Loss of control

[StormNexus]

I have recently experienced a dramatic and (initially fearful) shift to what I call my "inner landscape." This is a personal place I go to in my mind during meditations. It is an island I created for quiet space and somewhere I can go to speak with my angels, guides, guardians, and ancestors. It is a safe place where I have complete control.

Original state of inner landscape (5+ years of stability):
Forested island with sand beaches. In the center, a small cabin surrounded by gardens and garden paths. Within the cabin were several rooms and areas that I used for specific self-improvement work and communication with certain ancestors and guides. I created this space and it has been constant for years - I was in complete control of this place as its creator.

Recent change to my inner landscape:
I came to my island and there was an absence there - something I can only describe as part of my soul missing. This represented itself as a tremor and distant rumbling. Much of my island was being consumed by this emptiness and ripped away into the ground "behind" the cabin. I entered the cabin and found several of my guides inside in a state of confusion and a couple of them in fear of what was happening. They may have been reflecting my own feelings - this was my literal sanctuary being ripped away. I automatically called in an army of angels and helpers to stabilize the island. One of my guides, a crystal dragon, took on a new form as a humanoid for the first time and worked with me in-lock-step as I willed the island to stabilize. I subconsciously knew the only way to stabilize the destruction was to dive into the heart of the void/chasm opening up. I walked through the back of the cabin wall, now missing, and jumped into a gaping tear in space-time, resembling a deep, black canyon.

I fell/flew through this opening into outer space. I subconsciously knew that I needed to create something - something huge and solid - to end the destruction. I created a planet. I willed the planet be divided into 12 giant, north-south-oriented, mountainous continents to form in space. I seeded this planet with 2 ancient races whose purpose is to terraform the plants and animals of the land and sea. Once done, I returned to my partially destroyed island with my dragon guide. My guides were all more content and peaceful now. The destruction has stopped. My cabin was being transformed (not by me) into a castle, of sorts. The foundation of my new dwelling was replaced by a large twisting tree-stump-base with thick roots. The castle is hazy and indistinct, as if I cannot bring it fully into being yet. I've never had so little control in my own inner space, and yet done so much here. Yet, I was able to create a balcony and stabilize the gaping maw into the void that now dwells beyond my castle.

I have a strong connection to earth, nature, trees, etc. I have done this planet creation thing before - in fact I have memories from past lives creating solar systems and planets just as I did in this vision.

If you have performed shamanic visions, quests, or travel to lower or upper realms as I believe they're called... what is it like? Is it similar or different to what I've described?

This morning I played shamanic drumming in my headset to travel back to this planet I created. It was thriving with life. I found myself traveling through a world-tree to this planet, then again through the tree to a lower realm of the planet I created. The lower realm of the planet that I created was desolate and looked like a lava planet. I began creating life here where there was none. Starting with small plants, grasses and shrubs - I then called rains to cool and flood the lava. The steam fed the clouds and rain. I planted a "great seed" there, which I know will grow into a world tree. I felt then saw a dark presence above and behind me - it was a black dragon. It was fire breathing and I simply transformed all fire into breaths of fresh air. I easily neutralized the dragon here with my redwood staff. We had a conversation and ultimately came to an agreement on its position in this world. I returned through a new world tree that just sprouted to the surface world there. I proceeded to create a half-dozen life-forms in pairs of male-female on each continent. I gave them each some minor direction and a gift. I then returned to my inner landscape through a worldtree to a grove near my castle. After this journey, I feel at peace and more connected to that planet. This felt shamanic to me, but happened during a meditation.

Thank you if you've made it this far. I'm open to any books, websites, and advice you have for whatever this is that's happening to me. Also, please share your own personal experiences if relevant.