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Old 27-06-2018, 09:13 PM
Ankhesenamun Ankhesenamun is offline
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Extreme bad luck - a curse or something else?

I am posting this under spiritualism as this topic doesn't really fit under anything else. I wonder if anyone else is experiencing similar.

I wonder whether there might be some kind of a curse going on, but whatever it is, there is something serious going on.

I know a lot of people think they are cursed because things are not going their way, they can't get the job they want, or they can't find love. But occasionally one comes across stories from people where it's obvious there is something really serious wrong. So before anyone thinks I'm just another silly woman who just can't find a boyfriend, please read this first.

Bad luck doesn't even begin to describe what I have experienced all my life. Bad luck is in fact the least of my worries. But my experiences have been such extremes that the few people who have heard my story have either point blank refused to believe that I could have survived all that, or they thought I was fantasizing. Nobody is prepared to believe that all this could have happened to one person.

I am in my forties and my entire life I have suffered extreme abuse. By that I mean abuse of the extreme kind, I won't go into detail here as this is a family friendly forum - which I am very glad about. I also don't want to shock anyone or bring back bad memories for other abuse survivors. So let's just say, the very worst of the very worst that you have ever heard about in the media, I have experienced it. And it is ongoing. And getting worse.

Wherever I go, people hate me on sight and abuse me. I only need to walk down the road and I get attacked, stared at, talked about, followed. This has been repeatedly confirmed to me by others, including my neighbors, so this is not just my imagination. My car gets vandalized regularly. Again this can't be my imagination as each time this happens I have to have the damage repaired by mechanics. I get eggs and disgusting liquids thrown at me, I get abuse screamed at me, I get threatened, threatening messages get left on my car. Whilst this is all nothing compared to the extreme abuse I have otherwise suffered, it is nevertheless concerning as to why everywhere I go, people react in this way. And many of them go on to abuse me in more serious ways.

I am unable to find friends despite being outgoing, friendly, and always smiling at people. I have never had a relationship so have nobody to protect me. This is not by choice by the way, but nobody has ever been interested in me, despite me being attractive and intelligent. I know I said I'm not just another silly girl who can't find a boyfriend, but this is just one of the many bizarre things that are going on, and I want to explain why I have nobody. In fact nobody wants anything to do with me.

I am unable to find a job despite being well educated and highly intelligent. Sorry, don't want to show off, just citing facts. I have had all my possessions stolen numerous times as well as my inheritance and my life savings so I have ended up in bitter poverty and with nothing - despite being from a wealthy family.

Nobody has ever believed me - on the contrary, everywhere I encounter accusations upon accusations upon accusations. I have been falsely accused of all the - serious - crimes that in reality had been committed against me, law enforcement and all organizations for victims of crime refuse to support me.

I am so terrified by now that I barely leave the house, only when I absolutely have to, but even then all it takes is one phone call to someone and I get falsely accused of all sorts of things. I have no way of proving that these allegations are false as I never have any witnesses of course. By now I am so terrified of more false allegations, and the subsequent legal consequences, that I keep away from people and avoid all contact with people as much as possible.

Law enforcement have gone to such extremes as to falsely portray me as some hardcore criminal who is a danger to society. In reality I am a tiny, underweight girl, absolutely terrified, too terrified to even look at anyone, and so underweight that I cannot stand up for long without collapsing. Because law enforcement insist that I am this dangerous criminal, I am unable to report any of the - almost daily - attacks on me.

By now anyone reading this probably thinks I am some depressed failure who doesn't look after herself, spends her time sitting around doing nothing, is overweight and of low intelligence and can't cope with life. Nothing however could be further from the truth.

I have never suffered with depression, I have never had dark thoughts, I have a busy life, I take good care of myself and I want nothing more than a normal life. But this is impossible as all it takes is me stepping outside my front door and I get attacked again. And I mean this literally.

For this to happen a few times might be passed off as coincidence. For this to happen for over 40 years is clearly something else. And yes this has happened ever since my earliest childhood. I remember as a tiny toddler happily going up to mothers with babies - because I loved babies - and wanting to have a look at the babies, only for the mothers to scream hysterically "get her away from me, she is evil". Who does this to a tiny toddler of 2 or 3??? And this happened all the time - not just once or twice! I had by the way nobody to defend me - as I said, I've suffered extreme abuse all my life.

By now my body is starting to give up from the constant abuse and the constant having to live in fear.

I don't know whether this is a curse or what - I always thought only a justified curse would take effect. Apparently this is not the case.

I have tried asking various church ministers for help (I am not Christian but I asked for spiritual help), but each of them reacted in the way as described above - disbelief and accusations of me just imagining everything.

There has never been a time when I did not have to suffer extreme abuse, or when even just one person would have accepted me as a human being (except my late grandmother and my late cat - both did not survive the attacks that were directed at me). There has never been a time when I could just have had a normal life, or been able to leave the house without fear of getting attacked.

I have worked extremely hard all my life, more often than not to the point of collapse, but I have nothing to show for it as everything has repeatedly been stolen from me. Others have taken credit for my ideas and my work. And because I have nothing to show for my hard work, I suffer constant accusations of being "lazy and of low intelligence".

I am a very positive person despite all this so it's not a case of me thinking negatively and therefore attracting bad things to happen. After over 40 years of this I am however by now terrified of people. But I have retained my positivity.

