Earned Love Instead of Unconditional Love?

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

I do agree that love/respect should be earned instead of given for free. Unconditional love is a joke anyway… If some New Age hippy randomly out of the blue told me they love me unconditionally I'd have a very hard time taking them seriously because it's impossible to love strangers and people you don't know personally. Those who claim to love every inhabitant of the world are obviously lying and only concerned with their own status. So yes, I agree that earned love is the only way because there's more effort put into it, and at least it's genuine. Also, no point in loving/respecting someone who doesn't return the same courtesy. Not like there's any treasures in heaven awaiting you up there based on the amount of love you tossed around anyway.

''Go to Town, see new faces, learn to love and hate people.'' Astolfo - Fate/Apocrypha

I agree with what you say about loving strangers,but there have also been many times when I have loved someone but they didn't return that love.

[Dargor]

Originally Posted by hazada guess

I agree with what you say about loving strangers,but there have also been many times when I have loved someone but they didn't return that love.

Isn't that too mentally draining? How did you deal with that?

Oh well,on to the next one.(after much grief).

[Flexi-Girl]

Maybe love doesn't have to be earned, but maybe there should be some kind of rule system.

So many people are in unhappy relationships, or they are in and out of love so frequently, and then of course love is often used as a tool for manipulation. It's too easy to say, "If you love me..."

I hope I am not being cynical because I think love really can be spontaneous and wonderful, but it can also be too abstract and open to different interpretations.

At the end of the day, wouldn't it make more sense to have a clear set of rules to follow? I am not saying that as a way to twist peoples arm, but more out of a desire for clarity.

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

Maybe love doesn't have to be earned, but maybe there should be some kind of rule system.

So many people are in unhappy relationships, or they are in and out of love so frequently, and then of course love is often used as a tool for manipulation. It's too easy to say, "If you love me..."

I hope I am not being cynical because I think love really can be spontaneous and wonderful, but it can also be too abstract and open to different interpretations.

At the end of the day, wouldn't it make more sense to have a clear set of rules to follow? I am not saying that as a way to twist peoples arm, but more out of a desire for clarity.

Flexi-Girl,for once,I am in agreement with you,when I was younger,I was always looking for love (too hard),it got to the point where I was hurt so many times that I got to a point where I would avoid relationships,instead*brief encounters*,now,at my age 58 it is too late and I am happy living with my 3 cats.I used to go for looks over personality,that was the problem.Mum used to say to me when she was still alive to go for an ugly one,they're less trouble
oh,I could write chapters on Love and Relationships but this is a spiritual forum.

[Flexi-Girl]

Originally Posted by hazada guess

Flexi-Girl,for once,I am in agreement with you,when I was younger,I was always looking for love (too hard),it got to the point where I was hurt so many times that I got to a point where I would avoid relationships,instead*brief encounters*,now,at my age 58 it is too late and I am happy living with my 3 cats.I used to go for looks over personality,that was the problem.Mum used to say to me when she was still alive to go for an ugly one,they're less trouble
oh,I could write chapters on Love and Relationships but this is a spiritual forum.

Thank you.

Although I am not sure how true any of this is. I have only heard about this concept recently.

Maybe you don't have to write whole chapters on the subject, but just some of the highlights. You might have something that could be valuable.

Hello,

Nice subject!

Personally, I do love my TF that I have been living with for 16 years and since many other life times more than anything else in this world. Even more than the Goddess herself. She is a Goddess incarnated to me.

I don't know if its conditional or unconditional love I have for her. Simply know it's so strong, I have never seen anything like it.

In this life, I apply to love every living form as much as I love her. It's not an easy task. But it's worth it.

Would it be simply to watch a flower open to the sun in the morning. So much beauty in every form in this world.

Enjoy!

[Ordnael]

In my country we have a saying 'Respect keeps your teeth in place.', not that I agree with it but you get the idea.

When you have a problem with someone, you may be dealing with a nice or a wicked person, as long as you express yourself respectfully you're always in the right.

[Mr_Determined]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I thought about this idea, and I find it a somewhat appealing. I think the concept of unconditional love gets tossed around so loosely and yet it's never clearly defined in relationships. It makes it hard to know where your boundaries are.

