Spiritual Forums

Home


Donate!


Articles


CHAT!


Shop


 
Welcome to Spiritual Forums!.

We created this community for people from all backgrounds to discuss Spiritual, Paranormal, Metaphysical, Philosophical, Supernatural, and Esoteric subjects. From Astral Projection to Zen, all topics are welcome. We hope you enjoy your visits.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest, which gives you limited access to most discussions and articles. By joining our free community you will be able to post messages, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload your own photos, and gain access to our Chat Rooms, Registration is fast, simple, and free, so please, join our community today! !

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, check our FAQs before contacting support. Please read our forum rules, since they are enforced by our volunteer staff. This will help you avoid any infractions and issues.

Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Religions & Faiths > Buddhism

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 26-01-2012, 05:40 PM
EastDream
Posts: n/a
 
Stuck in these social circles of society

I don't know adequately what I am trying to say, but I'll do my best. Let's face it the world is not a compassionate place. People are nasty by default; many times a shrewd face and demeanor are the only defenses people know, and default to them. There exist social circles and clicks where the transcendant ideas that we practice "don't exist" in regards to universal compassion, a good natured centerdness radiated to all beings and people.

Since i've changed, its not like the world has changed. But I've changed to try to become more compassionate and open myself up to these negativities every day so that I may be even more spiritually strong. Basically what this thread is about is I don't want to play the games or put on an act or act even a certain way. I grow tired of that forceful and really 'negative' hostile energy (and it is a hostile energy, because by default it is defensive). I always want to be real and these games get old. What is also hard is that in many ways; I feel I am expected to adopt some of these behaviors or ways of acting or being in order to fit in, or be seen as normal. They are normal group behaviors. This I find most hard to deal with, common to so many people - I think they are not even conscious of it. What happens when you become conscious of them, and decide you want to change them?

I just don't know what to make of this. Do any of you have any thoughts? I find it hard to be myself, when it seems like people misconstrue it as awkwardness, and seem to regard me funny because I don't "play the games" of society by resorting to subtle forms of nastiness, defensiveness, or clickish behavior; that seems almost like protocol so that people may feel comfortable in it. I am trying to throw off, the cloak of sarcasm, biting wittiness, etc. Literally cleanse them from my being. I feel that they are so commonplace to society as to almost be a part of the culture! Infact - I know that this is true. I also know that many people are numb to these in one form or another; and do not readily see them as anything bad, but really..idle banter or just joking, etc. But i am getting serious about my practice - I am getting to the root of all things, wishing to see them as they are...and these; even if people do not see them as they are; they are negative energies and must not be enforced. I feel that many times, I am greeted by a feeling of general nastiness from people in my daily life, defensiveness....even sometimes rudeness. it is all a hardness we have come to accept as normal in society. I find this very difficult to deal with. Honestly I am tired of receiving it, as well. Although I do my best not to throw that energy back, or to get anger from it; because then I know I will be infected with it just as well. It will defeat my entire goal of what I am trying to do; how I am trying to be. It's really, really hard. It's not so much that I'm afraid of it, I just don't wish to really play these games that everyone seems to want to do. I find them tiresome and exhausting; and I always feel they are pointless. Why can't we be open to one another? They surpress themselves....natural energies abound. And you can really - if you are attentive in an emotional or even spiritual sense..its very basic to see someones energy. And most of the energies I see; they are closed off, hostile, almost insecure....as if wounded and ready to pounce on anyone who does them wrong - expecting the worst. ironically - this does bring out the worst in most people. The buddha recognized the interconnectedness of all things, beings. So as you can see this is a disaster! We are all going in a circle with it!
Before I encountered Buddhism, I was always sort of like this. I never understood the need to try and "act" a certain way..and as I look around with a pure heart and a pure consciousness - I can see so many people appear to be acting! Almost everyone...a stifled expression, fake expression or forced demeanor that doesn't strike me as natural at all?

