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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Complementary Therapies & Traditional Medicine > Natural Remedies

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  #11  
Old 08-06-2011, 03:01 PM
astroboy
Posts: n/a
 
UPS Airlines

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school
diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in
our
jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a
P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on wi ndshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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  #12  
Old 08-06-2011, 03:06 PM
astroboy
Posts: n/a
 
Nobody should laugh at another's misfortune but sometimes you cant help it....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlgYQ...layer_embedded
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  #13  
Old 08-06-2011, 03:24 PM
Lisa
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:

astroboy- Why did the chicken cross the road?

ROFL! So Funny!

My fav- Ernest Hemingway. Haaaaaaaaa!!!
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  #14  
Old 09-06-2011, 07:12 AM
astroboy
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa
ROFL! So Funny!

My fav- Ernest Hemingway. Haaaaaaaaa!!!

Let me ask you,

Why did the Elephant cross the road?
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  #15  
Old 09-06-2011, 04:12 PM
Lisa
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by astroboy
Let me ask you,

Why did the Elephant cross the road?

It was the chicken's day off.
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  #16  
Old 09-06-2011, 04:15 PM
astroboy
Posts: n/a
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa
It was the chicken's day off.

Yeap! You're right.
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  #17  
Old 09-06-2011, 04:21 PM
astroboy
Posts: n/a
 
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
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  #18  
Old 10-06-2011, 04:49 AM
Silver Silver is offline
Master
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 22,167
  Silver's Avatar
Quote:
P: Dead bugs on wi ndshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.



My favorite {snicker}

I'm tired and I have no idea what this thread is really about, but

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from Col. Sanders!
__________________

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  #19  
Old 10-06-2011, 08:12 AM
Natalia
Posts: n/a
 
....from now on.....
I'm going to start looking for the toy in the cereal box


Thanks for sharing the giggles! Enjoyed

Bright Blessings
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  #20  
Old 12-06-2011, 04:59 PM
astroboy
Posts: n/a
 
An Indian goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38.The Jew, known for his skills as businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge R50.00 for them.

The Indian buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him R60.00 each.

The Indian returns a month later and buys the Jews remaining stock of 50, and this time for R75.00 each.

The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Indian, please tell me: What do you do with all these black bras?


The Indian answers: I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for R400.00 each.
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