Can you forgive someone who left you

[Paige Ignited]

If, at the time of this person leaving you had of been in a good stable job and life was comfortable and things A-ok... would you still be feeling the same way?
Would you forgive this person easier then? If so.... ask yourself why that would be.

“Those without sin
Cast the first stone”

Forgiveness is the easy part.
Looking at self and why you have trouble to forgive is the hard part.

To forgive is a freedom for you. Yet forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to put up with unacceptable behavior or motives either.

Some times it’s best to forgive and move on. Lesson learnt.
Sometimes it’s best to forgive and offer ourselves once more. (with caution of course)
and until proven otherwise.
But
One cannot hear what the heart speaks – when it’s shouting resentment.

Perhaps this person has done this (unknowingly) because you actually need to learn this lesson in its entirety?
Or maybe this person was off learning some lessons of their own in that time?

The problem with forgiving in situations like this is you need to take care you
aren't laying yourself open to it happening again. Someone forgiven often
assumes their behaviour was fine and acceptable as a result.

Time to be very wary.


♥

[Please Leave Me]

leave and never come back better things will come your way
leave them behind like they did to you and your life will get whole lot better

[lilith]

Originally Posted by GalTrav

... at your lowest? When you were struggling looking for work and now that you have a stable one is trying to come back to your life?

I feel we should always forgive to everyone and ourselves. But it is entirely different thing to decide to let that person back into our lives. From this little information, it doesn't sound good. Has that person truly changed for better or has he apologised sincerely? A lot of open communication is needed.

[CrystalSong]

Originally Posted by GalTrav

I got rid of everything that reminds me of this person, pics, stuff given to me etc. It didn't help one single bit. A few days, weeks ago I felt numb, emotionless. All of a sudden tonight, I guess I've been suppressing it for a very long time, it's coming out. All the pent up anger and pain. It helps now to be writing about it. I'm not good at confrontation. I try to avoid it. I resent this person left me.

It's been almost three months.

I believe healing comes as we let the emotions run their course.
How long that takes depends on the depth and strength of the emotions in the first place and our own process. I'm in about year 2 of still mourning the ending of a 20 year marriage.
Emotionlessness, numbness and apathy seem to be just place holders - nothing is felt and nothing is healed either. So allow the emotions to be released - they seem to allow space for healing to be done.

I'm not sure I could be interest again in someone who deeply wounded me. There are 'too many fish in the sea' so to speak and once it's been done once the second time is easier for the perpetrator. Forgive yes, move on Yes, allow them back in....No. There would have to be something highly compelling like children involved who needed both parents for me to potentially set myself up to be harmed by the same person again right when I most needed them to have my back.

[Clover]

Your in a healing/grieving process, so your right where you need to be, allow it to process/pass (and yes, I know it sucks). However, myself personally, I would move forward if I was in that position

I also like what both Crystal Song and Please leave me said...

[GalTrav]

Originally Posted by Melahin

You can, so the question is will you?

From an attraction point of view it is a mere question of attraction. Where you in a place that was attractive to this person? Probably not. Are you now in a place that is, and by that very thing is drawing that person back in? Sounds like it. So maybe this person never left you, maybe you just for awhile moved in different direction, and now once more are moving towards a shared space. Question you might ask is did you like spending time with this person?

Good point!

[GalTrav]

Thank you all for your thoughts! Yes you are right. It's part of the grieving process and just like anything else, it takes time. Out of sight, out of mind. I know I can overcome this. Just the initial stages is a bit difficult. I sometimes feel like I'm losing it though. One day I'm okay then the next out of the blue it'll hit me again and that pain would just catch up. It's funny because I opened my email today and found a free seminar about "How to remove anger from our relationships" and coincidentally it'll be held in the same neighborhood I'm in, what are the chances!? It came just in time.

[JessicaVibes91]

Originally Posted by GalTrav

Thank you all for your thoughts! Yes you are right. It's part of the grieving process and just like anything else, it takes time. Out of sight, out of mind. I know I can overcome this. Just the initial stages is a bit difficult. I sometimes feel like I'm losing it though. One day I'm okay then the next out of the blue it'll hit me again and that pain would just catch up. It's funny because I opened my email today and found a free seminar about "How to remove anger from our relationships" and coincidentally it'll be held in the same neighborhood I'm in, what are the chances!? It came just in time.

Hey. Glad to know you got something good out of this forum. About the free seminar: i think it is a sign. Make sure you do attend the event. Maybe you'll find an answer there.

Don't be worried about having off days every now and then. they are a part of life. you must've had them before you broke off too. it's just now you're associating it with your life because there's this gap you see. that's not the case. love yourself before you love anybody else. things will work out in your favor.

[Flexi-Girl]

I believe their is a misconception about forgiveness. I often hear people speak of it as the key to healing, but I think it's just laziness.

No I am not dismissing forgiveness as an option, but it's also not just some kind of pill one takes or some formula one follows and all is well again. That's rubbish. In order to get past whatever pain your going through, you have learn from your experiences and grow.

In some cases trying to forgive someone may actually hold you back because there are times we need to feel ticked off and angry enough to change our circumstances for the better.

When you have sufficiently learned and grown as a person, and you have confidence in yourself, it is my belief that forgiveness will flow almost organically from that place. But also consider that you are under no obligation to forgive EVER. Your feelings on the matter are yours alone and forgiveness it for you should you choose it.