The Trickster, Heyoka, Raven and soul confusion

Does anyone have Raven, the trickster as a totem? Or Coyote, or any other form he takes? Does anyone know about Heyoka?

I just had an unreal and delusional feeling realization; I think I may be possibly, the incarnation of a deity trickster, I don’t think I am actually a human soul, if that makes any sense, I just enjoy the games, of living on this earth, because it is mighty fun, i even enjoy playing jokes on myself. But then, when I try to understand that more, it just makes me feel delusional. I am human. I am forgetful. When I am with my spirit guides I feel incompetent, stupid, and not superior enough to be around them, and I make lots of mistakes, and I like to laugh at those mistakes.

But I have read the trickster deity animal totem, is one of the only, rare deity spirits that are able to enjoy human and earthly things. I can’t possibly be the deity I see, which is Raven in his many human forms. So what am I? Are there more than just one trickster in this world, or is he, just one? I know, Coyote, has a different persona than Raven from reading documents about it, but I have never met Coyote myself, so I don’t know if they are different tricksters.

All my life I knew I was a trickster in nature, I’ve always known I am heyoka, have always been told so too, and just… a trickster in nature. But that confuses me. Does anyone here know more about Heyoka? Sacred Clown? Is that different than being a trickster, I always thought they seemed similar, but perhaps I am missing out on something. I always thought Heyoka was more of a way that a person is, but what is the spiritual concept? Maybe that is why i feel like i am more than just a trickster in human nature?

And I just thought I was just bonded with Raven immensely, because of that I was like him. So why, did I suddenly get the realization I was more than just a human soul and more than just a trickster in nature? It makes no sense to me. We are very close.

Also my own spirit guide, referred to ME as Raven. Is it possible, that I am actually a descendant of raven? Or is it possible that I am in union with raven? Could an animal totem (or a trickster) be your soul mate? I’ve always felt that, but it felt too honorable and unreal to believe. I mean, from my view of raven, he seems, to be, unlike any animal totem I have ever met. And the accounts of his documented games in history, have been interesting, that’s for sure – like perhaps he used to be human, but gained unordinary powers or vice versa, but they even say that he helped create the earth. He has went through bad times, just like humans, he went through a time period of destructing mainly other animals (some people) through greed, for his personal gains, but also has always been on the side of people, helping them out, and over time, he has become good, he has greed, just like humans, he is obsessed with food, and he likes to raid my fridge, he enjoys delving into sexual things like humans… well, some of his history, has made sure to make many people frightened of him. Of course I am not afraid of him. He reminds me of myself.

I was pulled into a room of a bunch of native people wearing animal masks, like either they were shape shifters, or just honoring animals, and they were giving me past life memories. And I was called Raven, to make things weirder, Raven called me raven when he called me over to him. Makes no sense.
And then when I was thinking back about my past life incarnations just a awhile ago, I had this realization...
Or am I being delusional, and not getting things right?
I know Raven and I go way back. I need help sorting out my own ambiguity.
My existence puzzles me. Are all people, with raven as a totem, tricksters? Or does my trickster nature, actually lead to me being a trickster spirit?

Well how fun! I'm sorry to ask a question i could easily solve through asking myself. Or asking Raven. But raven is a joker. And, i don't always trust myself! myself is very contradicting and insane!