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Originally Posted by LoveAllBeings
I've been going through a healing process and whats happened numerous times now is I find myself feeling really good, full of love and compassion and gratitude, feeling open and free then I crash down to a really low and closed state. When I hit this point where Im amazed at how good Im starting to feel and Im excited to be alive like this, this is usually when the crash comes.
The last crash was a week ago, started with an ayahuasca ceremony, I was feeling deep love the first half of the ceremony, then towards the end of the ceremony this strong feeling of failure came on, like Id failed something really big, initially it sent me into despair but meditation transformed it into peace to a certain extent but I still feel it like this ball of condensed fear and tension in my upper body, like my solar plexus, heart and throat have energetic cramps if that makes any sense.
When I can feel it clearly I can transform it into peace just by being present with it, whats tricky though is much of it is below the level of my conscious awareness which makes it harder to feel and heal. When I crash I start to doubt the whole healing process and often think Im never gonna come up again but I seem to come back up again. I havent come back up from the last crash. Something in me is changing, each crash is less devastating than the one before.
Is this normal to be crashing like this along the healing process? Are there any ways that I can see for sure that theres really healing happening? When Im in the high phase its unmistakeable but in the low phase I be doubting everything
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You talk of healing and I can only guess at what type of healing.
So I will talk in general, so this may or may not apply.
Many times healing is sort of a break through.
Many times that which you are trying to break, resists or tries rebuilding.
The ego seems to be a stubborn one. The creator of the ego did not
create it for no purpose, so there is a reason behind the creation.
Keep searching out the reason that the ego was created.
Many times the reason is doubt and fear based. Also the ego loves to separate
it's creator from the true Creator that creates out of Divine Love.
You sound like you are right where you need to be and just keep
striving and asking for this Divine Love for it is the substance we all seek.
In Divine Love there is no fear. So keep seeing your progress
and stay grateful and don't focus to much on the feelings
since they can be manipulated.
Stay the course through the storm for your healing is assured through your connection with Source.
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