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Go Back   Spiritual Forums > Spirituality & Beliefs > Love & Relationships -Friends and Family

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  #11  
Old 23-06-2017, 02:34 PM
Badcopyinc
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baile
This needs to be pinned atop both the Love & Relationships and Soul Mates & Twin Flames forums.

Couldn't agree more.
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  #12  
Old 29-06-2017, 10:25 PM
DoubleM DoubleM is offline
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Too many to count..
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What do you have to do? Pack your bags, Go to the station without them, Catch the train, And leave your self behind.
-Wei Wu Wei
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  #13  
Old 16-07-2017, 05:56 AM
ocean breeze ocean breeze is offline
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Not many. I am often a victim of my own expectations and imagination.
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  #14  
Old 17-07-2017, 07:30 PM
rebeccawisdom rebeccawisdom is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2017
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my heart was first broken early in life when neither of my parents could love me unconditionally for who I was as a person, I was filled with love and it could not be reciprocated. Everyone else that 'broke my heart' so to speak were just an unconscious reminder of that. My heart pieced itself back together when I formed an emotional connection with life/spirit/animals/myself.
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  #15  
Old 18-07-2017, 02:47 AM
PhoenixNine PhoenixNine is offline
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Several...last one got me really good...
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  #16  
Old 18-07-2017, 09:56 PM
TheGlow TheGlow is offline
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Location: outside the illusion
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Badcopyinc
The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you,but it is not. It is an existential truth

Only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person - without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other.

They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.
~Osho
I think he got this a bit wrong and I love Osho.

Sure you should still be just as happy after you've mended from loss of the connection because they didn't provide your happiness but if we do not feel a loss when we lose someone then we never truly let them into our hearts.

I guess more he skipped a step in his statement more than being wrong but no one is perfect not even Osho. I think he had an avoidant attachment style(which actually dictates avoiding letting anyone too deep into your heart) vs a stable attachment style. Still a wonderfully profound being, and like I said no one is perfect.
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  #17  
Old 18-07-2017, 10:00 PM
TheGlow TheGlow is offline
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To answer the question, I guess 2 times. Once when my dad left when I was 4 then the second time when I chose a man that would recreate the same wound so I could heal it.

Now healed I assume I'm good till my husband kicks the bucket as my current relationship is not based on playing out old patterns just kindness, mutual nurturing and acceptance. Then my heart will break and I will slowly put it back together. That is what we do.
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  #18  
Old 18-07-2017, 10:18 PM
Badcopyinc
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGlow
I think he got this a bit wrong and I love Osho.

Sure you should still be just as happy after you've mended from loss of the connection because they didn't provide your happiness but if we do not feel a loss when we lose someone then we never truly let them into our hearts.

I guess more he skipped a step in his statement more than being wrong but no one is perfect not even Osho. I think he had an avoidant attachment style(which actually dictates avoiding letting anyone too deep into your heart) vs a stable attachment style. Still a wonderfully profound being, and like I said no one is perfect.

The reason why what osho said is truth to me is very simple.
We are fully responsible for what we feel emotionally. When someone loves you and you don't love them you're not filled with love because of your perception of that person. When you do love someone who loves you you're filled with love. It is a reaction to your perception of that person and their actions. You then release the feelings of love chemically because of how you view them and what they do.

On a biological level emotionally love cannot be given or taken away as he states. If another stops loving you. You still have the choice to not feel any less loved and continue to love yourself.

To me what he says here if looked at as a goal will lead you figuring out yourself and how you perceive the world and those in it in a very profound way. Therefore leaving you in a position to never be at a loss for love.
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  #19  
Old 18-07-2017, 11:50 PM
TheGlow TheGlow is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Badcopyinc
The reason why what osho said is truth to me is very simple.
We are fully responsible for what we feel emotionally. When someone loves you and you don't love them you're not filled with love because of your perception of that person. When you do love someone who loves you you're filled with love. It is a reaction to your perception of that person and their actions. You then release the feelings of love chemically because of how you view them and what they do.

On a biological level emotionally love cannot be given or taken away as he states. If another stops loving you. You still have the choice to not feel any less loved and continue to love yourself.

To me what he says here if looked at as a goal will lead you figuring out yourself and how you perceive the world and those in it in a very profound way. Therefore leaving you in a position to never be at a loss for love.
I guess if you subscribe fully to non-attachment this would work.
I have chosen to attach deeply so it makes sense that avoidant attachment styles would not appeal to me. To let someone very deeply in to your heart and bond it has nothing to do with what "they gave you"(love) but the appreciation of their presence in your life. That is the loss.

If you have become deeply attached/bonded there will be a loss of their presence noticeable in your life until you adjust.

Its perfectly fine if you chose not to bond deeply enough that you would mourn the loss of their presence in your life but implying it is the superior or more enlightened way is not truthful. It is just a different way.

I also am not talking about situations without mutual deep unconditional love.
Perhaps that is the balance point, no point even mourning the loss of someone who loves you conditionally. That's just illusion of love.

Even in my experience with the broken heart. He still loves me, I still love him, it just doesn't fit into our lives. I mourned his presence as he did mine.
No love lost just his presence missed deeply, like with my father. ;)

Now I make healthier choices.
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  #20  
Old 19-07-2017, 02:50 AM
Badcopyinc
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGlow
I guess if you subscribe fully to non-attachment this would work.
I have chosen to attach deeply so it makes sense that avoidant attachment styles would not appeal to me. To let someone very deeply in to your heart and bond it has nothing to do with what "they gave you"(love) but the appreciation of their presence in your life. That is the loss.

If you have become deeply attached/bonded there will be a loss of their presence noticeable in your life until you adjust.

Its perfectly fine if you chose not to bond deeply enough that you would mourn the loss of their presence in your life but implying it is the superior or more enlightened way is not truthful. It is just a different way.

I also am not talking about situations without mutual deep unconditional love.
Perhaps that is the balance point, no point even mourning the loss of someone who loves you conditionally. That's just illusion of love.

Even in my experience with the broken heart. He still loves me, I still love him, it just doesn't fit into our lives. I mourned his presence as he did mine.
No love lost just his presence missed deeply, like with my father. ;)

Now I make healthier choices.

I don't subscribe to non-attachment. It would be the opposite. By loving myself fully capable of loving another. I no longer seek for another to fulfill that part of me and in turn I'm able to see others in a new light. I'm able to love everyone as much as myself. If anything I love more people now then when I was detached.

I see your point and understand please don't feel like I'm viewing you as wrong. Just trying to convey the way I view it.

I appreciate your view and never had anyone point out a flaw in osho's words. Very intriguing and thought provoking. Thank you!
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