Accept what you cannot change

[Shivani Devi]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

I recently heard someone say this and it got me thinking.

How do we know, aside from the obvious situations, what can or cannot change? For that matter, how does one go about accepting, what you cannot change? Also, how does one know when they have accepted or not?

For me personally, it is "trial and error". I have tried to change certain things a few times and then realise that if it was actually in my power to change it, I would have succeeded and so I give up and just let it be...which is the first step towards acceptance. Accepting something doesn't mean you have to like it or even deal with it if you don't want to. Basically, it is knowing when to move on and when to stay put. Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be, no matter how much we may want them...so we try for a few months, maybe a year...realise we are pretty much wasting our time so we try for something else...this is letting go..but to be able to let to, a certain amount of acceptance must take place.."maybe it wasn't in my stars to have or do this...maybe the universe has better plans for me, so I shall trust it better than my own judgement".

[hallow]

Originally Posted by Starman

Flexi-Girl, Every experience in life is useful for our own spiritual growth and development,
if we choose to accept every experience in life as a lesson.

If we change our attitude we can change our world, or at least our outlook on the world. In my
opinion it is not and either or situation; it is not a choice between what I can accept and what
I can not accept.

I am very familiar with what you have quoted, its called “The Serenity Prayer,” and it is all about
seeking serenity through spiritual surrender. Yes, it is more than o.k. to cry and feel upset about
certain things.

But in my opinion it is not o.k. to stay in that place of sorrow and self pity for too long, else one
might become stuck there. The saying is that it is not what life hands us rather it is how we react
to what life hands us that is most important.

Get upset, let off steam, but spend most of your time in serene peacefulness.

very well said. Also the word can't bothers me. One can do anything if they really want to. One could easily say people can't fly, but we can. We just have to get creative and have the will to find a way to do it.

[davidsun]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

That's very true, because I do have ideals that I fail to live up to but there are also major problems in the world which seem impossible to solve.

Sometimes one has to 'grieve' (which can be quite a heart-wrenching process) as a first step in 'letting go' of the unwantedness of one's inability to make things be as one passionately wishes they could be.

Acceptance can initially be quite emotionally painful for 'sensitive' 'passionate' people.

"Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted." etc.

P.S. 'Grieving' is often a complicated, sometimes fairly long process. Check out "The Stages of Grief" via your internet browser. Been 'there', done that over the years. When I was your age, I cried (and I mean sobbed!) as a result of what I could 'see' was coming on a planetary scale, like a mother crying over her painfully dying child. The 'good news' is that spirit is immortal and (ultimately) indominatable. But that 'knowledge' takes a while to fully register (the implications of) and integrate into one's 'sense' of incarnate Life.

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

That's where I'm confused. Sometimes I wonder if there are times we should be upset when were not and accepting when we aren't.

So maybe just accept that you respond however you respond. In other words, don't compare your actual response with how you think you should respond.

If something happens and you feel upset, then allow yourself to fully feel upset. The feeling of being upset will move through you and pass. Then it becomes easier to simply accept whatever has happened.

Or if something happens which upsets others but you are not upset, then just accept that this is your response. Sometimes getting upset serves no purpose - it does not help the situation.

The more that we allow whatever is happening to happen then the less troubled we are by whatever does happen.

Peace

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by Flexi-Girl

That's very true, because I do have ideals that I fail to live up to but there are also major problems in the world which seem impossible to solve.

Indeed, there are major problems in the world which seem impossible to solve. But, as Byron Katie would say, these are not your business.

We can only change ourselves, so changing ourselves is our business.

We cannot change the people around us - how other people behave is their business, and they will do whatever they do until they do something different.

Everything else is God's business (to use Byron Katie's term). Why worry over things which we have no control over?

Peace