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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Soulmates & Twin Flames

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  #1  
Old 03-10-2019, 10:14 PM
juststawp juststawp is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 5
 
It finally happened and now I'm extremely confused

Last monday, after 31 years of living, I finally met someone who made me feel alive and I know feel like my life is a nonstop roller coaster. Shes 34, and we come from extremely similar upbringings, both relocated from the NE to the South and live less than a half mile from each other. The instant we met and locked I felt as though I was brought into a feeling of oneness with her. We had a wonderful day just being with each other and enjoying each others company and we LAUGHED our asses off. It was the most I've laughed in years, if not ever. We had the most beautiful and intense sex, it was bliss. She laughed at one point and asked "how soon is it okay to tell someone you love them?" to which I replied "never". You could probably guess what was said next. In the 9 or so days since then, we have seen each other 4 more times and each time we feel the bond getting stronger. She mentioned feeling like we were in a "worm hole" and I understood what she was trying to say. It feels like we entered another reality that is still the same on the surface but somehow completely different. She told me I was her best friend and it just made me melt because I felt that as soon as we met. She inquires "why am i drawn to you like a magnet?" and I know the answer is because she is the other half of my soul. I feel the energy being exchanged when we hold each other, its indescribable. I have fallen in love before with women I have been with for years, but nothing has felt this intense and especially not this fast. For the first time in my life I feel like I am with someone who sees and accepts me for who I am, and I see someone who I would never ask to change a thing about.

Now for the bad:
1) I've already lost an extremely good friend of mine because of this union. We met in college in 2006 and have been great friends since. Our relationship mainly consisted of almost daily phone calls for the past 10 years or so but we have seen each other a half dozen or so times during that time frame. Last time we hung out was last month for my birthday in Vegas. He was IMMEDIATELY uninterested in talking about her after our first meeting and it hurt but I let it go. Over the course of the past few days as my bond with my other half has grown exponentially as he grew more and more envious. I go to him for moral support and for him to help put things in perspective and he usually does shed some light (or at least attempt to) but he was so PUT OFF by this meeting and it really struck a nerve. I feel my life changing for the better and he gives out nothing but negativity. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and reached out to him a few days later, to which he replied "honestly dude, just leave me alone". It hurts that I have to lose a dear friend but his decisions lead him to being in an unhappy marriage. I haven't been happy with myself since I was a child and to finally feel like life is perfect is an amazing thing and not something I'm going to let someone else ruin.

2) I CAN'T TURN HER OFF. Literally EVERY waking minute she's on my mind. When will I see her again? Why do I love a "stranger" so much? Does she feel like I do and that we are each others destiny? When I get a text message, I am almost ANGRY when it isn't her and just a friend or work related. It's obsessiveness to the extreme but I just CAN'T turn her off. I get no pleasure in doing things I found enjoyable to kill time until I either have to work or see her again. I haven't eaten more than 4 or 5 meals in the 9 days, and haven't slept more than 5 hours in a night.

3) She has opened up to me about her strong feelings for me but that's the extant of it. She's very closed off about telling me personal details about her life or her past whereas I have been an open book. I feel no shame in telling her about past actions I've done, even when most would judge. I really wish she would do the same but she hasn't. I don't even know if and where she works. She also never likes to make definitive plans with me, and when she does they've gotten cancelled. I try not to look into it too much but then I start thinking that maybe I'm just in way too deep with someone I shouldn't be and maybe I'm just leaving myself too vulnerable.

4) Even though it has been pure love and bliss since we met, I feel like my higher self knows that the separation can happen. I am trying not to push because I don't ever want to lose this feeling I have for her. It's just SO HARD not to keep asking to see her when that's all I NEED. I could lay down and hold her for days, weeks, and months and be complete. I am so unbelievably afraid of losing her even though there's been absolutely no indication of that happening at all. We are Yin and Yang and everything has been harmonious so far and things should get nothing but better. Is the "Dark Night of the Souls" a MUST for TFs? I know that I can't face. I've dealt with bad breakups before and have been "depressed" but just the THOUGHT of her leaving me gets me so TRIGGERED (and again its been 10 days we met).

