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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #11  
Old 14-09-2016, 06:50 PM
002 Cents 002 Cents is offline
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Yeah...

I guess all we can do is choose not to ignore the red flags or hinder our own growth by holding on to things that won't help us move forward.

So here are some of the things I have noticed over the years...

Be wary of someone who:

1. Pushes too much too fast, they should be able to be interested without being aggressive. There is no harm in taking your time and properly getting to know someone unless they want you hooked before you properly know them. In which case, you should be very suspicious. They are either in it for the short game, "the score" or they want you to be committed before you know the "real" them. I have seen this trait frequently among abusive and possessive people who are extremely insecure themselves.

2. Compliments you constantly focusing on your appearance, "God, you are beautiful"... I have a hell of a lot more going for me than my appearance. I need to avoid shallow men. If they are in it for how I look they will never fully appreciate me and all that which actually makes me beautiful, Who I am, not what I am. Not that I don't want them to be attracted to me, I just want to know that they see deeper than the surface. Because my body and my face will age, so if that is what they fall in love with it is not a recipe for forever.

3. Lacks accountability, this is the hugest tip off to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They are incapable of admitting they are wrong and if any of you have ever dated a Narcissist then you already know why this personality type is a recipe for disaster.

4. Likes to Boast, it is important to be able to identify the difference between a person who is successful and one who wants to be perceived as successful. There are a lot of people who think a woman will be impressed by a man with means so they try to talk like they have it or will have it and in reality they are very likely tremendously in debt. I personally find this insulting because not only are they assuming I am superficial but they also think I am dumb enough to believe whatever they tell me. More often than not, the ones that are out there succeeding do so because they aren't constantly stopping to pat themselves on the back. Furthermore, the sexiest thing about a man is his integrity. So, if he thinks "things" are what make him worthy of a woman... You should be asking yourself what he is lacking in all other areas of his character.

Number 5 is a tidbit for introspective growth...

5. Don't let unjustified negative associations keep you from the right person. Sometimes something as simple as their name or little personal habits can bring on negative associations that are not actually indicative of a bad character. In my case, my husband has the same name as a guy I dated in High School who died from a drug overdose. I had to overcome this in realizing, the name was not the issue, the drugs were. So, make sure you are remaining objective.

I am sure I will add to this later as I think of more things...

But that is good for a rough draft.

I have done a lot of living and learning.

One last bit of advice, Marry your best friend. Friendship is an amazing foundation for a romantic relationship. Which is why I believe people should strive for friendship before they get romantically involved with anyone. Ideally, they should become your best friend. Because if you can't even develop a stable friendship, what chance could you possibly have at forever?

My marriage may be failing. But I don't regret the 11 years we spent together. I absolutely made the right choice at the time in marrying my best friend. But people change and things change... I am sad that forever appears to be infinitely shorter than I had imagined.

But hopefully there will be brighter tomorrows.
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  #12  
Old 14-09-2016, 09:14 PM
Kasai Keira Kasai Keira is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 002 Cents
One last bit of advice, Marry your best friend. Friendship is an amazing foundation for a romantic relationship. Which is why I believe people should strive for friendship before they get romantically involved with anyone. Ideally, they should become your best friend. Because if you can't even develop a stable friendship, what chance could you possibly have at forever?
I wholeheartedly agree. This is a pivotal aspect to building strong relationships that often gets overlooked.

One has to be very careful with who you consider your best friend, however. Surges of emotions and hormones can make you see a lot of positives that might not be genuine, and make you ignore a lot of negatives. As hard as it is sometimes, you have to step back and look at things objectively. If you can learn to do this even at the height of emotional fervor, then you have a much better shot of making smart choices.

Not sure that I've fully figured this one out myself. ^^;

Quote:
Originally Posted by 002 Cents
My marriage may be failing. But I don't regret the 11 years we spent together. I absolutely made the right choice at the time in marrying my best friend. But people change and things change... I am sad that forever appears to be infinitely shorter than I had imagined.

But hopefully there will be brighter tomorrows.
Not having regrets is a very healthy (and fortunate) place to be. In the end, all things are impermanent, but making the best of what we have, when we have it, is how we grow.

