Help

[Fabmoon92]

No judgement please

I had someone I believed to by my twin flame in my life from about 2014-beginning of 2016. He was what you would call the runner , our relationship ( if that's what you'd call it , considering he led me on , on and off , a little over a year ) was far from perfect , if anything he causes me extreme depression . I had never had such energy drained from him yet again such a love for him than I did any other man at the time .

Shortly after the last time I was kicked out of his life for good (for no reason when he was the one who seriously hurt me ) . I met the boyfriend I have now , I gained all my weight back, people started telling me I look healthier , seem happier , stress less . And all of those things are true . We have been together almost a year

What I'm going with is basically, I sometimes still pain from my twin hurting me so much . I have prayed and prayed and prayed it go away , especially because I want all my focus to be on the boyfriend I have now , who I do love . It just doesn't seem to kick some days . We haven't spoke in over a year , and although I do feel maybe closure is what I do need , I don't think I'm ready to speak to him , and j don't think I should reach out because I feel he doesn't want anything to do with me (which I'm unsure why when he was the one that did all he can to hurt me ) . I know I do not want him back , and I do not want to go back to the past , and my current boyfriend is who I want to be with . But am I stuck with this pain forever ? What is it ? my friends and family know nothing of this. Please someone give me some insight .

No, you aren't stuck with the pain forever. Unfortunately these wounds take time to heal so it's a matter of being patient and, when a surge of pain returns, attempting to dismiss it by, for instance, reflecting on things you didn't like about him - anything from his appearance to his manners.

These are just my views and others may have more potent suggestions. The love you felt for him was unrequited so there were things about him that, right now, you should find unacceptable. Ponder just briefly on them. Don't let them become a prolonged meditation of regret. Just think of them as reasons not to regret. Try to trivialise things you did together in that you'd hoped for better from him..... things like that.
If you've kept souvenirs of him, if you're inclined to be sentimental....now this may superficially hurt....it may be best to get rid of them. It won't necessarily help you forget but it's a gesture that pushes him out of your life.

But I think concentrating on your new b/f and valuing the things you share will accelerate the healing: the going out that you enjoy; the conversations you have; the things you do for him and those he does for you. It's about what you bring to each other's lives. And....give it time.

(There are other things you could do more in keeping with some of the techniques you read about here - purging him for instance. Every time you find yourself falling into sadness, take a deep breath and blow the thought out as smoke. Watch it leave your being. Do that several times until you start to feel free of it. Close your mouth to inhale on successive breaths so you don't draw anything back but blow the smoke out through your mouth. That and similar techniques are useful if unwanted thoughts creep in when you're on your own.)

Wishing you well...

[mihael_11]

Are you sure, that it is all about him or is there something else? Sometimes we get caught in struggles, that we label and attach them, interpret them through something or somebody, when it is all your creation.
What else could there be, since this doesn't go away the way you are using?

Wish you well.

Lots of love

[A human Being]

I really feel for you, I can imagine how much pain and confusion his behaviour must have caused you The sense of it that I have is that you do need closure, as you say, though if you don't feel up to talking it out with him right now, trust your instinct and leave it for the time being - I'm sure there will come a time in the future when you do feel ready to talk to him and then you can achieve closure. Just, when that time comes, be honest with him about how his behaviour's made you feel, get it all out there

From the guy's perspective - speaking as someone who's been emotionally constipated for much of my life, he sounds like he might be emotionally constipated, too (heck, he's a bloke after all, there's bound to be a fair chance he is ). I know that's probably going to come as scant consolation, but going off his erratic behaviour, I'd say he's probably suffering quite a lot, too (and they do say, 'hurt people hurt people', which unfortunately does seem to be true in my experience), so maybe try to have some compassion for him and remember that he does have some redeeming features

Wishing you well, I hope things get easier for you as time goes on

[H:O:R:A:C:E]

hey Fabmoon92.
imagine that the pain you (sometimes) feel from this is from a part of
your body: it's like a limb that you'd once placed in a fire and it was burnt.
the point is that the damage was done to you; it's within your field of
comprehension and influence (there's really no need whatsoever to seek
"closure" with that fire any longer).
forgiveness of yourself will go a long ways towards reinvigorating that
damaged limb and bringing it back to a healthy non-pained state.

[jimrich]

[quote=Fabmoon92]

I had someone I believed to by my twin flame in my life from about 2014-beginning of 2016. He was what you would call the runner , our relationship ( if that's what you'd call it , considering he led me on , on and off , a little over a year ) was far from perfect , if anything he causes me extreme depression . I had never had such energy drained from him yet again such a love for him than I did any other man at the time .

First of all, convert the word "love" to "need" and you will see where you stand. You NEEDED him to bolster you lack of self love, self respect, self worth and self esteem or confidence and when he FAILED to give you what you NEEDED (not love), you fell apart. Your basic problem is a lack of good self esteem and self worth so you frantically reach out for anyone (twin flame) who might make you feel better and, being so NEEDY, they can easily hurt your vulnerable, exposed feelings. The only solution is to somehow find a way to LOVINGLY accept your self and become emotionally secure and solid so that you are no longer desperately looking for emotional support from others - especially mean and careless others.

Shortly after the last time I was kicked out of his life for good (for no reason when he was the one who seriously hurt me ) . I met the boyfriend I have now , I gained all my weight back, people started telling me I look healthier , seem happier , stress less . And all of those things are true . We have been together almost a year

But unless you develop healthy self esteem and self worth, this and any other relationship will eventually FAIL!

What I'm going with is basically, I sometimes still pain from my twin hurting me so much . I have prayed and prayed and prayed it go away , especially because I want all my focus to be on the boyfriend I have now , who I do love .

He "hurt" you because you are NEEDY and VULNERABLE and it will happen again and again until you acquire some better self worth. Praying won't make your inadequate self worth "go away". Are you sure you "love" this new guy or are you still IN NEED of emotional support?

But am I stuck with this pain forever ? What is it ?

You will be "stuck with" the pain so long as you are stuck with low/bad self worth and esteem. Inadequate self respect is somehow very common in females so I'd google: self worth and/or self esteem and get to work IMPROVING yours, ASAP.
Good luck