I don't know what is going on here but if a solution, and an explanation, is not found soon then I don't know how much longer I can survive like this.

I would love to hear from anyone going through similar. Has anyone ever been through something like this and found a solution, or an explanation for these happenings? There can't be a "rational" explanation for this any more, not after this length of time, so there must be more to it. I have by the way lived in several different countries but everywhere it has been the same, so it's not a case of just the same people doing the same things repeatedly to me because they just don't like me.

There must be a spiritual reason for all this - but I don't know what this is, or what I am supposed to do about it.

That reminds me though - two years ago I once did a curse reversal ceremony. Maybe that wasn't the best idea but I was desperate. Immediately after this ceremony, the difference was amazing - all of a sudden I had a normal life, I was not being attacked, everywhere I went people treated me with normal respect and as a human being. I had a normal life - for the first time ever! The difference was absolutely amazing. Unfortunately this effect lasted only for two weeks, and then it gradually wore off and things became the same as before. That shows that there is something spiritual going on! But I can't keep doing such ceremonies just to live a normal life - it was a very complicated ceremony that involved things I had to order from abroad, going to certain places etc - I can't keep doing this just to have a normal life!
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Old 27-06-2018, 10:24 PM
shivatar shivatar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun
I am posting this under spiritualism as this topic doesn't really fit under anything else. I wonder if anyone else is experiencing similar.

I wonder whether there might be some kind of a curse going on, but whatever it is, there is something serious going on.

I know a lot of people think they are cursed because things are not going their way, they can't get the job they want, or they can't find love. But occasionally one comes across stories from people where it's obvious there is something really serious wrong. So before anyone thinks I'm just another silly woman who just can't find a boyfriend, please read this first.

Bad luck doesn't even begin to describe what I have experienced all my life. Bad luck is in fact the least of my worries. But my experiences have been such extremes that the few people who have heard my story have either point blank refused to believe that I could have survived all that, or they thought I was fantasizing. Nobody is prepared to believe that all this could have happened to one person.

I am in my forties and my entire life I have suffered extreme abuse. By that I mean abuse of the extreme kind, I won't go into detail here as this is a family friendly forum - which I am very glad about. I also don't want to shock anyone or bring back bad memories for other abuse survivors. So let's just say, the very worst of the very worst that you have ever heard about in the media, I have experienced it. And it is ongoing. And getting worse.

Wherever I go, people hate me on sight and abuse me. I only need to walk down the road and I get attacked, stared at, talked about, followed. This has been repeatedly confirmed to me by others, including my neighbors, so this is not just my imagination. My car gets vandalized regularly. Again this can't be my imagination as each time this happens I have to have the damage repaired by mechanics. I get eggs and disgusting liquids thrown at me, I get abuse screamed at me, I get threatened, threatening messages get left on my car. Whilst this is all nothing compared to the extreme abuse I have otherwise suffered, it is nevertheless concerning as to why everywhere I go, people react in this way. And many of them go on to abuse me in more serious ways.

I am unable to find friends despite being outgoing, friendly, and always smiling at people. I have never had a relationship so have nobody to protect me. This is not by choice by the way, but nobody has ever been interested in me, despite me being attractive and intelligent. I know I said I'm not just another silly girl who can't find a boyfriend, but this is just one of the many bizarre things that are going on, and I want to explain why I have nobody. In fact nobody wants anything to do with me.

I am unable to find a job despite being well educated and highly intelligent. Sorry, don't want to show off, just citing facts. I have had all my possessions stolen numerous times as well as my inheritance and my life savings so I have ended up in bitter poverty and with nothing - despite being from a wealthy family.

Nobody has ever believed me - on the contrary, everywhere I encounter accusations upon accusations upon accusations. I have been falsely accused of all the - serious - crimes that in reality had been committed against me, law enforcement and all organizations for victims of crime refuse to support me.

I am so terrified by now that I barely leave the house, only when I absolutely have to, but even then all it takes is one phone call to someone and I get falsely accused of all sorts of things. I have no way of proving that these allegations are false as I never have any witnesses of course. By now I am so terrified of more false allegations, and the subsequent legal consequences, that I keep away from people and avoid all contact with people as much as possible.

Law enforcement have gone to such extremes as to falsely portray me as some hardcore criminal who is a danger to society. In reality I am a tiny, underweight girl, absolutely terrified, too terrified to even look at anyone, and so underweight that I cannot stand up for long without collapsing. Because law enforcement insist that I am this dangerous criminal, I am unable to report any of the - almost daily - attacks on me.

By now anyone reading this probably thinks I am some depressed failure who doesn't look after herself, spends her time sitting around doing nothing, is overweight and of low intelligence and can't cope with life. Nothing however could be further from the truth.

I have never suffered with depression, I have never had dark thoughts, I have a busy life, I take good care of myself and I want nothing more than a normal life. But this is impossible as all it takes is me stepping outside my front door and I get attacked again. And I mean this literally.

For this to happen a few times might be passed off as coincidence. For this to happen for over 40 years is clearly something else. And yes this has happened ever since my earliest childhood. I remember as a tiny toddler happily going up to mothers with babies - because I loved babies - and wanting to have a look at the babies, only for the mothers to scream hysterically "get her away from me, she is evil". Who does this to a tiny toddler of 2 or 3??? And this happened all the time - not just once or twice! I had by the way nobody to defend me - as I said, I've suffered extreme abuse all my life.

