Do nice people finish last?

[BlueSky]

Originally Posted by mysterious

Since I feel like I do. How are you supposed to be empathic and sensitive if you hold the door open for everyone and subsequently your own life progression suffers?

If it's geniune, you will just hold the door open as you heart leads you to and not worry about the rest.
You say "subsequently" not "consequently" but either way I think it may be a grave assumption that your life suffering is the "result" of being a nice guy.
And no, nice guys do not finish last..........they make the world a better place.

[mysterious]

Originally Posted by not human

The way I see it is that 'nice' is not a prevailing aspect of self. I don't see how one could possibly judge themselves as being 'nice' or ' not nice' on a consistant basis as our behaviours and motivators change constantly.
True caring, empathy and compassion are manifestations of the heart and the heart is not subject to behavoural labels. Nice is simply how one would generalize oneself or anothers overall facade

Ok well thats what I meant then, so to re-phrase it:

Do caring, empathy and compassion ppl finish last? Meaning what if ppl just take and take from you and you feel as if you are always in the back seat of life over others or feel like you are treated like a 2nd class citizen?

[sound]

Originally Posted by mysterious

Since I feel like I do. How are you supposed to be empathic and sensitive if you hold the door open for everyone and subsequently your own life progression suffers?

Hi mysterious

First up welcome to the community :)
I cant help but ask why you would hold the door open for others if doing that is not fulfilling for you in ways that matter to you?

[mysterious]

..........

[sound]

I cant help but add that this thread reminds me of something that occurred for me as a teenager. My father had taken the family out to the local club for dinner and there we all were. I was your usual self absorbed teenager ... full of my own self importance and not having been into a club before was wanting to appear all grown up and experienced-like lol
My elder sister asked me to accompany her to the bar to get drinks for everyone ... i eagerly agreed of course ... we collected the drinks and on the way back i was thinking i was on a cat walk in Milan or somewhere ... well we got to the swinging doors which led back into the restaurant and i pushed my way ahead of my sister and there was no door holding going on that night I can tell you lol i sailed through and let it go and she copped it smack in the face and the drinks hit the deck lol I was not very popular lol she bullied me for the next year lol

[mysterious]

Originally Posted by Chalk1990

Do nice people finish last?

- In my opinion, I say not necessarily. If you regard 'Nice' for a person who puts others first, before themselves, like myself, I still say its depends. We finish when the work is complete. Finish meaning to depart from earth back to the spirit 'To die'.

Greatly put.

Originally Posted by Chalk1990

Don't let people take you for granted, meaning to expect you to be there for them, without gratitude, or thanks. Do what ever you need to feel spiritual gratification, and remember like my mother says 'You cannot help everyone, there are some people who cannot be helped', and this is true. You need to know when to say No, this doesn't make you a negative person, it just sets your boundaries between you, and people who leech on to your energy.

Tnx this totally makes sense.

[mysterious]

Originally Posted by mattie

Can you explain how your own life has suffered by holding the door open & being empathetic?

Being empathetic doesn't mean allowing others to abuse us or being a doormat for others.

What finishing last or finishing first is would be very useful to define.

Sorry - I am getting the two mixed up. Since what you are saying in the first paragraphy is not possible to happen - i see that.

I guess I dont know how to be assertive and be caring, since I always feel bad and guilty that I didnt help someone. Then I cant let that thought go, I am so messed up. Plz help.

[sound]

Posting your concerns about being caring is assertive dont you think mysterious?

[NightSpirit]

Its easy for me to give advise to another, yet not be able to follow my own rules. But by giving another advise, I'm simply reminding myself. It's really not for you, but for me mysterious. Perhaps we'd both do well out of this?

Who ever told you that you have to put others before you? Who taught you that its okay to allow others to lord it over you? Its not okay! The thing is..the only one getting hurt by all this is YOU!...not them...just you. You are the one allowing yourself to feel this way. If others are walking over you, then do you think they really care? If they did, then they wouldn't be doing it in the first place.

How I wish I could take my own advice sometimes hahaha

[BlueSky]

Originally Posted by NightSpirit

Its easy for me to give advise to another, yet not be able to follow my own rules. But by giving another advise, I'm simply reminding myself. It's really not for you, but for me mysterious. Perhaps we'd both do well out of this?

Who ever told you that you have to put others before you? Who taught you that its okay to allow others to lord it over you? Its not okay! The thing is..the only one getting hurt by all this is YOU!...not them...just you. You are the one allowing yourself to feel this way. If others are walking over you, then do you think they really care? If they did, then they wouldn't be doing it in the first place.

How I wish I could take my own advice sometimes hahaha

I don't look at people acting in a non caring way as not caring cuz I know they are.
I also know that there is no such thing as being nice. It needs to be natural, so being true to oneself results for me in niceness and I'd like to think it helps others see past their uncaring actions. I really have no choice but to be who I am and it is nice.
James