It is over. This hurts soooo bad...

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Thank you HumanBeing. I am doing my best to both move on and to allow the pain to be there so it doesn't surface later on.
Problem with what you're saying... it could indeed very well be that we both need to learn things separately. But if I hang on to that thought, I'm still keeping that door open and not truly moving on. I'm in two minds about that.
Part of me wants to keep that door ajar, because in a way I cannot believe this is it. But is that wise?
Some say I have the answers within, but I haven't a clue. Cannot clearly define between intuition and ego. One says I have to let go because something better is coming, another says he's in a lot of pain, up to the point of doubting/regretting his decision.
I guess I'll have to figure it out myself. And I don't know either, haha.
So I do what I can do, and am focusing on my future, my goals, my well-being, as much as possible. With periods of crying and hurting in between...

It really is quite new to me. I've never broken up with someone with the feeling that it isn't the end. Sure, you never want it to end, because it hurts and you don't want to go through the heartache. But this feels different.

I think that hanging on and leaving a door open can be 2 different things. You can leave a possibility that something could happen in the future, but holding on to the idea as a hope, or dream, or desire is dangerous. This is what started to bother me about all these teachers that were preaching union or re-union... leaving people in constant waiting, and I think that that approach is not healthy.
I have always known what my intuition felt like verses anything else. It's just a gut feeling, even if it doesn't seem to make any sense based on what you see going on around you. It happens fast, just like thoughts from the higher dimensions, they happen fast. Almost too fast to be yourself thinking it.
I had that feelings too, like he's the one I'm going to end up with, even directly after I completely ended our friendship, and I thought, that doesn't make any sense. It was definitely a gut feeling. But I can't hang my happiness on any event from the future, and especially on that. So I'm not waiting, and I don't think waiting is healthy either.

I think either way you have to let go, I think that's one of the points of this.

Once you spot your gut feeling, it gets easier to recognize later. Hugs to you, fairy.

[SaturninePluto]

I am proud of the way you have been handling it in so far to be honest. Still, with love in your heart, this is truly a blessing.

I have not posted when first hearing this news as I knew you needed a lot of time. I was actually quite shocked to hear of this, and could not say anything, as I knew not what to say.

Reading your words, I could feel the emotions in them, this sort of thing is never easy.

I did not want to say anything knowing it may not help your pain. And, knowing that you need to be able to feel it- and that is exactly what it was that I was going to say. As hard as it is to hear that, sometimes it is exactly what needs to be said.

I say it in not a way that is intended to be hurtful- I do not want you to feel pain, but I realize, you are, and you need to, in order to heal.

I did not say this at the time of this happening, because I was not sure how such a thing would be received.

I agree with much of what jro has said, I don't feel waiting will serve you entirely. You do need the time as well to grow separately. This is true.

With that said, it is great that you still hold love in your heart for your friend, and past significant, but do not forget you are deserving of love too. And he is with someone else.

It may not hurt, to just be as you already are, and have said, open.

I sincerely wish you all the happiness, love, respect, and peace you are so deserving of on your wonderful journey in life.

[A human Being]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

Thank you HumanBeing. I am doing my best to both move on and to allow the pain to be there so it doesn't surface later on.
Problem with what you're saying... it could indeed very well be that we both need to learn things separately. But if I hang on to that thought, I'm still keeping that door open and not truly moving on. I'm in two minds about that.
Part of me wants to keep that door ajar, because in a way I cannot believe this is it. But is that wise?

Oh yeah, I hear you loud and clear - that whole notion of the 'separation phase' can seem like it's giving you just enough hope with which to hang yourself. You're right, it's best not to dwell on it and I was in two minds as to whether I should even bring it up, because it is easy to get hung up on it, but I thought it might be a legitimate answer to your question. You do have to focus on yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling, whether that's grief, anger, despair, frustration; if (more accurately, when) you do find yourself thinking about him, wondering if it's meant to be, etc., feel the energy behind the thought - don't indulge the thought, but at the same time don't push it away either. Mindfulness really is key.

Some say I have the answers within, but I haven't a clue. Cannot clearly define between intuition and ego. One says I have to let go because something better is coming, another says he's in a lot of pain, up to the point of doubting/regretting his decision.
I guess I'll have to figure it out myself. And I don't know either, haha.
So I do what I can do, and am focusing on my future, my goals, my well-being, as much as possible. With periods of crying and hurting in between...

Again, I get it, I really do - our minds have an almost endless ability to cloud the issue and create doubt and confusion. Self-trust is such a big part of it, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, your feelings are your best guide. You're right, you do have to figure it out for yourself - as we all do. Sometimes I just want the universe to show me a nice big flashing neon sign, but unfortunately that isn't how it seems to work! I guess we wouldn't grow if we had the answers handed to us on a platter :)

It really is quite new to me. I've never broken up with someone with the feeling that it isn't the end. Sure, you never want it to end, because it hurts and you don't want to go through the heartache. But this feels different.

I know, sometimes I think, 'Argh! What's wrong with me, this is driving me nuts!' It's all for the greater good though... I think

[TheGlow]

Hey sweetie. I'm so sorry you are in pain. I don't really use this forum anymore but for some reason came today. I just want to offer you a ((hug)) and tell you I'm really impressed by all the learning you are getting out of this.

