Hidden phone

[Tomma]

Recently I got a new phone. A couple of days later I dreamt my husband had put the phone back into the packaging to protect it and because of that I didn't hear it ring and missed a call from a "Mr Rotterdam". This happened twice and I was annoyed with him.

I don't have any connections to Rotterdam, I have never been there and don't know anyone there. So what could this mean?

[Michelle11]

Phones are used to communicate messages. For some reason you have taken steps to try and protect yourself from these messages. I suspect in this instance your husband represents your active doing side. I was unable to find a meaning for the name Rotterdam so I will break it down phonetically. The words that stick out are rot and dam. DamS hold back water to keep towns from otherwise flooding. This could suggest that your skills at holding back your emotions are a bit rotten or not very good so you have also taking the step of suffocating them by safe keeping them in plastic so you can stay in a level mood.

The thing is our emotions are essential to help us navigate the world. It isn't so much the emotions that are the problem. They are the tools our brains use to alert us to trouble or a problem. It's generally the thoughts underneath the emotions that were triggered that needs addressing. Likely thoughts based on old outdated unhealthy thinking styles that keeps us in a negative view about life or ourselves. I have found mindfulness to be extremely helpful at rooting out the thoughts and beliefs that are harming me. I use to be terrified of my strong negative emotions. Now I see them as a useful tool. Not that I enjoy being angry or upset but I'm no longer fighting the process and being human for that matter and things are resolving for me.

So what is your relationship with emotions? Do you sense you try to control or deny them? What would happen if you started to engage with them?

[Tomma]

Thank you Michelle. Well I have actually always been described by family and friends as too emotional and not rational enough. My emotions (positive and negative ones) flow easy but I have learned to only let them flow when I'm either alone or with my husband because most others will judge me negatively for them and look down on me, and I've had enough of that.

So I don't deny them but yes I definitely control them around others which is exhausting. I have no problem when I'm alone though. For example when I read your reply just now I felt my eyes welling up and energy pooling in my forehead (don't know how to describe it better), and then a wave of a kind of tragic sadness was flooding through me for which I could not see the cause. But it felt alright and I let it come and pass.

Interesting how you broke down Rotterdam. It gave me the idea to look up the meaning in Dutch and it actually comes from a time in the 13th century when they built a dam at the stream Rotta - and Rotta means 'muddy water'. Neat! I can relate to that as I often feel quite confused. Lol!

[Michelle11]

So did you try to ask what the sadness was trying to say or where it was coming from. Sounds like you are good at walking through emotions but maybe could start to get a bit more curious about them. There is some great sadness wanting your attention. Try to ask yourself what that's about and see what thoughts come back to you.

[Tomma]

I think I'm usually quite good at feeling what comes up inside of me and delving deeper into it. I then often write my thoughts down in a diary. Today however I was not really able to grab it if you will and put it into words. My dogs were also interrupting me because it was their feeding time.

It was kind of a feeling of tragedy as if someone had died almost, as if I had lost someone or something very important. Yes there is a great sadness in me, always has been I think. In a past life regression I once saw myself standing in the middle of a small primitive village of huts, and all was burnt to the ground, everyone was dead, murdered, even the animals. I was the only one left, I had lost everyone and everything in this attack. I was crying, sobbing and thought I will never be able to stop crying. The sadness today was not so dramatic but it felt similar.