now, like so many others in this position, suddenly things have shifted just a bit...and now she has only her anger and her justifications. Hopefully as folks become more spiritually aware, this and so many of our currently rather amoral social norms will continue to be revisited under the lens of authentic love and what is in the highest good of ALL.

Because SO MANY are like your mum...they are weak and toxic in what they manifest if left to their own devices or worse, told that abuse is acceptable as in past times. They can either be indulged in their iniquities and vices, and bent to the side of misalignment. Where they inflict great harm and suffering on others . Or they can at least be held to social standards which value everyone's humanity...and they can then invest in their own struggle and come to a place of love and acceptance for themselves as they learn to treat others with lovingkindness.

I hope that allowing yourself to feel your anger inspires you to look more deeply into the situation, and that it brings you some greater understanding and wisdom and peace on the matter. There is a lot of compassion and wisdom to be had for yourself and others who have experienced similar things. It can also give you a lot of insight into what is wrong in our society and where we need to bring the sword of truth and the light of love and clarity and transparency.

And most importantly, I hope these things aid you in loving and healing the self. And in letting go (it takes time and may need revisiting more than just once) and forgiving your mum, so that you can lighten your burden as you go.

Peace & blessings
7L

[jonesboy]

Originally Posted by Donya

So I was doing the hoponopono meditation which is aimed at forgiving the person who did you wrong . In my case it's my mother who abused me as a child,I've been receiving messages that it's time for me to release that so I can move on. But during the meditation towards the end where I'm supposed to say I'm sorry I love you please forgive me and have our auras combined. I felt angry and I heard myself say no I don't wanna do this I wanna stop, I trie to push myself but I couldn't and I got angry.
What could this mean? I want to release this anger and unforgiveness

I think you are doing the practice wrong.

In hoponopono there is no merging of auras. It is feeling the pain within you. Your obstructions, feeling it, being with your upset and saying "I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You."

It is healing and forgiving of your inner child of your inner hurt.

Merging or extending yourself outward and the negative energy you are feeling is shared issues. Like as soon as you do a little clearing you are picking stuff right back up. So I would not encourage that you continue with that.

Good luck.

[ljwor]

Thanks for sharing this, this has been interesting to read and great to gain a perspective on someone else's experience!

[rodan]

I recently started using ho'ponopono for just a few days, aimed at myself, for a couple of bad habits I have, and definitely feel something inside me fighting it, and, even had three different people I've had anger issues with in the past, they just popped back into my life. One of them I haven't had contact for two years, and he rang my doorbell two days ago, out of the blue, stirring up, in me, the same anger issues I had with him two years ago.

Briefly, how I'm using it, I think of the issue, one for me is my procrastination problem.
I tell " God " I'm sorry I do this and don't know why I do it.
I ask " God " to please forgive me for being a procrastinator.
I thank " God " for resolving this issue, for handling the problem.
I then tell " God " I love Him, I'm happy He is in my life and taking care of not only this issue ( procrastination ) but any and all my issues in life.

Now that other issues are popping up, like the guy that came by two days ago, I do Ho'ponopono on him:

I'm sorry , God, that I do not know or understand why this person angers me.
Forgive me, God, for holding this anger.
Thank you, God, for removing this anger toward him, and anyone else that may anger me.
I love you, God, knowing you are there to bring happiness into my life and meet my wants and desires.

This is basically how I'm doing it.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by rodan

I recently started using ho'ponopono for just a few days, aimed at myself, for a couple of bad habits I have, and definitely feel something inside me fighting it, and, even had three different people I've had anger issues with in the past, they just popped back into my life. One of them I haven't had contact for two years, and he rang my doorbell two days ago, out of the blue, stirring up, in me, the same anger issues I had with him two years ago.

Now that other issues are popping up, like the guy that came by two days ago, I do Ho'ponopono on him:

I'm sorry , God, that I do not know or understand why this person angers me.
Forgive me, God, for holding this anger.
Thank you, God, for removing this anger toward him, and anyone else that may anger me.
I love you, God, knowing you are there to bring happiness into my life and meet my wants and desires.

This is basically how I'm doing it.

I don't think that there is a right or wrong way to practice ho'oponopono, but an alternative approach would be to focus on the guy who is stirring up this anger in you, rather than addressing the four steps to God. ie

I'm sorry (guy's name) for whatever I have done which has attracted you into my life and created this disharmony between us.

Forgive me for whatever I have done to create this disharmony between us.

Thank you for your forgiveness.

I love you, (guy's name).