I wonder also, if you have to earn someone's love and they have to earn your love, maybe people would value each other more.

I have to give this some more thought.

Conditional Earned Love:

Now, you may have had someone that would have let you down, more than once. Even the most goodhearted person will fail you and often will fall short of your expectations.

It may be easy to carry relationships beyond partnership into dependency.

This then becomes an unrealistic expectation in friendships and marriages. Instead of being partners, we place unrealistic expectations on others to become fulfilled. If you look at your partner as the source of your fulfillment then they are no longer a partner, but an object of your selfish expectations. We mistake feelings for love. Love does not spark emotions and feelings, but feelings do not necessarily reflect love. If you make fulfilling your emotions the responsibility of your spouse, your on a fragile foundation.

Love is not centered around receiving, but giving. Our nature is so self-focused and only cares about 'what's in it for me'. That is not love.

If our expectations always center around the so called 'me' and both partners are seeking self-centered expectations, they will be in conflict!

When people enter into a relationship with the expectation of being fulfilled, they are destined for disappointment. Emotions fade and any relationship will struggle to survive if it is founded upon the emotions that were enjoyed during the dating years.

Unconditional Love:

"Love suffers long and is kind, does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek it's own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and never fails. (1 Corinthians 13)."

If someone has fallen out of love, they never had love because love never fails!

God's design for friendships and marriage is not to be loved, but to love. If we love, we will also be loved in return. Receiving does not have the fulfillment that Giving has.

We have the relationship idea backwards. We are looking for someone to meet our needs and fulfill us, but God has designed relationships to be conduits of His grace. He fulfills us and we give to others. The world's method is to find someone to complete and fulfill us, but God's design is for us to touch others! You can receive and never be fulfilled but you cannot give and not be fulfilled.

Most relationships will fail because they are not founded on love as God has designed it. This is not a product of human emotion, but an act of the will that can only come from God.

We can do selfless acts, but ultimately we will always seek our own fulfillment. Only God can love selflessly!

We love others with agape love by allowing God to love through us.

[JosephineB]

Originally Posted by Mr_Determined

Conditional Earned Love:

Now, you may have had someone that would have let you down, more than once. Even the most goodhearted person will fail you and often will fall short of your expectations.

It may be easy to carry relationships beyond partnership into dependency.

This then becomes an unrealistic expectation in friendships and marriages. Instead of being partners, we place unrealistic expectations on others to become fulfilled. If you look at your partner as the source of your fulfillment then they are no longer a partner, but an object of your selfish expectations. We mistake feelings for love. Love does not spark emotions and feelings, but feelings do not necessarily reflect love. If you make fulfilling your emotions the responsibility of your spouse, your on a fragile foundation.

Love is not centered around receiving, but giving. Our nature is so self-focused and only cares about 'what's in it for me'. That is not love.

If our expectations always center around the so called 'me' and both partners are seeking self-centered expectations, they will be in conflict!

When people enter into a relationship with the expectation of being fulfilled, they are destined for disappointment. Emotions fade and any relationship will struggle to survive if it is founded upon the emotions that were enjoyed during the dating years.

Unconditional Love:

"Love suffers long and is kind, does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek it's own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and never fails. (1 Corinthians 13)."

If someone has fallen out of love, they never had love because love never fails!

God's design for friendships and marriage is not to be loved, but to love. If we love, we will also be loved in return. Receiving does not have the fulfillment that Giving has.

We have the relationship idea backwards. We are looking for someone to meet our needs and fulfill us, but God has designed relationships to be conduits of His grace. He fulfills us and we give to others. The world's method is to find someone to complete and fulfill us, but God's design is for us to touch others! You can receive and never be fulfilled but you cannot give and not be fulfilled.

Most relationships will fail because they are not founded on love as God has designed it. This is not a product of human emotion, but an act of the will that can only come from God.

We can do selfless acts, but ultimately we will always seek our own fulfillment. Only God can love selflessly!

We love others with agape love by allowing God to love through us.

That's beautiful.