Why do we decide to chase?

[LightbulbCosmonaut]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Well, there isn't much point in chasing someone you regard as weak and cowardly as long as you accept this as your assessment. It could just be that the guy lost interest or differences emerge. Sometimes arguments start and if over emotional or spiritual issues no one surely pins any hope on a good future. Times, sure, one may be under stresses that dull their mood, perhaps depress or anger them - jobs, family, expectations from elsewhere, bereavement, debt, all sorts of things, then it may be temporary. So with support the thing can possibly resume.

Very much truth said (at least from my truth filter). So far as I read your posts, I get a general opinion that they're very insightful, spot-on, realistic, down to earth and I like it in people who I'm discussing with.

Although you can't really get into my situation to be completely right, I admire your effort to logically think about things. I think they're weak or cowardly because I see the certain bahaviour patterns which occurs, and it is happening for a very long time now to give any excuse of being stressed, depressed (unless it's that "dark night of a soul" which I'm suspecting right now). Maybe I'm a little bit impatient, having in mind that I took several years, to get out of this stagnant state, but I always saw them like very strong person who can regenerate very quickly out of low energy experiences.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

But it's a feature with some men - they had little to open their hearts to in the beginning let alone the end. The romance and sexual exploration (if applicable) get exhausted and they're off looking for something new to sniff around. They bandy the word "love" in those early days; yearn; seem ready to commit...as long as the thing holds their interest.

I know that men, just like women, need to explore in the young days. We are now in those darn young days. And I know that I have explored something already, while they haven't actually. I find myself waiting while they meet someone new to realize there is only me (sounds kind of pathetic...). So that's why I'm "moving to" myself and letting them alone.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

There are exceptions obviously. It can happen with women too. The sex becomes lack-lustre, the bloke gets up straight after a bang that maybe lasted less than 5 minutes and turns on the TV, gets a beer from the fridge and the girl thinks how long is she going to put up with this lot? And/or the demands made by one of the other become too much. The magic has gone and one might as well be honest and "face reality". But yeah, if you really like a guy and he wanders off it's saddening, frustrating and forces questions. But reckoning up the situation honestly, give time to nurse the wounds, and someone else turns up.

This example of yours, which is very generalizing, about TV and beer, or the demands/expectations from each other in relationship and all the basic normal household problems might be what scares them off, and I know that for sure since they mentioned it to me. It scares me the same. The difference is that I know we are "not as others" and we could very easily avoid such conflicts, our lives can't even get to that point since we have very similar values, behaviours, habits, if not the same. I know, it could change, but it's more likely not, since our personalities/characters correlates on a such agreement level it seems untouchable, or evolving at the same time, influencing each other.

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

You never forget but you try to encase the good times in the museum of your memories knowing with that person they can never be recovered or rerun.

Sad, yes, but life can't be halted because a difference breaks a couple up.
☼

That's another of those pains, that we have to go through. We both really grasp on old stuff from the past, "good times" and all. But I'm moving out of all attachments and they're just still stuck.

[innerlight]

Some interesting replies we have going on in here. And it's getting people to talk and think, and that is always a good thing.

So it seems the consensus is not so much that we are chasing people. It's more we are chasing love itself. It also seems in many of those cases of "chasing" an individual is trying to fill an emptiness, or void within themselves. They are projecting this void onto another person in hopes of them filling what they think they don't have within themselves. Yet they have always had and just didn't realize it.

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by Elysium

It's honestly too hard to tell you why everyone chases.

For me, I chased for many reasons. For one, I loved her and my guides were telling me very audibly to follow my heart and that it would take 8 years, haha. That never happened though

Wait... Your guides were telling you to follow your heart on this person and that it would take 8 years, possible, to get this person? I must ask then why would you waste 8 years of your life trying to get someone that you knew you wouldn't get for at least 8 years? I would imagine you could find happiness with someone else in that time, and maybe that relationship would be stronger than this one, and be more meaningful and lasting. Isn't that what relationships are about really?

[Nature Grows]

Originally Posted by Lorelyen

Just personally I think it's a bit pedantic claiming you can't touch your shadow. Figuratively you can in that shadow is a concrete noun regardless of how it's formed. It's there before your eyes. Technically you can't because it doesn't exist in the concrete except you can touch a surface on which it falls. A difficult word. A physicist might argue it's abstract but that it's there makes it visible and concrete.

I got what you meant though.

☼

Ok yea, after reading your post, his again an seeing those peter pan pics I posted, I see the point, can still touch your shadow though, can't grab it... unless you are peter pan.

[jro5139]

I do not honestly know what to think about this thread as I do not relate to much of what has been said about chasing. I think I branded him the "runner" because he's the one that (emotionally) ran away, but I do not relate to much of what has been said about chasing.
I would never "chase" someone that did not display any interest, the only reason anything ever happened between my twin and I at all, is because after being around him for a year and a half I was quite certain that he was interested/ feeling the same as me or similar.

My tf relationship (which was only ever a friendship) was very healing, I would never chase someone that was toxic or abusive. It does all seem to come back to love just the same, as well as the void. I can accept that I was trying to fill a void possibly with people. And yet, I do have some friends that are still around that seem like members of my soul family, and so I can't rule out that this is what they are.

