Beating myself up for looking at women - hinders spiritual progress...

[QuantumKev]

I have struggled with this for most of my adult life, and wonder if any men or women out there have any advice or wisdom to share with me.

The thing is, I can't STAND the fact that I just can't seem to avoid looking at attractive women, or from clicking on stories on the internet with scantily clad women (not porn, just like stories on TMZ, DailyMail.com, etc) or otherwise acting in a way that I consider to be lustful, and less than spiritual. I am happily married, have never cheated on my wife and have no intention to. But darn it if I can't stop myself from sometimes leering at an attractive woman dressed in a short skirt or something of the like!

I have often times thought, and even wished, that we were all androgynous so that I could be free from this seemingly deeply ingrained compulsion - that a whole part of my mind and behavior could be freed up for something better. I have prayed about it, set conscious intentions, even talked to a counselor, but it truly does seem like some genetic thing - maybe the whole "programming to ensure procreation" thing or something. But I can't STAND it about myself. I wish when I saw a woman in real life or an image of one on tv or the internet, I could just look at it like I was looking at a coffee cup or something - I feel like a slave to a part of myself that I can't seem to alter.

And I am not some big "creepo" or anything. I don't leer at women when I'm around my wife, don't watch a bunch of porn or anything, don't buy magazies like Maxim or anything (not that any of those things make one a creepo btw! Lol). I don't hang out with other guys and talk about how hot some woman or another is. I try to be as respectful as I can. But it still plagues me to even have the thoughts or compulsion to "look." And the thing is, it makes me feel "un-spiritual" - like I am not doing a good job of keeping my lower nature in check. That's the real bugger for me.

Anyone out there have any advice, wisdom or insight into this topic? I have been told that it's not a big deal to just look, that that's how men were "programmed," and as long as I don't constantly obsess on it or act on it, it's not a big deal. But it bothers me - don't like that part of myself, that part of "being a man," and it causes me grief. I sometimes wonder if being blind wouldn't be a blessing in that regard (not that it's a blessing or to belittle being blind - just saying that's how much I want to be rid of that 'compulsion')


Many Blessings all...

QKev

Oh you naughty boy
This how Buddhist Monks deal with this habit, visualise the body rotting in the grave, think of the body that is made up of skin, blood, pus, phelgm, saliva, urine and excrement, that should be enough to put you off :

If you stop and really think about the physical bodies of all sentient beings they are not worth cherishing.

Don't worry too much about it. It is biology, and seeing as you are a noble and faithful person, it shouldn't bother you too much. Just let it go! Also, I'd imagine that struggling with it makes it even stronger. In the same way as me saying "don't think of a pink elephant" makes you do exactly that. Just acknowledge it as "Oh, she's pretty", and let it pass through you.

-TaoSandwich

[QuantumKev]

Originally Posted by celest

Oh you naughty boy
This how Buddhist Monks deal with this habit, visualise the body rotting in the grave, think of the body that is made up of skin, blood, pus, phelgm, saliva, urine and excrement, that should be enough to put you off :

If you stop and really think about the physical bodies of all sentient beings they are not worth cherishing.

Yes celest, I remember reading about that - I'll have to try bringing that to consciousness more often when needed! Thanks

Many Blessings...

Qkev

[QuantumKev]

Originally Posted by TaoSandwich

Don't worry too much about it. It is biology, and seeing as you are a noble and faithful person, it shouldn't bother you too much. Just let it go! Also, I'd imagine that struggling with it makes it even stronger. In the same way as me saying "don't think of a pink elephant" makes you do exactly that. Just acknowledge it as "Oh, she's pretty", and let it pass through you.

-TaoSandwich

You make a great point TaoSandwich. I was actually thinking this morning of the quote "What you resist persists". How true indeed! Thanks for the insight.

Many Blessings...

Qkev

[Ciona]

Here are my ideas for offer.

1. Educate yourself in Jungian psychology if you aren't already.

2. Apply the info to the chakra system and also open your heart chakra if it isn't already.

3. Bring your divine masculine and divine feminine energy into balance in your consciousness. An open heart chakra and healing can do this. Use the above two methods and combine with some esoteric knowledge of Kabbalah when studying your divine masculine and feminine energy.

You will become androgynous. :)

You will still notice certain women from time to time though ;)

[TheGlow]

I'm not sure what is really wrong with noticing.... humans are beautiful.
As long as you aren't duluded into thinking physical traits elevate ones value over another's than what is the harm.

Are you shopping for a replacement for your wife?
Are you looking to have a piece on the side?
Are you letting your attraction to these women effect your attraction to your wife or is it making her feel she isn't attractive enough?