By now my body is starting to give up from the constant abuse and the constant having to live in fear.

I don't know whether this is a curse or what - I always thought only a justified curse would take effect. Apparently this is not the case.

I have tried asking various church ministers for help (I am not Christian but I asked for spiritual help), but each of them reacted in the way as described above - disbelief and accusations of me just imagining everything.

There has never been a time when I did not have to suffer extreme abuse, or when even just one person would have accepted me as a human being (except my late grandmother and my late cat - both did not survive the attacks that were directed at me). There has never been a time when I could just have had a normal life, or been able to leave the house without fear of getting attacked.

I have worked extremely hard all my life, more often than not to the point of collapse, but I have nothing to show for it as everything has repeatedly been stolen from me. Others have taken credit for my ideas and my work. And because I have nothing to show for my hard work, I suffer constant accusations of being "lazy and of low intelligence".

I am a very positive person despite all this so it's not a case of me thinking negatively and therefore attracting bad things to happen. After over 40 years of this I am however by now terrified of people. But I have retained my positivity.

I don't know what is going on here but if a solution, and an explanation, is not found soon then I don't know how much longer I can survive like this.

I would love to hear from anyone going through similar. Has anyone ever been through something like this and found a solution, or an explanation for these happenings? There can't be a "rational" explanation for this any more, not after this length of time, so there must be more to it. I have by the way lived in several different countries but everywhere it has been the same, so it's not a case of just the same people doing the same things repeatedly to me because they just don't like me.

There must be a spiritual reason for all this - but I don't know what this is, or what I am supposed to do about it.

That reminds me though - two years ago I once did a curse reversal ceremony. Maybe that wasn't the best idea but I was desperate. Immediately after this ceremony, the difference was amazing - all of a sudden I had a normal life, I was not being attacked, everywhere I went people treated me with normal respect and as a human being. I had a normal life - for the first time ever! The difference was absolutely amazing. Unfortunately this effect lasted only for two weeks, and then it gradually wore off and things became the same as before. That shows that there is something spiritual going on! But I can't keep doing such ceremonies just to live a normal life - it was a very complicated ceremony that involved things I had to order from abroad, going to certain places etc - I can't keep doing this just to have a normal life!

Human beings are like animals in many ways. One could even say that humans are animals with the ability to rise above their animal nature. However its clear that the majority of society does not. Maybe 30-40% or something but most do not.

If an animal senses fear in you, they will become aggressive. If they sense weakness in you, they will pressure you. Humans are like this too. When a person who is not aligned with their highest self senses weakness in another, they leap on that person. It could be verbal, it could be mental (thinking dark thoughts about the other person, it could be emotional, it could be physical, spiritual, etc. it can manifest in multiple ways.

I think people are attacking you for two reasons. One is a bunch of them see the weakness in you and they are instinctually inclined to attack you. Sometimes people just have a dark side like that. The other is your beauty. When a person sees theirself as ugly, and they want to be beautiful, well when they look at someone who they think is beautiful they become very angry, jealous, envious, and many other things.

When you have things other people want, it makes you a target. When you are targeted enough, it becomes a trauma. When you are traumatized, people want to pounce on you (because they sense weakness). It seems to be that you had the misfortune of being very fortunate. It's not something many people think about or recognize but it's as much a challenge in life as being obease, disfigured, of low intelligence, etc.

Also I think you should reconsider if you have ever had depression before. Depression isn't always sadness, although it is many times. For a personal example, I haven't felt a depression with sadness for a very long time. Maybe even years. But I face depression all the time. It feels like a lack of motivation, a lack of purpose, a lack of joy and happiness (real inherent happiness, not forced positivity), and like I don't want to be social at all. I don't feel bad per say, but i don't feel great either. I feel sluggish, like I just want to get what has to be done done and then go escape to drugs, media, meditation, or some other form of inner retreat.

Another thing, you should consider just being miserable. It takes a great amount of effort to attempt to be positive when there is nothing to be positive about. It's better to be real, to reflect what you feel on the inside on the outside, than to act or play as if everything is OK.

It sounds backwards, but reveling in my own misery has always been beneficial (and difficult!) for me. It's in those weeks and months of misery that I make great changes in my life, begin to do new practices, develop new ways of thinking about the world and my own situation.

When I was constantly trying to be happy, although feeling very bad inside, I was never really helping myself. I was just delaying the inevitable breakdown. When I finally broke down I experienced a great sense of euphoria. I was finally unburdened and able to live freely.

In other words, there is a time and place for everything including emotions and feelings. It's not natural to feel good and OK all the time. It's OK to feel bad, miserable, and completely depressed, anxious, and full of fear. Those states can be just as spiritually and physically beneficial as euphoric or bliss states.

Judge a state based on how it changes your life, not how you feel about it.

When I was totally euphoric and blissful, I was a lazy mess! I didn't do anything to further my life or my purpose, I just sat around enjoying it all the time! When I'm miserable and depressed, I can be lazy but it doesn't last long. As long as I let the suffering in and don't escape from it, eventually it pushes me to better my life, change my life, and consequently causaes me to enjoy my own life more (because the depression and anxiety fades).

