Please Heal Me

Shivani Devi · #1 25-10-2018, 03:47 AM

I am a walking conundrum...A spiritual person who has an intense hatred and loathing for everyone and everything. The gross vibrations on this Earth-plane are making me physically and mentally ill and I don't know what to do about that.

I do meditation and that works only because I do it in isolation and by myself...but as soon as I go out and see all of the emotional manipulation to get gullible people to part with their money..when I see "in your face" greed, when I experience dishonesty to obtain access to personal and private information, when ignorant people try and "show me up" through disagreement without presenting a conflicting argument, when people scramble over each other to get the best life has to offer...everything I have gained in meditation and prayer goes totally out the window...I start getting anxiety attacks, I start getting physically ill and then all of the negative thoughts come about as how I wish this world would end very quickly because all of this scum does not deserve to live.

What is happening to me and is there any way it can be cured or reversed? Thank you.

Mojo Pan · #2 25-10-2018, 04:26 AM

I don't think you're a "walking conundrum" as you said...only someone who has the intelligence and guts not to look at our world through rose-colored glasses. I have felt the exact same as you, only thing that really helped me was to stop looking at the abyss. I focused on nature, not mankind. This, and a creative hobby was what really worked for me, nothing "spiritual" No religions, no dogmas, certainly not self-proclaimed gurus and life coaches out there. And there I found all the beauty our sad species never achieved. I ain't giving advice, propose you do the same etc etc, only mentioning what worked for me. What I mean is, there's always a way out of misery and sadness and the less we rely our happiness on others, the better.

Shivani Devi · #3 25-10-2018, 04:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mojo Pan

I don't think you're a "walking conundrum" as you said...only someone who has the intelligence and guts not to look at our world through rose-colored glasses. I have felt the exact same as you, only thing that really helped me was to stop looking at the abyss. I focused on nature, not mankind. This, and a creative hobby was what really worked for me, nothing "spiritual" No religions, no dogmas, certainly not self-proclaimed gurus and life coaches out there. And there I found all the beauty our sad species never achieved. I ain't giving advice, propose you do the same etc etc, only mentioning what worked for me. What I mean is, there's always a way out of misery and sadness and the less we rely our happiness on others, the better.

Thank you for the helpful sharing.

Yes, gazing for too long into the abyss has definitely left its mark and if anything, I have proven Nietzsche right. I can stop gazing into the abyss, but is the damage that has already been done reversible? because seeing things for how they are and not how others believe them to be is getting very tedious and tiring.

I totally agree with you that getting in a very good grounding/earthing helps and I am long overdue for that barefoot walk along the beach, the garden makeover, a hobby that can help me release all of this pent up self righteous retribution and probably giving up the whole "spiritual thing" for a while... because many spiritual people also seem to have quite a few spare pairs of "rose colored glasses" just in case one accidentally gets broken.

I seem to be at a crossroads in life and this is the most painful part... spiritual awakening has let me see all this, but what has been seen cannot be "unseen" and now I need to live with the reality of that, which is a blatant and ironic hypocrisy which ever way I go and my mind has a terrible time trying to reconcile this into any kind of workable model.

Mojo Pan · #4 25-10-2018, 05:34 AM

I don't preach or give advice or anything, just mentioning what worked for me. I was in the exact ugly place you are right now. I saw and could not erase what i'd seen. I just stopped looking at more ugliness. It's not that now I found Nirvana and i'm all happiness etc. But I am at much more peace than when I was full into that "spirituality" of dogmas, doctrines, practices etc. I realized that whatever is not totally fake just for the bucks, is also man-made. Nature is not, and believe me, I found all the true spirituality I needed in Nature, as its without a doubt the creation of the Divine. All churches out there are built by men. All spiritual books written by men. No man made Nature. It's all there, trust me. Just try to do things one step at a time. Instead of meditating, which sorry folks did nothing for me, only countless wasted hours (again, personal experiences) try painting, or sculpting or whatever. Do not focus on the artistic outcome, only the experience. Einstein said that we have a choice, to live our lives like everything is a miracle...or not. Release the false belief that whoever does not buy crystals or tarot decks or mediates all day is not a spiritual person. That's the exact same consumerism as people spending their money buying fancy smartphones. There is true spirituality everywhere, and true beauty also. And you don't need anyone else to guide you to their "truths". Start carving your own path. Your heart and soul will lead you to whatever you have inside, perhaps that's the only truth out there. Generate some good feelings and thoughts inside you and just watch where the path leads you....trust me, to better places ;)

Shivani Devi · #5 25-10-2018, 07:48 AM

Thank you again.