If not let it go. Humans are beautiful, some inside, some out, some both and some neither.
Be discreet, for their sake, yours, and your wife's but it isn't anything to punish yourself over.

[FairyCrystal]

I've once been told that some people still need to live the 'lustful life' so to speak. Oftentimes this has to do with something that has happened - or not happened - in a previous life. Something you may want/need to experience (on a Soul level).
If that is the case, and I really wouldn't rule that out, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it by yourself, and beating yourself up about it certainly isn't going to help! It will only make you feel bad, guilty and not-spiritual.
Personally I don't believe in the whole thing of living like a monk in celibacy in order to be able to contact your Higher Self or the Divine. Maybe in the past this was necessary, because the overall energies were so incredibly negative and dense. I don't believe this is the case anymore. But yeah, that's just my own inner knowing.
Anyways, why not go see a good, reliable reader / healer and have them look into the matter for you. It will give you some insight and clues as to what's behind it all and help you out with healing it.
Difficult to tell from afar. Could be that your second chakra is overactive, but then it is likely to be in combination with a few other chakras being unbalanced. What matters is; Why?
And I am almost 100% certain the answer will be found in a previous life.

To give you an example, which may or may not be applicable to you, just an example of how these past life things can impact the current one;
Many of us have made vows of celibacy in past lives. And these vows are still valid to this day. People who've made such vows will often find that their sex lives / relationships are affected by them.
Some people (women) were forced to wear chastity belts in past lives, and many many many still wear these energetically. Which will seriously affect their intimate lives and relationships.

You also got to bear in mind, that like these women didn't choose to wear those Ch. belts, many men didn't choose to become a man of God.
It used to be the done thing that the 1st son inherited the lands, the second had to serve his country --> army, and if there was another one, he had to serve the church and become a priest.

What if you were a priest or a monk in a past life, maybe involuntarily, and had to take a vow of chastity. That could seriously affect you in this life and maybe cause an issue like the one you're struggling with.
A good reader / healer can help you out with this. Again, this is an example, not saying this is exactly the case with you.
Don't judge yourself. Just get informed about what's going on!

[QuantumKev]

Originally Posted by TheGlow

Are you shopping for a replacement for your wife?
Are you looking to have a piece on the side?
Are you letting your attraction to these women effect your attraction to your wife or is it making her feel she isn't attractive enough?

If not let it go.

No, absolutely not. So yes, I need to let it go as you suggest, not worth beating myself up over. Thanks.

Many Blessings,

Qkev

[QuantumKev]

Originally Posted by FairyCrystal

I've once been told that some people still need to live the 'lustful life' so to speak. Oftentimes this has to do with something that has happened - or not happened - in a previous life. Something you may want/need to experience (on a Soul level).
If that is the case, and I really wouldn't rule that out, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it by yourself, and beating yourself up about it certainly isn't going to help! It will only make you feel bad, guilty and not-spiritual.
Personally I don't believe in the whole thing of living like a monk in celibacy in order to be able to contact your Higher Self or the Divine. Maybe in the past this was necessary, because the overall energies were so incredibly negative and dense. I don't believe this is the case anymore. But yeah, that's just my own inner knowing.
Anyways, why not go see a good, reliable reader / healer and have them look into the matter for you. It will give you some insight and clues as to what's behind it all and help you out with healing it.
Difficult to tell from afar. Could be that your second chakra is overactive, but then it is likely to be in combination with a few other chakras being unbalanced. What matters is; Why?
And I am almost 100% certain the answer will be found in a previous life.

To give you an example, which may or may not be applicable to you, just an example of how these past life things can impact the current one;
Many of us have made vows of celibacy in past lives. And these vows are still valid to this day. People who've made such vows will often find that their sex lives / relationships are affected by them.
Some people (women) were forced to wear chastity belts in past lives, and many many many still wear these energetically. Which will seriously affect their intimate lives and relationships.

You also got to bear in mind, that like these women didn't choose to wear those Ch. belts, many men didn't choose to become a man of God.
It used to be the done thing that the 1st son inherited the lands, the second had to serve his country --> army, and if there was another one, he had to serve the church and become a priest.

What if you were a priest or a monk in a past life, maybe involuntarily, and had to take a vow of chastity. That could seriously affect you in this life and maybe cause an issue like the one you're struggling with.
A good reader / healer can help you out with this. Again, this is an example, not saying this is exactly the case with you.
Don't judge yourself. Just get informed about what's going on!

Wow, this is a great insight - I had not even considered that. Perhaps I will look into getting a reading as you suggest. Thanks for the advice/info!

Many Blessings....

Qkev