Suffering from extreme abuse for all of your life leaves scars on every level of your being. mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. It takes a lot of time, effort, and good practices to reverse the damage. I suggest you listen to your higher self and seek to heal your wounds. In time things will be better, you already have all the motivation you need, you just need a goal and a plan to get there!

(I'm talking from exerience here. I was brutally traumatized at 5 and have faced multiple severe traumas every year since then. Even now when I am in decent health, I can always count on a few massive disasters each year. It's like clockwork. I'm so full of trauma at this point that to go out into society is a trauma for me. My identity itself is traumatized. I look at other people and see my reflection in them and I hate what I see. I hate that i hate myself but it's just something I have learned to accept and deal with.

I have only been trying to heal myself for 3 months now but I have begun to feel amazing changes. And I'm not even trying very hard either, I eat kind of well but also eat a lot of junk food. i dont exercise. I don't meditate much, etc. there are tons of things I could be doing to speed up the healing process but I just dont. I'm not that moviated yet. But maybe you are.

I just read this page recently but I found it very informative. Perhaps it was meant for you
https://www.drlwilson.com/articles/TRAUMA%20RELEASE.htm )


also, I'm sure there is a rational reason. It would take a lot of explaining but I think there is one. What I told you previously is what I think the rational reason is. Trauma of various sorts has left a physical imprint on you. This physical imprint carries into your mind and how you perceive the world. Too much pain and trauma has left its mark on you, forcing you to restrict many aspects of yourself so that you can continue to live as you did before the trauma. But as you now know, you are becoming so constricted from the traumas that you dont even have any room left to breathe. It takes all of your energy just to get simple things done. This is a result of a life of trauma. A few years of healing ought to do the trick for you. Dedicate yourself to healing your body on every level and you will make so much progress within 3 months that you will be looking forward to the next few years as the most exciting and liberating of your life so far.

I don't think you are cursed. I have thought i was cursed so many times before. Sometimes though God will talk to me and let me know that although times are difficult now, there is a greater purpose to my life. One that I cannot see yet, but God can, and I should have faith in Gods plan. I should align with God and seek to be Gods servant.

God has also let me know that the life I am living now is the consequence of my choices in past lives. I was a very mischevous trickster in one of my recent past lives (I was actually a magician, and I dont mean the theatre kind, I mean the crystal ball and spells kind), I sought to help people but I did not do a very good job at it. I played games, thinking that I would only help a few people who were worthy, but instead I caused a great deal of people pain and confusion. Now in this life I must deal with the consequences of that. I face great pain and confusion every day. I also am unable to practice magic, but I think that is more of a personal choice of mine this time around, not so much being banned from magic by God.

I sense that I have more work to do before I pay my dues, more work on improving myself and more work in the service of others. More suffering to endure too. It's OK though. I know there is balance in all things. The hell I am in now is because I was in heaven before, and I will be in heaven again once I finish enduring this hell. I hope you can see the rationality in that. It's an understanding I have because of observing the world with clarity, it's not a feeling I have or a desire I wish were true. if you look for long enough and with enough clarity you will see it too. I hope you choose to and I hope you feel relief when you realize it.

Best of luck,

Corey
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Old 30-06-2018, 10:45 AM
Ankhesenamun Ankhesenamun is offline
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shivatar - that's an interesting thing that you point out. What you describe, people sensing my fear and vulnerability and therefore attacking (like a wild animal) - that describes people who are narcissists, ie abusive, manipulative, and downright evil. There is a theory that such people are demonically possessed. I can well believe that as I have indeed been in the presence of evil. Such evil people instill a lot of fear in me, and fear is always from a negative source.

You mention healing. It's difficult to heal when the abuse is ongoing. If it was in the past then yes, I could heal and eventually put it behind me. But I have to deal with attacks on an almost daily basis. Every day I have to make very quick decisions how to try to stay safe. Every decision that I make, down to such small decisions as when and where to go grocery shopping, is based on how to stay safe - I have to calculate where I can go at what time to at least try and keep attacks to a minimum, to try to avoid people that are stalking me. When walking or driving along somewhere, I have to think which way to go, when to cross a road etc based on which areas to avoid so as to stay safe. Every moment of my life is nothing but considering how to stay safe and how to avoid more attacks. I am in constant fear because despite my careful considerations, I keep getting attacked and threatened.

In such circumstances it's impossible to heal. I don't even have time to heal, to spend time concentrating on myself. All my concentration goes on what to do next and how to organize my life to avoid attacks, and on trying to cope with the constant shocks resulting from the attacks and threats. I'm in survival mode 24 hours a day, all that matters is surviving, dealing with the shocks, trying to get back to normal after each attack, thinking what to do next. There is no time for anything else, no time for quiet contemplation, for meditation, for doing something for myself such as having a hobby.

It's interesting that you say I should just show how I feel and not constantly pretend to be ever so happy. Whilst I am a very positive person by nature, and like to smile at people and enjoy the few enjoyable moments that I get, there are obviously many moments where I feel afraid, miserable, in despair. I learned to pretend to be happy even during such moments because people kept accusing me of being "negative", I got told nobody wanted to be friends with me because people want happy and "bubbly" people as friends, not someone who is sad or afraid. I got basically told it was my own fault that I have no friends and that nobody wanted anything to do with me, some even accused me of having a dark cloud over me.

