A Silly Crush, And No Goodbyes

[sentient]

Originally Posted by TabbyCat

I think I have a sliiiight fear of commitment, so I think I tend to be drawn towards unavailable individuals. (>__<) (EEP)

The latter part of my childhood was also spent in a Narcissist – Enabler household.

The dysfunctionality, the manipulation, the Narcissist’s “Moses syndrome” (delusion characterised by the belief that one comes from regal “high morality” stance from where one endlessly preaches how others must love (them), the out of the blue narcissist rages, the continuous emotional dramas, the as plain as the nose on your face contradictions i.e. no sense of sanity-of-earth-reality only smoke and mirrors, then “gaslighting”, shaming etc. etc. etc. just to name but a few negativities ....

The Enabler’s (bodyguard/henchman) blindness to it all …….

So yeah, tell me about it!!!
Of course you end up with deep subconscious and conscious fears about commitment!
How could you not!

I wish I would have known about the Narcissistic pattern then and understood what was happening - as I do now.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk to a good psychologist.

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[davidmartin]

hello iam and tab just to pop one other thought in, I think its definately ok to feel positive about your ways, and a blessing to be protected do b careful! rare to see a sensitive person, don't ever change! i always had a longing for unobtainable relationships but generally with an ideal person id never met yet. it was when i realised God is the ultimate unobtainable, perfect being and kind of realised further that he/she/it isn't unobtainable. only through spirituality was i able to advance or whatever the word is find any kind of completeness. so you could direct some of that inwardly spiritual instead. it doesn't have to mean going to church just directing that love within a little to God. it could be another path to try consciously

i know some Christians who seem to love Jesus way more than their husbands, i've heard of some guys becoming jealous. i always thought there was something in this, some deeper thing about what souls need. i may be rambling. any way, i think keep being you!

[TabbyCat]

Originally Posted by sentient

The latter part of my childhood was also spent in a Narcissist – Enabler household.

So yeah, tell me about it!!!
Of course you end up with deep subconscious and conscious fears about commitment!
How could you not!

I wish I would have known about the Narcissistic pattern then and understood what was happening - as I do now.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk to a good psychologist.

*

*Hugs*

I feel your pain! I'm sorry you've dealt with these unhealthy family patterns, as well!

The incredible part about it, though?

We made it out the other side! We are stronger- more aware- and 'woke' as some of my peeps might call it.

-And we can use our knowledge to help others, now! ^_^

Therapy is DEF a great idea! Matter of fact, I occasionally visit with the err- 'family' psychologist. (He's only the family psychologist because it's such a little town, LOL) It's handy, because he is...aware of what- of what they are like.

"They look normal, to the outside world, don't they?" He once said to me.

Sending good vibes and love your way, Sentient! Don't forget how strong you are, and how incredible it is that you made it through that sort of family situation!

[TabbyCat]

Originally Posted by davidmartin

hello iam and tab just to pop one other thought in, I think its definately ok to feel positive about your ways, and a blessing to be protected do b careful! rare to see a sensitive person, don't ever change!

i know some Christians who seem to love Jesus way more than their husbands, i've heard of some guys becoming jealous. i always thought there was something in this, some deeper thing about what souls need. i may be rambling. any way, i think keep being you!

Thank ya, Davidmartin!

That's definitely some good advice, hehe! We should all try to embrace who we are, love and acceptance must come from the self, first! You are very kind.

[utopiandreamchild]

Originally Posted by TabbyCat

WOOT! (First post outside of the 'Welcome' thread!) (^__~)

*Pours cup of coffee* Sit yo' selves down, my peeps, 'cause this story is a doozy.

So- a couple years ago- I was twenty, and newly out of my grandpa's house.
(I'd been taking care of him for a time, after my grandma passed away and his health was poor.)

I was...troubled, by the things I'd learned about the maternal side of my family, while there. (Ooooh golly, talk about dysfunction!) I'd had no idea what my aunts and uncle were like...not really. And um, I hope this doesn't sound mean but...

