angry upset and confused

[MIA4life]

A strong soul connection passed away. I felt and feel immense pain for his loss; however he was not the nicest, chose someone else over me and refused to cut our ties by claiming he was in love with me...and I allowed him to re enter just to topple my life off every 3 to 4 months..i loved him unconditionally but i did not want to...the experience of him made me become way more spritual....

I have done a past life regression and I am guessing we were together and we were deeply in love and had a child together..he was murdered (eerily similar to how he died this time around) and I shut off...I died a lonely old woman or so I saw in the projection.

I went to a medium and it just seemed like he didnt have a whole lot to say...he said we were siblings in a past life n that is y we didnt work out; he apologized to the medium for arguing with her the time I went to one of her events to check her out...he thanked me for all I have done and dats it...no I love u, no sorry, no telling me what he was going to tell me the weekend he wanted me to come visit (and I didnt) right before he passed! Nothing!!!!!!

Did I make all dis up in my head? All dis love I thought we shared n suppressed out of fear? Was I wrong to feel as if he were trying to reach out to me through music after death? Was it not him who I was madly in love with in that previous life and y do I feel such a huge loss? I was hoping for closure but now I just feel stupid. Did I romanticize dis whole ordeal...I am such a realist...I would hate to think I did, but this last experience with a medium is starting to make me think so.

I dont know what to think n e more!!! I felt sooooo much love, but I didnt experience love from him....I am sooooo lost :(

[Fairyana]

To feel so much love for a person and not feel that love back does hurt a lot. Don't feel stupid! We cannot help but feel what the heart feels! And many times the heart doesn't seem very rational, but there are things here to be learned and that can help you grow.

In your past life, if his passing made you die to life, the fact that this is happening again means it's another attempt for you to see past the grief. We are eternal souls, we are never truly disconnected from the ones we love and life is a gift. Don't throw it away!

I have felt the desperation of loving and not feeling the love back. We do feel lost when that happens. Perhaps the lesson in this is learning how to let go. When we let go, we open the door to such great things! If it helps, letting go doesn't mean losing connection, it means, just being at peace with the situation. You'll have afterlife and other lives to see him again. Take some time to heal and try your best to let go and open yourself to life and love.

Originally Posted by MIA4life

A strong soul connection passed away. I felt and feel immense pain for his loss; however he was not the nicest, chose someone else over me and refused to cut our ties by claiming he was in love with me...and I allowed him to re enter just to topple my life off every 3 to 4 months..i loved him unconditionally but i did not want to...the experience of him made me become way more spritual....

I have done a past life regression and I am guessing we were together and we were deeply in love and had a child together..he was murdered (eerily similar to how he died this time around) and I shut off...I died a lonely old woman or so I saw in the projection.

I went to a medium and it just seemed like he didnt have a whole lot to say...he said we were siblings in a past life n that is y we didnt work out; he apologized to the medium for arguing with her the time I went to one of her events to check her out...he thanked me for all I have done and dats it...no I love u, no sorry, no telling me what he was going to tell me the weekend he wanted me to come visit (and I didnt) right before he passed! Nothing!!!!!!

Did I make all dis up in my head? All dis love I thought we shared n suppressed out of fear? Was I wrong to feel as if he were trying to reach out to me through music after death? Was it not him who I was madly in love with in that previous life and y do I feel such a huge loss? I was hoping for closure but now I just feel stupid. Did I romanticize dis whole ordeal...I am such a realist...I would hate to think I did, but this last experience with a medium is starting to make me think so.

I dont know what to think n e more!!! I felt sooooo much love, but I didnt experience love from him....I am sooooo lost :(

Why put all of what you beleive into a medium's hands?

you shouldn't let anyone influence you in this way

What you feel inside is what yuo should beleive in. You shouldn't feel stupid in believing in what your instincts are telling you, what is stupid is putting your faith into what someone tells you about yourself and others surrounding you especially when what this person is telling you does not resound has the truth within you.

Your instincts is what you should have faith in

Keep the memories you have of him and your relationship to him intact. Don't let anyone taint it with suggestions that might not even come from who you think it came from.

If you think he tried to communicate with you thru a song than, he did and everything else you have felt between you two was and is real.