So I started to put on a happy face towards everybody else even when I don't feel like it. Has this gotten me any friends, anyone who cares? No - I'm in the same position as I've always been, nobody talks to me, nobody looks at me, nobody wants anything to do with me. But at least now nobody can accuse me of being "negative".

I do think however that there is a spiritual reason for all this, whether a curse or whatever it is, because I have never heard of anyone suffering so much abuse, so many attacks, and such extreme misfortune. Not even people who are extremely depressed, loners, homeless, or in any other way seen by society as "not fitting in", are confronted with constant abuse from all sides. Not even the meanest of people are being treated with such contempt. Even the worst of criminals does not get hated on sight everywhere. There must be more to it. I just don't know what it is.
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Old 03-07-2018, 04:54 AM
shivatar shivatar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun
shivatar - that's an interesting thing that you point out. What you describe, people sensing my fear and vulnerability and therefore attacking (like a wild animal) - that describes people who are narcissists, ie abusive, manipulative, and downright evil. There is a theory that such people are demonically possessed. I can well believe that as I have indeed been in the presence of evil. Such evil people instill a lot of fear in me, and fear is always from a negative source.

You mention healing. It's difficult to heal when the abuse is ongoing. If it was in the past then yes, I could heal and eventually put it behind me. But I have to deal with attacks on an almost daily basis. Every day I have to make very quick decisions how to try to stay safe. Every decision that I make, down to such small decisions as when and where to go grocery shopping, is based on how to stay safe - I have to calculate where I can go at what time to at least try and keep attacks to a minimum, to try to avoid people that are stalking me. When walking or driving along somewhere, I have to think which way to go, when to cross a road etc based on which areas to avoid so as to stay safe. Every moment of my life is nothing but considering how to stay safe and how to avoid more attacks. I am in constant fear because despite my careful considerations, I keep getting attacked and threatened.

In such circumstances it's impossible to heal. I don't even have time to heal, to spend time concentrating on myself. All my concentration goes on what to do next and how to organize my life to avoid attacks, and on trying to cope with the constant shocks resulting from the attacks and threats. I'm in survival mode 24 hours a day, all that matters is surviving, dealing with the shocks, trying to get back to normal after each attack, thinking what to do next. There is no time for anything else, no time for quiet contemplation, for meditation, for doing something for myself such as having a hobby.

It's interesting that you say I should just show how I feel and not constantly pretend to be ever so happy. Whilst I am a very positive person by nature, and like to smile at people and enjoy the few enjoyable moments that I get, there are obviously many moments where I feel afraid, miserable, in despair. I learned to pretend to be happy even during such moments because people kept accusing me of being "negative", I got told nobody wanted to be friends with me because people want happy and "bubbly" people as friends, not someone who is sad or afraid. I got basically told it was my own fault that I have no friends and that nobody wanted anything to do with me, some even accused me of having a dark cloud over me.

So I started to put on a happy face towards everybody else even when I don't feel like it. Has this gotten me any friends, anyone who cares? No - I'm in the same position as I've always been, nobody talks to me, nobody looks at me, nobody wants anything to do with me. But at least now nobody can accuse me of being "negative".

I do think however that there is a spiritual reason for all this, whether a curse or whatever it is, because I have never heard of anyone suffering so much abuse, so many attacks, and such extreme misfortune. Not even people who are extremely depressed, loners, homeless, or in any other way seen by society as "not fitting in", are confronted with constant abuse from all sides. Not even the meanest of people are being treated with such contempt. Even the worst of criminals does not get hated on sight everywhere. There must be more to it. I just don't know what it is.

When you are ready to heal then you will begin the process. I suggest you don't put barriers in front of it though, like saying you cannot heal because the pain will keep coming.

The thing is if you heal you will be able to better deal with attacks, and you will feel more safe as a result of the healing. primarily because in order to heal you have to find safety! that could come from a routine such as yours, or it can come from beliefs, like believing that no matter what happens it is Gods will. This is not the only option of course, just what came to mind first since its of the most common and easiest.

If you have faith, you don't need to worry. You let God do the worrying. Right now you believe the choices you make and the actions you take somehow make you more safe than Gods choices and actions. You believe you can do a better job of keeping you safe than God can. Maybe thats true. But what if you and God found a way to work together, then that would be pretty amazing wouldn't it. God would realize your wisdom and only complement it, tell you when you are going to an extreme like being too cautious, or not cautious enough. God wouldn't tell you to have complete faith and throw out everything you know and want to do, God would only improve everything you do to make it what best serves you.

That's the thing about people, they are always going to have their own personal opinion and they are rarely hesitant to let you know what it is. If people are saying they cannot accept you for who you are then it's better to replace them with people who can. It's tough, no doubt about it. But it's better than restricting your expression of who you are and how you feel. Freedom is always better than restriction, well, generally haha.

Shallow people tell you that you are not shallow enough for them is a blessing in disguise. Part of you wants to be in that group but the rest of your being is saying it's time to find more compassionate and wise souls to share my time with. It sucks when what you want seems to be ripped away from you, but there is a higher purpose to things and if you just follow your happy you will find the purpose. That is an important thing to recognize by the way. Your happiness is not gone, it has simply moved to somewhere else. It has moved on to new people, new activities, new emotions, it has moved elsewhere and if you keep doing what you always have you will not find it. You have to explore and experiment. You must journey.