How hard it is to be natural and yourself when the world around you is at it is. What can I do? Should I just give up ...and get used to acting like everyone else seems to do? I almost think ..it might be more comfortable that way. At least I'd fit in with people. But - I'd still be lonely.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 26-01-2012, 05:57 PM
EastDream
Posts: n/a
 
PS

a thing that really bothers me - am i trying to be too good, too sainty? Is this really a matter of sticking to good ideals....

or do I just need to relax a bit about some of these things? (is a little nastiness okay) or Would this be compromising my goals....? stuck
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 27-01-2012, 02:00 PM
Samana Samana is offline
Experiencer
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 461
  Samana's Avatar
Hi ES,

Buddhism isn't about trying to put the rest of the world to rights according to one's own perception of how it should be. Some things we have to just accept and then let go of.

I recommend that you meditate daily and follow Ajahn Jayasaro's 'Buddhist Meditation' series which can be found on YouTube.

This 5 minute explanation of Metta (no 7 in the series) may be helpful for you to generate feelings of loving kindness and goodwill towards others, whatever they're doing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3_lqd4Sgfc


Hope that is of some help to you.

with kind wishes,


S. _/\_
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 27-01-2012, 02:13 PM
BlueSky BlueSky is offline
Master
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 7,993
  BlueSky's Avatar
Let's face it the world is not a compassionate place. People are nasty by default. Eastdream

Hi EastDream,

I don't see the world this way..........one of us is wrong....lol

Seriously though, how could that be that you see the world this way and I see it the opposite, especially in regards to what people are "by default"?

Blessings, James
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 27-01-2012, 03:21 PM
Royalite
Posts: n/a
 
The trick is in not expecting the world to change or to become like you. By this I mean, coming to accept yourself as a unique individual with a different way of acting, behaving, perceiving the world and embracing it without expecting the world to embrace you.

Try to focus more on your own output and what you want out of your life and not on the output of others and what they're doing. In doing so, you halt your own movement and growth process. They are simply doing what they know how to do.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 28-01-2012, 04:44 PM
gentledove
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by EastDream
I don't know adequately what I am trying to say, but I'll do my best. Let's face it the world is not a compassionate place. People are nasty by default; many times a shrewd face and demeanor are the only defenses people know, and default to them. There exist social circles and clicks where the transcendant ideas that we practice "don't exist" in regards to universal compassion, a good natured centerdness radiated to all beings and people.

Since i've changed, its not like the world has changed. But I've changed to try to become more compassionate and open myself up to these negativities every day so that I may be even more spiritually strong. Basically what this thread is about is I don't want to play the games or put on an act or act even a certain way. I grow tired of that forceful and really 'negative' hostile energy (and it is a hostile energy, because by default it is defensive). I always want to be real and these games get old. What is also hard is that in many ways; I feel I am expected to adopt some of these behaviors or ways of acting or being in order to fit in, or be seen as normal. They are normal group behaviors. This I find most hard to deal with, common to so many people - I think they are not even conscious of it. What happens when you become conscious of them, and decide you want to change them?

I just don't know what to make of this. Do any of you have any thoughts? I find it hard to be myself, when it seems like people misconstrue it as awkwardness, and seem to regard me funny because I don't "play the games" of society by resorting to subtle forms of nastiness, defensiveness, or clickish behavior; that seems almost like protocol so that people may feel comfortable in it. I am trying to throw off, the cloak of sarcasm, biting wittiness, etc. Literally cleanse them from my being. I feel that they are so commonplace to society as to almost be a part of the culture! Infact - I know that this is true. I also know that many people are numb to these in one form or another; and do not readily see them as anything bad, but really..idle banter or just joking, etc. But i am getting serious about my practice - I am getting to the root of all things, wishing to see them as they are...and these; even if people do not see them as they are; they are negative energies and must not be enforced. I feel that many times, I am greeted by a feeling of general nastiness from people in my daily life, defensiveness....even sometimes rudeness. it is all a hardness we have come to accept as normal in society. I find this very difficult to deal with. Honestly I am tired of receiving it, as well. Although I do my best not to throw that energy back, or to get anger from it; because then I know I will be infected with it just as well. It will defeat my entire goal of what I am trying to do; how I am trying to be. It's really, really hard. It's not so much that I'm afraid of it, I just don't wish to really play these games that everyone seems to want to do. I find them tiresome and exhausting; and I always feel they are pointless. Why can't we be open to one another? They surpress themselves....natural energies abound. And you can really - if you are attentive in an emotional or even spiritual sense..its very basic to see someones energy. And most of the energies I see; they are closed off, hostile, almost insecure....as if wounded and ready to pounce on anyone who does them wrong - expecting the worst. ironically - this does bring out the worst in most people. The buddha recognized the interconnectedness of all things, beings. So as you can see this is a disaster! We are all going in a circle with it!
Before I encountered Buddhism, I was always sort of like this. I never understood the need to try and "act" a certain way..and as I look around with a pure heart and a pure consciousness - I can see so many people appear to be acting! Almost everyone...a stifled expression, fake expression or forced demeanor that doesn't strike me as natural at all?

