Healing from child abuse

[Miss Hepburn]

Well, again, my father was mean to me from the hospital at
my birth til the day he died...I could do nothing right.
YET, I could see he was a wonderful man...but not to me.

Knowing forgiveness was the thing..I went to therapy, but mostly prayed to God to help me forgive him.
I couldn't...logic saw that my life was so effected because of him.

Then one morning about 3 years ago (took long enough!)...out of nowhere I was given
a sudden vision...and heard him say in the
in-between place before re-incarnating ...that he would be my father and I would be a girl and he would treat me
the way I treated women...so I would stop it once and for all.

So this 'mean man' was actually my best friend willing to help
me learn so I could progress spiritually.

Nothing is what it seems.

Hope this aids someone.

[jimrich]

I am also a survivor of child abuse in the form of physical abuse, threats, frequent fear and finally verbal abuse so I have a few stories to tell which I've told many times at sharing meetings and on line but I notice a constant attack from unsympathetic others about: Blame, Choices and responsibility that these confrontive others come at me with.
I am told not to "blame" my parents and that i made those "choices" and need to take the "responsibility" for my actions.
Much of this is said in wide, sweeping and generalized ways to put me down or shut me up so I recognize the fear and defensiveness behind these assaults.
I am wondering how any of you deal with comments that there is nobody to blame for how sick you turned out or behaved and that you made the choices to become: neurotic, alcoholic, abusive, sadistic, depressed, and emotional wreck, etc. and that it's your responsibility to do what's right and GET OVER IT - the sooner the better.
I agree with some of those concepts but still had to do a lot of emotional work in groups to undo the mental/emotional damages my parents and others did to me so long ago and still work at it as stuff comes up. I do take responsibility for my actions and current mental conditions so the hostile attacks from unhealed others don't bother me so much any more.
I was wondering how any of you deal with the animosity that often comes from those who have never worked on their own issues and see you as a whining little baby who just needs to GET OVER IT.
Thanks for your feed back,
jim

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by hnasc

I had to learn to be intimate again. I went from total suppression to total abandon after my childhood abuse and then, through healing the inner child within me, I got to the point where I began to be clear about what I wanted as a woman, from an intimate relationship.

It was challenging to voice that, and insist on my needs being met, but it was a vital part of my healing. I'm very glad that Ancestral was with a man who did not take her flashbacks personally. That, in itself, must have helped the healing process.

Another thing that I've realized, and that may be very hard for others to accept, is that there are no victims.

I was hurt, terribly, but I've come to know in my adult life that my abuser suffered as much as I did.

Because I understand that I am more than this body, more than the experience of this particular lifetime, I am able to see this experience as one that was co-created at some point. Certainly, I did not create it conscioulsy in this lifetime, but the seeds were laid down at some point for myself and this person to connect.

In my particular case, the abuser was given the opportunity to change a legacy of abuse. He was not strong enough to do that and I suffered greatly as a result but I am empowered by knowing the nobility of my path and the opportunity I provided him.

I too have come to accept that there must be a spiritual or Divine reason for everything that happens including the abuse and neglect that happened in my childhood. I can't explain it or condone it otherwise and so I just assume, for now, that there was a Divine reason or purpose for the ugliness, hate, fear and PAIN that was the bulk of my early years with two very faulty parents.
It's hard to accept that Divinity has a reason for pain, horror, murder, rape, cruelty, torture, violence, war and bad stuff but I am willing to see it if and when I can. I have read about how and why Divinity does this in various books and somehow it makes more sense to me than just plain old meanness, stupidity or Evil in those who abuse and violate others - especially their own kids.
Thank god for therapy and Recovery Groups.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by nibbles

hello all,

I am here to share. I am 34 years old, I have three beautiful boys and I am in the slow agonising process of either saving or letting do my marraige. I have always felt different. I was told often not to be so soft, that I was way to sensitive to tkae a joke. Anyways I have been through so much especially in the last 8 years. That I have now turned inward stasrted to ask very valid questions. As to why I react sometimes.

I think I may have been sexually abused as a child I say think as the memories only surface every now and then especially when I am feeling hurt or humiliated little snachets...like a cine film being played beneath eye lids.....but there not very tangible.

I know I have to seek professional advice but I ahve had a bad expierence with counselling....maybe I wasn't ready...

Anyways love and light to you all you are all brave brave individuals

Hello: IMO, support groups can do you more good than a counselor and they cost a lot less. IMO, there is nothing worse than a bad counselor but you might have to explore a few support groups to find one that you are comfortable with. I got a lot out of going to Incest Survivors Anonymous meetings even tho I never found any Incest memories from my childhood. It turned out that I felt nearly as much pain as the other group members because there was similar, sex-related pain within my parents and our family.
I wish you luck getting to the bottom of your illusive memories and unresolved pain from the past.

[jimrich]

Originally Posted by nibbles

Thank you for your support and belief jan. I will do some research on the book front. I have read your pers. blog. I know it must have been traumatic to remember esp. at the age of 40 but it gives me a glimmer of hope that I am not mad. That something very very bad has happened to me. It's just in snapshots i keep getting but they are all over the place. I am going to try really hard to actually ring to actually dial a number for help. It's just so bloody hard.....I would like to not have to do this....but that's not going to happen is it.......as I am stuck.........

Nibbles, not sure where you live but you might google: support groups in your area and then go visit one or two. When you get around folks who can freely speak of their life and memories, it makes it easier for you to open up and share your stuff with them which opens the floodgates to your past while the other group members will encourage and support you on your path.
good luck

[arlonicholson]

I was mentally abused as a child, caused many problems for me know, cannot say what they are as they are an taboo in society I guess.