Being the way you always were is becoming repressive and burdensome for you. it's time for a life overhaul and to discover a new way of being that is pleasing to your soul. It sounds difficult, I know, especially in the midst of pain, but it's that difficulty that makes it a worthy challenge and also a prize that you will be proud of all your life.

Living in the shadow of other peoples accusations and expectations makes finding your happiness very difficult. It becomes difficult because peoples accusations and expectations are so varied that you can never please everyone. What one person calls negative and depressing to another might be an expression of vulnerability and trust, something they respect you more for instead of thinking less of you. In order to find happiness you need to let go of caring about what other people are going to think about you. You need freedom of expression and if you are focused on what another person thinks or wants in any way you are not being 100% present and focused with yourself. Just focus on doing what makes you happy, just be yourself, to heck with what everybody else thinks or expects.

No matter what, people are going to be transient in your life. Sometimes people will fade out from your life because of work or moving or family, but in general only a few people will be with you for a significant portion of your life. One is your partner, the others are parents/children/siblings. Because people are transient, its better to just do what makes you happy and comfortable. If they dont like it then they will be around for much less time and that is a good thing. if you are not compatible as friends its better to just move on than try and force it to work. It's always better to just be yoursef, your true self, the one that is happy. If you are not happy, it's because you are restricting yourself in some way or another. Usually with your thoughts, sometimes because what you fear others might think about you.

I don't want to say what you are going through isn't bad, but you are not alone in your struggle. Many people face different kinds of pain that is chronic and constant though. It may not be contempt like you experience, but there are far worse things to experience. One thing I've learned about pain is it always surprises you. Pain will always find a way to out-do itself. You think you know pain but then nope, you experience a new level of pain that totally makes you suicidal for a period of time. I don't know when I first truly experienced that but it was probably around my early 20's. Pain so great that death became an option for dealing with it. The term "infinite pain" has come to mind many a time before when trying to describe what I felt.

To be honest I love venting about how bad things are. I think everybody secretly enjoys it (and that might be why we have therapists! haha). I feel obligated to say "this isn't a compare your pain to my pain contest", because it isnt, but at the same time its kind of obvious that our pains are different but very relatable so it doesnt have to be said. All I wanted to say is that you are not alone. Many people face a life of pain, nearly constant, sheer, overwhelming, horrible, toxic, necrotic festering bubbling pain. Many people choose to go numb since it's just too much to bear on top of other responsibilities like working and having children or being in a marriage. Anyways enough about pain. Lets talk about the lessons learned in pain!

Kensho and satori are two words that describe the process of awakening in zen buddhism. Kensho is basically learning from pain. It is the moments of insight we have after we learn a painful or difficult lesson. Satori is awakening through insight, or basically moments where you realize deep truths about life while doing everyday things like meditation or chores or work.

A life of pain has a lot of Kensho moments. Maybe it's just bad luck, a curse, that some people have a life with a lot of Kensho and only a little satori. Maybe it is due to everyone having different temperments and methods that they learn best from. Either way, Kensho is a thing and it's a good thing. There is always a possible Kensho for pain, we just have to find it.
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Old 03-07-2018, 06:09 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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After reading the opening post in this thread and all subsequent replies, I would like you to know that you are not alone here, because this sounds exactly like me.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret...

All of this used to really bother me...why was I abused? Why do people hate me no matter what I do? Why can't I make friends? What the hell did I DO to deserve this?

In the process, I put a bit of stock in the old adage "that which he resist, persists".

The fact is that certain people have a great spiritual power inside, which may not be all "love, light and rainbows" and the sheer intensity of it...What others sense you are capable of, but you may not know it yet, totally intimidates them...fills them full of fear and scares them a***less.

You may not want have that effect, but you have it anyway...and this personal power, fully harnessed, directed and used can be a source of great strength, in that you have the ability to control others, but at the moment that is all happening subconsciously. Can you imagine what you could achieve if you could actually control it through rituals and focused practice?

What made me see this...You take Shamans, take the Tantrikas or the Aghori Sadhus of India.. people hate them...persecute them...abuse them...and of course, they are going to curse those people themselves! Then when THOSE people have trouble in their lives...are suffering terribly...who is the first person that they are going to run to for help, despite the fact they totally hate them? The shaman or the Tantric priest!

Then, the black magic practitioner gets to decide whether they want to help them, or just laugh in their face. If they decide to be compassionate and remove the curse (without the other party even knowing they were), they will gain respect and friendship within the community...and a monetary reward as well...then the shaman can again decide whether to accept the money and friendships, or heal them and tell everybody to go to hell.

It is actually a very nice set up.
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Old 30-06-2018, 10:45 AM
Ankhesenamun Ankhesenamun is offline
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shivatar - that's an interesting thing that you point out. What you describe, people sensing my fear and vulnerability and therefore attacking (like a wild animal) - that describes people who are narcissists, ie abusive, manipulative, and downright evil. There is a theory that such people are demonically possessed. I can well believe that as I have indeed been in the presence of evil. Such evil people instill a lot of fear in me, and fear is always from a negative source.