Be warry of mediums and what they say to you because they can be used to manipulate and beleive me they are

[SpiritCarrier]

He is a private man who would never reveal his feelings to a stranger, especially in a crowd. He loved you but was angry about decisions that you/he had made which made being together impossible. He fought his feelings for you because it was the only way he could live with them. His death was another evidence of bad decisions. Letting someone into his life who he shouldn't have.

He has always wanted to tell you that he loved you and that he wished things could have been different. He wants you to keep comforting his mother, she finds you a comfort. Don't shut down, move on. Find what you are suppose to do in this life and do it, don't fall into that dark place that makes you doubt yourself. This time around you can conquer this and you will.

He was going to tell you that he had gotten into some trouble and wanted you to take care of his mother if anything happened to him. He knew you were the one person he could truly trust.

I only was picking up a voice as I was reading this thread so I wrote down what I was ask to write down. I hope it helps.

Peace and Light,
SC

[MIA4life]

fairyana- It was the most painful loving experience. The purest of love and hate; the sweetest torment; It wasn't that it was unrequited its just the demonstration was poor in his part. It was sooo poor that I myself mirrored it and tried to go the "eye for an eye" route. No bueno; He was literally the yin to my yang in the sense that if I was sitting down thinking about black he will minutes later discuss the color white. It was beyond freaky. Thank you for your insight.

Kpastelle- u r absolutely right; but she was painfully accurate on many aspects of him during an event she did. I attended it prior to paying for a full session to check her out....not general stuff but very personal details of his life. There is always still room for error but I guess I had such high expectations that I left beyond flustered and wanted to shut down...all the way down to stop these waves of emotions from storming through....it is maddening.

Spirit Carrier- Thank you for the message. I wasn't expecting answers when I wrote this post...I truly was venting in a place where I could vent without feeling like I am being judged as a grieving nutcase...well at least not to my face :) I am sure that no one that knew our situation understands my heartbreak...shoot I don't understand my heartbreak. I am just trying to come to peace with it and it has been a hellistic journey thus far. Sometimes the duality of what was and what is confuses me. I get the messages but I question them based on this lifetimes experience and its so contradicting...just like the nature of our relationship was when he was in his meat suit. Thank you once again!

[Tobi]

Hi MIA4life,
There is nothing 'nutcase' about grieving. It's one of the deepest emotional states we can know, and is not all about pain and sorrow either. Some of it is about real Love. It brings up all sorts of sufferings in a kind of catharsis, and purges a lot of what we no longer need, attachments to ego-concerns, etc.
Yet if the Heart is aligned while this process happens (which can take from days to many years) Love will grow stronger. A sort of new freedom can happen through what is called 'grief'. Alignment with the Heart will bring balance, and something to help ride out the storm of grieving.

Tears, and letting the feelings out (without hurting others if possible) are a healthy part of grieving and shouldn't be supressed. Feeling confused, angry even -they are all natural parts of grieving too. Take a small step back and just watch, with compassion as you see yourself suffering these things. Be gentle, like a loving mother, to yourself. In time, they will harmonise better, but may still return occasionally sometimes over the years, usually less painful as more time passes.

Your loved one now is released from the limitations of incarnation, and will see much more clearly. He will see and appreciate your bond, and will most surely be there for you when you go to the spiritual dimension. You made an arrangement to interact during your life, and the bond will continue, as it probably has for hundreds of years already (if not more) You will make many more arrangements yet in your loving bond, as true Soul friends (or even Soul mates)
We come together in this physical world to learn through friction. That can be very painful sometimes, but leads to accelerated growth and understanding. Love is the only thing that makes this even remotely bearable; however it is experienced, even if experienced only a little, experienced in a fluctuating dark/light scenario, or followed by sadness, poignancy or grieving after they go and leave us behind.
When there is love, it never dies. And no-one is ever left behind really. The ones we love are always there with us, on the inside, in the secret sacred space. We just have to complete our course, and the time comes when we cross over, meet up with them again, and get a clear perspective on what just took place -why it took place, and what was learned.

I don't know his Soul, or your Soul, so couldn't comment about any details, but it may have been his role to 'stir you up' somewhat, emotionally, in order to produce a distillation of something within you. Where there is love and a bond -then all acts are done with love. There is no hate. There is no fear, or greed, or jealousy or anger. The effects hurt, but perhaps they were meant to be that way to help you grow.

He was no 'random person', he was meant to be with you. His love seemed harsh sometimes, but he is more centered in love now than ever before. And he has not died. Just crossed over to another way of seeing.

