Loners!

Your probably use to seeing the negative side of being lonely, we ain't talking about this, what I am saying is that to know yourself truly is to know true inner happiness, happiness isn't to be found out there somewhere, in a group of people or a relationship. Most that have known true Realization are mostly loners, I myself feel more lonely within large groups of people.

Yeah, as a therapist I do the negative side of it, though I would disagree that true realisation is a loner thing. Being able to connect surely would be part of any true realisation? I would guess that if true realisation existed then being alone or being with a group of people would make no difference to someone who was able to simple be in all situations.

I myself feel more lonely within large groups of people.

Maybe you don't have the social skills to connect or you simply are with the wrong groups of people?

[psychoslice]

I thought this was funny lol.

You will be surprised to know that it is on the weekends that most of the accidents in the world happen. People are rushing in their cars to resort places, to sea beaches, to hill stations, bumper to bumper. It may take eight hours, ten hours to reach, and there is nothing for them to do because the whole crowd has come with them. Now their house, their neighborhood, their city is more peaceful than this sea resort. Osho

I am very content on my lonesome and always have been, i've never needed other humans to keep me company, that sounds weird, but i just enjoy being alone, and i find usually all conversation in my community to be a form of
entertaining other people, and that is pointless and exhausting.
The idea of socializing usually confuses me. Why do people talk about random things that are meaningless? It is one of the things that used to anger me, i could never understand the ignorant language between people, but of course i had to adjust my ways to suit society.
I am still not very good at small talk, and when i try, I usually fail immensely, and say something obscene. I tend to come off as very threatening.
It's just, i have way better things to do, then be around people.
Every once in a while, I meet a very intriguing and fascinating individual, and then i feel content in connecting with them, but other than that, i don't really enjoy the presence of people, and i'm perfectly okay with that. I had to get over the hatred that came from my narrow views, but now, i am just okay with my natural desire to be alone.
I don't like people being up in my space. I cannot live with anyone, i need to live alone.
When i decide to go out in public, i tend to listen to really loud blasting music or randomly break out in dancing, so as to make sure people do not approach me. It's not that I am shy, or afraid, because i do the most interesting things while in public, it's just, that i don't really like people. And i've sort of had to deal with that dislike of people in general in my life, because sometimes people in ones life, is necessary.

As far as friendship goes for me, i view it as a hassle. That sounds kind of harsh, but i don't have time to invest on keeping up friendships, and the few friends I do have, are people who have adjusted to my needs of disappearing off the face of the earth for long periods of time. When I do have friends, my views of loyalty go to extremes, i would do anything for them. That is probably why, i decide to not have many real relationships in life.
In all, people don't really do much to fulfill what I need from life.
Yeah, i am a very odd person. That makes me sound very unloving. But in all, i help people, and i do kind things for people, i am supposed to heal people, i don't want to have anything else to do with them because that in itself takes a lot of time, because my healing energy is usually forced into people, just by eye contact. So i don't really enjoy random things.

[Emmalevine]

Originally Posted by shepherd

Yeah, as a therapist I do the negative side of it, though I would disagree that true realisation is a loner thing. Being able to connect surely would be part of any true realisation? I would guess that if true realisation existed then being alone or being with a group of people would make no difference to someone who was able to simple be in all situations.


Maybe you don't have the social skills to connect or you simply are with the wrong groups of people?

It's well known that more introverted people find social situations drain them and hence they need time alone to charge. Extraverted people, who make up around 70% of the population or possibly more I can't remember, need others and gain energy from socialising.

So while you can naturally look towards people's emotions, thoughts and background to explain what's going on, there is a lot of biology in this as well. We're all made differently.

I also feel very lonely in large groups of people and I don't believe it's because I'm with the 'wrong' kind, it's simply how I'm made. I crave time alone to connect with myself. My son is autistic and he struggles with other people - he smply can't connect with them. Autism is an extreme form of a spectrum that everyone falls on somewhere.

Originally Posted by shepherd

Yeah, as a therapist I do the negative side of it, though I would disagree that true realisation is a loner thing. Being able to connect surely would be part of any true realisation? I would guess that if true realisation existed then being alone or being with a group of people would make no difference to someone who was able to simple be in all situations.

Maybe you don't have the social skills to connect or you simply are with the wrong groups of people?

In the question (highlighted) theres a slight misunderstanding in the way you are trying to relate inner connection to social connection.

Being socially skilled is a talent for complementary mirroring and subtle dissidence.

An inner connection is solely through energy.

They can combine with powerful effect, but that inner connection can exist quite wholly in a person with poor social skills. And comfort with the inner connection can often lead a person to have poor social skills - if you dont mind whether you fit in or not, you are less driven to abide by social expectation/rules.

But I agree, that to have a preference for one or other isn't a complete condition.

An inner connection is solely through energy.

I'm not sure what you mean by this Heather?

As we are all energy and everything including what we do whether it's connecting with others who in some theories are connected to us anyway or whether we explore within, its all still an energy process.

And comfort with the inner connection can often lead a person to have poor social skills -

Is this when the inner connection is out of balance which leads to self absorbed, too self aware behaviour which is an ingredient of poor social skills?

Originally Posted by shepherd

I'm not sure what you mean by this Heather?

As we are all energy and everything including what we do whether it's connecting with others who in some theories are connected to us anyway or whether we explore within, its all still an energy process.

I mean an inner connection is solely a connection to energy - that doesnt add up to dis-connection to anything else.

Is this when the inner connection is out of balance which leads to self absorbed, too self aware behaviour which is an ingredient of poor social skills?

No, not remotely lol.

Its just about choice. Without fear or neediness of/for the group, your choices are greater.

[NightSpirit]

Originally Posted by Bellasong

What are loners like? Besides liking to be alone a lot. what are some of the common chracteristics of loners. A man i was recently talking to, who doesn't seem shy at all and was very talkative described himself as a loner.


Love and Peace,
Bellasong

Ok...I'm going to skip all this 'alone' and 'lonely' stuff and go a different way.

I am thinking this man is using this word to let you know he doesn't want committment of any kind...an easy outer, methinks.

Originally Posted by psychoslice

loneness is the joy of being just yourself. It is being joyous with yourself, it is enjoying your own company. There are very few people who enjoy their own company. And it is a very strange world: nobody enjoys his company and everybody wants others to enjoy his company! If they don't enjoy he feels insulted -- and alone he feels disgusted with himself. In fact, if YOU cannot enjoy your own company, who else is going to enjoy it?
The aloneness is total and complete. Not loneliness but aloneness. Loneliness is always concerned with others; aloneness is concerned with oneself. osho

Robbie, I can identify with what you are saying here. I enjoy going out to lunch by myself and taking along a good book. I don't mind being alone and am not lonely. My mind has plenty to keep me busy. I don't have the need to yak-yak like I did only a few years ago. And I am comfortable this way, which is more important.

[quote=earth prowler]I can honestly say I enjoy being alone. Even as a kid it didn't matter if I had no one to play with for days, I read, listened to records, had my animals. I have always preferred to do things alone, walking, riding, driving

earth prowler i think im with you also..... i love being by my self and even as a child wanted to be by my self than be with friends just felt better that way ..
i had my kids and they all grew up and they keep saying why do you like being alone....... im more comfortable being in my own company,