You mention healing. It's difficult to heal when the abuse is ongoing. If it was in the past then yes, I could heal and eventually put it behind me. But I have to deal with attacks on an almost daily basis. Every day I have to make very quick decisions how to try to stay safe. Every decision that I make, down to such small decisions as when and where to go grocery shopping, is based on how to stay safe - I have to calculate where I can go at what time to at least try and keep attacks to a minimum, to try to avoid people that are stalking me. When walking or driving along somewhere, I have to think which way to go, when to cross a road etc based on which areas to avoid so as to stay safe. Every moment of my life is nothing but considering how to stay safe and how to avoid more attacks. I am in constant fear because despite my careful considerations, I keep getting attacked and threatened.

In such circumstances it's impossible to heal. I don't even have time to heal, to spend time concentrating on myself. All my concentration goes on what to do next and how to organize my life to avoid attacks, and on trying to cope with the constant shocks resulting from the attacks and threats. I'm in survival mode 24 hours a day, all that matters is surviving, dealing with the shocks, trying to get back to normal after each attack, thinking what to do next. There is no time for anything else, no time for quiet contemplation, for meditation, for doing something for myself such as having a hobby.

It's interesting that you say I should just show how I feel and not constantly pretend to be ever so happy. Whilst I am a very positive person by nature, and like to smile at people and enjoy the few enjoyable moments that I get, there are obviously many moments where I feel afraid, miserable, in despair. I learned to pretend to be happy even during such moments because people kept accusing me of being "negative", I got told nobody wanted to be friends with me because people want happy and "bubbly" people as friends, not someone who is sad or afraid. I got basically told it was my own fault that I have no friends and that nobody wanted anything to do with me, some even accused me of having a dark cloud over me.

So I started to put on a happy face towards everybody else even when I don't feel like it. Has this gotten me any friends, anyone who cares? No - I'm in the same position as I've always been, nobody talks to me, nobody looks at me, nobody wants anything to do with me. But at least now nobody can accuse me of being "negative".

I do think however that there is a spiritual reason for all this, whether a curse or whatever it is, because I have never heard of anyone suffering so much abuse, so many attacks, and such extreme misfortune. Not even people who are extremely depressed, loners, homeless, or in any other way seen by society as "not fitting in", are confronted with constant abuse from all sides. Not even the meanest of people are being treated with such contempt. Even the worst of criminals does not get hated on sight everywhere. There must be more to it. I just don't know what it is.
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Old 30-06-2018, 07:04 PM
Chrysalis Chrysalis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ankhesenamun
shivatar - that's an interesting thing that you point out. What you describe, people sensing my fear and vulnerability and therefore attacking (like a wild animal) - that describes people who are narcissists, ie abusive, manipulative, and downright evil. There is a theory that such people are demonically possessed. I can well believe that as I have indeed been in the presence of evil. Such evil people instill a lot of fear in me, and fear is always from a negative source.

You mention healing. It's difficult to heal when the abuse is ongoing. If it was in the past then yes, I could heal and eventually put it behind me. But I have to deal with attacks on an almost daily basis. Every day I have to make very quick decisions how to try to stay safe. Every decision that I make, down to such small decisions as when and where to go grocery shopping, is based on how to stay safe - I have to calculate where I can go at what time to at least try and keep attacks to a minimum, to try to avoid people that are stalking me. When walking or driving along somewhere, I have to think which way to go, when to cross a road etc based on which areas to avoid so as to stay safe. Every moment of my life is nothing but considering how to stay safe and how to avoid more attacks. I am in constant fear because despite my careful considerations, I keep getting attacked and threatened.

In such circumstances it's impossible to heal. I don't even have time to heal, to spend time concentrating on myself. All my concentration goes on what to do next and how to organize my life to avoid attacks, and on trying to cope with the constant shocks resulting from the attacks and threats. I'm in survival mode 24 hours a day, all that matters is surviving, dealing with the shocks, trying to get back to normal after each attack, thinking what to do next. There is no time for anything else, no time for quiet contemplation, for meditation, for doing something for myself such as having a hobby.

It's interesting that you say I should just show how I feel and not constantly pretend to be ever so happy. Whilst I am a very positive person by nature, and like to smile at people and enjoy the few enjoyable moments that I get, there are obviously many moments where I feel afraid, miserable, in despair. I learned to pretend to be happy even during such moments because people kept accusing me of being "negative", I got told nobody wanted to be friends with me because people want happy and "bubbly" people as friends, not someone who is sad or afraid. I got basically told it was my own fault that I have no friends and that nobody wanted anything to do with me, some even accused me of having a dark cloud over me.

So I started to put on a happy face towards everybody else even when I don't feel like it. Has this gotten me any friends, anyone who cares? No - I'm in the same position as I've always been, nobody talks to me, nobody looks at me, nobody wants anything to do with me. But at least now nobody can accuse me of being "negative".

I do think however that there is a spiritual reason for all this, whether a curse or whatever it is, because I have never heard of anyone suffering so much abuse, so many attacks, and such extreme misfortune. Not even people who are extremely depressed, loners, homeless, or in any other way seen by society as "not fitting in", are confronted with constant abuse from all sides. Not even the meanest of people are being treated with such contempt. Even the worst of criminals does not get hated on sight everywhere. There must be more to it. I just don't know what it is.

Hello,

I'm sorry that you have such experiences. I do agree that there's a spiritual reason behind all of it as it's too intense to be normal situations plus the fact that the ceremony briefly helped you. I don't want to bother psychoanalysing why people behave that way as it offers no solution.