The whole coward thing is really interesting to me, as I believed my tf to be a coward and I even told him he was a couple of times. Of course by the time I thought that, I was already at least a year and a half into it. I just don't think that someone that hasn't experienced it can understand that it doesn't go away, and you can't just walk away and forget. And knowing their bad qualities doesn't seem to change that.

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by jro5139

I just don't think that someone that hasn't experienced it can understand that it doesn't go away, and you can't just walk away and forget. And knowing their bad qualities doesn't seem to change that.

I think for some/most they just get caught up in the moment and heat of it all, and make things more than they actually are with this person. It's like an escape for them.

I've been down paths with people. I've been in places where they have been in my thoughts. Been in dreams. Been in feelings. Emotions. 20 some years after the fact. Without us ever really talking to each other for 16 years. To the point where I've felt I was crazy. To where others have told me I was obsessed. I've been in those shoes. I've walked that path.

But the more I have learned and understood is that it wasn't them that I was about all that time. It was what they stood for and represented. It was love itself. And that connection to love. And not just that connection to love but that reminder of the connection to the creator, and it had little to do with them. They just happened to occupy that space at the time.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by innerlight

I think for some/most they just get caught up in the moment and heat of it all, and make things more than they actually are with this person. It's like an escape for them.

I've been down paths with people. I've been in places where they have been in my thoughts. Been in dreams. Been in feelings. Emotions. 20 some years after the fact. Without us ever really talking to each other for 16 years. To the point where I've felt I was crazy. To where others have told me I was obsessed. I've been in those shoes. I've walked that path.

But the more I have learned and understood is that it wasn't them that I was about all that time. It was what they stood for and represented. It was love itself. And that connection to love. And not just that connection to love but that reminder of the connection to the creator, and it had little to do with them. They just happened to occupy that space at the time.

I look at it differently, I think it does have something to do with the soul connection that you share with them. Not "them" in the sense that they are better than anyone else or superior, but "them" in the sense that you have a connection with them that you do not share with just everyone.
If it had nothing to do with them or they were just "occupying space" than you would be able to establish that feeling with anyone you wanted to at anytime. But you can't, or at least I know I can't.

[innerlight]

Originally Posted by jro5139

If it had nothing to do with them or they were just "occupying space" than you would be able to establish that feeling with anyone you wanted to at anytime. But you can't, or at least I know I can't.

What about those who do though? Hence the whole runner/chaser dynamic. I've read here on many threads of how they have moved on. Dated someone else. Got married. It seems pretty easy for them to do so. Yet it seems the runners are never able to. Which, to me, seems to be a one sided connection that is not fully felt on both parties.

I know for me personally they were easily able to marry and be in a long relationship. (sure some would argue they go into fake relationships where there are not full feelings there. But I'm not so sure.) I've known others personally who went through the same thing where their "other" for a lack of better term were able to just up and disappear, and reappear married to someone else.

To me that follows suit to the theory that it's love itself people are chasing. That euphoric feeling they get from love and being in love, and being loved. More so than the person. Sure, people have great memories with people. We all recall when it was we fell in love with someone, or how they made you feel. And the fun you had with each other.

[Saoirse Walker]

In my experience he and I had a good connection until it ended and I felt true heartbreak. I didn't chase so much as it took time before I could let what we had go. I was reeling. It took time to process the sudden change, and I was telling him how I saw things and how he made me feel. We shouldn't shame ourselves or each other for this. Even if we're very good at taking care of ourselves and our heart and self love etc., this is a change of events that impacts you down to your chakras. If you're open to love, and developed a deep intimacy, there will be a period of transition that affects you deeply.

I have to admit, however, that I don't understand trouble letting go of an abusive man. How are you even able to have a connection if they are so? Does it happen before you realize they are going to mistreat you? I that case it seems you chase after the broken promise.

Either way it's painful enough I think most of us seek healing. What I learned was that my self care had always been good, but I needed more connections. True connections with other people are a way to connect to the universe and unity. They are very healing. They are also a way to grow and heal if you've already mastered self care.

[jro5139]

Originally Posted by innerlight

What about those who do though? Hence the whole runner/chaser dynamic. I've read here on many threads of how they have moved on. Dated someone else. Got married. It seems pretty easy for them to do so. Yet it seems the runners are never able to. Which, to me, seems to be a one sided connection that is not fully felt on both parties.

I know for me personally they were easily able to marry and be in a long relationship. (sure some would argue they go into fake relationships where there are not full feelings there. But I'm not so sure.) I've known others personally who went through the same thing where their "other" for a lack of better term were able to just up and disappear, and reappear married to someone else.

To me that follows suit to the theory that it's love itself people are chasing. That euphoric feeling they get from love and being in love, and being loved. More so than the person. Sure, people have great memories with people. We all recall when it was we fell in love with someone, or how they made you feel. And the fun you had with each other.

Yeah but you don't know that just because someone is in another relationship that their feelings are as intense with the new person as they were with their tf. It is possible to elicit feelings of euphoric that are slighter and not as intense with other people, even if they don't last. Since tf, I've dated people that I knew it would never be as intense and I've even had crushes, but I knew they would never be as intense. Sometimes you just have to move on, and enjoy other things, even if they're not as intense.
So I wouldn't say that just because someone is in a relationship that you know what that means their feelings are.