Have you ever done something crazy to feel closer to your soulmate/TF?

[sapphirerose]

I had a day off today. I don’t know what came over me, but I got in my car and drove for two hours until I reached the town right before his. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, this soulmate is an extended family member - we are 25 years apart (I’m 24). I just felt compelled to drive to where he might be near...

I got to the town and walked through the shops for a while, then bought a coffee and walked through the local park for around 15 minutes. Then, I began the trip home, and drove through his town quickly on my way home. I felt anxious and on-edge driving through his town. Then, my heart nearly stopped for a second, and I thought I saw him drive past. The man in the car looked exactly like him and had the same car as him... I don’t know for sure if it was him, but if it was, that’s an extremely scary coincidence.

I feel crazy. Am I crazy? I felt such an urge to be near him today, but because we have such a big age gap, part of me is afraid to reach out and see if he actually wants to catch up. I vow that I’ll never do this again, as it’s pointless and makes me feel like a total weirdo. There is just so much pain in my heart... as I was driving back home, I almost had a panic attack and the tears began. I realised how pathetic I am, and how useless it is for me to love him unconditionally and to try and become closer to him when he has his own family and his own life.

[Seenthelight]

You definitely aren't alone in doing or feeling any of this. There are plenty of us here who have done things similar. I could write a book lol.

Given that this guy is an extended family member and considerably older than you it would be worth a good think about what it is about him that makes you feel connected so deeply with him. There must be some qualities he has that you admire, or see in yourself perhaps but have not quite become aware of.

I am not saying at all that you are not connected, far from it. But I am suggesting you think more deeply about the lessons this connection hold for you. You talk a lot on here about it, and that's good. But remember that Twin Flames is a theory, like any other. For me, this currently fits my understanding and experience. But I did look into, briefly, Limerence, and I learned a whole load of stuff about myself and this connection from thinking about that too.

The deeper you get into understanding YOU in all this, the more you will learn about it. Not to say you will ever stop searching for the answers - I have been on this journey for 10 years and still don't truly know. But I have found myself within all this, and I don't regret any of it - even the embarrassing moments, the tears, panic attacks etc.

[sapphirerose]

Originally Posted by Seenthelight

You definitely aren't alone in doing or feeling any of this. There are plenty of us here who have done things similar. I could write a book lol.

Given that this guy is an extended family member and considerably older than you it would be worth a good think about what it is about him that makes you feel connected so deeply with him. There must be some qualities he has that you admire, or see in yourself perhaps but have not quite become aware of.

I am not saying at all that you are not connected, far from it. But I am suggesting you think more deeply about the lessons this connection hold for you. You talk a lot on here about it, and that's good. But remember that Twin Flames is a theory, like any other. For me, this currently fits my understanding and experience. But I did look into, briefly, Limerence, and I learned a whole load of stuff about myself and this connection from thinking about that too.

The deeper you get into understanding YOU in all this, the more you will learn about it. Not to say you will ever stop searching for the answers - I have been on this journey for 10 years and still don't truly know. But I have found myself within all this, and I don't regret any of it - even the embarrassing moments, the tears, panic attacks etc.

Thank you very much for your kind and understanding reply. You are right - I do really need to carefully consider some of the lessons that this particular bond has taught me over the years. He certainly does possess many traits that I admire, and they are traits that I am perhaps seeking in a future partner. I also see parts of him within myself, and vice versa. Your suggestion regarding limerence is very interesting. I have researched limerence before, and it does resonate with me in some way. Yet, from what I know, limerence generally does not take into consideration the other person’s feelings, space, or needs. I don’t feel that I am experiencing limerence here, as I genuinely care about this man’s feelings a great deal and would never do anything to upset/embarrass/hurt him.

[Seenthelight]

Originally Posted by sapphirerose

Thank you very much for your kind and understanding reply. You are right - I do really need to carefully consider some of the lessons that this particular bond has taught me over the years. He certainly does possess many traits that I admire, and they are traits that I am perhaps seeking in a future partner. I also see parts of him within myself, and vice versa. Your suggestion regarding limerence is very interesting. I have researched limerence before, and it does resonate with me in some way. Yet, from what I know, limerence generally does not take into consideration the other person’s feelings, space, or needs. I don’t feel that I am experiencing limerence here, as I genuinely care about this man’s feelings a great deal and would never do anything to upset/embarrass/hurt him.

Hi - I find it interesting you have touched upon limerence before. I am a bit confused though about what you mean by your last comment - that you genuinely care about this man's feelings and would never do anything to upset/embarrass/hurt him. This is not my understanding of limerence at all. Limerence, for me, is how we put one specific person in the spotlight, believing ourselves to be head over heels in love with this person, or totally obsessed with them to the point where it interferes with our day to day lives. It definitely has nothing to do with upsetting, embarrassing or hurting the other, far from it. In some ways, it is the 'twin flame' theory without the spiritual aspect - and the other person may not even be aware of our existence let alone how we are feeling about them. I would look into a little bit more.
As I said before though, I am not denying any form of connection you may have. I looked into limerence on the suggestion of someone from here about 18 months ago, because I was going round and round in circles trying to figure everything out. I joined the limerence.net forum and learned a great deal about myself by considering this connection from that perspective for a while.
But, for now, I am back to this forum because I need the experiential, spiritual aspect because I know how I feel, I know what I experience and, for now, the limerence theory doesn't quite fit. Either way, whichever lens I look through I am enjoying finding out about myself.