They say that you can't blame others for the way you feel....they say that you create your own reality... people say a lot of bulls*** things don't they?..and I am slowly losing my marbles bigtime!!!

I am sure that people say and do things with the SOLE intention of driving me around the twist until I have no choice but to commit myself into institutional care.

Brother: "You should really think about selling that block of land you got in the divorce....All it really needs is to be levelled with a bobcat...All the trees removed...You can get 50 grand for that..."

Me: "While it is an awesome idea, I just don't have a spare 2 grand just laying around doing nothing to be able to get the land cleared right now".

Brother: "why hello there, ms NEGATIVE! stop giving me excuses why you can't do it and just get it done!"

Me: "oh cool, that must mean you know of a bobcat driver who is willing to do it for free! Can you please give me his details?"

Brother; "Don't be ridiculous! Nobody will do it for free...but why are you wasting time? You should get it done as soon as possible"..

Me *drags razor along arm until pain is felt and blood flows*

Thinking "dammit...I forgot to say 'that is a brilliant idea...You are a genius! I will get on to it straight away' while thinking "I have absolutely NO intention of doing ANYTHING you say, you moron".

I'll learn that for next time...and I am SURE this is my first human incarnation because I am pretty new at all this.

lomax · #6 25-10-2018, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shivani Devi

I am a walking conundrum...A spiritual person who has an intense hatred and loathing for everyone and everything. The gross vibrations on this Earth-plane are making me physically and mentally ill and I don't know what to do about that.

I do meditation and that works only because I do it in isolation and by myself...but as soon as I go out and see all of the emotional manipulation to get gullible people to part with their money..when I see "in your face" greed, when I experience dishonesty to obtain access to personal and private information, when ignorant people try and "show me up" through disagreement without presenting a conflicting argument, when people scramble over each other to get the best life has to offer...everything I have gained in meditation and prayer goes totally out the window...I start getting anxiety attacks, I start getting physically ill and then all of the negative thoughts come about as how I wish this world would end very quickly because all of this scum does not deserve to live.

What is happening to me and is there any way it can be cured or reversed? Thank you.

Welcome to the party.Are you sure that you're not experiencing the ''shift''?
https://www.google.gr/search?q=the+s...hrome&ie=UTF-8

One month before i would tell you that you're parasited.Now i'm not sure anymore.
People starting to report weird symtpoms,that matches with those articles and videos.

Shivani Devi · #7 25-10-2018, 08:40 AM

Thanks Lomax and it could be a number of things really... Ascension symptoms, having a demonic attachment, this being my very first incarnation on this plane..

Or a first timer who is undergoing Ascension whilst having a demonic attachment...which sounds a lot closer to how it is for me.

lomax · #8 25-10-2018, 09:18 AM

Have you tried a bath with dry bay leaves?it's a good auric cleanser.
And do not underestimate the power of earth.(as i did)

Some herbs into water can be more powerful than prayers and mantras.

Shivani Devi · #9 25-10-2018, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lomax

Have you tried a bath with dry bay leaves?it's a good auric cleanser.
And do not underestimate the power of earth.(as i did)

Some herbs into water can be more powerful than prayers and mantras.

I have never tried that, but it sounds great and I'll give it a try.

At the moment, I am combing the internet and most stuff I see about this is all bull..or I cannot relate..

Came across one blog out of hundreds and managed to get past the first paragraph, so I'll read the whole series...it kind of explains what is going on..
https://theawakenedstate.net/awakeni...m-i-losing-it/

Shivani Devi · #10 25-10-2018, 10:08 AM

Dang my Higher Self...where is it when I actually NEED it? The Master of hindsight, my Higher Self is..

https://www.personality-insights.com...ng-statements/

Shivani: "Brother dear, how do you suggest I get the 2 grand to afford a bobcat? I don't know about material things, so I really need your wisdom here. Can you loan me the money please?

Brother: "forget I even mentioned it"

There! Done and dusted... anything else while I am at it? You just need to learn how to place others on the immediate defensive instead of taking on that role yourself through making statements.

Saying "I am sorry, but I don't understand...can you please explain yourself?" over and over until they are tired of doing so is a great ploy and especially if you do NOT get it....they will think they are talking to a simpleton and just give up anyway...You can even mention your ASD if you wish..

Oh my god, when an Aspie gets Nirvana...no wonder you are going through hell my love...

Let's give everything all at once to somebody who has NO selective perception...freaky!

Grounding yourself is a great idea and you really need to do it...like yesterday and you will need more grounding than a neurotypical awakened being..ten times more!