"mean drunk" something spiritually behind it??

Hi!

I honestly don't know where to place this question so I figure I just take a chance and place it here... most likely not the right place?

I don't know if this is even spiritual, but it is something that has always puzzled me.

I really love a special guy in my life who when not drinking is just an ordinary sweet man who does not have bad tempers or anything. BUT...you know...when he starts to drink (and it does not at all have to be much) his eye/look change.Look a little mean. Easily irritated. Thinks he is "all that". Is not considerate. It is little like meeting his evil twin. He does not get, at that stage, how he changes. He never drinks much. He is not looking to get wasted. He stops in time. He has often offered to stay sober and do the driving or stay sober with the reason he has to work the next day. He does not have a drinking problem.

He is not my only experience of this. I just get giddy and happy when I drink, so I am told, and if it serves my memory right ;). One time as we were seated out somewhere where they served us drinks I got it on video (from my cell phone) how he got - his eyes and all. he was also while he was at it rude to me there and then thinking he was only joking, on my expense, who else's, right;). When i showed it to him later it was kinda obvious...til this day I don't like watching it. I did not tell him then and not when I showed him the clip that I did not appreciate it, but he reacted on it himself.

Maybe I should add there is no physical abuse involved, but I have seen him several times push up his arm or get his arm in the way to scoop away someone, a guy, who is disturbing him, someone he does not want to come too close to me, talk to me. The surprise in one's guy's face was something I don't forget. Nobody ask trouble with him maybe because of his physic although he is not that big, or maybe because they see what I see - those mean looking eyes. One time I wanted to go into a party/disco and he flatly refused to come along with the comment "If we get in there I'm gonna loose sight of you and I can't let that happen, that is not a safe place".

He gets the same way if it is at a party or if it is just the two of us in a back garden for instance.

[JosephineB]

Imo it's the subconscious coming through. The drink doesn't suit him, so if he recognises that it'd be best to stay away from it. You say no physical abuse, but what about the psychological side of it. As time goes by, it'll get worse not better if he doesn't get some help with it. You deserve to feel safe and happy. Not on edge when he's on a session.

Originally Posted by JosephineBloggs

Imo it's the subconscious coming through. The drink doesn't suit him, so if he recognises that it'd be best to stay away from it. You say no physical abuse, but what about the psychological side of it. As time goes by, it'll get worse not better if he doesn't get some help with it. You deserve to feel safe and happy. Not on edge when he's on a session.

Hi JosephineBloggs! I had to read your lines several times and let it sink in. You're right. Thank you. :)

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi!

I honestly don't know where to place this question so I figure I just take a chance and place it here... most likely not the right place?

I don't know if this is even spiritual, but it is something that has always puzzled me.

I really love a special guy in my life who when not drinking is just an ordinary sweet man who does not have bad tempers or anything. BUT...you know...when he starts to drink (and it does not at all have to be much) his eye/look change.Look a little mean. Easily irritated. Thinks he is "all that". Is not considerate. It is little like meeting his evil twin. He does not get, at that stage, how he changes. He never drinks much. He is not looking to get wasted. He stops in time. He has often offered to stay sober and do the driving or stay sober with the reason he has to work the next day. He does not have a drinking problem.

He is not my only experience of this. I just get giddy and happy when I drink, so I am told, and if it serves my memory right ;). One time as we were seated out somewhere where they served us drinks I got it on video (from my cell phone) how he got - his eyes and all. he was also while he was at it rude to me there and then thinking he was only joking, on my expense, who else's, right;). When i showed it to him later it was kinda obvious...til this day I don't like watching it. I did not tell him then and not when I showed him the clip that I did not appreciate it, but he reacted on it himself.

Maybe I should add there is no physical abuse involved, but I have seen him several times push up his arm or get his arm in the way to scoop away someone, a guy, who is disturbing him, someone he does not want to come too close to me, talk to me. The surprise in one's guy's face was something I don't forget. Nobody ask trouble with him maybe because of his physic although he is not that big, or maybe because they see what I see - those mean looking eyes. One time I wanted to go into a party/disco and he flatly refused to come along with the comment "If we get in there I'm gonna loose sight of you and I can't let that happen, that is not a safe place".

He gets the same way if it is at a party or if it is just the two of us in a back garden for instance.

In my experience, that is an indication of alcoholism. I had a close friend whom I witnessed becoming an alcoholic, and his behavior was as you described. He never got drunk, never lost all control. Eventually he developed liver damage and died. Drinking was a family habit: father, mother, brother. All died much younger than average.

