Forum Addiction and Internet Bullying

[Winkya]

I am not sure where this topic should go so I apologize if I’m in the wrong place.

I have been loyal to a forum for awhile now (a different one) and have experienced a lot of Internet bullying lately. A person on the forum who I trusted turned out to not be a good person. They constantly harass me, bully me, and twist things weird to try and get a reaction out of me. When I see a post with their name, I shake. I have been told this is my body telling me something is wrong. I pick up on a lot of dark energy... I block them. And do my best to not give them any of my energy. But they’re relentless. I have often enjoyed the forum in the past, however, this person is malicious.

Out of habit, I visit the website often. And have found myself feeling quite terrible Every time I visit. I also can’t seem to get out of the habit of wanting to see what’s being said.

I’d like some advice on detaching from unhealthy internet habits. And how to separate my emotion so that I don’t feel so automatically stressed out from a person on the Internet who should be insignificant.

Thank you!

[Shivani Devi]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through that, but my main question would be have you sent a Personal Message to the Admin/Moderation team of that website in complaint? Also, do they have an option of ignoring them? you could use that too, if you are tempted to read what they write.

There's not much you can do about online trolls and bullies. They hide behind a veil of anonymity and entitlement, showing their true nature over time, if not pretty much straight away. All you can do is pity their poor souls that they must feel so bad about themselves, they need to take it out on others...poor dears.

If you can't get out of the habit of ignoring them, then you start playing mind games...really fun games that mess with their heads and make them run a mile....if they say bad things about you, you say "is that so? who told you? tell me more"...then after a while, they'll abuse you more and you go "what a pathetic offering...I deserve a better insult than that...how lame!" eventually, you force them into a position where they are directly swearing at you, breaking every rule imaginable...then blammo! they are banned.

I've killed quite a few trolls in my day that way.

This place is nothing like that...SF is a really nice place to be and I'm glad you joined up and posted...we're a nice bunch overall.

[Shivani Devi]

In addition, another method I find quite useful for disarming internet trolls..remembering all the while, you just don't feed them or they keep on doing it, is what I call the: "why hello there, I'm ignoring you" method in which a troll will abuse you, so you go out of your way to find a post or posts on that thread and respond to them only. This is like a pin-prick to their huge balloon-ego.

Or you can simply say, "God bless you, and I love you too" all the while thinking "what a jerk".

It takes a pretty tough hide to do all the above though, but one develops it on the internet after a while.

It also helps to be totally 'meme savvy' and I have learned that skill as well. =)

If they post something that annoys you, find an appropriate meme and post it in reply:

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/...jpg?1296494117

However, having been weaned on 4Chan and gaming sites, I pretty much know these things and I can also counter troll...like a bawsss! =)

https://t7.rbxcdn.com/f0cd35e86a1b6bd2da7e53c7cdd7caaf

Yeah rly!

And nao, in lolcat talk...kthxbai.

[Gem]

Originally Posted by Winkya

I am not sure where this topic should go so I apologize if I’m in the wrong place.

I have been loyal to a forum for awhile now (a different one) and have experienced a lot of Internet bullying lately. A person on the forum who I trusted turned out to not be a good person. They constantly harass me, bully me, and twist things weird to try and get a reaction out of me. When I see a post with their name, I shake. I have been told this is my body telling me something is wrong. I pick up on a lot of dark energy... I block them. And do my best to not give them any of my energy. But they’re relentless. I have often enjoyed the forum in the past, however, this person is malicious.

Out of habit, I visit the website often. And have found myself feeling quite terrible Every time I visit. I also can’t seem to get out of the habit of wanting to see what’s being said.

I’d like some advice on detaching from unhealthy internet habits. And how to separate my emotion so that I don’t feel so automatically stressed out from a person on the Internet who should be insignificant.

Thank you!