[happyhaunts03]

It's okay to do crazy things. I think we all have.

I go to the place we met about once a year. I can't imagine he would actually be there since we've both left it behind, but I can't help but hope he'll appear. When we were still speaking and engaging physically, I would often drive by because I felt a pull and he'd be standing outside or stepping out from the office right as I would arrive.

One time, I thought I saw him about 50 miles from where we used to live. He looked my way when I yelled out my old nickname for him, but I couldn't tell if it was really him or someone who just looked a lot like him because he was sort of far away. He disappeared around a corner when I tried to find out.

[SaturninePluto]

Originally Posted by sapphirerose

I had a day off today. I don’t know what came over me, but I got in my car and drove for two hours until I reached the town right before his. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, this soulmate is an extended family member - we are 25 years apart (I’m 24). I just felt compelled to drive to where he might be near...

I got to the town and walked through the shops for a while, then bought a coffee and walked through the local park for around 15 minutes. Then, I began the trip home, and drove through his town quickly on my way home. I felt anxious and on-edge driving through his town. Then, my heart nearly stopped for a second, and I thought I saw him drive past. The man in the car looked exactly like him and had the same car as him... I don’t know for sure if it was him, but if it was, that’s an extremely scary coincidence.

I feel crazy. Am I crazy? I felt such an urge to be near him today, but because we have such a big age gap, part of me is afraid to reach out and see if he actually wants to catch up. I vow that I’ll never do this again, as it’s pointless and makes me feel like a total weirdo. There is just so much pain in my heart... as I was driving back home, I almost had a panic attack and the tears began. I realised how pathetic I am, and how useless it is for me to love him unconditionally and to try and become closer to him when he has his own family and his own life.

sapphirerose,

You are not crazy. Alright?

I have felt something very similar for someone I care for. My excuse to visit my aunt in the next town over many many times, was because I had a male friend whom lived in the same town I currently had and always will care for.

I was still there to visit my aunt, but I came to realize how I was feeling when I went over- and it was, will I see him? A heart full of hope.

Now things between myself and this man did not exactly work out as I had planned. And I still love him, as a loyal friend as I've tried to be to him, and I honor those good memories by trying to remember- if he finds someone else and he is happy? If I truly care for him at all I will realize, honor, and respect his right to do just that. If you care about someone- even if they did not like you in a romantic way- or even if they did once but they have moved on- if after that you still care about them, and have gotten to a point where you begin to realize you also reserve love, care, and respect for yourself- That all you could want for this person- is their utter happiness. This may sound like fluff new age thinking but it isn't it is absolutely true. When we truly grow up as people- we stop having relationships where in the end we wind up thinking "I want to key his new girlfriend's car" and we begin instead to think- "I love him, and I truly want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy"

This will be easier if the relationship between us and this other ends very positively. However I do not feel it is utterly impossible even if this previous relationship with the other does end badly.

This thinking isn't about the attraction aspect of the relationship this- I wish them well in life view. It is about self enlightenment when you come to realize that if you ever cared to begin with- you will respect another's rights. Their right to end their friendship or relationship with you and move on- their right as well to love again.

You come also to realize if you truly love someone- you do not want to see them sad, unhappy, and not enjoying love. You start to see your own anger, jealousies, and sadnesses for what they are- these are your feelings, and your reactions.

Now when I see my aunt? I am there to see her. I think less of him- not less in a human sense- but less often. I see the relationship truly for what it is- a friendship that remains open to just that- friendship. If this person I cared for wants to be happy with someone, as a caring friend, and individual whom wishes to respect his rights- I truly wish him just that. A boat ton of happiness. Because I love him, and he deserves it. I am more than capable of moving on myself and loving someone whom wants me too, and wishes to love me in the same way back, and if I have to wait so be it, and I will wait because I also care for and respect myself as a human being as well.

Wanting to feel closer to someone we care about is normal. But he has a family. And may just be happy. You may wish to consider that isn't a bad thing if you truly care about him. His wife and children have feelings and as human beings deserve some respect too.

And so do you. And you also deserve to love someone whom loves you just as much as you love him sapphirerose, and I sincerely honestly hope you find just that. Because yes you do deserve that.

Truly.

Not only that but you do deserve self love and respect as well. And I personally feel by your post you are very much well on your way to getting there.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Your feelings are a normal reaction to a loss, and a wish for comfort. Some of this comfort is going to have to come though from yourself.

You may wish to consider giving yourself more time to heal.

No you are not crazy.

And you should be doing more shopping trips and outings alone, getting to enjoy time with yourself. But truly next time, focus on you. What you have interest in when out browsing for clothes, books, whatever, take an interest in getting to reconnect with yourself. And enjoy this time out about exercising, and every moment of your day. You deserve it.

Truly please consider that you really do.

With all my love.