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  #1  
Old 18-06-2018, 10:33 PM
Bubbles Bubbles is offline
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I'm going to become selfish

As Gandhi said, you be the change you want the see in the world, don't tell them. Act, don't preach. I don't know why I fall in this trap, I see someone on reddit or any other social place, I try to open a door for them, be it meditation benefits or praying, chakras understanding and their logic, SR/SE practices etc... and all I get is responses from ignorant teenagers that talk back like experts, with absolutely 0 knowledge on the subject. I am not even sure why I am triggered. I think is because at the root of my intention, it was for a good cause, to help, to open a door for one who needs it to progress further. To see that you do not have to take a pill like lithium and xanax to numb your mind when instead you could take a spiritual approach, find the root of your problems, find balance, find joy, find yourself etc. I don't know why I get triggered, I usually wouldn't care. But I think I'm done. There's so much more for me to learn and practice. It is my fault I open my mouth in the wrong places. And then I realize, I am going to become selfish. Selfish in the way that I am no longer going to care into sharing knowledge with 'common' people that have no knowledge on 'spiritual' matters. It only arises annoyance and leads to empty talks with no real arguments. I will focus more on mastering what I know, on learning more and if I wish to speak about it, only do so in the appropriate places. Sure, in 'real world' I'm not making this mistake, I can read a person fairly easy. On the internet, I assume everybody is more open minded, but you never know when you are speaking with/or being replied by a 15 years old kid. I'm going to become selfish, for my own good.
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  #2  
Old 19-06-2018, 01:47 PM
Badcopyinc
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubbles
As Gandhi said, you be the change you want the see in the world, don't tell them. Act, don't preach. I don't know why I fall in this trap, I see someone on reddit or any other social place, I try to open a door for them, be it meditation benefits or praying, chakras understanding and their logic, SR/SE practices etc... and all I get is responses from ignorant teenagers that talk back like experts, with absolutely 0 knowledge on the subject. I am not even sure why I am triggered. I think is because at the root of my intention, it was for a good cause, to help, to open a door for one who needs it to progress further. To see that you do not have to take a pill like lithium and xanax to numb your mind when instead you could take a spiritual approach, find the root of your problems, find balance, find joy, find yourself etc. I don't know why I get triggered, I usually wouldn't care. But I think I'm done. There's so much more for me to learn and practice. It is my fault I open my mouth in the wrong places. And then I realize, I am going to become selfish. Selfish in the way that I am no longer going to care into sharing knowledge with 'common' people that have no knowledge on 'spiritual' matters. It only arises annoyance and leads to empty talks with no real arguments. I will focus more on mastering what I know, on learning more and if I wish to speak about it, only do so in the appropriate places. Sure, in 'real world' I'm not making this mistake, I can read a person fairly easy. On the internet, I assume everybody is more open minded, but you never know when you are speaking with/or being replied by a 15 years old kid. I'm going to become selfish, for my own good.

My last sig was perfect for this post.

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself. And you see what little chance you have of changing others”

This is amazing. And don’t view this as being selfish. If anything it’s the opposite. Focus on you and only you and you’ll start helping others in ways I can’t explain. How can you offer anything from your cup if it’s not full?

You can better help everyone around you when you’ve first helped yourself.
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  #3  
Old 19-06-2018, 07:15 PM
Bubbles Bubbles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Badcopyinc
My last sig was perfect for this post.

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself. And you see what little chance you have of changing others”

This is amazing. And don’t view this as being selfish. If anything it’s the opposite. Focus on you and only you and you’ll start helping others in ways I can’t explain. How can you offer anything from your cup if it’s not full?

You can better help everyone around you when you’ve first helped yourself.

I strongly agree with everything you have said. I have heard of that saying and forgot it, thank you for reminding me. I would say that I wasn't actively trying to change others (although indirectly at least that is what I was doing) but it was just my impulse to share what I know that it is good and helpful knowledge.

I guess I'll focus more on me as I know that when I reach the version that I envision, the version of me I want to become, it is that version that can actually help people with more than just words and theories and advice. I know so much and yet I wonder, why do I apply it so little... it is like I have the impression that everybody knows what I know, when instead is not true of course.