Originally Posted by inavalan

In my experience, that is an indication of alcoholism. I had a close friend whom I witnessed becoming an alcoholic, and his behavior was as you described. He never got drunk, never lost all control. Eventually he developed liver damage and died. Drinking was a family habit: father, mother, brother. All died much younger than average.

Hi Inavalan, how tragic with your friend and the family. I understand you thinking that. I have had alcoholism within my family and in a former relationship too and get totally what you mean that the person in question does not get drunk. Neither of these 2 people were "mean drunks", the one in the former relationship got help (Thank God) in time. I was before that seen as "the enemy" regarding to his family because he could not fool me - he could fool them, alright, but i knew because of previous experience of this that this is not something one can fight alone. But you know, his family thought I was exaggerating and there was shame involved. He especially would be partly in denial, and partly wanting to fight this alone without getting help. Fear. I could see through it all with him - the breath mints, the hands trembling, the sudden anxiety etc, etc. At the time, because he did not seek help then, the relationship went down the drain (I left). But later on he did get help. He came in contact with me later to thank me for trying to help him (no reconciliation as I had moved on and he too if I should take a guess).

The one I am referring to now is such a sweet guy otherwise that it is a bit surprising he can get like that. I have seen those who start out jolly and fine and suddenly get a mood swing but often they have been drinking a whole lot before that happens.

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi Inavalan, how tragic with your friend and the family. I understand you thinking that. I have had alcoholism within my family and in a former relationship too and get totally what you mean that the person in question does not get drunk. Neither of these 2 people were "mean drunks", the one in the former relationship got help (Thank God) in time. I was before that seen as "the enemy" regarding to his family because he could not fool me - he could fool them, alright, but i knew because of previous experience of this that this is not something one can fight alone. But you know, his family thought I was exaggerating and there was shame involved. He especially would be partly in denial, and partly wanting to fight this alone without getting help. Fear. I could see through it all with him - the breath mints, the hands trembling, the sudden anxiety etc, etc. At the time, because he did not seek help then, the relationship went down the drain (I left). But later on he did get help. He came in contact with me later to thank me for trying to help him (no reconciliation as I had moved on and he too if I should take a guess).

The one I am referring to now is such a sweet guy otherwise that it is a bit surprising he can get like that. I have seen those who start out jolly and fine and suddenly get a mood swing but often they have been drinking a whole lot before that happens.

I believe that in what happens to us, in our lives, there are symbolical messages for our inner-selves, similarly to the way in our dreams there are symbolical messages for our awake-selves.

If we pay attention to your dreams, we find out that our dreams are redundant, meaning that we get series of dreams that have the same symbolic message, although the dreams are different, with different characters and different situations. It is like whoever sends us the message wants to make sure that it reaches us, even if we miss it over and over.

It is likely that a similar thing happens to us in our awake lives. Excepting that this time the message is for our inner-selves, and we are the characters. This is why we often encounter similar "lessons" in different settings, with different people.

I know that when I look back I can see such patterns: situations that repeated over and over, with different characters, in different settings. Even noticing this, it is difficult to recognize the "lesson". Hopefully my inner-self gets it.

Using regression, I found out which is my "life-lesson", but I haven't tried to connect it with the patterns I noticed. I think that I will try it.

So, long story short: maybe those repeated encounters with men you appreciate that have the same drinking problem is a symbolic message for your inner self. Maybe it is even about drinking, but about having a major flaw ... (?) Maybe it is about you being attracted to such men ... (?) You could try to rationalize it, but I believe that rationalizations are unlikely to lead you to the correct answer. You need to look for it intuitively, tapping into your inner source of knowledge and guidance.

Most of us have in us an impulse to help, almost a need, and often we take on projects above our capabilities, which ultimately isn't good, neither for us, the well meaning helpers, nor for the unlucky subjects.

Originally Posted by inavalan

I believe that in what happens to us, in our lives, there are symbolical messages for our inner-selves, similarly to the way in our dreams there are symbolical messages for our awake-selves.

If we pay attention to your dreams, we find out that our dreams are redundant, meaning that we get series of dreams that have the same symbolic message, although the dreams are different, with different characters and different situations. It is like whoever sends us the message wants to make sure that it reaches us, even if we miss it over and over.

It is likely that a similar thing happens to us in our awake lives. Excepting that this time the message is for our inner-selves, and we are the characters. This is why we often encounter similar "lessons" in different settings, with different people.

I know that when I look back I can see such patterns: situations that repeated over and over, with different characters, in different settings. Even noticing this, it is difficult to recognize the "lesson". Hopefully my inner-self gets it.