When you meet up again, just the two of you, I mean (not necessarily anything to do with Mediums) -then it will all become clear.

[Belle]

I have to comment on the phrase - a grieving nutcase. Because - it's not that you are not - but more a case of love and grief make the best of us that way. Grief drives us demented and it's so normal. It might be too soon for this person to come through to you but you can help yourself by saying your goodbyes to him, letting him go little by little, and looking forward to having someone who does want to be with you.

Originally Posted by MIA4life

fairyana- It was the most painful loving experience. The purest of love and hate; the sweetest torment; It wasn't that it was unrequited its just the demonstration was poor in his part. It was sooo poor that I myself mirrored it and tried to go the "eye for an eye" route. No bueno; He was literally the yin to my yang in the sense that if I was sitting down thinking about black he will minutes later discuss the color white. It was beyond freaky. Thank you for your insight.

Kpastelle- u r absolutely right; but she was painfully accurate on many aspects of him during an event she did. I attended it prior to paying for a full session to check her out....not general stuff but very personal details of his life. There is always still room for error but I guess I had such high expectations that I left beyond flustered and wanted to shut down...all the way down to stop these waves of emotions from storming through....it is maddening.

Spirit Carrier- Thank you for the message. I wasn't expecting answers when I wrote this post...I truly was venting in a place where I could vent without feeling like I am being judged as a grieving nutcase...well at least not to my face :) I am sure that no one that knew our situation understands my heartbreak...shoot I don't understand my heartbreak. I am just trying to come to peace with it and it has been a hellistic journey thus far. Sometimes the duality of what was and what is confuses me. I get the messages but I question them based on this lifetimes experience and its so contradicting...just like the nature of our relationship was when he was in his meat suit. Thank you once again!

What I can say about death is it bring grief ...
There's alot of anger associated w/grief that needs to be processed ...
You'll have lots of "why" questions including the cycle of "I should have, could have, would have" ...
They're a normal part of the grief process as well as the emotional & physical pain ...
Learn more about grief, find support & others to grieve with online such as Daily Strength in the subforum Bereavement ...
There are also other online grief websites ...

[MIA4life]

Thank you for your insight..

Tobi
Belle
living karma

I truly appreciate it...I get sooo confused and I start to doubt myself n what I feel...

Originally Posted by MIA4life

A strong soul connection passed away. I felt and feel immense pain for his loss; however he was not the nicest, chose someone else over me and refused to cut our ties by claiming he was in love with me...and I allowed him to re enter just to topple my life off every 3 to 4 months..i loved him unconditionally but i did not want to...the experience of him made me become way more spritual....

I have done a past life regression and I am guessing we were together and we were deeply in love and had a child together..he was murdered (eerily similar to how he died this time around) and I shut off...I died a lonely old woman or so I saw in the projection.

I went to a medium and it just seemed like he didnt have a whole lot to say...he said we were siblings in a past life n that is y we didnt work out; he apologized to the medium for arguing with her the time I went to one of her events to check her out...he thanked me for all I have done and dats it...no I love u, no sorry, no telling me what he was going to tell me the weekend he wanted me to come visit (and I didnt) right before he passed! Nothing!!!!!!

Did I make all dis up in my head? All dis love I thought we shared n suppressed out of fear? Was I wrong to feel as if he were trying to reach out to me through music after death? Was it not him who I was madly in love with in that previous life and y do I feel such a huge loss? I was hoping for closure but now I just feel stupid. Did I romanticize dis whole ordeal...I am such a realist...I would hate to think I did, but this last experience with a medium is starting to make me think so.

I dont know what to think n e more!!! I felt sooooo much love, but I didnt experience love from him....I am sooooo lost :(

Mediums could be wrong (reading the wrong info, not being aware of that, interpreting the communication incorrectly). You could try another one. Or just ignore what the medium has said and rely on what you believe aside from that.

Love connections (the ones that happen in the future, present and past) still exist within the Universe. So you may be connecting to someone, transcending space and time. And sometimes, if there was this someone reincarnating in a particular body and you meet this body, you may feel the connection but this person may not be able to. Not because he never did, but because some of his sensing abilities are blocked now. So believe in the connection itself. There is something there, although sometimes we don't know how to label it or what it is.

I personally believe that we are connected to our loved ones all the time. But most of us can't sense them, so we resort to just believing that they are there, watching us, knowing about us, waiting for us.