Thank you, I'll focus more on me. Practice what I learn.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sdu_1_A0dcM

Last edited by Bubbles : 19-06-2018 at 09:54 PM.
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  #4  
Old 19-06-2018, 11:33 PM
inavalan inavalan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubbles
As Gandhi said, you be the change you want the see in the world, don't tell them. Act, don't preach. ...

In my opinion, you didn't understand the meaning of Gandhi's words. You tried to preach. Also, some humility can go a long way: I may be wrong in my opinions, beliefs, acts.
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  #5  
Old 20-06-2018, 02:50 AM
Compendium Compendium is offline
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Pills unfortunately can be a necessary temporary fix. In order for the mind to find itself and heal from traumas life has inflicted being a little numb to the pain can be an important part of healing. These medications must be balanced with a desire to move forward however. Meditation can be impossible when the mind is in horrific turmoil and depending on the trauma or depth of mental illness Spirituality may be difficult or impossible.

I speak from experience and it took along time to find my center. I remember being so deeply depressed I had felt abandoned by God and no matter how much I prayed and begged and cried my depression would not let up. I needed those meds or I would not be here right now. I have made great progress in the 20 yrs since then, but even then I have needed meds off and on to control my symptoms. Without those I would have to be in an inpatient facility. I really think my last episode was my absolute last though.

Namaste`
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  #6  
Old 20-06-2018, 11:37 AM
Bubbles Bubbles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inavalan
In my opinion, you didn't understand the meaning of Gandhi's words. You tried to preach. Also, some humility can go a long way: I may be wrong in my opinions, beliefs, acts.

I know, I was trying to say that this is what I should be doing when instead I was doing the otherwise.
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  #7  
Old 21-06-2018, 06:50 AM
Shivani Devi Shivani Devi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubbles
As Gandhi said, you be the change you want the see in the world, don't tell them. Act, don't preach. I don't know why I fall in this trap, I see someone on reddit or any other social place, I try to open a door for them, be it meditation benefits or praying, chakras understanding and their logic, SR/SE practices etc... and all I get is responses from ignorant teenagers that talk back like experts, with absolutely 0 knowledge on the subject. I am not even sure why I am triggered. I think is because at the root of my intention, it was for a good cause, to help, to open a door for one who needs it to progress further. To see that you do not have to take a pill like lithium and xanax to numb your mind when instead you could take a spiritual approach, find the root of your problems, find balance, find joy, find yourself etc. I don't know why I get triggered, I usually wouldn't care. But I think I'm done. There's so much more for me to learn and practice. It is my fault I open my mouth in the wrong places. And then I realize, I am going to become selfish. Selfish in the way that I am no longer going to care into sharing knowledge with 'common' people that have no knowledge on 'spiritual' matters. It only arises annoyance and leads to empty talks with no real arguments. I will focus more on mastering what I know, on learning more and if I wish to speak about it, only do so in the appropriate places. Sure, in 'real world' I'm not making this mistake, I can read a person fairly easy. On the internet, I assume everybody is more open minded, but you never know when you are speaking with/or being replied by a 15 years old kid. I'm going to become selfish, for my own good.
The word 'selfish' has so many negative connotations. I prefer 'self-focussed' or even 'self aware' or 'self-serving'.

There comes a time in one's life (sooner or later) when they realise they are either being 'selfish' OR they are being self-sacrificing to serve the 'selfish' needs of others and so, who has more right of personal expression and the human right to exercise it? you or another person?

I feel as long as I am not hurting anybody else (other than their overinflated ego) by me 'being myself' or 'doing my own thing' why should that bother me, honestly? I am also not the 'self-sacrificing type' (to any entity other than the Divine and human egotistical behaviour is never 'Divine') and this is who/what I am and I am also happy being that way...even if those close to me call me 'selfish' or whatnot, because the word 'selfish' is only a projection i.e. "how dare you ignore my emotional needs to assert your own" and if you keep allowing others to assert their wants and needs over yours (human life is a competition for this opportunity), you become nothing more than a doormat...nobody will respect you, nobody will care you are sacrificing your happiness and livelihood for theirs.