Sorry for the length of this post, I am new to the forums and I never really knew of the term "Twin Flame" before last week. I always believed in "soul mates" and thought that was what I was looking for in a partner but I know realize that there is a force even stronger. It scares the **** out of me but even more it makes me happy to know that my search has ended and our journey has just begun.

In light,
JR
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  #2  
Old 04-10-2019, 01:48 AM
57tcjc75 57tcjc75 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 186
 
LOL I can't turn my brain off either with this guy... I have met another one in primary soul group, another close t.f. type connection.. & it took time to get my head around it all.. to stay in heart .. BUT I thought I had this stuff figured out by now, lol.. been meeting soul connections consciously 15 yrs now, but this one I've known 20 yrs.. we just are now together after all this time.. my brain is ON and can't shut off.. haven't been sleeping well in 3 weeks.

I was able to pull all of this stuff with the soul connections into heaven...
with what I am shown & it's kind of like the brain needs to do something with the soul connect.. ?
I do know that talking at these forums can help a LOT... just to let you know &.. welcome!
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  #3  
Old 04-10-2019, 02:03 AM
juststawp juststawp is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 5
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 57tcjc75
LOL I can't turn my brain off either with this guy... I have met another one in primary soul group, another close t.f. type connection.. & it took time to get my head around it all.. to stay in heart .. BUT I thought I had this stuff figured out by now, lol.. been meeting soul connections consciously 15 yrs now, but this one I've known 20 yrs.. we just are now together after all this time.. my brain is ON and can't shut off.. haven't been sleeping well in 3 weeks.

I was able to pull all of this stuff with the soul connections into heaven...
with what I am shown & it's kind of like the brain needs to do something with the soul connect.. ?
I do know that talking at these forums can help a LOT... just to let you know &.. welcome!

Thank you, its great to know I'm not alone. With all those out there who's TF is hundreds or thousands of miles away, I feel so grateful that I could almost walk to mines house. I guess it's just driving me insane that I literally didn't know this person 2 weeks ago and I just know my life is never going to be the same again.
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  #4  
Old 04-10-2019, 02:14 AM
57tcjc75 57tcjc75 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 186
 
juststawp, Aw yes.. same same.. mine is very near me too, my twin flame. I met another connection further away & I feel confident he is in my close soul connection matrix but the nearness is nice, I agree.
This one new me when we first met but I had to find myself... We keep reconnecting but have never been, "together," until now. 20 yrs. ago!
He is kind, caring, patient and I know he will not turn on me.. he has a proven track record for that..
These forums have been a lifesaver to me.. to talk about this here helps tremendously in my experience.. I've spent years at these forums at times.. then was ok for a year or so then I would meet another connection..
For me, I see into like a matrix if you will.. my closest of souls...
This one now I think, is my closest connection, but as you say, the intensity is tough..
It is a blessing to see into forever which I believe these rather lend to..
I have written So Much since my first conscious connection 15 yrs ago...
I think if you can share here & at places like this it will help a lot.
To stay grounded is important.. sort of like huge growth spurts then having to ground one's self in process.
I asked t.f. if we could maybe take some space.. we talk everyday but he is more than willing to give me a day off.. sometimes it helps to back up a bit.. not give up but to keep balance ..
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  #5  
Old 04-10-2019, 02:37 AM
jro5139 jro5139 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 987
 
Personally I think tfs is often romanticized to sound like an instant romance, which it is not. What I feel it is, is a person who comes along to push you into doing the tough inner work, which propels you further down the road to awakening. They open your eyes to all of the stuff you need to work on, hence them triggering your deepest fears. The thing is though, it's not about knowing what you need to work on, it's about actually doing the work. So the more you resist your fears, the more stuff will happen that put you right in it.

I think it takes time to establish if someone is your tf, it's not going to be something you know the first time you look at them or in a week. Falling in love quickly is not a sign of tfs. I have personally fallen in love at first sight twice, neither of them was my tf. That's not to say that you will not develop feelings quickly for your tf, just that it can happen with other people too.

