Isolation or Comapnionship... Which is Better?

[dream jo]

Originally Posted by linen53

I lean more towards isolation with a bit of companionship here and there. Being around people a lot drains me; I can't focus.

i agrea peppl can be dranin thy can

[Shivani Devi]

I was having this conversation with my mother yesterday, when she asked me if I would ever consider dating again.

Truth be told, even though isolation is lonely and boring, I enjoy my independence TOO much! I enjoy being able to go anywhere and do anything at any time I please without having to explain myself, without having to say who I shall be with, what I shall be doing, what time I am going to return...and I don't like other people using the excuse "I only worry about you" when what they really mean is "I am a nosy Parker".

I am totally inconsiderate and self-centred and I enjoy being that way because I see the opposite side of that as being 'controlled' or 'taken advantage of'...I am too set in my own ways and I come with 'too much baggage'...AND I cannot sleep when somebody is in the same bed as I am.

Nope, I am totally beyond having any more intimate relationships.

So, I weigh up whether for me, it is better to be single and lonely...or in a relationship and feeling personally restricted and suffocated by expectations...and loneliness wins that competition.

[linen53]

I am married but my hubby is gone alot. That may change soon, as he is working towards retiring. But we have a healthy relationship, separate friends, separate interests, etc.

There was a time when we first got together he thought I was supposed to tag along after him to this and that, but I got that notion out of his head real fast.

And we do sleep in separate bedrooms. I'm a light sleeper and he's a snorer.

[Shinsoo]

I def need a bit of both. Too much time alone makes me depressed and lonely. And extremely cut off. That said, it is great for getting certain projects done and researching. But again, cannot stay alone for long, I have a burning desire to not only absorb information, but share it and gain insight from others.

I am in my element talking about different concepts of spirituality with others.

And having a bf does help a lot for me--mine kept me going even at my darkest hour. He was and still is, the only rl person I know who fully -gets- me, and believed me about those ex-guides.

[linen53]

Ah, that is so sweet Trin. My hubby is much the same. He was there for me in my last dark night of the soul some 20 years ago. He got me through it.

[Pagandell]

Yeah really into my own space these days.

Only way I can continue on my mission.

[SaturninePluto]

For myself, I prefer isolation- or what I would call rather- healthy being alone with myself, thoughts and feelings, than false companionship.

I could be surrounded in a roomful of friendly faces, and be able to call very few of them if any true friends. These are people I see elsewhere when I socialize, these are not people whom seek me out just to see me for my company alone.

There currently is not a person whom is a friend to me- whom actually seeks me out.

I realize very well, I am not a bad person. For a long while I wondered what was wrong with me, that I do not have dates lined up, and have no close friends.

I've realized there is nothing wrong with me, or my personality, at all whatsoever. Most of these people I socialize with would call me a kind, wonderful person.

But none of them truly know me. They've not taken the time to be honest.

I could sit in a room full of these smiling faces, and feel utterly and truly alone.

It is how I let myself react that shows whom I am. Do I dwell depressed? Or do I realize how thankful I am that there is already that one person who truly understands me- myself. No one can take that away.

I understand myself better and better each day- what I feel important is that I take that time to get to know ME. No one else is actually going to.

Even if we are good friends.

I enjoy my time with those I consider friends. But often enough I too want to be alone, to rest, to have quiet, to regather for the next time I have to deal with others- not all of them pleasant.

To recharge.

So Isolation or companionship?

There is a time and place for both. For both socializing, and that required time alone.

I wouldn't necessarily term it isolation.

But I get what you mean.

Shivani Devi

I am totally inconsiderate and self-centred and I enjoy being that way because I see the opposite side of that as being 'controlled' or 'taken advantage of'...I am too set in my own ways and I come with 'too much baggage'...AND I cannot sleep when somebody is in the same bed as I am.

Shivani!!!! The part I bolded, I thought I was the only person who had that problem. I was wondering for a while there if there really is something wrong with me, I have never in the entire time I have dated- not that much but still--- been able to sleep next to a man in bed. I end up getting up letting them have the bed, and taking a blanket and pillow with me over to an area on the floor. Lying next to someone has bothered me the entire time I have been dating since my first boyfriend I'd have over. I thought it was just me and that I am just weird.... I just can not sleep well if someone is lying next to me. I have always been like this with a significant. I end up sleeping willingly on the floor. My boyfriends have woken up next morning asking me why I am on the floor..... I like having to explain that one.

[God-Like]

I think it boils down to what you need or what serves you and your partner . Does one really have a choice from the immediate level I would say no .

Some can't stand the thought of being alone and will rebound quickly from a separation where others lick their wounds and get to know themselves in solitude .

Each experience is perfectly orchestrated so to speak .

There are no coincidences .

When you start to know yourself you understand how it is and how you are .

You come to terms with the fact that I AM as I AM with someone or not .

Many including myself who have entertained solitude love my own energy and find it difficult to entertain others unless their energy mirrors my own .