I will only help people and not be selfish, if I see they are in need, but they don't ask me, because the very moment they do, they'll get told where to go.

"God helps those who help themselves".


Good on you.
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  #8  
Old 21-06-2018, 09:47 PM
Bubbles Bubbles is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
The word 'selfish' has so many negative connotations. I prefer 'self-focussed' or even 'self aware' or 'self-serving'.

There comes a time in one's life (sooner or later) when they realise they are either being 'selfish' OR they are being self-sacrificing to serve the 'selfish' needs of others and so, who has more right of personal expression and the human right to exercise it? you or another person?

I feel as long as I am not hurting anybody else (other than their overinflated ego) by me 'being myself' or 'doing my own thing' why should that bother me, honestly? I am also not the 'self-sacrificing type' (to any entity other than the Divine and human egotistical behaviour is never 'Divine') and this is who/what I am and I am also happy being that way...even if those close to me call me 'selfish' or whatnot, because the word 'selfish' is only a projection i.e. "how dare you ignore my emotional needs to assert your own" and if you keep allowing others to assert their wants and needs over yours (human life is a competition for this opportunity), you become nothing more than a doormat...nobody will respect you, nobody will care you are sacrificing your happiness and livelihood for theirs.

I will only help people and not be selfish, if I see they are in need, but they don't ask me, because the very moment they do, they'll get told where to go.

"God helps those who help themselves".


Good on you.


I love what I'm reading here :) I very much prefer 'self-focused' or even 'self aware' or 'self-serving' as you pointed out. It is closer to what I truly want to express, rather the negative connotation that the world selfish carries, as you implied.

You are right. In a way, I do think that a certain kind of pleasure and accomplishment comes when we can truly help others, it gives our life more meaning and validation. However, as you well pointed out and other people above, if one is not capable of mastering himself first and will just try to push his unmastered help to others or just get used and overused in helping others as an unspoken way of self-sacrificing.... then in that case, he or she should raise its awareness on becoming self-serving/self-focused-improving-priority/selfish. It is quite a big deal to think of, and get out of our minds. As life goes, we get stuck in some patterns and while we try to change and progress in so many things, usually the ones from the root are what could make all the change we really wish for to happen.

Might be that it is in our DNA, this habit of teaching others, sharing and letting them know of self-improvement subjects and so on. Sometimes we try to do good, but we're doing more bad to both ourselves and wasting the time of the other as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
.even if those close to me call me 'selfish' or whatnot, because the word 'selfish' is only a projection i.e. "how dare you ignore my emotional needs to assert your own"

woah! spot on, this makes me a bit irritated on how true this can actually be. it ****es me off when people project and they can't see their own projection. I'm not saying that I am not guilty of doing projections, everybody is doing them, more or less. But when it comes to the example you pointed out..woah! Memories flickering in my mind now, matching up examples that suits what you said, and I'm baffled... makes sense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
I will only help people and not be selfish, if I see they are in need, but they don't ask me, because the very moment they do, they'll get told where to go.

I will keep this in mind, as well as your entire comment. It is what I needed to hear, it is the validation of my fustration. No worries, it doesn't fuel my frustration on this topic, instead it finally brings peace to it. Past few years I get closer and closer to 'i don't really know what to call it' but my awareness so much bigger, I've grown a lot and now I am going to go a step further. I think that making peace at last with the topic I mentioned here, will finally make myself find more freedom to grow. To use English, it is like I felt chained while trying to grow, it wasn't impossible, but it felt like I had to carry all these weight with me in the same time. This was only due to my desire to share and spread the amazing enlightenments I had...(not sure how to word that out). I learn and know so many things, I am guilty for 1-not applying all and 2-talking too much about the unmastered knowledge with others with the intent to help, and get poop back, or no result from helping, and sometimes mutual agreement that leads to a small validation. So now, I realize, I've come to peace... no more of that. Apply apply apply, going out of my comfort zone. If I even need to deep deeper in the knowledge or help others, will do so under different criteria.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
nobody will care you are sacrificing your happiness and livelihood for theirs.

not sure if it's about 'care' but I think that the truth may be that nobody will 'notice'. they might care to the extent of remembering that if you ask for help in return, they might do it as in forced by morals.