The dark night of the soul is a part of the awakening process, and I believe that tfs meet during this process. If you look into tfs, there is nearly always a separation phase that takes place. That is due to the amount of inner work that has to be done by both and all of the "inner demons" that have to be faced.

To be honest, when I read your post, several warning bells went off. Be careful not to be smothering with your obsession, that would make any sane person run. I can understand having someone stuck in you head, but losing interest and pleasure in your own life? If you are a tf and you do face separation, it's your own interests and purpose that will push you through and keep you going.

The whole thing is moving so fast and you have to remember that you do not really know her well. You say there is nothing about her that you would change, but down further you say you wish she would be more open. That sounds like something you would like to change.
You don't know her well enough to know why she is being secretive about her life. Maybe that is just her personality (some people are just slower to open up than others.) But it seems odd to me that someone that is hanging out with you and having sex with you would not tell you what they do for a living.
Did you ask her what she does for work? Did it come up in the conversation at all?
When she is cancelling plans with you, is she vague about her reasons or does she give you specific, believable reasons?
I wouldn't say you are in too deep with someone you shouldn't be (not yet) but I would say you are in too deep with someone that you don't know well enough to be in deep with.
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  #6  
Old 04-10-2019, 02:47 AM
juststawp juststawp is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 5
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 57tcjc75
juststawp, Aw yes.. same same.. mine is very near me too, my twin flame. I met another connection further away & I feel confident he is in my close soul connection matrix but the nearness is nice, I agree.
This one new me when we first met but I had to find myself... We keep reconnecting but have never been, "together," until now. 20 yrs. ago!
He is kind, caring, patient and I know he will not turn on me.. he has a proven track record for that..
These forums have been a lifesaver to me.. to talk about this here helps tremendously in my experience.. I've spent years at these forums at times.. then was ok for a year or so then I would meet another connection..
For me, I see into like a matrix if you will.. my closest of souls...
This one now I think, is my closest connection, but as you say, the intensity is tough..
It is a blessing to see into forever which I believe these rather lend to..
I have written So Much since my first conscious connection 15 yrs ago...
I think if you can share here & at places like this it will help a lot.
To stay grounded is important.. sort of like huge growth spurts then having to ground one's self in process.
I asked t.f. if we could maybe take some space.. we talk everyday but he is more than willing to give me a day off.. sometimes it helps to back up a bit.. not give up but to keep balance ..

That is a great way to look at it (in terms of taking a day "off" every now and again). Do you fear that separation is inevitable for you two again? I know you say you knew each other for 20 years but only very recently got "together". I feel like this incarnation with my TF is the culmination of many lives together and now that we are past our **, we are ready to give each other true, unconditional love. I want to really believe we won't play runner/chaser but maybe I'm just being naive.
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  #7  
Old 04-10-2019, 03:06 AM
juststawp juststawp is offline
Newbie ;)
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 5
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jro5139
Personally I think tfs is often romanticized to sound like an instant romance, which it is not. What I feel it is, is a person who comes along to push you into doing the tough inner work, which propels you further down the road to awakening. They open your eyes to all of the stuff you need to work on, hence them triggering your deepest fears. The thing is though, it's not about knowing what you need to work on, it's about actually doing the work. So the more you resist your fears, the more stuff will happen that put you right in it.

I think it takes time to establish if someone is your tf, it's not going to be something you know the first time you look at them or in a week. Falling in love quickly is not a sign of tfs. I have personally fallen in love at first sight twice, neither of them was my tf. That's not to say that you will not develop feelings quickly for your tf, just that it can happen with other people too.

The dark night of the soul is a part of the awakening process, and I believe that tfs meet during this process. If you look into tfs, there is nearly always a separation phase that takes place. That is due to the amount of inner work that has to be done by both and all of the "inner demons" that have to be faced.

To be honest, when I read your post, several warning bells went off. Be careful not to be smothering with your obsession, that would make any sane person run. I can understand having someone stuck in you head, but losing interest and pleasure in your own life? If you are a tf and you do face separation, it's your own interests and purpose that will push you through and keep you going.

