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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Most Anything > Loving Tributes & Remembrance

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  #1  
Old 05-01-2013, 03:27 AM
disconnected
Posts: n/a
 
Mommy

It was August 18, 2012. I had a migraine (as I usually do), and my phone notified me of a voice mail. The phone had not been moved, so it had simply lost signal for whenever the call had come in. Reception was so bad I ended up calling to retrieve the message on a land-line. Upon returning the call, I found myself talking to an ICU nurse, then to a doctor, being told that my mom was in ICU on life support. They were requesting my permission to do more.

I gave that permission, even having promised my mother years before that I'd not let her be hooked up to machines, period. She was already on life support, and I gave them the okay to try dialysis before frantically calling my husband and sister as I was hurrying out the door to head to the hospital.

Through the day they let us in to visit her a few times. She progressively turned more green. Her eyes never closed, never stopped staring through the ceiling. Still, after I gave the order to have her removed from life support, there was a tear on her cheek. I really hope they'd put drops in her eyes. I'd felt more sure that the decision was right until then. We sat around her bed, and I squeezed her hand so hard I bruised it.

She'd been sick for years, and was a resident at the nursing home. This was still very unexpected. I'm so unsure of my decision (yes my sister was there, but it still fell on me). I have nightmares that she's mad at me, that she hates me. There's so much guilt over so much.

I miss her deeply. I thought that her being ill for so long was readying me for her passing, but it really didn't. I'm lost without her, and heartbroken that I haven't felt her presence or been visited by her. She was all I had for so long, and even though my life is more full now she's left a huge hole. She was an amazing woman who had far too hard a life, and I hope that she's not mad at me or disappointed in me. I don't think I'll ever shake the feeling that she's dead because of me :(
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  #2  
Old 05-01-2013, 04:16 AM
Juanita
Posts: n/a
 
Cat

Quote:
Originally Posted by disconnected
It was August 18, 2012. I had a migraine (as I usually do), and my phone notified me of a voice mail. The phone had not been moved, so it had simply lost signal for whenever the call had come in. Reception was so bad I ended up calling to retrieve the message on a land-line. Upon returning the call, I found myself talking to an ICU nurse, then to a doctor, being told that my mom was in ICU on life support. They were requesting my permission to do more.

I gave that permission, even having promised my mother years before that I'd not let her be hooked up to machines, period. She was already on life support, and I gave them the okay to try dialysis before frantically calling my husband and sister as I was hurrying out the door to head to the hospital.

Through the day they let us in to visit her a few times. She progressively turned more green. Her eyes never closed, never stopped staring through the ceiling. Still, after I gave the order to have her removed from life support, there was a tear on her cheek. I really hope they'd put drops in her eyes. I'd felt more sure that the decision was right until then. We sat around her bed, and I squeezed her hand so hard I bruised it.

She'd been sick for years, and was a resident at the nursing home. This was still very unexpected. I'm so unsure of my decision (yes my sister was there, but it still fell on me). I have nightmares that she's mad at me, that she hates me. There's so much guilt over so much.

I miss her deeply. I thought that her being ill for so long was readying me for her passing, but it really didn't. I'm lost without her, and heartbroken that I haven't felt her presence or been visited by her. She was all I had for so long, and even though my life is more full now she's left a huge hole. She was an amazing woman who had far too hard a life, and I hope that she's not mad at me or disappointed in me. I don't think I'll ever shake the feeling that she's dead because of me :(




Dear lady, nobody goes Home unless it is their time to do so, so please do not feel guilty as there was nothing different that you could have done......Give her time to be healed from a lifetime of sickness and pain.... Once she has gone through a healing and her energy has been restored, she will have a lovely reunion with her soul family already there, be reorientated into the spirit world, and start her life review. You "will" hear from her either through a dream visit or special synchronocities that will "get" your attention....
She is "so" happy to be Home again---healed, pain free, young and beautiful and free as a bird..........
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  #3  
Old 05-01-2013, 07:51 PM
disconnected
Posts: n/a
 
Angel1

Quote:
Originally Posted by Juanita
Dear lady, nobody goes Home unless it is their time to do so, so please do not feel guilty as there was nothing different that you could have done......Give her time to be healed from a lifetime of sickness and pain.... Once she has gone through a healing and her energy has been restored, she will have a lovely reunion with her soul family already there, be reorientated into the spirit world, and start her life review. You "will" hear from her either through a dream visit or special synchronocities that will "get" your attention....
She is "so" happy to be Home again---healed, pain free, young and beautiful and free as a bird..........
Thank you so much.
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  #4  
Old 07-01-2013, 12:21 AM
Tobi Tobi is offline
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 6,513
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She is free, and knows you love her. Send her your love even through your tears. She completely understands, and loves you right back.
The reason you may not have sensed her spirit yet is maybe she is in transition on the inner planes, settling into her new life in Spirit. Sometimes there are communication-gaps when that is happening.
Blessings. I can sense how much you love her.
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  #5  
Old 07-01-2013, 12:30 AM
Lucid68 Lucid68 is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 365
 
She has only been gone about 5 months, you are still grieving and of course you will always miss her but when the time is right and once you've got over your pain and guilt she will be back to let you know that you made all the right decisions x take care of you x
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  #6  
Old 08-01-2013, 02:24 PM
Belle Belle is offline
Master
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8,227
 
Dear disconnected, the fact that she isn't around you at the moment as such (and I say as such, as she is in the air you breathe, the water you drink, she is in your every heartbeat and in your every breath), she is on a healing journey of her own and if there were unfinished business between you, I think she would be making it very clear to you. Equally the intensity you are feeling is possibly because she is so very very close to you but is learning how to reach you - any state she will be in will only be one of pure love towards you.

I think you acted in the kindest and most loving way, and now you need to know you can love yourself and be proud of yourself for making such a strong and difficult decision.

And yes, we never prepare ourselves for the passing of our parents.

You made the right decisions, it is a hard call but she would have stayed alive had it not been her time. It's one of those strange ones, we think we make certain decisions in life but actually, the decisions are taken from us and we act from a higher plan without realising it. I truly feel that you were a channel from a higher source.

Grieving is a terrible process.
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