I Want Out of This Soul Contract with My Twin Flame

[InquiringMind]

It's been awhile since I've written about my Twin Flame here, the last post being about whether I'd learned all I could from my Twin and maybe it was time to move now.

Now I want to get out of this soul contract.

I met my Twin six nearly seven year ago. I felt all the usual Twin Flame stuff - the cosmic connection, the sense of destiny, the feeling been two halves of a whole. I did date my Twin in a very short and very rocky relationship. She ended it, and she, being a Runner, ran off. I've spend the last several years learning everything I could from the relationship and trying to grow spiritually on my own. I tried to practice the spirit of Twin Flame - that she came into my life to teach me things, and that there was a lot of negative energy inside me that she brought to the surface to clear out. That's actually worked pretty well, and my emotional state has improved quite a bit.

But she seems to have not changed much. I've chatted with her about once or twice a year for the last several years, and she seems to be pretty much in the same place emotionally and spiritually, having not learned much from our relationship. She is, in her own words, "a little liar", "a cheat", and "a fake" (her words, not mine.).

The thing is, I've had this intuition my whole life that there was some important task I needed to accomplish and that there would be an important person that I would accomplish this task with. When I met my Twin, I had the very strong feeling that she was this important person that I needed to accomplish this important thing with. I felt that this task was supposed to be marriage and family. She seemed to have similar feelings, but as a Runner, she acted pretty crazy and ended up running off.

These years we've been apart I've continued to have the feeling that she is still this important person that I need to do this important task with, but it's looking pretty clear to me that she isn't really qualified to be a very good marriage partner (for anyone!) and that she probably is never going to change. Or at least she probably won't change enough to be able to create a good marriage. She's untrustworthy, rude, mean, noncommittal, dishonest, manipulative, emotionally unstable, depressed, dismissing, and she doesn't like physical intimacy. Pretty much the opposite of what anyone would want in a romantic partner. And yet I feel cosmically bound by this soul contract to be with her.

Except that now I feel that I don't really want that anymore. If I made soul contract with this person, I want out. I want someone who's actually going to be available for a good relationship, and now I'm in a better position to have some decent prospects.

Is there any way out of this soul contract?

[LadyVictoria]

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

She's untrustworthy, rude, mean, noncommittal, dishonest, manipulative, emotionally unstable, depressed, dismissing, and she doesn't like physical intimacy. Pretty much the opposite of what anyone would want in a romantic partner. And yet I feel cosmically bound by this soul contract to be with her.

Wow! You have some really strong opinions and beliefs regarding your supposed "twin flame". Not very flattering in the least.

Have you ever wondered how much of that is actually her and how much of that is actually you being projected onto her?

If I were you I would list all those not so nice attributes and circle the ones that you feel apply to you yourself as well and then look into doing some inner shadow work before venturing off to find your next "flame"/girlfriend/partner.

No offense intended but wow!

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

Is there any way out of this soul contract?

What is a "soul contract"? The stuff that people convince themselves of never ceases to amaze and boggle my mind.

If you really believe that there is such a thing as a "soul contract" between you and this woman then take that imaginary contract and imagine it being torn in two. Or imagine some mystical "soul attorney" that files for termination of said contract and be done with it. Stop torturing yourself and move on.

Yeah I know - easier said than done.

But honestly you cannot form unhealthy opinions about someone and then expect to have a healthy relationship with them. Period.

[InquiringMind]

Originally Posted by LadyVictoria

Wow! You have some really strong opinions and beliefs regarding your supposed "twin flame". Not very flattering in the least.

A fair point. I really idealized her and put her on a pedestal when I first started spending time with her. I couldn’t imagine that she had any serious flaws, in spite of the fact that 3 people close to me warned me that she had some real problems. In fact, one of my close friends (who had lived in the same dorm with her and knew her fairly well) said that she was “a terrible person” and he said “I would never date her because of the way she was when we lived [in the dorms].” He had a pretty low opinion of her, and I defended her against his bad opinion of her, but after reflecting for several years about her character I have to agree with my mom, sister, and friend: she’s got much bigger character problems than most people. I actually think it was part of my growth experience to go from idealizing her to seeing her (fairly serious) character flaws for what they are. So is there another step after that? Is this about seeing the good in someone whom others describe as “immature” and “very into herself” and “a terrible person”?

Originally Posted by hitch

I was thinking about your post today & if you feel stuck, it’s becuz you were. For me, I couldn’t move on until information came to light. I still don’t know why the Divine needed me to know these things & gave me a correction on something I was mistaken about, but it did.

I’ve very open to the idea that I am desperately in need of new information that will change my perspective of the situation. I would be quite happy to learn that I am completely wrong here and that I have badly mishandled the situation. I just don’t know what that information would be. If there are new lessons to learn, I am eager to learn them. I am eagerly awaiting the Universe to give this new information to me.

