I've hurt my boyfriend so badly

[beloved_ofmars]

I've never seen him so hurt and upset before, and it's me that did it to him.
Yesterday (the day from Hell) I unfortunately walked in on him drinking after his doctor had warned him not to (fibrosis). He said he'd only had a few beers and that I was over reacting (I admit I did get too upset and should have calmly talked with him about it later). But I can't undo what I did. I feel so bad, I really don't like myself at all right now. He's so distraught, I've never seen him like this before (we've been together a year). I wish I could undo what happened. He doesn't even want to talk to me at the moment. I can't believe how much I have hurt him, when hurting him was the last thing I thought I would ever do to him.

it must be something in the air.
I poked the bear (my sig other) on Saturday to the point I thought he was going to walk out. I dont even know why I did it.

Let him calm down, and you calm down, then talk. Of course you got upset, he isnt supposed to be drinking and you love him enough not to let him kill himself. He may be upset because he knows that he actually hurt YOU by 'doing his thing'.
That being said, my brother is a diabetic. He drinks more than he should and his Dr.s have warned him that this could lead to Kidney failure and death. Does he stop? No....
Maybe you should go to an Al-anon meeting (whether or not he is an alcoholic) it may make you feel better about how YOU feel right now.

[beloved_ofmars]

Thank you for your reply myonewish, I think you are right about there being something in the air. I thought that my brother and his S.O were going to split last night too. They seem okay now thank goodness, and I hope things are okay for you and the bear too.
My S.O has calmed down a lot, like me though he's very tired after all the upset.
We apologized to each other, and things feel a lot calmer.
It's awful when someone you love doesn't exactly follow the advice of their doc. Having a medical condition that stops you from doing things that never harms a healthy person must really suck, but there could be worse things to grumble about.

People tend to get angry or irate when a raw nerve is hit. His Doctor told him he shouldn't be drinking, you pointed that out, and he got mad at you. I'm not saying that how you handled it was right. At least you recognized that you were wrong, and that perhaps you should have handled it differently. The fact is that it's his choice to drink, even it is only a few beer. If he gets mad at you for letting him know that you are concerned about it then you know that there's an underlying issue. Try not to beat yourself up and do whatever you can to make things better - remember that an understanding needs to happen on both ends :)

I agree with the above that you have hit a "raw nerve". Normally the things which we get the most upset about, that we react the most strongly to and deny most forcefully are the things we secretly believe about ourselves and are secretly hoping are not true. If your boyfriend got mad at this, then he knows he is drinking too much but doesn't want to admit it (which could be for several reasons, maybe he doesn't want to face that his health might be at risk).

I think in the long term the best thing for him is to recognize he is drinking too much and cut down. If you can help him see that you care for him, and want him to stop because you love him, that is the best you can do.

[Gem]

A 'few' beers is still a lot of alcahol, and a vague statement, so perhaps a 'few'could mean 5. Mostly, if a peson is moderate they will say like ... this is only my second beer, or this is the third, and it's the last one.

[astralsuzy]

You are too hard on yourself. You did the right thing. He is your boyfriend and you are concerned about him. If you did not care about him you may not have said anything. When something bad happens we always think what could I have done differently. We are not perfect. All we can do is to learn from our mistakes. You could apologise to him and say I should have not gone on the way I did and I care about you. He should forgive you.

[beloved_ofmars]

I guess you're right Astralsuzy, his doc wasn't happy about it either, but he got away with expressing his unhappiness about the few beers, and I didn't.