And at the same time we recognise that it is also about ourselves as well as the other person. So we say sorry to ourselves, we forgive ourselves, we thank ourselves and we love ourselves.

The important things is to not just say the words but to feel the feelings behind the words. So we feel genuine remorse for our actions, even if we do not know what exactly we did. We feel genuine forgiveness, both for ourselves and the other person. We feel genuine gratitude towards ourselves and the other person. And we feel genuine love.

And when we have cleared our own responsibility for the situation then the situation may change. Perhaps that person will disappear from your life forever, because you are no longer attracting him into your life. Or perhaps your relationship with him may change, and you decide he is not such a bad fellow after all.

As always with these processes, do it sincerely but also have fun with it as you observe the results.

Peace.

[rodan]

@iamthat:

I like the way you explain it and the example you give to direct "ho'op" to the person.
There must be some link between this person and my bad habit of procrastination. What I like about ho'oponopono is I don't have to figure out ( at least I don't think I do )what it is, I leave that up to the Universe, to God, Higher Self.
All I need to is admit, take responsibility for the problem and turn it over to the higher power to resolve it.

I've never done the " 12 Step Program " that is used by alcoholics anonymous or drug abusers that is used by those groups, but, I think there is a step or two in there that requires you to make amends to the person(s) you have harmed being an abuser, directly.

The way I understand Ho'oponopono works, you do this privately, within your self, inside your own mind. No direct contact needs to be made with the person. Is my understanding of Ho'oponopono correct? No direct contact need or required be made?

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by rodan

@iamthat:

The way I understand Ho'oponopono works, you do this privately, within your self, inside your own mind. No direct contact needs to be made with the person. Is my understanding of Ho'oponopono correct? No direct contact need or required be made?

Hi Rodan

My understanding of the story of Dr Hew Len in the Hawaiian mental hospital is that he never saw the patients professionally and he never gave them any counselling. He simply sat in his office reviewing their files and practised ho'oponopono for each patient. Within three years the ward for the criminally insane was closed because all the patients had been healed.

So no direct contact seems to be necessary. We don't even have to know exactly what we did to attract these people into our lives. We just have to accept that we are responsible for them being present, and therefore healing begins within ourselves.

Peace.

[Dan_SF]

Originally Posted by Ground

There is no need to forgive. Why should one forgive? Because other people say so? Why care about what other people say?

There is no need to not forgive. Why should one not forgive?

Maybe there is no need to forgive, maybe there is a need to forgive anyway here is my viewpoint on why you should forgive, and what:

@Donna:
The resistance not to forgive comes up from a part of your mind, which you have trained to act in the way, in which you have seen your mother is acting.

See it so:

You can train a Dog to sit whenever you say sit. And he will sit, in the expectation to get a Treat.


You have done this to your mind too, unconsciously.
You saw the behavior of your mother and mentally you understood the what she did. But your hearth is telling you to forgive.

Now there is a conflict between hearth and mentality. The one part knows that you should forgive, the other part is, which wants to maintain it (and eventually perpetuate the behavior).

(sidenote: while your heart does not fight, the mental part of you is apt to be vicious.)

So what you want to forgive is the Behavioral part of the happenings, so that you may be free of it.

For if you don't, you may copy the behavior and do the same thing with your childrens.


Why ?

Because if you do not forgive, your heart will want to bring you UNDERSTANDING of what your mother was going trough. And your heart is stronger as your intellect.
And you will go step by step through the same process which your mother was going through .

Do not see this as cruelty, as your intellectual part will tell you.
By not forgiving you will experience the same circumstances, as your mother had.

(but do not take this "will experience" as 100% sure, as you are still in charge of what can happen, simply by knowing better !)

So what you want to forgive is, really, the behavioral part.

Recognize that the part of you, which is holding on to this learned to value the pain and it is trying to hold onto it, by seeing some value in it.

So with this new understanding, do the hoopponoponouhm ... but do not hold the image of your mother beating you.

Instead hold the image of you with your mother in peace. And Keep the happy feelings while doing it with the hopono technique !

And if you really want to change it, then exchange the past memory of the abuse with some pleasant memories.

It is called selective remembering.

And never ever again talk or think about the abuse, but start talking how your mother treated you well.
And whenever the memories arise, notice them for a while, EMOTIONLESS, then close your eyes and change them to pleasant ones.
As nobody can dictate what memories you want to keep, so nobody (but you) can choose which memories you want to keep.































If you need (after reading the above) stronger arguments for yourself, then see your mother as a helper, who helped you to decide for you for the better way, by showing you how not to behave.