That's not being arrogant it is simply a fact .

I have spent an age in a relationship with a partner whose energy was not in sync with my own and for that time spent it was a worthy and meaningful experience for us both .

Things change don't they and depending on who you are and where you are at you will always find yourself where you are for a reason .

I could quite easily live in a monastery and continue my self work uninterrupted I find it quite natural and peaceful to be just with myself and nature or with spirit .

I think many people nowadays are finding that being on your own isn't a bad thing nor does it reflect or suggest you have leprosy :)

It's all about getting to know yourself from that perspective ..

This is just one lifetime and it's like a drop in the ocean ...

I think there is a lot of judgement and comparisons made where one wants to be like others and have the whole package so to speak and be like normal couples and families ..

I think there are happy couples and loving relations had out there, I don't however see any relationships in my circle of peeps that seem that happy to be honest being married or having partners ..

I mean there are not that many happy peeps around that I know of full stop and you can't be truly happy with another until you are truly happy and at peace with yourself .

You can't love another until you love yourself .

It's one of those old sayings but it's one of those sayings that hold weight .

On that basis how many real loving relationships exist out there?

Anything other than that doesn't really interest me lol and I wouldn't see it serving me either . .


x daz x

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by God-Like

I think there are happy couples and loving relations had out there, I don't however see any relationships in my circle of peeps that seem that happy to be honest being married or having partners ..

Hey there Daz. Well..no arguments there. It's sad but the mainstream paradigm is rather stifling and when you're on the short end of the stick, your options are too often: Step-N-Fetchit, unpaid labourer, free prostitute, all-round bootlicker, or all of the above. Errrrr....pass, LOL Hahahaha.....

I mean there are not that many happy peeps around that I know of full stop and you can't be truly happy with another until you are truly happy and at peace with yourself .

You can't love another until you love yourself .
It's one of those old sayings but it's one of those sayings that hold weight .

This is true, and IMO it's almost always a factor in why partnerships fail...if one is happy in him or herself but the other cannot be, then the whole thing is still ultimately doomed.

Of necessity both folks need to be grounded, with all screws more or less intact and in place (not too many missing), or you've got one party suckered into (majority) rowing the boat. Which eventually leads the balanced party to one or more of the following...deep dissatisfaction, exploitation, anger/depression, burnout/ resentment, etc.

Until all parties realise there's no ownership and there's no dumping of your burdens or resentments onto others, or otherwise trying to exploit or shaft them, it's bound to end badly, no matter how we dress it up.

However, if we have two people who do take ownership for themselves and likewise reach out in love and caring but otherwise do what they need to do for themselves...then we have a vastly different and more liberating scenario, one that creates a circle of belonging which actually supports all parties on their journeys. If this were more the norm, our world would look quite different.

On that basis how many real loving relationships exist out there?

Anything other than that doesn't really interest me lol and I wouldn't see it serving me either . .

Not too many, I'd reckon and I completely agree...otherwise it's not appealing in the least. But I like to think we're in an age of transition in human relationship and consciousness whilst in transition to the new Age (Aquarius). Where that resonant energy between folks that you mention, which is beautiful but all too rare, has become a bit more common amongst humanity.

And actually, I do believe we are in an age of transition in our human relationships and consciousness. For one, being solid and on your own for any length of time is as you say requisite for being a grounded and centred person. So that will be ever more accepted and IMO ever more necessary to humanity's evolution and to better relationships.

I got a glimpse of the probable future recently...it was coming into reality much more strongly. It was a glimpse of how things as they exist today in fact change in ways that seem quite removed really from much of the callous, utilitarian ways we've seen of late and in recent decades.

Things in the future coming into being play out to essentially rub those more truculent, obstinate folks' faces (and pocketbooks) in the reality of their situation IF they continue to insist on degraded, exploitative arrangements and refuse to engage from a heart-led place. I keep meaning to write it up on my little members only thread...soon.

But I'd like to focus on the fact even in that scenario, the emerging balance of the energies were shifting ever more toward integrity and authenticity and away from power-over and control, at least in (or starting with) our personal relationships. The speed at which this all moves toward right alignment -- and where the balance of the focus lies -- is as always largely dependent on folks' willingness to grow up and take ownership, and consciously awaken to alignment with centre. But it's very much in line with choosing your reality...as we move forward, we can choose to live in authentic love and commitment, and value others equally to ourselves, or some part of humanity can increasingly involve itself ever more deeply in degraded, utilitarian arrangements.

Peace & blessings Dazza
7L

[Native spirit]

Not many people know the real me my family did not I was the odd one out because I was different. my companions were my dogs who I adored we would go for long walks every day,
I have friends many of them I could always go to their houses if I wanted.but I can be a very private person.
the only person who really knew me was my husband. when he passed,
I just concentrated on raising my kids and suing the health service.which I did.
I wont marry again I like my own company to much.

Namaste