Married men

[Elysium]

According to LOA, you should word it as something positive. The universe (and mind) wouldn't pay attention to "unattached" and just see the attachment. At least as far as I understand it.... try using different wording, for instance "emotionally available" or something.

I hope this helps.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

Originally Posted by ragdoll

And to clarify once I find out they are attached I usually cut contact and do not engage them in any way ever again.

i don't see the need for you to disengage entirely.
once you've made it clear that you're not interested in developing a
romantic relationship with them, the relationship you DO share might
serve your interests (perhaps they could introduce you to someone else).
for you to ask the universe to provide you with a relationship, and yet
consistently sever all ties you establish, seems to be the disconnect.
think "networking".

[7luminaries]

Horace, with all due respect, I don't necessarily agree.

I don't think that someone who knowingly approached a woman whilst married is going to be 1) a great networking referral or 2) someone who gives a fig about anyone else's best interests or 3) someone who (by choice and by proclivity) is in any way able to relate to the bulk of her humanity.

I think that folks approach someone from where they are and if it is not honourable nor well-intentioned, then in many if not all of these cases it's best to simply practice avoidance where possible.

This doesn't mean one is antagonistic in avoidance...not at all. There's simply so little common ground that there would be nothing upon which to even engage further.
Hence the simple avoidance, rather than having to engage and say [the immediate above that I said] hahaha...

Peace & blessings
7L

[Soul Renew]

I want to make a confession here, I have two older sisters from my dad's previous wife, and one is married while the other is in a long-term relationship...

My married sister, I remember the first day I met her husband, IMMEDIATELY, the husband looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the room.
It was obvious to me...
He's a good guy....
but I feel his attraction to me and he sometimes jokes about being trapped in marriage. But even if a joke, I don't find it funny...
It makes me uneasy that I feel his attraction towards me...

The other one...oh boy, the long-term relationship one...
They've been in lots of fights and when they finally split, they both immediately dated other people.
But I think I heard that he was already cheating on her before they split.
Now they're back together and have a baby...
But I see the way he looks at me....

When I first met the guy, he was very shy around me and would get red.
After a couple of visits, he would be nice to me and he even spent a looong time fixing my broken glasses...

He makes me most uncomfortable because I sense "sexual predator" like vibes from him... But he's done nothing alarming.
But I also don't like how uncaring he is. He got mad at a sick dog for bleeding! It's not the poor dog's fault!

I'm younger than them both by maybe....10 years?

I was heavily attracted to a married man once in high school, but it's totally wrong and I didn't engage in anything. Plus, he was a cold man...
I realized I was attracted to him because he reminded me of my dad and I felt a strong sense of familiarity with him, like as if I loved him in a past life.

I've been attracted to taken men before and I realized the attraction came from a deep insecurity of myself. It was my father after all who broke my confidence.
So i looked to older men to try to regain that confidence again...
But after realizing that, I began to tend to my soul's needs, alone.
Now I'm not attracted to taken men, or if I am, I immediately turn away.
As for older men, I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't want to feel like my trust is being broken by someone I'm supposed to look up to.

[7luminaries]

Originally Posted by Soul Renew

I want to make a confession here, I have two older sisters from my dad's previous wife, and one is married while the other is in a long-term relationship...

My married sister, I remember the first day I met her husband, IMMEDIATELY, the husband looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the room.
It was obvious to me...
He's a good guy....
but I feel his attraction to me and he sometimes jokes about being trapped in marriage. But even if a joke, I don't find it funny...
It makes me uneasy that I feel his attraction towards me...

The other one...oh boy, the long-term relationship one...
They've been in lots of fights and when they finally split, they both immediately dated other people.
But I think I heard that he was already cheating on her before they split.
Now they're back together and have a baby...
But I see the way he looks at me....

When I first met the guy, he was very shy around me and would get red.
After a couple of visits, he would be nice to me and he even spent a looong time fixing my broken glasses...

He makes me most uncomfortable because I sense "sexual predator" like vibes from him... But he's done nothing alarming.
But I also don't like how uncaring he is. He got mad at a sick dog for bleeding! It's not the poor dog's fault!

I'm younger than them both by maybe....10 years?

