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Originally Posted by FallingLeaves
well... from my POV..
in my own 'studies' as it were I quickly found that any time I would create a mental model, it was like building a building that obscured the view i wanted to see. The very act of creating the models kept me from seeing what was there. It was disconcerting when I figured that out.
Unfortunately I can't seem to proceed without a mental model... I automatically construct the things as quickly as I learn anything. Some aspect of the cherubim with the flaming sword i suppose... your supposition that you can't live without a model is the same. You won't look further than needing a model because you've already decided there is nothing there.
This is part of the point of the deception as the best kind of fence is the one people buy on their own to keep themselves locked in. Then they won't even attempt to escape? And once they've bought that they need a fence they will even maintain it on their own? Nothing for the avid fence-seller to do but watch!
Anyway all this is a real conundrum for me because I've gotten enough of a glimpse of the view to know the view is much better than any model I could cook up in my mind. I wish things didn't have to be this way. Sigh.
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I've always been fascinated and the concept of cherubim with the flaming sword or other guardians who's purpose is to ward off the "unworthy" from the places they do not belong. Whereas those who are prepared for the journey can pass easily and are welcomed in. Part of the natural order of things and otherwise there would be chaos.
It took me a long time to understand this and still struggle at times. Instead of seeing this as protection I would feel fear, shame, betrayal, rejection, entitlement, etc. Now when I am fortunate enough to see those reactions for what they are I realize I am not ready and there is work to be done on myself - instead of pushing forward. With a little acceptance and patience the doors open when you are ready. Otherwise if I cannot take the hint then it's on to damage control and forgiveness afterwards.
Enjoy the view when you can. Try to accept yourself and your process when it seems that it is not working out... it just seems that way.
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