Hi Winkya

People often try to assert positions, and they'll make assertions which can only be responded to from a defensive position - that's the way positions are asserted. If you assume that defensive position, the troll has successfully positioned you. The positions are asserted because people like to exercise power, and power can't be exercised without establishing relative subject positions. The only reason people do it is to establish themselves in a higher position, and if they can elicit your reactivity, that is the control of their power - to your disempowerment. If you get sucked into that game, you will start to resist being positioned by them, which is precisely the defensive position they are trying to create for you. Their power relies entirely on your resistance.

If you see the whole game as it is being played, you understand what is going on, and it becomes very difficult for others to position you by eliciting your reactivity.

[Shivani Devi]

That's very good advice, Gem.

As for the topic of forum/internet addiction itself - with or without the trolling...that's a different matter.

I'm pretty much an SF addict and I also realise I may have 'better things to do' and I kinda use here as a procrastination not to do them. lol

In any regards, about that site you visit...do a 'benefit/cost' analysis...what do you like about that site? what keeps you posting there? addicted to it? despite the obvious trolling, does the site make you happy? fulfill you in any way?

Sometimes, it's better to know when you've had enough of one place...you've simply outgrown it and move on.

You can either stay, quit it cold-turkey, or else limit your participation to once every day or so...then once a week...once a fortnight...and maybe, in the end, you'll wean yourself off there gradually.

All the best.

[Dargor]

You care too much about people you shouldn't give a damn about. Just ignore them.

[mihael_11]

Well, it can go both ways.

That he is bullying you, or you want to be bullied by someone, for some reason.

What do you want to learn from this forum, or are you just writing and posting out of rutine?

Watch out what you are posting, maybe it doesn't serve you anymore.

[Lucky 1]

Originally Posted by SlayerOfLight

You care too much about people you shouldn't give a damn about. Just ignore them.

Bingo! .....and Slayer nails it!
Why concern yourself with some kook on a forum!

[dream jo]

sorry 2 hear it
dnt lk bullys it bst of tim i dnt

Many years ago, a bully attached herself to me too. As in your story, it was a site I really enjoyed, until she made it a habit to troll and belittle me at every opportunity. I tried to reason with her for a long time, but eventually it became unbearable to the point that I left the forum.

A couple years later, wondering what was going on back at the old site, I returned. To my amazement, my previous antagonist greeted me warmly and apologized profusely. She explained that at the time she had been taking care of her mother who had dementia, which was taxing and disturbing her more than she realized, and she was also coming to terms with her own aging at the same time. It was only some time after I left, and after her mother finally passed, that she realized how she had come to emotionally depend on taking it out on me. She said it actually made a large hole in her life, and forced her to reexamine how she related not only to others but to her own life. We are still friends to this day.

Of course, nobody likes to be the subject of bullying or harassment of any kind, but to my mind those who think they are making things better by responding in kind simply aren't making things any better. The simple truth is it can take a lot of time, discernment and understanding to realize the truth of what any situation is really about. The truth is, people hurt other people because they are hurting, or alone, or ignorant, or any number of things, but in any case the real answer is love, understanding, education, openness, compassion and healing. It can be a real effort, one which few people are willing or able to make, but in any case hurting further simply exacerbates the problem. These people have more than likely been dealing with pain all their lives. When you try to hurt them, their response will be automatic and hurtful in kind, and that's all. You are also further perpetuating their views that other people deserve to be hurt. If you do manage to get them to leave, they are more than likely just going to go somewhere else and try harder to bully and belittle someone else.

So when I meet these situations now, I ask myself if I am willing to make the investment or not. Of course there are no guarantees either - it is something that demands constant re-evaluation. This is, I think, what the universe is asking me - and if I'm not willing to put some real effort in reaching this person, and it's the only alternative, I go somewhere else. The internet is a big place, far too big for me to define myself as just another territorial ego.

For myself, reaching another human being through empathy and understanding is far more satisfying than any egoistic 'win'. That's what these situations are really about, to me.