I was heavily attracted to a married man once in high school, but it's totally wrong and I didn't engage in anything. Plus, he was a cold man...
I realized I was attracted to him because he reminded me of my dad and I felt a strong sense of familiarity with him, like as if I loved him in a past life.

I've been attracted to taken men before and I realized the attraction came from a deep insecurity of myself. It was my father after all who broke my confidence.
So i looked to older men to try to regain that confidence again...
But after realizing that, I began to tend to my soul's needs, alone.
Now I'm not attracted to taken men, or if I am, I immediately turn away.
As for older men, I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't want to feel like my trust is being broken by someone I'm supposed to look up to.

SoulRenew, hello there!

Good on you for not looking to anyone else to have "the answers". Even though these older men (all of them are older and taken, some even related to you by marriage) will appeal to your vulnerability as authority or daddy/uncle type figures and you realise this about yourself.

It's a powerful thing to realise your vulnerabilities because then as you say, you can begin to work on those yourself and nurture your own self in healthier ways.

BTW these gents all sound despicable and I feel for you...it's very hard to muster either trust or respect around so much revolting sliminess.
I gag at the thought of creeps like this looking at any of us...we're people, not spooge outlets or masturbation fodder for these gross gents.

Sadly, however, they are in fact lazy yet hard core predators just looking for an easy "in" with vulnerable targets aka insecure, desperate (emotionally, financially, etc), or otherwise vulnerable women.

What you can do is build strength of character.
You can practice severe and strategic avoidance of predators (lazy or aggressive, either one)
and you can engage in hard-core, loving maintenance of your integrity and your boundaries.

Peace & blessings
7L

Peace & blessings

[angelic star]

Originally Posted by Soul Renew

I want to make a confession here, I have two older sisters from my dad's previous wife, and one is married while the other is in a long-term relationship...

My married sister, I remember the first day I met her husband, IMMEDIATELY, the husband looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the room.
It was obvious to me...
He's a good guy....
but I feel his attraction to me and he sometimes jokes about being trapped in marriage. But even if a joke, I don't find it funny...
It makes me uneasy that I feel his attraction towards me...

The other one...oh boy, the long-term relationship one...
They've been in lots of fights and when they finally split, they both immediately dated other people.
But I think I heard that he was already cheating on her before they split.
Now they're back together and have a baby...
But I see the way he looks at me....

When I first met the guy, he was very shy around me and would get red.
After a couple of visits, he would be nice to me and he even spent a looong time fixing my broken glasses...

He makes me most uncomfortable because I sense "sexual predator" like vibes from him... But he's done nothing alarming.
But I also don't like how uncaring he is. He got mad at a sick dog for bleeding! It's not the poor dog's fault!

I'm younger than them both by maybe....10 years?

I was heavily attracted to a married man once in high school, but it's totally wrong and I didn't engage in anything. Plus, he was a cold man...
I realized I was attracted to him because he reminded me of my dad and I felt a strong sense of familiarity with him, like as if I loved him in a past life.

I've been attracted to taken men before and I realized the attraction came from a deep insecurity of myself. It was my father after all who broke my confidence.
So i looked to older men to try to regain that confidence again...
But after realizing that, I began to tend to my soul's needs, alone.
Now I'm not attracted to taken men, or if I am, I immediately turn away.
As for older men, I don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't want to feel like my trust is being broken by someone I'm supposed to look up to.

Thanks for sharing your story soul renew. I think girls sometimes tend to mature early sometimes, and young girls often believe that they are beyond most people their age. I think they make others feel that about themselves too, but that's mistake because they are too inexperienced to develop any sense of self at an early age. These do suffer from deep seated insecurities of some kind and often extend emotionally to a 'matured' man who they think might be more capable to offer comfort, or security of some kind. I have seen this happen way too often. What they don't realize is that they could very well be taken advantage of and these men don't fit the ideal they actually have in their impressionable minds in general. And it happens often without them even realizing it, until its' too late. They get taken advantage of by these people who seek sympathy, complaining about their wives and emotionally lending/ feeding what the younger person wants, because it is easy for them to easily impress emotionally. It's more common than we know. A younger person don't have an expanded idea of the world at large or about themselves to have better self esteem. Intelligence and emotional maturity does not say much sometimes about who might be subject to what in life, especially not in case of a younger person. I think there needs to be a certain degree of awareness and experience to understand what one really wants in their life and have a raised self esteem. A young person has no sense of self to understand that.