I no longer subscribe to the dogmatic tf ideas but rather know my case it is a parallel incarnation, that is actually quite literally what a twin flame would be so I've dropped the tf drama dogma. Talk about lessons in unconditional self love right? ;)

Anyways your lessons and learning after the fall out sound exactly like mine did last year after our epic issue. You are doing great and I can so feel your pain.(hug) Amazing about the long honest convo, feels so good doesnt it. That just a few weeks ago happened for us too 5 hours over 4 days just clearing the air because like you in this case I had nothing to lose with him.

Our friendship has really redevoloped since then, no drama, no fear, just greatly supportive and we are both learning and healing together now. Took 8 almost 9 years to return to the eden we started in but worth it.

I don't know what the future holds but remember that love you felt from him, his presence, if you really are a t.f./parallel incarnation that is your own soul essence and you can tap into that stuff 24/7. Still nice to have it in the flesh beside you but trust your soul. Most of our suffering comes from struggling not trusting that our soul knows best and it will get us exactly where we are supposed to be.
Much love to you.

Hmmm. Sounds like he's running. Read this article. I hope it brings you some relief.

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by A human Being

Oh yeah, I hear you loud and clear - that whole notion of the 'separation phase' can seem like it's giving you just enough hope with which to hang yourself. You're right, it's best not to dwell on it and I was in two minds as to whether I should even bring it up, because it is easy to get hung up on it, but I thought it might be a legitimate answer to your question. You do have to focus on yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling, whether that's grief, anger, despair, frustration; if (more accurately, when) you do find yourself thinking about him, wondering if it's meant to be, etc., feel the energy behind the thought - don't indulge the thought, but at the same time don't push it away either. Mindfulness really is key.

Again, I get it, I really do - our minds have an almost endless ability to cloud the issue and create doubt and confusion. Self-trust is such a big part of it, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, your feelings are your best guide. You're right, you do have to figure it out for yourself - as we all do. Sometimes I just want the universe to show me a nice big flashing neon sign, but unfortunately that isn't how it seems to work! I guess we wouldn't grow if we had the answers handed to us on a platter :)

I know, sometimes I think, 'Argh! What's wrong with me, this is driving me nuts!' It's all for the greater good though... I think

Thank you.
It is indeed confusing. If I look back, I see some things weren't progressing the way I would need them to in a relationship. But then there were clear signs we were progressing. So many mixed signals, as if he was in and out, in and out. Not in love according to his words, yet what I saw and felt and how he made me feel, was a man who was clearly in love. Then he bought me a ring for my birthday, then he doesn't know if he wants to really commit because he isn't in love, but does love me. Tells me "You got me for that now." yet he isn't committed / not in love? Agreeing that more than 1 day apart is too long when I jokingly say that, yet he isn't sure about committing?
Just a few things, there have been many things like this, and I just don't get it.
That's what I'm struggling with mostly, because I cannot make head nor tails from it.
He said that last time we were together he still wasn't sure whether to stay with me or to go on with this other woman. If that was the truth, then I doubt he could've flicked a switch and now suddenly is over me. Although I do know men can do so more easily than women cos they compartmentalize.
It would have been much easier for me if he'd just broken up because he'd decided it wasn't going to work out, i.e. no other woman involved.
And if what he said was true, he never really was 100% sure about his choice, he just had to make a choice because a) she wanted more (intimacy) and b) he began to feel real bad about not being honest to me and hurting me.
There was no "I really don't want you anymore". Maybe he did feel that, I don't know. All I know is that men can sometimes come up with total ** because they don't want to hurt a woman. But from what I could tell he did truly still have feelings for me.
In a way it just sux to not have a clear cut, yet on the other hand side it is comforting to know that he couldn't.

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[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by TheGlow

Hey sweetie. I'm so sorry you are in pain. I don't really use this forum anymore but for some reason came today. I just want to offer you a ((hug)) and tell you I'm really impressed by all the learning you are getting out of this.

I no longer subscribe to the dogmatic tf ideas but rather know my case it is a parallel incarnation, that is actually quite literally what a twin flame would be so I've dropped the tf drama dogma. Talk about lessons in unconditional self love right? ;)

Anyways your lessons and learning after the fall out sound exactly like mine did last year after our epic issue. You are doing great and I can so feel your pain.(hug) Amazing about the long honest convo, feels so good doesnt it. That just a few weeks ago happened for us too 5 hours over 4 days just clearing the air because like you in this case I had nothing to lose with him.

Our friendship has really redevoloped since then, no drama, no fear, just greatly supportive and we are both learning and healing together now. Took 8 almost 9 years to return to the eden we started in but worth it.

I don't know what the future holds but remember that love you felt from him, his presence, if you really are a t.f./parallel incarnation that is your own soul essence and you can tap into that stuff 24/7. Still nice to have it in the flesh beside you but trust your soul. Most of our suffering comes from struggling not trusting that our soul knows best and it will get us exactly where we are supposed to be.
Much love to you.

Thank you for your sweet words

[FairyCrystal]

Originally Posted by Same Sex twin flame27

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Apart from skimming through it, not yet. But I will!!

[A human Being]

If you have a strong sense that he wasn't being completely up-front with you about his reasons for ending the relationship, maybe you need to be direct with him about it (assuming you can still contact him). People do often sugar the pill to spare another's feelings, though in the long-run the kindest thing to do is to be completely honest about it.

Trust your gut instinct