When To Give Less or More

I am in need of wisdom in this aspect of my life.

Maybe it's my charitable upbringing or my natural inclination. For as long as I can remember I have been a giver. I have always felt strongly compelled to share of anything and everything I have ever had without restraint. Whether it be food, labor, valuable advice or information, money and material possessions, I just seem to have this desire to give as much as I can away even when it hurts me. At the same time it's always brought me problems. I have ended up feeling used, discarded, taken advantage of somewhat resentful, but worst of all, dirty. I forgive them, and to be honest I blame myself for it all, but I need to do something about it.


Looking back at myself I think I had been this way partly because I wanted to show the world that I am valuable, important, lovable and not a burden, but I am also seeing that this isn't good for anyone in the long run.

How do I show genuine thanks or love to someone without blowing their mind or enabling them to become dependent on me? I also I am hurting people because they can't reciprocate. How do decide when to teach someone vs letting them figure out problems for themselves? I am ready to stop being a hero or rescuer or enabler. How do I know when I should give less or more.

Please, I really need to be taught all over again.

[Mr Interesting]

My Dad always said only give what you can't afford to lose. He also said, which is kinda similar, only lend what you can afford to give away.

But giving stuff away isn't really the question is it?

The question really is how do I feel stable and balanced within myself without what I have or don't have being a factor.

I have mostly traded my skills for money in my life and have always enjoyed whatever work I did. In a sense being paid has always been a bonus and being paid well an even greater one but it hasn't stopped me diligently pursuing being paid when people are slow about it because it's their part of the bargain and because they only have money it is a show of their respect for what I've achieved... but I don't need their respect at all, but they need it for themselves and for what they are obtaining.

And it doesn't matter whether you are giving something away or charging for it, both parties must show respect and due regard for the exchange.

If you don't respect the exchange and your part in it you will feel as you have and if they don't... that's their problem.

Everything must be brought forward from the earth, to work for someone you must eat, to make something you must gather materials and this creates value but the value isn't about what something worth so much as it about not being wasteful. So when we give, trade or sell and even buy we are respectful of the earth bounty and hopefully not wasting what doesn't need to be wasted.

[wstein]

Originally Posted by Tera's_Party

Looking back at myself I think I had been this way partly because I wanted to show the world that I am valuable, important, lovable and not a burden

As you are seeing, trying to buy your self worth with acts of service doesn't work.

Pretty easy solution here. Give or don't give when it shows YOU that YOU are valuable.