Why do we decide to chase?

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by jro5139

Yeah but you don't know that just because someone is in another relationship that their feelings are as intense with the new person as they were with their tf. It is possible to elicit feelings of euphoric that are slighter and not as intense with other people, even if they don't last. Since tf, I've dated people that I knew it would never be as intense and I've even had crushes, but I knew they would never be as intense. Sometimes you just have to move on, and enjoy other things, even if they're not as intense.
So I wouldn't say that just because someone is in a relationship that you know what that means their feelings are.

If one knows it would not be as intense how can it ever be? If we expect something to be true we will make it so. We will not allow it to be more than what we deem as true... But what if.. What if we truly allow and let go. What if someone else does come along and changes our entire mindset of what we thought was true? How do we know it never will be? We don't. We can only assume based on what we think is true for us.

It's true I will never know what they feel for another person. I truly don't. No one would ever really admit that to someone. Oh, by the way, I didn't feel the same as I did with you. And there were many relationships at first where I didn't fully get into because they didn't click like they did with them. It's a deadly trap to fall into. But then as time went on, and the more I stayed that way. The more I realized I was shutting down to the world. I wasn't allowing things to happen for me.

But life goes on. Things never happen the way we want them to in most cases. Even the things we think will work out, or are a sure thing.. Can end up going sour.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by innerlight

If one knows it would not be as intense how can it ever be? If we expect something to be true we will make it so. We will not allow it to be more than what we deem as true... But what if.. What if we truly allow and let go. What if someone else does come along and changes our entire mindset of what we thought was true? How do we know it never will be? We don't. We can only assume based on what we think is true for us.

It's true I will never know what they feel for another person. I truly don't. No one would ever really admit that to someone. Oh, by the way, I didn't feel the same as I did with you. And there were many relationships at first where I didn't fully get into because they didn't click like they did with them. It's a deadly trap to fall into. But then as time went on, and the more I stayed that way. The more I realized I was shutting down to the world. I wasn't allowing things to happen for me.

But life goes on. Things never happen the way we want them to in most cases. Even the things we think will work out, or are a sure thing.. Can end up going sour.

I'm not saying that a relationship that isn't equally or more intense can't exist, it very well could. I'm just saying, I think it's rare. And who knows if all relationships have to be that intense, some of these less intense are still ones I could be excited to date or possibly be happy with.

I'm not limiting myself, I know there's not as intense because I'm talking about real experiences, and people I've met, relationships I've had. Once again, not to say it couldn't happen, but it'd be rare, and more than likely one of these not as intense relationships will stick before that.

I don't really know what my point way, I'm just rambling now.

Originally Posted by jro5139

Yeah but you don't know that just because someone is in another relationship that their feelings are as intense with the new person as they were with their tf.

Yeah, but is it your business to want to know that? It would seem not. Naturally there'll be a time of healing, a concern for their welfare. But they've moved on, obviously aren't interested in the chaser, so why can't the chaser get a grip and move on also. Why keep interfering and speculating on the person developing a new relationship. (Maybe it's what unconditional love is about. Love them for what they are, not because you want them back.) This obsessive mental pestering is destructive of spiritual health, surely?

It does seem predominant with women. Not me though and I sometimes cringe with dismay at my gender.

Just my view, though.
.

[Ariaecheflame]

Don't include this woman in the chasing team Lorelyn hahaha...

I can't even remember the last time I chased something
Probably the dog when it ran away from me... but I quickly learnt that to chase something only makes it run faster and further... haha.
I prefer to let things which are meant to be in my life to flow.

I've been stalked by men and women before... it is repulsive energy.

I prefer just being in the flow of life... not the chase - it's too exhausting... too much anxiety and adrenaline and probably cortisol or whatever stress releases an excess of.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Yeah, but is it your business to want to know that? It would seem not. Naturally there'll be a time of healing, a concern for their welfare. But they've moved on, obviously aren't interested in the predator, so why can't the predator get a grip and move on also. Why keep interfering and speculating on the person developing a new relationship. (Maybe it's what unconditional love is about. Love them for what they are, not because you want them back.) This obsessive mental pestering is destructive of spiritual health, surely?

It does seem predominant with women. Not me though and I sometimes cringe with dismay at my gender.

Just my view, though.
.

I am talking about MY relationships. Of course it is my business because they are MY relationships.
Your use of the word "predator" is missed placed and offensive.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by innerlight

If one knows it would not be as intense how can it ever be? If we expect something to be true we will make it so. We will not allow it to be more than what we deem as true... But what if.. What if we truly allow and let go. What if someone else does come along and changes our entire mindset of what we thought was true? How do we know it never will be? We don't. We can only assume based on what we think is true for us.