How hard it is to be natural and yourself when the world around you is at it is. What can I do? Should I just give up ...and get used to acting like everyone else seems to do? I almost think ..it might be more comfortable that way. At least I'd fit in with people. But - I'd still be lonely.

I can relate to much of what you've said here. It's difficult for me too. I don't think the people in the world are nasty by default, but it's definitely a "mixed bag". We can be caught in the middle of some pretty dysfunctional goings on. I have spoken up about certain deplorable things which need to stop. It was according to my conscience and I don't regret it at all, however, it has made me the "bad guy" to a huge clique that can cost me something very important in my life. It's been very challenging, but I don't regret pointing out the things that have caused serious injury to innocent people.

Quote:
How hard it is to be natural and yourself when the world around you is at it is. What can I do? Should I just give up ...and get used to acting like everyone else seems to do? I almost think ..it might be more comfortable that way. At least I'd fit in with people. But - I'd still be lonely.

I have chosen not to give up. As you've said I would be lonely anyway by keeping quiet and going along with the "family/clique" and even lonelier because I would have betrayed my commitments becoming alienated from my higher self.

I support you in your ideals of honesty and compassion! Don't worry what other people think...there is a God. Whoops, you're a Buddhist and may not believe in God...there is a higher self.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 28-01-2012, 05:21 PM
Mayflow
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prinie
The trick is in not expecting the world to change or to become like you. By this I mean, coming to accept yourself as a unique individual with a different way of acting, behaving, perceiving the world and embracing it without expecting the world to embrace you.

Try to focus more on your own output and what you want out of your life and not on the output of others and what they're doing. In doing so, you halt your own movement and growth process. They are simply doing what they know how to do.

Yes, I agree. If you want to be more about learning or compassion or altruism or whatever, just do it. If that is good in your heart, good. Others paths may differ and that is their choice at the time.

Just be you and be true to you. Eastdream, I think that Prinie is saying this too.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 01-02-2012, 05:15 AM
CSEe CSEe is offline
Master
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: malaysia
Posts: 1,648
  CSEe's Avatar
just sharing .In my current opinion ,Buddhism is a process of knowing ownself by being awake and is never about others is all because of ownself .
Is my process to know , to realize , to free me from the "self" that created by my pollutant such as my desire / compassion/ feeling / emotions etc .
In Buddhism nothing is connected to me , no one is related to me including "my parent" or "my children" ...they are just like other living or non-living on their own purification process just like me .
Therefore in Buddhism , I am always alone in my own journey to purification .
Since I of the opinion , Buddhism is a process of learning therefore there are NO RIGHT or WRONg , no true or false and no good or bad . All action is part of learning process and all re-action is a reflection of own realization.

Thks
CSEe
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 02-02-2012, 09:19 PM
EastDream
Posts: n/a
 
Yes, I see your point - but didn't Buddha also say that we are all in a vast interconnected web of cause and effect? That in actuality we are all tied to one another and this is why each of our actions has consequence?

I can see your point, but I hope you also can see mine. There is a strong emphasis on non-duality also.