Best of wishes to you :)
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  #13  
Old 15-09-2016, 02:13 PM
Ghost_Rider_1970 Ghost_Rider_1970 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 002 Cents
I couldn't help but notice some remarkably identical lines being used between a guy I dated and a guy someone I know is dating. So It made me wonder if there wasn't some instructional material out there about how to bag an American girl and sure enough...

There is...

https://kennyspuathoughts.com/

Im not going to support this kind of nonsense by buying his book but it is rather enlightening to read through and see the tactics these folks use.

.. and he is thorough! not only American women, but married women, women you meet online, women you meet on the street, foreign women...

So what is the strategy to not getting played? I don't know... Maybe just don't play the game at all.

Pigs just aren't worth the trouble and REAL men are hard to find.

And in my experience even when you do land a real one... you might get a good 10 years before he cheats...

Thank you so much for your post 002 Cents, and I just wanted to comment on this from my male perspective :)

When I read through some of his tips and techniques on how to be a 'babe magnet' *rolls eyes* , two things crossed my mind.

The first is what a shallow and superficial way to treat women. Talk about devalue rather than value, when he considers that his life's 'success' is based on the amount of women he has slept with. Doh!

I'm afraid he will never see the true beauty of women, how precious equality is, and how breath-taking it is to lay in blissful love with a special woman. Where the whole Universe melts in the moment when two become one. Where intimacy is so very sacred.

I'm afraid his experiences will never be rich in the truest sense of the word. Where I am sure he will always regard his fortune to be in wealth and conquests rather than sensual feelings. So I smile compassionately at his loss.

The second thing is why do some women actually fall for this dross? Although I'm sure there are many that want to play the same game, and for those that do then I respect their freedom of choice.

That said,surely at the very heart of every men and woman is the desire for a beautiful, caring and loving relationship on every level. Not just physical, but emotionally and spiritually too?

Although I am single at the moment, when it comes to my next relationship it will mean so much to me to find someone who will invest in me as I invest in her. Not one sided, or even 50/50 - but 100/100. Where I can cherish her for who she is while still advocating her beautiful individually and independence. For her to be a Free Spirit.

So while I regard myself as someone kind and sensitive, I also appreciate I have my imperfections too. This allows me to develop and grow with someone who compliments my spiritual energy.

I am so humbled by you and your hearfelt position over your marriage, and see your wonderful strength of character. I also understand your general observations over red flags, although I appreciate each of us do have our subtle differences where I love giving compliments. Although admittedly it wouldn't just be about physical appearance :)

I do think you raise a fabulous point about unjustified negative associations so we can be forgiving and love someone for who they really are. I too agree that friendship is every bit as important in a romantic relationship.

If anything I ultimately believe this alludes to the most important aspect of all - trust. For the giving of anyone's trust is not a right or expectation, but has to be earned and treasured. Where I see trust as 'the' key foundation.

As the most precious gift of love that each of us possess can only ever be sustainably where unquestionable trust exists.
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I am not an individual having a universal experience, but the universe having an individual experience. Where consciousness is the universe experiencing itself through each of us.


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Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are: Alan Watts
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  #14  
Old 15-09-2016, 04:06 PM
002 Cents 002 Cents is offline
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Thanks Kasai

And Ghost

I really appreciate that. It's nice to hear a male perspective. And what a beautiful perspective.
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  #15  
Old 24-09-2016, 05:56 AM
002 Cents 002 Cents is offline
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Truth is... a player is gonna play...

... but playing is a very shallow sport... and it is not overly complicated or difficult to ascertain if that is indeed the type you are dealing with.

Here are some things I have noticed that go hand in hand with the "player" persona.

-He doesn't remember important details about your life, even once he has started throwing around words like "Love" (which will likely come way sooner than you would expect a normal relationship to progress).

-They will try to get you to let your guard down. They may even specifically use those words, they want you to trust them and may even promise not to break your heart. In a normal relationship, a person knows it takes time to get into a persons heart and one only needs to use emotional manipulation when they have no intention of putting in the time.

-He lies. Once you have busted them in one lie, keep your eyes peeled there are certainly more lurking in the periphery.

-He only ever wants to spend time with you on his terms. He can be extremely attentive when it is convenient for him. But he is an expert at blowing you off and then reeling you back in.

-He checks out other women all the time even in your presence.


Happy hunting
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