It's no wonder my mother moved to Texas in an effort to get away from them. Narcissism, emotional cruelty (Though no physical mistreatment)...it ran rampant. And while I was in my grampa's home, their meanness was directed at me. (Preeetty sure one o' my aunts is an undiagnosed psychopath)

Now, I'm currently living with my father and am TONS happier, now, (Can't even recall half of the crazy stuff they said)

This is just to 'set the scene' so to speak!

Towards the end of my stay with gramps, I ended up going to a spiritual leader in a certain church in town...I sensed something...DARK, in my gramps' house. Something heavy
I guess I wanted advice...maybe guidance.

-So to the church I went.

Now, lemme clarify, this was a Catholic church. First time I've ever been in a Catholic church, and I was fascinated It was beautiful and the stained glass sparkled.

But my meeting was in the office building- and it was there that I met...him.
The priest.

Now, I want to clarify that I don't typically feel...attraction for others. I think I might be a tad asexual, possibly, and I haven't really dated a lot because of that. I've also never um- ya know- *Awkward coughs* been with anyone yet, if ya know what I mean! (Being sheltered might have a lot to do with this)

So...when my heart fluttered and my mouth went totally dry, I was so...well, confused!! I even forgot my original reason for going to see him (Which was to say 'Hey dude, I think this darn house has some spiritual darkness')

I mean, part of it might have been just fascination, since he was the first real priest I'd met! (I kept shyly peeking at his Roman Collar)

He was very young, twenty nine, and had the kindest smile. He also was very intent, listening to my stammering explanation of everything that had gone on at the house. He also talked about the Catholic faith and err, well, he gave me a beautiful Bible!! (I was so stunned at the sweetness of the gesture)

He said a prayer of blessing, before I left, and silly as it sounds...
I've had a crush ever since.

I kept thinking about one part of the blessing in particular, "Help her to see her own beauty and light," He'd said...and gosh, it's so childish, but my main thought was:

Does he think I'm pretty? (Inward cheering)

Oh, I've mostly tried to ignore it (After all, priests can't marry, ya know) And there have been long stretches of time where I haven't even thought of him...(Busy with my own life and work, etc)

Until about a week ago.

They tend to move priests, every five years or so (Since there's not as many of em' to go around/preach etc)

And it was his time to leave our town and head to a Cathedral a couple hours away.

(I'm a member of the church's Facebook page, and saw the post related to this)

And...I dunno. I guess I'm a little sad. And it seems so silly to me, 'specially since I've only spoken to the fella like, twice. And I'm a very self-aware person, despite being kinda inexperienced. Kept telling myself "DANG IT, TABS, this is NOT the THORN BIRDS" (Lol)

Whooo nelly. Sorry for the rambling post, folks! And dang, this site is a good place to vent, I've gotta say~

What I think you mean to say is that you love him rather than saying you have a crush. The appropriate word would be love. I think you should reach out and confess your love.better late than never so they say.

[sentient]

Originally Posted by TabbyCat

"They look normal, to the outside world, don't they?" He once said to me.

I know. People in general are not aware of the pattern, hence they do not know about the abuse behind the scenes and also because a Narcissist wears 'a mask of perfection’ for the eyes of others in the public as it is all about upholding the mask – the false self and everything else must stay hidden.
Yet they see this false self as their “high self-esteem”.

Is it any wonder then you were drawn to a person whom you perhaps saw as a selfless/egoless servant of the community, acting impeccably from pure intentions and with introspection, with internal honesty …. for the eyes of the Lord.

I had a teacher like that at school, who became my alternative role model I wanted to emulate.

So perhaps the priest was a ‘messenger’ indeed about the kind of person whom you wish to become and already are by "Help her to see her own beauty and light" …… and also the kind of people you want to attract in the future.

But sorting out ‘messengers’ from ‘messages’ is not always so clear.

All the Best!

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