A Silly Crush, And No Goodbyes

[TabbyCat]

WOOT! (First post outside of the 'Welcome' thread!) (^__~)

*Pours cup of coffee* Sit yo' selves down, my peeps, 'cause this story is a doozy.

So- a couple years ago- I was twenty, and newly out of my grandpa's house.
(I'd been taking care of him for a time, after my grandma passed away and his health was poor.)

I was...troubled, by the things I'd learned about the maternal side of my family, while there. (Ooooh golly, talk about dysfunction!) I'd had no idea what my aunts and uncle were like...not really. And um, I hope this doesn't sound mean but...

It's no wonder my mother moved to Texas in an effort to get away from them. Narcissism, emotional cruelty (Though no physical mistreatment)...it ran rampant. And while I was in my grampa's home, their meanness was directed at me. (Preeetty sure one o' my aunts is an undiagnosed psychopath)

Now, I'm currently living with my father and am TONS happier, now, (Can't even recall half of the crazy stuff they said)

This is just to 'set the scene' so to speak!

Towards the end of my stay with gramps, I ended up going to a spiritual leader in a certain church in town...I sensed something...DARK, in my gramps' house. Something heavy
I guess I wanted advice...maybe guidance.

-So to the church I went.

Now, lemme clarify, this was a Catholic church. First time I've ever been in a Catholic church, and I was fascinated It was beautiful and the stained glass sparkled.

But my meeting was in the office building- and it was there that I met...him.
The priest.

Now, I want to clarify that I don't typically feel...attraction for others. I think I might be a tad asexual, possibly, and I haven't really dated a lot because of that. I've also never um- ya know- *Awkward coughs* been with anyone yet, if ya know what I mean! (Being sheltered might have a lot to do with this)

So...when my heart fluttered and my mouth went totally dry, I was so...well, confused!! I even forgot my original reason for going to see him (Which was to say 'Hey dude, I think this darn house has some spiritual darkness')

I mean, part of it might have been just fascination, since he was the first real priest I'd met! (I kept shyly peeking at his Roman Collar)

He was very young, twenty nine, and had the kindest smile. He also was very intent, listening to my stammering explanation of everything that had gone on at the house. He also talked about the Catholic faith and err, well, he gave me a beautiful Bible!! (I was so stunned at the sweetness of the gesture)

He said a prayer of blessing, before I left, and silly as it sounds...
I've had a crush ever since.

I kept thinking about one part of the blessing in particular, "Help her to see her own beauty and light," He'd said...and gosh, it's so childish, but my main thought was:

Does he think I'm pretty? (Inward cheering)

Oh, I've mostly tried to ignore it (After all, priests can't marry, ya know) And there have been long stretches of time where I haven't even thought of him...(Busy with my own life and work, etc)

Until about a week ago.

They tend to move priests, every five years or so (Since there's not as many of em' to go around/preach etc)

And it was his time to leave our town and head to a Cathedral a couple hours away.

(I'm a member of the church's Facebook page, and saw the post related to this)

And...I dunno. I guess I'm a little sad. And it seems so silly to me, 'specially since I've only spoken to the fella like, twice. And I'm a very self-aware person, despite being kinda inexperienced. Kept telling myself "DANG IT, TABS, this is NOT the THORN BIRDS" (Lol)

Whooo nelly. Sorry for the rambling post, folks! And dang, this site is a good place to vent, I've gotta say~

[heartsound]

Crushes are awful. Try to talk to him and nip it in the bud —

[iamthat]

So you met an attractive man who was kind to you, who listened to you and paid attention to your worries. It is not surprising that you were drawn to him. The fact that he is a priest may make him unavailable but that does not stop the heart from longing. And crushes can be very painful.

Perhaps it is connected to the fact that you have had a sheltered life and you haven't dated a lot. You say that your family is dysfunctional - maybe spending time with a kind attractive man has awoken something within you and he has become the focus of it. You sound like a very sweet person - if you go out and meet people you may find someone special who is available, and then your feelings for this priest will fade.

Good luck.

[TabbyCat]

Originally Posted by heartsound

Crushes are awful. Try to talk to him and nip it in the bud —

I think that that probably would have been a good course of action! 'Specially since I was thinking of joining that church at one time~

But, since he left town, I think that's created more of a sense of closure on it, and I'm not feeling as sad about the whole thing, now! (^__^)
But golly, it's weird, ya know?

I only spoke with him a few times but...I think I'm gonna remember him forever.

Also, sorry for taking so long to respond, heheh! Work got a little cray-cray!

[TabbyCat]

Originally Posted by iamthat

So you met an attractive man who was kind to you, who listened to you and paid attention to your worries. It is not surprising that you were drawn to him. The fact that he is a priest may make him unavailable but that does not stop the heart from longing. And crushes can be very painful.