Just wanted to check back in and respond to the goings on in this forum. I bought a book about meditations on compassion toward others, and how to radiate it etc. I am still struggling with it - though as I expect it to be an ongoing change. I think I am a bit of a paradox because on one hand, I am trying to develop my compassion, and indeed have a strong affinity toward compassion in others...yet I still enjoy violence. There was a movie called Warrior which came out, it is more of a drama fight movie in the mma style. I think I definately like it more in the drama aspect. But something about fighting still hits me on a deep and visceral level. When I think about it I don't think about the pain, or destructive aspect. It's not about that..it is more about a rush that I get. One is truly alive when one fights. I think that this can be applied to other aspects of living - which is why I find Vajrayana interesting in the tantric aspect; as well as earlier Tao literature and philosophy of truly, fully, living, and the body.
The Buddha also stressed not to follow him blindly; but to "be a light unto yourself". That was his way. But his way may not be "my" way, per se. I think we blend aspects of it all into what makes sense to us. But I definately want to expand on my compassion, as with all of the wise persons have expounded upon I think this is ultimately a more developed way of living. It touches us all on a deeper level.
Today, as on other days..something dissonant happened in my interaction with another, actually two other, people. I attend a college and am frequently around campus so I find there to be quite a lot of immaturity in social aspects as well as what people are about, etc. This girl who I am friends with stopped by after class and we were all sitting out in the sun, there was one other girl there with her. I tried my best to relate to them on the human level..make conversation...laugh. any connection of any kind. but I found it arduous and, strained to a great degree. I couldn't tell if it was a maturity factor, or them being female and I a male...or a combination of both, or none of them...but I didn't feel like we were clicking at all. The conversation seemed superfluous and shallow, witty and on the surface. I don't normally engage in these kinds of conversations (the Buddha advised against this, haha) ...and in the past I would used to cave part of myself to take part in them; which, even then did not feel natural. But i just fell silent now when these things happen...as I don't see any point in participating in them. If I get the vibe that a conversation is unwholesome or, fake, I just sort of disengage from it for awhile.
Perhaps I don't get along with this girl? I just felt for some odd reason that ....maybe I am strange. It is true in withdrawing so much into deep contemplation we become 'deep' by the worlds standards and indeed everything may seem shallow. I don't know. In any event I felt weird, very strange and almost like a misfit if I could say so. I feel like people put a tremendous effort into actually KEEPING things shallow, fending off etc. I felt this energy from her..it was as if I could not get through to her. Everytime it was about to happen...she would interject with more words that didn't mean anything, anything at all..but were there to just occupy space and make her the center of attention. Maybe I don't understand people like this? Is she a narcissist? Is she afraid of silences...? This seems to be a disease of people, however as I seem to encounter it alot..it seems there a lot of words going on and yet absolutely nothing, nothing of substance. It is almost as if a dance set up that we are all supposed to play in..I just don't feel like doing it. Maybe this is why I felt strange - I have become so outside of the normal social norms of what we are supposed to act, behave. It is almost as if people are find to dress up in masks and act a certain way. We are expected to act witty and jibe at one another ......shallowness is welcome, even encouraged. I am not into or interested in a 'click' or a stupid divisive habit of pushing people away. I want to welcome them in. It is deepness or sincerity of any kind that is pushed into some dark corner and that people don't go near. When I come with it....people don't know what to do with it. Maybe...like some have said - I am just clinging to the wrong sort of people, still.
Maybe I should have compassion for even these kinds of people. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I feel like so much emphasis is set upon exluding certain groups or people . It is a fundamentally closed-off energy; as opposed to the open energy of compassion towards beings, a welcoming energy. When I step out my front door into the wide world in America, it is predominantly, crushingly the first kind of energy that I always feel, and I mean always, feel. I feel like this needs to change..but how? I wonder if alot of it is just inside my head and maybe I am seeing it there to a larger degree. Hard to tell. Whether the energy is internal or external, from without, its hard to tell..but I definately run into that first kind of energy..and it IS crushing. Others have said that they don't feel this way so i must conclude that it IS indeed in my head.
Anyone relate to these experiences?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 02-02-2012, 09:50 PM
Mayflow
Posts: n/a
 
I relate to that very well. I think most people talk and carry on and babble about things I find tediously boring. Especially in large groups and social situations. Sometimes it is a lot more interesting for me if it is just me and one other, as it seems I can attune and focus more, and the conversation can maybe go to a deeper level. It is very difficult to get past the masks in a group, I think. And masks to me are boring.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:36 PM.


Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) Spiritual Forums