Originally Posted by utopiandreamchild

If you want out then simply walk. It's a decision you'll have to make for yourself. Leave with love and no regrets is my advice. Amen

It does seem that it should be that simple, right? Just walk away and find someone new. Easy. Well if it was that easy, why would there be a Twin Flame forum and a gazillion online dating apps?

I don’t think she’s very happy in her life, but she refuses to change. I’m not sure what to do with that. If a better relationship prospect came along I’d take it without hesitation. But a better prospect - at least as I perceive it - has not come along.

I’m here because I still feel a very powerful connection with her and I still frequently have dreams about her at night. These dreams are often symbolic and have common repeating themes. I want to believe that there’s still some important things that I need to learn from her, but I can’t think of what they are. And I have some hope that she might learn something important from me, but she’s very closed off and doesn’t seem interested in discussing much of anything at all with me.

So if there is something important to learn from her or some important thing I need to do, then I’m very open to that. But after six years I’m out of ideas and I can’t think of what other lessons there are from my connection with her as long as she remains unwilling to discuss anything with me.

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

A fair point. I really idealized her and put her on a pedestal when I first started spending time with her. I couldn’t imagine that she had any serious flaws, in spite of the fact that 3 people close to me warned me that she had some real problems. In fact, one of my close friends (who had lived in the same dorm with her and knew her fairly well) said that she was “a terrible person” and he said “I would never date her because of the way she was when we lived [in the dorms].” He had a pretty low opinion of her, and I defended her against his bad opinion of her, but after reflecting for several years about her character I have to agree with my mom, sister, and friend: she’s got much bigger character problems than most people. I actually think it was part of my growth experience to go from idealizing her to seeing her (fairly serious) character flaws for what they are. So is there another step after that? Is this about seeing the good in someone whom others describe as “immature” and “very into herself” and “a terrible person”?

Even so, we all have to allow people to be themselves. They alone don't have problems. Relational problems always involve at least two people, no matter whether romantic, business, parental or whatever.

She'll most likely eventually meet someone with whom she'll fit in. Could be she mellows, sees that her 'character' is narrowing her chances/satisfaction with life and contemplates what she needs to do to change. Maybe she'll meet no one and end up without really having lived.

It does seem that it should be that simple, right? Just walk away and find someone new. Easy. Well if it was that easy, why would there be a Twin Flame forum and a gazillion online dating apps?

Do you want an honest answer to that?
Because it's fashionable. A while ago someone unearthed a Theosophic belief created by a certain Blavatsky (who many still consider was a fraud - she kept changing her beliefs) and turned it into an industry. You want to know how phoney it is? You'll find "Twin flame matchmakers" on the web, ready to lift $400 from you for finding your Ms Right - so they say. Nothing about a money back guarantee. But it's still fashionable and lots of people have come up with lots of theories about being born with only part of a soul; souls splitting and things, some of which beggar belief. Most of it is on the snake oil stall on the web.

You hear a lot less about twin flame match-making in Europe because bogus spiritual teaching is covered by consumer laws so there's always a disclaimer!

I’m here because I still feel a very powerful connection with her and I still frequently have dreams about her at night. These dreams are often symbolic and have common repeating themes. I want to believe that there’s still some important things that I need to learn from her, but I can’t think of what they are. And I have some hope that she might learn something important from me, but she’s very closed off and doesn’t seem interested in discussing much of anything at all with me.

So if there is something important to learn from her or some important thing I need to do, then I’m very open to that. But after six years I’m out of ideas and I can’t think of what other lessons there are from my connection with her as long as she remains unwilling to discuss anything with me.

Those aren't actually signs of a twin flame match. But - just my personal view - you're now in the process of learning one big lesson. Besides, she seems to have exhausted what she can teach you.

Good luck.

[InquiringMind]

I'm still very curious about something. What story is she telling herself about what happened between us, or what may still be happening? I know the story I'm telling myself: she and I meet, we feel a cosmic connection, I'm willing to confront the problems in the relationship but she is not willing to confront them so she runs away. Years later I have done a lot of work on myself but she has not and she remains unwilling to confront any of her own problems. She stubbornly refuses to do the things that would make her life better, including in areas of her life that have nothing to do with me.

That's the story that I'm telling myself, but I recognize that she may be telling herself a completely different story about what's going on.

The thing is that the stories that we tell ourselves about what we're doing are just that - stories. They may not actually reflect our real motives at all. We may be completely unaware of our real motivations for acting as we do. Or we may deny our real motives.

I can say that I ran away from a few good relationships in the past. The story I told myself was that those women had some physical imperfection or personality flaw, or there was something about them that wasn't quite. But after a long period of intense introspection, I can say that the real reason I ran away was that I did not want those women to see my flaws. I felt flawed in their presence, and I did not want them to see me for who I really was, so I ran away and blamed them. It was only years later that I can own my motivations for running.

