My Twin is gone for good

[DaisySunshine]

I don't quite know why I'm posting, just wanting to talk and wanting some help on processing.

My twin has ignored me for 12 days now. We have never not spoken this long. Sometimes he is busy, but it has always been 3-5 days max before. Nothing awkward or negative happened between us the last day we texted.

We had feelings for each other until he started dating someone last spring. We have been friends since then, sometimes with rough patches. He has anxiety and is bipolar. I have abandonment issues from childhood and other fears around emotional connections. Ever since he started dating her, I have feared abandonment from him despite his reassurance. Now he has ignored me for 12 days. I have gone between being calm and accepting he's gone, to crazy obsessive. Yes I have called and texted, but luckily, I have had enough self control to not say anything nasty and regrettable. But I have sent texts describing my worry over this, and could he please just let me know what is going on, even if it isbu that he doesn't want to speak to me ever again. Nothing. It just makes no sense. No fight, awkward conversation or anything.

Within the past 6 weeks, I miscarried my twins, began the divorce process, and now lost my twin. I felt like I was barely hanging on but my twin doing this pushed me over the edge. I was at hypnotherapy last night, and after conversation with her about it, I started seeing that he made this choice. He knows about my abandonment issues, but chose to leave for no reason which he knew I feared, and always assured he would never do. He has proven I can't trust him. I am also seeing that he has communication issues, and it is true that I would rather have relaionships in my life with people who can communicate honestly with me as an adult, rather than run away childishly. Then I go back to the girlfriend. I am not so much jealous that he is dating her, but I am jealous that he respects her enough to communicate with her, but not me. A friend did tell me that I don't know that. That people with communication issues, on top of bipolar and anxiety, have them with everyone. She reassured me that these issues are not only things specific to me, and that they will come up as their relationship gets serious. I guess I just hate the thought that he can't communicate with me, had so many insecurities due to his mental health status, and to think that these disappear with her.

I have stopped texting him. After a longer period of time, a month or so, I may send another message. Just to reassure that I am not mad at him and will not hold his absence against him. At the same time, I have gotten the sense that he has tries to push me away. He's said things like, "Do you hate me?" He claims it is his anxiety, but I also feel that he wants me to hate him so I will just leave and he won't have to be the bad guy.

I feel kind of numb. I had been coping with the grief of losing my girls and my divorce, and honestly, talking to my twin always made me smile and feel empowered. Now, after losing him, I just miss my friend. Yes, I should let go and say I don't need a friend like that in my life. But why me? Why can he be friends with others but not me? If he still had romantic feelings for me, it may make sense, but those ended months ago.

[psychegrl]

DaisySunshine,

This is a very sad situation. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Being cut off is painful and makes everything seem so impossible.

But... and yes, there is a but! You are not alone even as you might not have people around you. And later, not tomorrow or even next month, this will not feel as horrible. How do I know? Because everything changes. There is nothing that stays the same, ever! We learn to cope then we start to have momentum towards the good stuff again. These are the life cycles, ****** as they are.

So next month or maybe even the month after, you have a choice on what you want to do with this pain. Who are you? What do you want? Where can you put this pain so it will help you? Because this is all up to you. The Twin Flame experience is about healing and self-love. Not about the relationship.

I felt the same way 2 years ago and I have not spoken to mine in a year and a half. This is not about him because I say so. I had to learn to take my power back and put it towards something that I felt was important, my purpose here on Earth.

That became my coping method. I had to learn to love myself first before I could really start my healing. Now I can almost always love unconditionally and not be affected by others actions. No matter how connected I am to them.

You will have bad days and terrible days. But at some point you'll have an okay day and you'll know that something is changing. (Then another terrible day!) But we are built to persevere.

I wish you so much love and luck. ♡

[ssdm1]

Awww I'm so sorry to hear this.

It is extremely hard to deal with loving someone when they aren't showing you the same back. I've been there.

Also keep in mind that someone with bipolar has wild mood swings and they react differently depending on the mood. He could be in a manic or depressive stage that is affecting his contact with you at the moment.

Take it day by day and concentrate on yourself which is extremely hard, I know.

Not sure what else I can say to help you through this. I had a horrible day last week but with each day I've been working through it and I'm in a better place (at least today) and you will be too.

Thinking of you. Hugs.

[DaisySunshine]

Unfortunately for him, I am no saint. I am no "forgive and forget" or "let it go and move on" type of person. I was a great friend, and while I was not perfect, I do not deserve this. He does not get to treat me like this and then sweep me under the rug like I never happened and have a perfect, fairytale life. He doesn't get to just marry his girlfriend and have a happy little family. I am the vengeful type if someone really wrongs me. I have screenshots of him asking for pics, saying he has feelings for me still, and saying he wishes he could make love to me. With date stamps from when he was with his girlfriend for a few months. I am the type to send those to his girlfriend, friends, and parents. If he thinks a simple honest text message is too emotionally uncomfortable, he will enjoy the confrontation with his girlfriend. And I'm sure the holidays with his parents will be fun.

[Roxane9]

Originally Posted by DaisySunshine

Unfortunately for him, I am no saint. I am no "forgive and forget" or "let it go and move on" type of person. I was a great friend, and while I was not perfect, I do not deserve this. He does not get to treat me like this and then sweep me under the rug like I never happened and have a perfect, fairytale life. He doesn't get to just marry his girlfriend and have a happy little family. I am the vengeful type if someone really wrongs me. I have screenshots of him asking for pics, saying he has feelings for me still, and saying he wishes he could make love to me. With date stamps from when he was with his girlfriend for a few months. I am the type to send those to his girlfriend, friends, and parents. If he thinks a simple honest text message is too emotionally uncomfortable, he will enjoy the confrontation with his girlfriend. And I'm sure the holidays with his parents will be fun.

Don't do it. You will regret it. If it's really your twin, you are going to be hurting yourself. Anyway, Abraham Hicks would say you are on the right path with anger - as in moving up the emotional guidance system. ha. Just keep moving up.