Still, a better life quality for me, you, ourselves... is better when we can genuinely offer a quality help to our closest, family, friends.. We should offer our help, but as you said, when we see they need it, and very rarely when asked for it. I think people are more likely to care/notice you when you offer to help as when you sense that they need it and refuse to help when asked , rather than the opposite. I guess, it's very variable. Some people reading this might disagree because quickly they will think to a few examples where 'variable' applies lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shivani Devi
"God helps those who help themselves".

Thank you :) I also heard another similar saying, that God gives you as much energy as you can handle.. or something like this. I think that may be true too. Except lottery winners, 95% of those always lose all their money or end up worse. Thanks again for your comment, I'm at peace now and moving on. This was a root problem which I fixed.
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  #9  
Old 21-06-2018, 10:05 PM
Lightseer Lightseer is offline
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It can be a trap to feel you need to keep helping others, it can also be a trap when you go to the other extreme of never helping anyone. The key is knowing when it is right to help and when you are wasting your energy (and theirs!).

I have helped people (offline in the real world) who have literally forgotten I helped them. It doesn't upset me as that is the way it is and a part of the wholeness of everything. Online you could get sucked into things much easier I think it is true as you say people can be completely unaware of what you are giving them, at that point it is best to step back and ask yourself why you are doing it.

As to being selfish. I think the self focused thing is much better at describing the difference. Selfish has attached so many bad connotations but really is it that bad to be focused on self at certain times? It's all about balance really,

If you help others you are really helping yourself in the long run, but at the same time wasting your energies on those who are not ready is not helping anyone.

I would also say that at times we need more self focus and then at other times more focus on others, like tides in the sea, we need to flow different ways at different times.

Listen to you heart at all times and you will be fine.
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  #10  
Old 21-06-2018, 10:23 PM
Bubbles Bubbles is offline
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Originally Posted by Lightseer
It can be a trap to feel you need to keep helping others, it can also be a trap when you go to the other extreme of never helping anyone. The key is knowing when it is right to help and when you are wasting your energy (and theirs!).


Amazing! You just put in better words, what I was trying to say above by 'variable' regarding deciding to offer help or refusing. And yes, using the word 'trap' fits quite good. There are so many traps in life I am becoming aware of, it is a very good concept word.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightseer
I have helped people (offline in the real world) who have literally forgotten I helped them. It doesn't upset me as that is the way it is and a part of the wholeness of everything.


Same. The conclusion I draw (and it may be neutral) is that in life, I shouldn't rely on the good I did in the past in a relationship (friend, family etc). Relationships are liquid, they need to be sustained... although it bothers me that some people don't keep in mind receiving plenty of help and it should normally count for something in present. For example, someone could get angry on you for a particular event and chose to stay angry, 'forgetting' the amount of time you sacrificed for them in the past. I may be wrong, but I noticed that I shouldn't rely much on past, those are just small blocks that moves a relationship further, but it should never be taken for granted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightseer
Online you could get sucked into things much easier I think it is true as you say people can be completely unaware of what you are giving them, at that point it is best to step back and ask yourself why you are doing it.

lol. you are completely right. thank you for this!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lightseer
As to being selfish. I think the self focused thing is much better at describing the difference. Selfish has attached so many bad connotations but really is it that bad to be focused on self at certain times? It's all about balance really,

If you help others you are really helping yourself in the long run, but at the same time wasting your energies on those who are not ready is not helping anyone.

I would also say that at times we need more self focus and then at other times more focus on others, like tides in the sea, we need to flow different ways at different times.

Listen to you heart at all times and you will be fine.

"but at the same time wasting your energies on those who are not ready, is not helping anyone." -- yep, the feeling of this is what brought me here to create this thread. I got frustrated, confused and became aware of what you wrote there. That line, I will keep in my mind for good!

Thank you!
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