[kellyshane]

I am not sure. This never happened to me. I hope that one day you will find your man.

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

i respect your views too 7luminaries.
i had been thinking along the lines of some 3rd party coming along, and
asking that unsuitable suitor about the girl (maybe he's interested?). if
she were on speaking terms, comfortably in the friend zone, he could say
something like "she's looking for a single guy... if i were single i might be
interested". if she was on unfriendly terms, he might say something like
"she's stuck up" or similar... which seems less likely to help anything.

also, i figure it's better to not label a large swath of humanity as despicable,
lazy, hardcore predators. it seems probable to me that a majority of those
who might get tagged as predators are simply humans who are in need of
something that they don't quite understand how to get; perhaps intimacy.
sex and intimacy may get confused with one another.

[Soul Renew]

Thank you, 7luminaries and angelic star, for your replies, I will make short comments so I don't overtake the thread that belongs to Ragdoll.
When I read the post, and it was titled married men, I was compelled to share my story.
I've never shared this info before, but I'm glad I got it out and received your comments on it

@7luminaries
Thank you for your praise. ^^
I actually didn't truly come up with it my own, I read some sources online regarding self-love and why I attract certain people and then the answer became clear.
To me, it makes sense that I'd be attracted to older guys because I wanted to have my confidence back from a similar type who broke it.
I also missed feeling safe as a child...
But my dad wasn't there when I needed him the most.
It truly broke my confidence

I knew I was insecure and looking for someone older to make me feel secure. But that's not right.
I need to learn to approve, validate, and support myself, since I can't get that from my parents...
It was super hard...
But I also wondered, if I had a child, I wouldn't want her/him to grow up feeling so insecure
that they too need to look for an older person, outside the family, to make them feel loved and secure.

I wanted to build up what I lacked in childhood, but I shouldn't look for and depend on outside sources, unless it's God, for the important things within. If I don't know how to make myself secure now, I'll always look for someone else to help fill that lack.

Of course, I am still learning and trying to understand myself, but that is what I believed so far.
I'm continuing slowly to build character bit by bit!

Also, my sisters and their partners live far away from me and i only see them a few times a year so I am so grateful for that!

@angelic star
Hmm, that's something I should think about.
It makes sense to have oneself truly figured out before knowing what one really wants, and that helps to narrow down selections in life.
I was 17 yrs. old when I was attracted to older men, so I definitely was young! I'm 24 now though.

[Realm Ki]

Hmm

But why then is this happening to you..?

My first thought is that you are subconsciously avoiding attention from actually available men. That this is too scary, too intimate, too important, too great a chance to fail or a million other reasons.

Then noticing unwanted attention becomes an outlet for romantic tension, avoidance. And noting it creates more of the same.

If this does not apply to you at all, then if this is truly unwanted attention, I would look at if there is something in the way I present myself that would make a professor single me out in a crowd, or some actions I do. It might evev4n be just the need to do well, I've had that, works exceptionally.

And third, detectiving a bit; what could be the lesson here to learn? About yourself or the other? Humans in relationships are often perceived as more attractive, since they have already been chosen, they know how to be a partner. Also, since they likely have their stability and emotional safety needs met already, they are free to respond only to physical/intellectual attraction.

Could there be something about you that signals that you might not be up to the task to care for anothers emotional well-being?

Or could there be somethimh about men with this need already cared for that is more attractive?

Idk. Just trying to find some questions for you to explore.

Accepting attraction is probably necessary to move past this. If you are attracted - this rings in the room, and perceptive listeners will hear it. It does not sound like you put a lid on it, where it can grow, in denial, but just in case. Pay attention to who you actually find attractive in a room - if it is married men, figure out why or the Universe will make more attractive married men for you :) And if there are others, focus on them - and they instead will multiply.

Good luck;)

* edit; I had missed the many qualified answers, only saw the first three for some reason, my reply might be repetetive or redundant, not my intention. <3