Using regression, I found out which is my "life-lesson", but I haven't tried to connect it with the patterns I noticed. I think that I will try it.

So, long story short: maybe those repeated encounters with men you appreciate that have the same drinking problem is a symbolic message for your inner self. Maybe it is even about drinking, but about having a major flaw ... (?) Maybe it is about you being attracted to such men ... (?) You could try to rationalize it, but I believe that rationalizations are unlikely to lead you to the correct answer. You need to look for it intuitively, tapping into your inner source of knowledge and guidance.

Most of us have in us an impulse to help, almost a need, and often we take on projects above our capabilities, which ultimately isn't good, neither for us, the well meaning helpers, nor for the unlucky subjects.

Hi Inavalan, interesting perspective with the dream and waked state pointing at things for us to see.

In my most recent past life I could tell the ex husband my past life self had did by his own words (I found him in this life) to have had a drinking problem that had developed at the end of his marriage as it was going down the toilet (as well as his career being at full speed for I don't know how many years. He was in spirit a real family man and I think it "tortured" him to be away so much from his family and he tried to make up for that when he was free. From what I remember my past life self never made him feel guilt about it. That was something I think he just blamed himself for.). He would later say he found God thanks to his ex wife (my past life self, who was spiritual) and he would switch religion and never drink, never smoke which was like two things every adult did back then, or so it felt like. But he was really open about that. So that kind of ring a bell with me when you describe the patterns. In my memories he would also get a mean look to him and what she was feeling wise arrogant too, her hating arrogance. the mean look was mixed up with an "exciting" look and I think it was the "exciting" look that drew their different energies together. he would explain by his own words his pull for her was "strictly chemical" and definitely not convenient, he had in secret been in love with her for years even when not dating her(!). When she had let her guard down and began seeing him he got very serious, very fast, and a wedding was planned in haste. She had been really young,and shy before (he was some years older, but not that much to make a huge difference age wise). He would later remarry, but say this divorce from her took him the hardest (some scenes I remember him being drunk, mean is during the split and I guess after the divorce. I could tell she became afraid, he would not like his own temper but still it did not help, it only help if he did not drink).

Anyways, getting off track here... sometimes it is so hard (and not logic at all) to describe it when one sees a pattern. I see the "exciting eyes" as something the few loves in my life has had in common. But maybe in the exciting eyes are not all good. they in return has always said my eyes are "very kind" (wimp?) or my appearance is kind-looking what ever that now is suppose to mean, but still a temperament.

They few loves has also had a humor that fit mine and have to me looked handsome. They have had eyes that could also turn to look very tender too. This to me feels strange to describe my different loves this way as they were, are different human beings and have different and special chapters in my life, but still thinking about it I can see they have few qualities in common.

so for now I can't really say if the "exciting" eyes-type-of-guy and the relationship with the booze is one of the same or not, nor what it is that I am suppose to do about it either...sigh...

all i know is that there is never a reason to be jealous if one has me for a girlfriend, fiance or wife as when I am in love with someone every other guy turns to shadows, and I see through it til the bitter end, and I'm real strict, don't flirt with others, yet despite me trying to erase every possible reason to not make my partner feel insecure, there has been jealousy involved, as them being watchful of me etc. (when I found record of my past life self seeking divorce extreme jealousy was a cause why she ask to have the marriage end)

i will follow your advice and see what I can hopefully get out of being intuitive, over time, and hopefully break this tiresome circle :)

[inavalan]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi Inavalan, interesting perspective with the dream and waked state pointing at things for us to see.

In my most recent past life I could tell the ex husband my past life self had did by his own words (I found him in this life) to have had a drinking problem that had developed at the end of his marriage as it was going down the toilet (as well as his career being at full speed for I don't know how many years. He was in spirit a real family man and I think it "tortured" him to be away so much from his family and he tried to make up for that when he was free. From what I remember my past life self never made him feel guilt about it. That was something I think he just blamed himself for.). He would later say he found God thanks to his ex wife (who was spiritual) and he would switch religion and never drink, never smoke which was like two things every adult did back then, or so it felt like. But he was really open about that. So that kind of ring a bell with me when you describe the patterns. In my memories he would also get a mean look to him and what she was feeling wise arrogant too, her hating arrogance. the mean look was mixed up with an "exciting" look and I think it was the "exciting" look that drew their different energies together. he would explain by his own words his pull for her was "chemical", he had in secret been in love with her for years even when not dating her(!). When she had let her guard down and began seeing him he got very serious, very fast, and a wedding was planned in haste. she had been really young,and shy before (he was some years older but not that much to make a huge difference age wise)

Anyways, getting off track here... sometimes it is so hard (and not logic at all) to describe it when one sees a pattern. I see the "exciting eyes" as something the few loves in my life has had in common. But maybe in the exciting eyes are not all good. they in return has always said my eyes are "very kind" (wimp?) or my appearance is kind-looking what ever that now is suppose to mean, but still a temperament.