The whole thing is moving so fast and you have to remember that you do not really know her well. You say there is nothing about her that you would change, but down further you say you wish she would be more open. That sounds like something you would like to change.
You don't know her well enough to know why she is being secretive about her life. Maybe that is just her personality (some people are just slower to open up than others.) But it seems odd to me that someone that is hanging out with you and having sex with you would not tell you what they do for a living.
Did you ask her what she does for work? Did it come up in the conversation at all?
When she is cancelling plans with you, is she vague about her reasons or does she give you specific, believable reasons?
I wouldn't say you are in too deep with someone you shouldn't be (not yet) but I would say you are in too deep with someone that you don't know well enough to be in deep with.

Thank you so much for this well thought out and detailed reply, I really do appreciate it. One thing I have always been told by others who know me is that I'm not good at expressing how I feel or devoid of emotion. It has caused much conflict in my relationships specifically with people I have dated. This is why I think this connection has me freaked the F out. I'm not used to these overwhelming feelings and certainly not used to just laying that s**t out there with someone I don't know.

I took the Dark Night as the period in which after TFs separate after meeting, I didn't know it was the time leading up to the union. I am new to learning about TFs so that was my misunderstanding. I just already am so scared of that even though there's absolutely no red flags there yet.

As far as your last point goes, I guess I have to concede that wanting to know her more is something I would change. I didn't look at it that way. She told me about a company she used to work for and what she did for 8 years but stopped short about what he current situation is. She's inferred that she's dealing with depression issues and possibly some health issues and I think maybe in some ways our connection has been intense for her. When she has cancelled plans its usually because she says shes not feeling well or whatever medicine she is on has her in a bad mindset.

I appreciate your honesty, and I agree, I may well be way too deep with someone I don't know. It just feels so foreign to me to feel this way and this was the only way I could explain it.
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  #8  
Old 04-10-2019, 03:06 AM
57tcjc75 57tcjc75 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 186
 
Juststawp, Do I fear separation again ? No. I met him 20 yrs ago, & was around him quite a bit.. he had a huge crush on me but I had actually lost myself & found myself with what I believe another close soul connection.. another t.f. but this one I know 20 yrs., is like the most compatible.. I ascribe to the 7 t.f. theory I read.. but I think each soul can have various experiences..
This guy, is strong emotionally and a great balance for me this way.. We are also in very close proximity as you & your t.f... which helps a lot.

I also believe in reincarnation & feel God has shown now, details in regards & into heaven... the confusion I have to a degree is I never really got over my twin ray guy.. but the twin ray guy ultimately rejected me.
I can see this played out into heaven with many of my close soul connections & in detail.. I can even see this current t.f. & I & where we will be in heaven...
like the jobs we will have there...
I feel I know his spirit pretty well now too, this current t.f. I've known 20 yrs...
I know I am his favorite, which is awesome.. There was another close soul connection who never gave up on me but he died.. yet this guy I've known 20 yrs., it is as if he is the one it is more right with ... This t.f. I am with now we are same age, same faith of origin, similar interests..
We both can see the same things into heaven....
but I feel pulled too that I never got over my twin ray...
The separation potential I don't think is there... between us, at least not by choice.. however, I think... ? .. we both have probably worked through enough to Need that balance in our own lives.. so if we have to pull back, to just friends for a time, I think that is possible.. he said he will do whatever I need to maintain my balance/sanity etc.. but he will never give up on me, never hurt me or turn his back on me... He has proven that to be true.
We were apart 2 times... I married someone else (it was very hard on him but I didn't understand his love for me then).. I ended up divorced then met my twin ray... Honestly I believe God allowed these 2 to reject me, before this t.f. and I are back together.. so this is also the confusion yet not, for me.
He is not confused, my t.f. wants me.. he still would like to marry me.. but he has his act together well, he is steady and we are both more mature than 20 yrs ago too...
The advice JRO is giving you I am taking as to making sure my t.f. is not an obsession... to keep my life in balance & my interests strong...
I have read too to take care of self... that makes sense.

