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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 11-06-2020, 02:26 PM
SikuX SikuX is offline
Knower
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 185
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Perplexed and exhausted..

Hello, first and foremost, thanks for reading.

I have a soul bond with a woman that for reasons unknown, I cannot enjoy a single pleasure, past-time, hobby, or moment. It's constantly controlled by foreign whatevers.... My days consist of either laying in bed all day with procrastination with her in mind forcibly, or having to CONSTANTLY raise my vibrations. Because energies, forces, you name-it, keep me thinking about her in any way. I try to fight my way out of it, I get extreme retaliation beyond comparison. So much negativity gets to my subconscious and completely alters my personality. Like it knows it's a cage for me. If I spend an entire DAY combating it and smudge, I can feel myself again but still only a fraction. After those ashes. Guilt, depression, my own wounds that I purposely closed MAGICALLY open up and I need love. Any love. I can feel like she has the same but something keeps protecting her and her feelings and aura. It's so god damn unfair! Am I wrong to think cynical and done with the unconditional love of trying to save a "ghost" for 9 months?

My essence keeps being pulled in every direction and the only thing physical and substantial that I can ask for their angle of it for help, blocked me and ghosts me. Makes me cynical at times because so. Pretends this bond doesn't exist. Seemingly takes pleasure in hurting me one day, and cries for me another when she finally decides to feel herself proper. I stand strong, she puts me down. I lay weak, she enjoys herself with other people and seemingly can forget about me with ease. I constantly feel like she's punishing me over a mis-understanding of what we both went through during the beginning of it all.

I'm the sucker who dealt with the abuse and tried "saving her" for months that feel like an entire lifetime now. Hence, the part where I want to give up now.... Because I did that for so long, that need of love, my essence - it's being taken for granted and longed for selfishly. I just want to break free! How can you break free from something that has consumed you this strongly? She needs to heal herself and stop asking me to. I can't heal myself anymore either because she keeps dragging us both down! I've done so so so so so much spiritual work with you in mind 90% of the time for the both of us. Enough is enough! Let go!

Is this a woman who purely wants to use me at her own convenience, or troubled? Power trips, or fear on her end? She does not talk to me directly over it! Purposely... She was given numerous chances now. Instead, she just lets me hurt.... she's stuck on blaming me for superficial things that I never got a say in and sticking to them like they're to be embraced instead of me. Like this punching bag she can go off on as other men treat her like garbage. She can vent it all out on me instead... The one who loved her the most. It makes NO sense. I'm constantly put down by narcissistic energies, and I am unsure if she is going through the same and is engulfed by them and listening to their advice. Or am I just coming up with further excuses for a woman who takes advantage of my blind love.

So, if anyone has any enlightenment or experience that can shed some light on what path or roads of recovery I can take aside from raising us both spiritually while I continuously get the short end of the stick and have NO life whatsoever over this; I'd greatly appreciate it.

I'm beginning to lean more towards a witch or someone with strong spiritual abilities that gets help in the meta has a thing for me and I need to shake off this Twin Flame babble once and for all. This is not requited love! And I grow TIRED of having to fight the stance that hate is also love from these entities or energies. Enough is enough, because it is NOT!!!!!!!!! You're troubled! Grow up and self-realize your need for REAL love and stop trying to steer clear from blaming yourselves for your own passion of hatred, power, and addictions now.You're an adult, stop being power and control hungry! You DO NOT control whom you love, you of all people should know that.... Stop hypocritically trying to over-ride my personality. Please!!!
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The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and… bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.- Doctor Who ; Vincent and the Doctor
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  #2  
Old 11-06-2020, 04:45 PM
Just Tim
Posts: n/a
 
Hi SikuX !

I'm sorry but I'm gonna be straightforward, I do think though, that it's gonna be good for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SikuX
I can feel like she has the same but something keeps protecting her and her feelings and aura

It's herself ! Her selfishness is protecting her. See it as a built-in equipment in herself to be protected, so that way she can keep her mask on. It's not easy taking the mask off, for anyone. Not that I endorse her behavior, but to me there's no right and wrong, just people being themselves. When you see it that way you stop wondering because you have an explanation, and you can start focusing on yourself. By the way, the way you describe her, to me it is obvious she is not your twin flame, but I'm also convinced she is one of your soulmate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SikuX
dealt with the abuse and tried "saving her" for months

You can't "save" her. To her it's not wrong, she's just protecting herself ! But let's see what it reflects to you. She protects herself, you dive in even deeper selflessly, hurting yourself more. See her as your mirror, because what's going on outside of you reflects the inside of you. But when I said she's "equipped" to protect herself, you are too you know. You're an empath, so what if all this situation was happening to your best friend ? What piece of advice would you give ? Apply them to yourself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SikuX
I just want to break free!

Then do so. You know how to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SikuX
she keeps dragging us both down!

The two of you do, really. If tomorrow you were broken up, how would it be ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SikuX
stop being power and control hungry!