They few loves has also had a humor that fit mine and have to me looked handsome. They have had eyes that could also turn to look very tender too. This to me feels strange to describe my different loves this way as they were, are different human beings and have different and special chapters in my life, but still thinking about it I can see they have few qualities in common.

so for now I can't really say if the "exciting" eyes-type-of-guy and the relationship with the booze is one of the same or not, nor what it is that I am suppose to do about it either...sigh...

all i know is that there is never a reason to be jealous if one has me for a girlfriend, fiance or wife as when I am in love with someone every other guy turns to shadows, and I see through it til the bitter end, and I'm real strict, don't flirt with others, yet despite me trying to erase every possible reason to not make my partner feel insecure, there has been jealousy involved, as them being watchful of me etc. (when I found record of my past life self seeking divorce extreme jealousy was a cause why she ask to have the marriage end)

i will follow your advice and see what I can hopefully get out of being intuitive, over time, and hopefully break this tiresome circle :)

If you practice any kind of altered states of conscious guidance, you should try to use that (self-hypnosis, meditation, prayer, lucid dreaming) to identify patterns, because rationally looking back you'll imagine patterns were they aren't.

An example of pattern I found in my life was to believe that I can change others' behavior when I felt uncomfortable with. I tried that over and over, in all kind of settings: romantic, professional, familial, ... It never worked. People are as they are. When they change, they change because they either behaved out of character before, or they're behaving so now. Out-of-character behavior always reverts back. It is difficult to figure out peoples' true character, but there are always multiple signs. It isn't that people are good or bad (with some exceptions), it is just a matter of finding those people who are good for you, and you are good for them too.

[BigJohn]

Originally Posted by asearcher

Hi!

I honestly don't know where to place this question so I figure I just take a chance and place it here... most likely not the right place?

I don't know if this is even spiritual, but it is something that has always puzzled me.

I really love a special guy in my life who when not drinking is just an ordinary sweet man who does not have bad tempers or anything. BUT...you know...when he starts to drink (and it does not at all have to be much) his eye/look change.Look a little mean. Easily irritated. Thinks he is "all that". Is not considerate. It is little like meeting his evil twin. He does not get, at that stage, how he changes. He never drinks much. He is not looking to get wasted. He stops in time. He has often offered to stay sober and do the driving or stay sober with the reason he has to work the next day. He does not have a drinking problem.

He is not my only experience of this. I just get giddy and happy when I drink, so I am told, and if it serves my memory right ;). One time as we were seated out somewhere where they served us drinks I got it on video (from my cell phone) how he got - his eyes and all. he was also while he was at it rude to me there and then thinking he was only joking, on my expense, who else's, right;). When i showed it to him later it was kinda obvious...til this day I don't like watching it. I did not tell him then and not when I showed him the clip that I did not appreciate it, but he reacted on it himself.

Maybe I should add there is no physical abuse involved, but I have seen him several times push up his arm or get his arm in the way to scoop away someone, a guy, who is disturbing him, someone he does not want to come too close to me, talk to me. The surprise in one's guy's face was something I don't forget. Nobody ask trouble with him maybe because of his physic although he is not that big, or maybe because they see what I see - those mean looking eyes. One time I wanted to go into a party/disco and he flatly refused to come along with the comment "If we get in there I'm gonna loose sight of you and I can't let that happen, that is not a safe place".

He gets the same way if it is at a party or if it is just the two of us in a back garden for instance.

Alcohol has a tendency to let people's guard down. Your friend might be having a medium/channeling experience.

Originally Posted by BigJohn

Alcohol has a tendency to let people's guard down. Your friend might be having a medium/channeling experience.

Hi BigJohn! I have actually thought of that too considering living in a home that has had some major paranormal activity in it (lived in a lot of places and it has never been the way it is in this home, not even close). There has been some kind of "male energy" in here that people have reacted on (not just me) and when I read through the symptoms it rang a bell with poltergeist activity. It made no difference if one believed in these kind of things or not, it happen regardless, and was so obvious. So I have thought if he channeled this energy by any chance when he got like this, but as he has continued to be like this even after I feel this energy is gone, and too wherever we happen to be (nowhere near the home) I feel there is less chance for it to happen. Still one can't be 100% sure, though. Thank you for pointing it out :)