Perhaps it is connected to the fact that you have had a sheltered life and you haven't dated a lot. You say that your family is dysfunctional - maybe spending time with a kind attractive man has awoken something within you and he has become the focus of it. You sound like a very sweet person - if you go out and meet people you may find someone special who is available, and then your feelings for this priest will fade.

Good luck.

That is such a good point! And thank you for your kindness and wise words, heheh!

You're right! I've gotten to meet lots of different peeps (Mostly through jobs and whatnot, and after distancing myself from toxic family) and that has totally helped! unfortunately, I think I have a sliiiight fear of commitment, so I think I tend to be drawn towards unavailable individuals. (>__<) (EEP)

[Phaelyn]

There was a very handsome good looking young priest at a church I used to go to and I'd often see women flirting with him after mass. He had dark brown hair, warm brown eyes, and such a kind face. He also had a beard that always looked like it was about 3 weeks old. He always seemed uncomfortable and embarrassed when women would flirt with him.

I stopped going to the church for awhile but when I checked back there he was gone. I always wonder if he decided to leave the priesthood and marry one of those women who had a crush on him.

[TabbyCat]

Originally Posted by Phaelyn

There was a very handsome good looking young priest at a church I used to go to and I'd often see women flirting with him after mass. He had dark brown hair, warm brown eyes, and such a kind face. He also had a beard that always looked like it was about 3 weeks old. He always seemed uncomfortable and embarrassed when women would flirt with him.

I stopped going to the church for awhile but when I checked back there he was gone. I always wonder if he decided to leave the priesthood and marry one of those women who had a crush on him.

I actually met a woman who used to be a nun at one of my previous work-places (A coffee shop), who told me about being a Sister in the Catholic Church-

"-But That was a long time ago, of course," she said, "Before I left."

Without thinking, I excitedly asked, "Did ya fall in love?"



Note: Looking back, I can't believe I asked her such a personal thing! Thankfully, I think she thought it was funny, and wasn't upset-

She smiled a little sadly, and said, "Yes."

I keep thinking about her expression, and I wonder if maybe a part of her wished she could have done both, in some form. Remained working in a nun's capacity and married, as well.

But golly, those ladies are sure brave! (The ones at the church you went to) X D I could barely form sentences with the priest I had a crush on! (EEK)

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by TabbyCat

You're right! I've gotten to meet lots of different peeps (Mostly through jobs and whatnot, and after distancing myself from toxic family) and that has totally helped! unfortunately, I think I have a sliiiight fear of commitment, so I think I tend to be drawn towards unavailable individuals. (>__<) (EEP)

Which raises the question, why are you afraid of commitment and why are you drawn to unavailable individuals?

Is there a pattern in your life of being let down and disappointed by those you love? Which may go back to your early childhood experience within your family. Was your father unavailable (physically and/or emotionally)? So you repeat old patterns in the search for someone who will completely love and accept you. Or perhaps it feels safer to be drawn towards people who are unavailable because you will not get close enough to be too disappointed or hurt.

So much of our adult relations is dictated by our early experiences, and we all have to deal with variations of these issues. It just helps to understand where our own patterns come from.

Of course, I could be completely off the mark.

Peace.

[TabbyCat]

Originally Posted by iamthat

Which raises the question, why are you afraid of commitment and why are you drawn to unavailable individuals?

Is there a pattern in your life of being let down and disappointed by those you love? Which may go back to your early childhood experience within your family. Was your father unavailable (physically and/or emotionally)? So you repeat old patterns in the search for someone who will completely love and accept you. Or perhaps it feels safer to be drawn towards people who are unavailable because you will not get close enough to be too disappointed or hurt.

So much of our adult relations is dictated by our early experiences, and we all have to deal with variations of these issues. It just helps to understand where our own patterns come from.

Of course, I could be completely off the mark.

Peace.

Oh gosh, I don't think you're off the mark at all!

You seem like a very wise soul with lots of good advice and wisdom to share~ I thank you!

And I think you may be right- there's definitely a combination of factors going on, here.

A part of me is still considering the asexual thing- but then again, I'm so um... inexperienced that I'm not sure I can accurately come to that conclusion-

I think that's a good point, too! About so many of our relations being dictated by early experiences, and I definitely agree! Sometimes I find myself thinking a certain way, and I realize, "Wait a minute...is that because of this experience, in early childhood?"

[iamthat]

Originally Posted by TabbyCat

A part of me is still considering the asexual thing- but then again, I'm so um... inexperienced that I'm not sure I can accurately come to that conclusion-

A quick search shows that about 1% of the population identifies as being asexual, which adds up to a lot of people, so you would not be alone. And perhaps you simply have not met the right person yet.

And I would suggest that when it comes to intimate relationships then quality is more important than quantity. One loving relationship can be more fulfilling than multiple brief flings.

The main thing is being happy and comfortable with how we are.

Peace.