You are too. You would like her to behave to your standards of love, I get it, I've been there too. But you cannot control that. You wouldn't want to control others, right ? Doesn't seem fair, even more so seeing how it affects you. Plus, it also shows that you do not have unconditional love, at least for her, since it really is taking the person as she/he is. See, the reflection ? I hope you do, because it also shows that you already have all the answers. You just need a hand putting the pieces together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SikuX
Stop hypocritically trying to over-ride my personality

She does it, you let her ! So again, the both of you are. If I told you what I've "let her do" to me...

Please don't take my honest, yet a little brutal, answer for an attack or anything because really, it's just help that I offer you, as asked. As I currently am in the same situation. And for almost a decade on top of that. But I'm almost out of it. When you'll start to stand up for yourself, you'll see better. That's what you should focus on right now, yourself, and standing up. Easy, right ? I know it's not that easy... Or is it ?

You have everything you need within yourself, and you know it. Now step in your power.

Peace to you, with the hope to hear from you again soon !
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  #3  
Old 11-06-2020, 07:22 PM
SikuX SikuX is offline
Knower
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 185
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tim here
Hi SikuX !

I'm sorry but I'm gonna be straightforward, I do think though, that it's gonna be good for you.



It's herself ! Her selfishness is protecting her. See it as a built-in equipment in herself to be protected, so that way she can keep her mask on. It's not easy taking the mask off, for anyone. Not that I endorse her behavior, but to me there's no right and wrong, just people being themselves. When you see it that way you stop wondering because you have an explanation, and you can start focusing on yourself. By the way, the way you describe her, to me it is obvious she is not your twin flame, but I'm also convinced she is one of your soulmate.



You can't "save" her. To her it's not wrong, she's just protecting herself ! But let's see what it reflects to you. She protects herself, you dive in even deeper selflessly, hurting yourself more. See her as your mirror, because what's going on outside of you reflects the inside of you. But when I said she's "equipped" to protect herself, you are too you know. You're an empath, so what if all this situation was happening to your best friend ? What piece of advice would you give ? Apply them to yourself.



Then do so. You know how to.



The two of you do, really. If tomorrow you were broken up, how would it be ?



You are too. You would like her to behave to your standards of love, I get it, I've been there too. But you cannot control that. You wouldn't want to control others, right ? Doesn't seem fair, even more so seeing how it affects you. Plus, it also shows that you do not have unconditional love, at least for her, since it really is taking the person as she/he is. See, the reflection ? I hope you do, because it also shows that you already have all the answers. You just need a hand putting the pieces together.



She does it, you let her ! So again, the both of you are. If I told you what I've "let her do" to me...

Please don't take my honest, yet a little brutal, answer for an attack or anything because really, it's just help that I offer you, as asked. As I currently am in the same situation. And for almost a decade on top of that. But I'm almost out of it. When you'll start to stand up for yourself, you'll see better. That's what you should focus on right now, yourself, and standing up. Easy, right ? I know it's not that easy... Or is it ?

You have everything you need within yourself, and you know it. Now step in your power.

Peace to you, with the hope to hear from you again soon !
I'd hardly call any of that, brutal. It was straight-forward and to the point.
I see what you mean. I'm just taking it easy now and see where it goes.

I just grew impatient of losing everything and having to start over-again and seeing her just fine and dandy, turned me cynical and insane. Especially in the earlier part of all this. I lost my job, I took on a 360 personality change and went through so much in such a little time. Strong Psychosis.

Just hard to compare ourselves if one-half refuses to even talk to you anymore.

I keep bouncing all over the place with these foreign feelings when I just either want them to relax, explain themselves proper, or leave me alone.

I have my fair share of hurt I caused her in the wake of all this madness. Shamefully. I just felt like I was defending myself more than I needed to probably because I haven't been able to properly do so. Yet again, having all my friends stripped from me over being overly passionate with one woman who makes me out to be something I'm not. That should've honestly, been kept private. Like I did her until the meta fights happened. Mostly just venting to her. Not defending myself lol.


Best I get over it all.


I'm taking your advice to heart and mindfulness and see where it leads. Thanks so much for all that!

I'm through fighting, back to forgiving and just hope there are clear borders laid now. Allowing the self-healing to occur.
__________________
Quote:
The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and… bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.- Doctor Who ; Vincent and the Doctor
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  #4  
Old 11-06-2020, 08:25 PM
Just Tim
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SikuX
I'd hardly call any of that, brutal

Oh, cool. I have a strong tendancy to cushion my truths (not to silence them though), glad it worked

Quote:
Originally Posted by SikuX
I'm taking your advice to heart and mindfulness and see where it leads.

Exactly ! See, you got in you
Whatever it leads you to, I have faith the "Chaotic Good" dude you are will be happy ! (drop the lawful side of you )

Also, you're welcome but, you know that's just my high to be there for other souls !

EDIT : I also forgot, do not forget that nothing is ever set in stone, not for as long as you breathe. This applies to anyone. And it's litteral, when you die, nothing's over, but for this life, it is set in stone. Sorry if it shocks you, French can really be "noir", as much as we like marinieres, berets and baguettes ! ^^
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