It's true I will never know what they feel for another person. I truly don't. No one would ever really admit that to someone. Oh, by the way, I didn't feel the same as I did with you. And there were many relationships at first where I didn't fully get into because they didn't click like they did with them. It's a deadly trap to fall into. But then as time went on, and the more I stayed that way. The more I realized I was shutting down to the world. I wasn't allowing things to happen for me.

But life goes on. Things never happen the way we want them to in most cases. Even the things we think will work out, or are a sure thing.. Can end up going sour.

You do have a point and I realized I shouldn't judge how intense something might get, even before it gets off the ground. So thank you for that.
It's just that I sometimes now find that I loose interest rather quick because I'll realize there is no soul connection, or I'll just know that I have nothing in common with this person.
Lately what has started to happen, is that I'll have a dream that will totally change my perception of the person that I am talking to, and then it's like I can't go back. Like one guy I was dating, I had a dream that I was struck somewhere with no gas, and I called him and he came, but then he abandoned me and after that, I just couldn't date him anymore.

[ForgedInFire]

Attachment causes people to chase.Those with an anxious attachment will always chase after those with an avoidant attachment style. Until they learn better not to. But its much more then just relationships..its material things, career, money and etc. It is an attachment to the idea that by chasing whatever it is will bring happiness and only then will they be after obtaining the desire they have. The one common thing with all these people is they have anxious attachment style.

Originally Posted by jro5139

I am talking about MY relationships. Of course it is my business because they are MY relationships.
Your use of the word "predator" is missed placed and offensive.

Well, you answered my question in your particular case, so thank you for that.
Predator-prey is just a term for which chaser-runner are softer versions. Apologies all the same for any offence, they're terms that crops up in systems theory, psychology etc.

As the "offending" post was still open for edits I swapped the terms.

☼

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Well, you answered my question in your particular case, so thank you for that.
Predator-prey is just a term for which chaser-runner are softer versions. Apologies all the same for any offence, they're terms that crops up in systems theory, psychology etc.

As the "offending" post was still open for edits I swapped the terms.

☼

Thank you for that:) In the case of my twin, I know that his relationships are shallow because I know that he will not involve his heart with anyone. How do I know? Because he told me that this was his issue and the last time we talked when we both decided to end our friendship, he told me that his issues had not changed. So I know his relationships are shallow, I don't have to assume anything.
In fact, his 10 year marriage (that he is technically still in) was the same, and I'm not the only person that noticed. Other people along the way stated to me that they did not seem to have a connection.
And yes that caused him to run, but that doesn't make me a predator, or a stalker, or a chaser.
I can only speak for my case though, I can't speak for what other people's twins' issues are.

I do think that my twin is avoidant and that has something to do with it, but avoidant personality disorder cannot explain everything that happened. It cannot explain to me why I had a spiritual awakening, or why I am not on the path to doing my soul mission. It also can't explain soul recognition or so many other things. There's always lots going on behind the scenes in the spirit realm that affects what's going on, whether we see it or not.

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by Saoirse Walker

I have to admit, however, that I don't understand trouble letting go of an abusive man. How are you even able to have a connection if they are so? Does it happen before you realize they are going to mistreat you? I that case it seems you chase after the broken promise.

That is a good question to ponder upon? I would imagine it falls into the people don't truly know someone, until they get too close to them. I would imagine that in many cases they don't realize things would be bad. Until it happens. Other cases they see it, or perhaps they are in denial about it, or they think things maybe different for them, or that perhaps they could help change them, showing them a better way.

I know, I have been in that with relationships before. Where you think that maybe you'd be different than everyone else in the past. Love can make you forget everything you think you know about things, and even go against what you would normally do. I'm sure we've all be in those shoes.

Which then brings it back to the same train of thought on it's not the person we are after, but love. We do things we wouldn't normally do. Act in ways we wouldn't normally do. Tolerate more than we should. All because of what we see as love... But then, is it truly love we are seeing during those times or a twisted perversion of what we think love is? Stemming from perhaps an emptiness within us...

Abuse also doesn't have to be something so direct as being rude, or nasty. But abuse could be in the way of someone playing games with their emotions. I've seen that happen plenty of times with people around here as well. Where they are left with so much uncertainty about their relationship. So when I spoke of why people chase an abusive person it wasn't only in a direct toxic way.