Originally Posted by realizefun
In my life I face a lot that I just have to undergo. I am currently beginning to accept that due to my autism I can’t really overcome much of it. And that triggers something within me, a spiritual kind of feeling. A growing insight. And empathy without intuition or connection for it. It’s intense, I often fail to process, and it’s simply undergoing without the ability to change the situation. I have tried to believe, to overcome, to attract, to pray, but everything fails. And I begin to see something in it right now. This endless, useless suffering begins to shape me. It begins to form me. To change me. I feel weak and powerless, and hopeless, but there’s something growing inside of me it seems.
I just do what I do. I try to accept that I can’t truly accept. To let go that I can’t let go. That my brain is quite messed up, even though my IQ’s aren’t. I have the consciousness of a lot, but still failure hits me again and again. Kept on the edge. And yet I begin to see purpose to this. Even though the light is still weak.
I keep on reflecting and talking to God. I need someone to trust.... even though I often distrust God in specific periods such as this one.
LoA doesn’t work for me. Even if it were truly the mechanic of the universe. This due to my brain.
God helps me, but doesn’t take away the suffering. He just keeps me breathing. Honestly I just talk to him to not be completely alone. I can talk to people sometimes, but just on the edge of what I can handle. I mean, I barely have time to recover from loneliness and etc.
Just knowing something is growing is at least something...
So, what is really
important to you and just how important IS it?
That is the ultimate question when it comes to "undergoing".
From that question, more will arise..
"Is it that important I am willing to sacrifice my ideas of anything negative which may be contrary to the importance I place upon it?"
...and so, through this method of inquiry, you will come to learn and understand all of the ways that you are sabotaging your own success in order to stay stuck exactly where you are...either consciously or subconsciously.
I just look at all the words and language that you use which is all like "oh and I have tried this...BUT.." and "I have failed at this..." and "I can't do that" and "the LOA doesn't work for me"..yes, it is working through NOT working because "LOA doesn't work" has now become your affirmation.
Oh yes..and I am also Autistic, but nobody else except for myself cares about that which is another sad truth you need to face....if you want acknowledgement for your disability, that's why psychologists and disability services exist.
Maybe it would be worth your while having a chat with a psychologist skilled in Radical Acceptance through Dialectical Behavior Therapy....it is what got me over this same hurdle...