[Ziusudra]

Maybe you should just talk to her directly and ask.
Tell her what you really think about her and ask her if she wants a relationship with you.
Give her a call and be direct.

If you have not done that, it is because you are afraid of the outcome.
It is so much more intriguing for you to continue with this obsession.
You may not want to end this obviously dysfunctional, unhealthy, and even toxic pseudo relationship because you may not want a real serious relationship.
Some guys carry on with an unhealthy pursuit of impossible connection because they don't think that they actually deserve a peaceful happy relationship.

This has nothing to do with her.
This is more about you.

Relationship is difficult.
Why hanging on to one that is impossible?

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

I'm still very curious about something. What story is she telling herself about what happened between us, or what may still be happening? I know the story I'm telling myself: she and I meet, we feel a cosmic connection, I'm willing to confront the problems in the relationship but she is not willing to confront them so she runs away. Years later I have done a lot of work on myself but she has not and she remains unwilling to confront any of her own problems. She stubbornly refuses to do the things that would make her life better, including in areas of her life that have nothing to do with me.

But you see, when she's alone she has no problems. They appear when she has to interact. Like I said it takes two to raise a problem.

The thing is that the stories that we tell ourselves about what we're doing are just that - stories. They may not actually reflect our real motives at all. We may be completely unaware of our real motivations for acting as we do. Or we may deny our real motives.

Absolutely. It isn't that people want to be dishonest - could be they do to be diplomatic - but we rarely know our deepest workings. I've not encountered anyone here who is ready to try relate a problem, an upset, a hurt, back to their most basic drives.

Just as how it's laudable but questionable why you're so in pursuit of her, holding these post mortems. Do you really know when the thing is now one-sided? Might it be better to shrug at this stage and cut your losses. Ok, we all act differently. The post above this one suggests it's worth seeing if anything can be resurrected. To me, as things stand even if you got back together do you think as a pair, as a supposed twin flame, you think it would last, the problems of the past forgotten?

So a realistic question is - does it matter?

I can say that I ran away from a few good relationships in the past. The story I told myself was that those women had some physical imperfection or personality flaw, or there was something about them that wasn't quite. But after a long period of intense introspection, I can say that the real reason I ran away was that I did not want those women to see my flaws. I felt flawed in their presence, and I did not want them to see me for who I really was, so I ran away and blamed them. It was only years later that I can own my motivations for running.

Many of us do - or did. Ageing a little now I've calmed down a bit but looking back, many relationships were transient. As an ex-arch-romantic I knew that "romantics" for many have only a limited time before they run dry. Some even started on the knowledge that they wouldn't last - not that anyone ran away (though I sometimes did), they just lost their impetus, became (frankly) boring or edgy. An argument was a red light to me. It indicated a battle of wills and if compromise wasn't possible it had to end. I didn't like the idea of strained emotions or unease with someone. I learned that being in love with them (in the mundane sense) and liking them were not the same thing.

So I don't think you had a problem there except in worrying about what you think are your flaws. One person's flaw is another's strength. Just be as natural as you can. Air your habits but if they clash, ponder on whether compromise is possible. If it isn't then start the goodbye proceedings.
.

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

It's been awhile since I've written about my Twin Flame here, the last post being about whether I'd learned all I could from my Twin and maybe it was time to move now.

Now I want to get out of this soul contract.

I met my Twin six nearly seven year ago. I felt all the usual Twin Flame stuff - the cosmic connection, the sense of destiny, the feeling been two halves of a whole. I did date my Twin in a very short and very rocky relationship. She ended it, and she, being a Runner, ran off. I've spend the last several years learning everything I could from the relationship and trying to grow spiritually on my own. I tried to practice the spirit of Twin Flame - that she came into my life to teach me things, and that there was a lot of negative energy inside me that she brought to the surface to clear out. That's actually worked pretty well, and my emotional state has improved quite a bit.

But she seems to have not changed much. I've chatted with her about once or twice a year for the last several years, and she seems to be pretty much in the same place emotionally and spiritually, having not learned much from our relationship. She is, in her own words, "a little liar", "a cheat", and "a fake" (her words, not mine.).

The thing is, I've had this intuition my whole life that there was some important task I needed to accomplish and that there would be an important person that I would accomplish this task with. When I met my Twin, I had the very strong feeling that she was this important person that I needed to accomplish this important thing with. I felt that this task was supposed to be marriage and family. She seemed to have similar feelings, but as a Runner, she acted pretty crazy and ended up running off.

These years we've been apart I've continued to have the feeling that she is still this important person that I need to do this important task with, but it's looking pretty clear to me that she isn't really qualified to be a very good marriage partner (for anyone!) and that she probably is never going to change. Or at least she probably won't change enough to be able to create a good marriage. She's untrustworthy, rude, mean, noncommittal, dishonest, manipulative, emotionally unstable, depressed, dismissing, and she doesn't like physical intimacy. Pretty much the opposite of what anyone would want in a romantic partner. And yet I feel cosmically bound by this soul contract to be with her.