When I began my new path about 15 years ago, I had to become a warrior out of necessity. I ended up fighting dark forces and still do so I learned what to do with them and how to handle them. Of course I wasn't alone in this as I had a lot of help from Heaven. This was a learning curve for me.

Now, I'm in a position to help others. With your permission, I can clear out your home of negativity and build a structure of Light around it which is a major shield and barrier to dark forces so nothing from outside can enter. To add to this means going a bit more outside of the box.

What was recently added to my spiritual life (courtesy of my Higher Self) are spirits thus making me a spirit keeper which I would never have considered if it weren't for my HS. In my keep are spirits that specialize with protection of home and other spirits who can travel with you. The ones that protect houses and other buildings are called gargoyles. The ones who can travel with you are spiders and wolves as they too are protective and can deflect negative energy coming towards you. There is also a rainbow dragon who wants to be on the protection team.

I think once all of this is set up will give you a breathing space from all of that negativity. When you have breathing space, you can then focus on healing and I can help with that too if you want.

If you want this done, just let me know.
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The Kolbrin Bible, chapter 5, vs 1

"But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee:

Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee."
Job 12: 7 and 8 (KJV)
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Old 30-06-2018, 03:07 PM
happy soul happy soul is offline
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Ankhesenamun,

I sent you a private message.

I'm just telling you in this post in case you aren't logged in.
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Old 01-07-2018, 09:54 AM
Ankhesenamun Ankhesenamun is offline
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Chrysalis - you are absolutely right, it is way too intense to be just coincidence. I have studied a lot about why people behave in this way - from a spiritual point of view, not a psychiatric one as psychiatry is a pseudo science - and whilst I understand that such people are possessed by negative forces (otherwise known as "demons"), indeed that is no solution. I know what's going on but knowing that doesn't help me to stop all this, and a solution needs to be found because I am seriously scared I might not survive much longer. I have spent all my life non-stop constantly getting attacked (and by that I mean far more than merely being attacked, I mean the most serious of crimes have been committed against me, and this is ongoing), and my body is starting to give up from it all.

If you can help with protective spirits that would be wonderful, indeed I urgently need breathing space! I just want a normal life, nothing special, just being able to go be anywhere - whether at home or outside - without constantly getting attacked and abused, hated on sight, threatened all the time, followed and watched, stared at and talked about in a bad way, stalked and harassed! And I don't even have protection under the law as law enforcement (police and courts) are firmly on the side of my abusers and attackers, who - to add insult to injury - keep making false allegations against me, accusing me of all the crimes that they in fact are committing against me. This is being believed by law enforcement (despite evidence to the contrary) and so I am being hounded by law enforcement too, my name has been marked and officially it is me that is the "criminal" - when in reality I am sitting all alone in my house, terrified, vulnerable and defenseless! The situation is beyond belief, beyond all logic, and way beyond what could be called a "coincidence". Every second of my life is nothing but trying to stay safe and trying to defend myself against false allegations, every moment of my life I have to think how I can prove where I was at what time, what I said, what I did, to try to prove that I did not carry out all these crimes but that they are being committed against me - without much success as I am always alone, there are never any witnesses, and short of me filming every second of my life there is nothing I can do to prove that I am not running around rampaging and committing acts of extreme violence (which is what law enforcement are accusing me of).

The fact that law enforcement are accusing me of the acts of extreme violence that in reality are being committed against me is absolutely bizarre too as I am very tiny, physically weak, very obviously terrified and vulnerable - all this shows that there is far more going on than what meets the eye. And it shows that I cannot even expect protection under the law.

All this madness is like a giant whirlwind around me and I am suffocating from the lack of breathing space.

It's very interesting that you are a spirit keeper, I am unable to develop that far spiritually due to all the things going on and due to me having to spend all my energy and concentration on just surviving.

If you can clear out my home of negativity that would be great, that is urgently necessary as many attacks happened in my home (indeed I am not even safe at home) and even a murder happened in my home, namely one of the people who attack me on a regular basis brutally murdered my cat. This happened in my home. Other attacks against me also happened in my house. I have tried clearing the energy by way of smudging and using frankincense but nothing changed, I guess it wasn't enough to deal with such extremely evil forces as the ones attacking me.

A clearing out of bad energy of my home would indeed be necessary. And you mention a protective structure of Light - that sounds a wonderful idea and just what is needed!

The spirits that can protect my home and also travel with me and protect me sound great too, if you can instruct them to protect me and my home that would also be wonderful, I so urgently need protection as I literally cannot even step outside my door without getting attacked. I am all alone so have to go everywhere alone, which leaves me vulnerable. The more protection I can get the better.

Also, I am worried about my cat's grave which gets regularly vandalized by the people who are attacking me, my car also gets severely damaged by them on a frequent basis - all this is very upsetting and shocking to me, is there a protective spirit that can prevent this from happening?


It would be great if you could set up a spiritual protection team for me, spirits that travel with me and are always with me, and spirits to protect my home, my cat's grave and my car.

Please let me know when this has been set up, and if you can help me then to heal that would be great too, I have a lifetime of extreme suffering to heal from.

Thank you for everything!
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Old 01-07-2018, 03:01 PM
offthechain225 offthechain225 is offline
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Not to oversimplify, but this could be life path or karmic debt. Have you researched any astronumerology? Western or Vedic charts? Repeating numbers? Patterns can usually be found relating to such events occurring in your life.
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