I told my t.f., the fact that I am his favorite.. is probably the most beautiful thing to me.. I know I do not have to be jealous... 20 yrs knowing him, I know I am his favorite.. that is cool and it is forever.
so I think I should relax.. I LOVE these forums.. they have helped my anxiety, my processing, empathy to relate to others & have others relate to me....
write write write.. lol.. these places are God sends ...
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  #9  
Old 04-10-2019, 03:23 AM
57tcjc75 57tcjc75 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 186
 
One of my own personal favorite habits is to make sure & end my nights early..
so I have my own processing time, however it is I need to process, here or a movie or just to be.. Too, perhaps take some time away, one or two nights to have to yourself a week.. He and I were taking one night a week off & that helped.. If we are ascending with these t.f.'s .. then there is time to work on more on the other side. LOL we both say we want to work in the millennial reign in heaven.. we know we will talk perhaps daily but we want to be busy there too.. so to get caught up in fleshly mumbo jumbo just seems counter productive.. I actually envision my entire soul family back together of which I believe I have met quite a few consciously...
If... we only use a tiny tiny bit of our capacity in 3 D then I do imagine this t.f. meeting seems pretty intense... lol.. for me it's write write write..
these forums are wonderful.
This t.f. likes keeping a schedule & I do too.. I think that might help us & perhaps you could do that with your t.f. too... set time to be together & time apart. This t.f. verbalizes his feelings.. & wants to make sure I "hear" him too.. as to he and I.. which is wonderful.. but it's like soul "family".. I am meeting soul family.. that part is very real & when it all pulls too tight..
it can seem crazy.. I can say it here & write and I remember again..
He would rather have me calm & pull back if need be.... but I can't see us ever cutting off.. When I realized his love for me after I married another close soul connection, my love for this current t.f. never went away.. Love Is. :)
The love t.f..'s have is intense & meant to be shared .. My love for my close souls has never died.. I think.. to pull back, is probably necessary at times but the cut offs are really not possible not really.. :)
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  #10  
Old 04-10-2019, 11:43 AM
jro5139 jro5139 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 987
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by juststawp
Thank you so much for this well thought out and detailed reply, I really do appreciate it. One thing I have always been told by others who know me is that I'm not good at expressing how I feel or devoid of emotion. It has caused much conflict in my relationships specifically with people I have dated. This is why I think this connection has me freaked the F out. I'm not used to these overwhelming feelings and certainly not used to just laying that s**t out there with someone I don't know.

I took the Dark Night as the period in which after TFs separate after meeting, I didn't know it was the time leading up to the union. I am new to learning about TFs so that was my misunderstanding. I just already am so scared of that even though there's absolutely no red flags there yet.

As far as your last point goes, I guess I have to concede that wanting to know her more is something I would change. I didn't look at it that way. She told me about a company she used to work for and what she did for 8 years but stopped short about what he current situation is. She's inferred that she's dealing with depression issues and possibly some health issues and I think maybe in some ways our connection has been intense for her. When she has cancelled plans its usually because she says shes not feeling well or whatever medicine she is on has her in a bad mindset.

I appreciate your honesty, and I agree, I may well be way too deep with someone I don't know. It just feels so foreign to me to feel this way and this was the only way I could explain it.

The dark night of the soul is not specific to tfs. It is a part of the awakening process, and by awakening I mean spiritual awakening that leads to enlightenment. Not everyone that spiritually awakens experiences a tf, but it seems like most experience the dark night. The dark night is about letting go of the attachment to the old 3D realm. It involves a breaking down of one's old life, which has to happen to rebuild.
There is no specific time in which the dark night has to happen,like it may happen at different times along the process for different people. For a lot of people, it seems to happen before the awakening begins, but not always. For me, it happened after my awakening began, for my twin it happened before.

You can learn about tfs, but I would be careful in believing everything you read or hear. I don't necessarily believe all the theories that are out there on the internet. Even reading this forum, you might notice different people believe different things about it. And even among the theories out there, you'll find contradictions.

It sounds like she might just be embarrassed about her current circumstances. My twin tends to be the more guarded type as well, sometimes not sharing details, especially if it is something he is embarrassed about. He'll just leave it out. If that's her personality, you will just have to learn to deal with it.
Also, tfs push us into facing issues that we have always had, so if you have never been good at expressing your emotions, it makes sense that this would come up for you.
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