Except that now I feel that I don't really want that anymore. If I made soul contract with this person, I want out. I want someone who's actually going to be available for a good relationship, and now I'm in a better position to have some decent prospects.

Is there any way out of this soul contract?

Could it be you feel responsible for her or that she make you feel responsible for her? She sounds a little self destructive. And her view of herself is not a particular good one. Like she is going to say these things of herself before you say it.

If so you need to (and I know, believe me, it is not easy) to be tough to yourself and tell you that she is not your responsibility. You have to let her go. I know this can seem like impossible, but she sadly needs to be just where she is for her spirit to eventually get out of that state and having learn from it.

You could make a procedure. I once check out the same on the internet wanting to cut off what ever invisible tie there was, but what ever you use as a tool know it is still only your thoughts, your heart that is doing all this soulmate connection and no procedure can get rid of that, only you can, it is only symbolic.

There are other soulmates out there for you. When one door closes another opens. But you have to be open to it too. And if you are still after several years that much into her (with your heart I mean, I can see that your brain can see how not so logic this is...) you have to let her go. Pretend she has died or something, I don't know, what ever will work so that you can get closer to having your goal, your dream come true.

What one needs to understand is that one can never change someone and one actually don't have the right to change someone. We all have free will. Like me and my love (Alright, this is gonna sound like a ridiculous comparison, but here I go anyhow): He is in my eyes a stickler. His parents are sticklers. I joke with him and say the only home he will ever be happy in is if he lives in an entire empty home so he does not feel that things are too messy. I am not a messy person, but I have higher tolerance against when it is messy and I can honestly say I am just as happy in a messy room as in a clean room. This will never change. He is who he is and I am who I am. I refuse to be the inferior one, the one he steps on because all sticklers believe they are a little bit better of cleaning and do a little bit more...they do not make their surrounding feel relaxed in their own home. They think they are entitled to go sniffing around and point out things. And they are negative. Never mind what I have done - it is only what I have not done that is important. Thing is there will always be things that has to be done. It goes around in a circle, it is never start and finish, especially if kids are in the home. When there are no kids around do you know how empty and meaningless this home seem to me? Then I smile if I see something a child has forgotten to put in it's right place.

I am not and will never change for him or for anyone for that matter. I don't ask of him to change either but we have a rule between us and that rule works.

You have to find your rule and it has to be one big fat wall, you know what I mean?

[Ziusudra]

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

But she seems to have not changed much. I've chatted with her about once or twice a year for the last several years, and she seems to be pretty much in the same place emotionally and spiritually, having not learned much from our relationship. She is, in her own words, "a little liar", "a cheat", and "a fake" (her words, not mine.). ......

.....but it's looking pretty clear to me that she isn't really qualified to be a very good marriage partner (for anyone!) and that she probably is never going to change. Or at least she probably won't change enough to be able to create a good marriage. She's untrustworthy, rude, mean, noncommittal, dishonest, manipulative, emotionally unstable, depressed, dismissing, and she doesn't like physical intimacy. Pretty much the opposite of what anyone would want in a romantic partner. And yet I feel cosmically bound by this soul contract to be with her.

I don't think that she is running away from the soul connection.

She is clearly running away from YOU, the human male who thinks so little of her, who does not value her, who does not think that she is good enough for him, and who certainly does not respect her.

Since you two are connected, she probably feels and knows everything that you are thinking and feeling about her and about the connection.
Hence she does not want you.

Why would she want a man who does not even like her? Hmm?
It really does not matter how deep your connection is.
It is clear that you do not love her and probably do not have the ability to love her.
And she knows it in her heart and in her mind.
You just want her because she is connected to you in a soul level.
But it is not enough for her.
It is very selfish of you to think that she would settle for you, a man who would never be able to give her what she needs.
What you don't understand is that you are not good enough for her.

The reality is that you failed as a man for her.
It is best to accept your failure to be with her and just learn from it.
It has been years and you clearly have not learned, based on your blaming her for your own failure.


If my soul connection (or any man) thinks about me with such disrespect, I rather find another man (no need for a soul connection), just a nice loving man who finds me irresistible for all my strengths and even for all my imperfections.
In fact, I rather be alone for the rest of this physical life than be with a man who would never be good enough for me.
It does not matter how many past lives that we shared or what we are.

Originally Posted by InquiringMind

Is there any way out of this soul contract?

Easy.
Simply ignore.
You don't have to acknowledge the contract.
Just live your life as you have been and do not change yourself to be the man that she wants.
I am sure that she has already been doing the same.

[Ziusudra]

Dup...............