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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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Old 20-03-2013, 12:47 PM
Louisa Louisa is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,695
I also have few friends - my sister is a friend, but she doesn't know the real me in some ways - I have to censor myself because I learned that she'd scorn or judge me otherwise, and in many ways we really have little in common. It is a bit draining to be around her when we just don't have anything in common to share or enjoy, but I feel the need to fake like I'm interested in what she is doing/talking about for hours. Plus she can complain for hours but will hear no positive suggestions. She gets offended if I suggest things might could be better or possible solutions to her problems. I am married, but my marriage is at best quite distant and at worst, very negative.

Over the years, my friends have withdrawn or drifted away or we had a falling out. I eventually learned how to spend a lot of time by myself and keep myself company. It is not ideal, but in many ways, I like it. I learned how to be much more self-reliant and to be less dependent on others for validation or entertainment. I mostly spend all my time at home and am pretty much a recluse (but I do have a toddler and two cats who keep me a lot of company). When I got my cats a several years ago it eased my loneliness more than I ever would have imagined. I think if I was on my own and had time and transport, I would try to do some type of volunteering or find some work I found personally meaningful to give back, because that kind of thing makes me feel less lonely too. I had the serendipity to connect with spirits who now keep me a lot of company. I think spiritual development helped to bring this about and I really wanted to interact with someone, so I think that attracted the spirits to me. Might try manifesting spirits? I think I did it, without even consciously intending to.

Other things that help me: Spending time in nature - I feel great company from nature and the animals and plants. Reading, books are my company. Changing the routine in my daily life and having a cheerful environment, changing up the decor, makes my life feel less routine. Just having a little company with acquaintances can help, even if they're not close friends. Talking to people online who share interests helps me a lot. Having purposes that I believe in helps me. And journaling, sometimes as if I'm talking to myself. Sometimes imagining what a friend or someone I'd like to be friends with who I respect (favorite book authors for example), would say and it creates new insights and ideas in my mind. Just a few of my thoughts.
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Old 20-03-2013, 01:49 PM
Black Sheep Black Sheep is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 600
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I'll chime in....I've had similar trouble finding spiritual-like minded friends. What helped me is realize that it seems to be quite common. There is alot of hurt people out there, if you've ever sat back and observed your friends. It's sad, there's alot of people struggling, doing the best they can trying to fill their needs through others or external means.

I found that even when surrounded by friends I still felt alone. (I tended to make friends with pathological NPDs or Borderline friends(no offense to those suffering). I love them, but there was little space in their heart for others, and conversations tended to be one-sided and stagnant.

So I worked on my choices, try to be mindful of myself, and although I haven't found the ideal/well rounded friend, I've worked on being my ideal friend. Hey, I can't demand it if I can't give it.:) So working on myself, whilst being compassionate for others who may be a little lost/hurt or running the opposite way.
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Old 20-03-2013, 07:55 PM
lily of the valley
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Wow Louisa , I saw a lot of me in what I just read about you. Amazing......The same exact things keep me company as well, except for the cats, and my children are now grown and starting on their own endeavors.
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Old 20-03-2013, 08:28 PM
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I have a similar problem, especially as I've gotten more spiritual. Maybe it'd be a good thing to try and manifest. :)
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Old 20-03-2013, 08:46 PM
Louisa Louisa is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,695
Originally Posted by lily of the valley
Wow Louisa , I saw a lot of me in what I just read about you. Amazing......The same exact things keep me company as well, except for the cats, and my children are now grown and starting on their own endeavors.

That's pretty cool, lily of the valley. Lilies of the valley are one of my favorite flowers, btw. lol
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Old 25-03-2013, 02:06 AM
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I had a very close friend that passed away a few years ago. He was very ahead of his time and incredibly enlightened. It was his passing that helped me find spirituality. I'm more connected to him now than ever and though we were just friends before, not to sound weird but he is my best friend now. Some would probably say that I need to move on and whatnot but I believe that nobody can ever be replaced. You should hold onto what you had with your previous friends and realize that you can never lose it. Everything will happen the way it should, there's no reason to try forcing friendships with people you don't connect with.. The right people will enter your life at the exact right time.. Hope this helps :)
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