struggling with intimacy with hubby after meeting twin

[twinkle77]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Hey Twinkle.... TF business aside - you say here that you've never had an emotional connection with your husband and that your husband has been close to feeling like a 'friend' to you? Am I reading that correctly? If so, these circumstances would create intimacy issues/problems for any individual and independent of any other 3rd parties being involved in your life...

Yes wolfgaze that is correct..in all the 18 yrs we been married, i have not been close to him openly in that way, this is due to the fact that he has issues opening up and showing intimacy, we never talk abt things..we've had convos abt this on and off in the years gone by, we are both aware of this..but i also know that i can't change him and we can only work on this together..and he is trying now but its like it is not affecting me positively in the way that it shud at the moment because i want it to come naturally from him if you know what i mean - - i think we need to give this time.

[Somnia]

Hi Twinkle...

Have you considered seeking couple's counseling to help your husband with opening up and showing intimacy towards you?

[grannymary]

Originally Posted by twinkle77

hey peeps,was wondering if any people have gone through the same thing and how things worked out for you?

It is like i am blocked from intimacy and its not something i'm consciously wanting/doing - does that make sense..?

When we do have sex i feel like i'm being raped - and i don't have interest anymore..my husband knows i am on a spiritual journey right now and he is aware of my exact feelings as we've talked and i told him i need to feel that spiritual bonding/emotional connection with him first before i ever want sex again - something which we never have had together. I don't want sex just for pleasure anymore - it has to be really deep for me...from inside my soul. Me and hubby are working on being friends right now - something which i never felt he was even close to being..i'm thinking my twin is here to awaken me and make things right for me and hubby..

One thing i will honestly tell you all that yes i have feelings for my twin and i am trying so hard not to romanticize our connection but the feeling is so strong and overwhelming every time i see him..

I know there are lessons to be learned in all of this - Why does this twin flame journey have to b so hard!!

Twinkle,
I'm sorry for and empathize with you in this situation and I have been through this. Every person and relationship is different, how you handle this is very dependent on your inner conviction\ discernment.

First of all, I prayed for guidance constantly from God, the universe...and everything. This did help me. I found that guidance did come, comforts from Spirit of a sort. I mean in the form of strength, ability to bear what needed to be. I found presence of amazing shoring up sensation that I could trust the forces at work in my life and these things were preparing the ground for new indwelling life and abilities. Bringing in the keys that open unity awareness.

Listen to your heart. The special one beloved of yours is right there with you. In the highest form. And your higher self with the same one. Feel this truth. Whether physically near or far regardless you are together in awareness light of love.

Some people end the relationships with a spouse and can't understand people that don't. I did not. And will not. Unless God makes unavoidable. I was guided by spirit to love my husband via unity perspective. The marriage was in shambles and touching just practically unbearable. The task was to heal the tear in this relationship and balance inner energy centers and clear the channels for the one to come. and TF energy is ready to assist 24/7.

My husband and I grew closer and closer over the years and it isn't as hard after a while, making love is natural and just let it be whatever it is, TF energy cultivates us up and down the love spectrum and allow the flow to work even in intimate places. TF energy becomes you more and more, and it's not a weight on the heart but the opposite is found.

I think of the song love the one your with.

In answer to why is it hard? I am reminded of the saying the bigger fall harder. We do our part from ground up. And the love is coming down. We come to feel complete in it. The feeling is that we are whole. The new love life is from the opposite of needy. It is hard but you are greatly honored. Turn awareness to honor the challenge.

I humbly offer this from the way I've come through the experience. I wish you the best.

Much love.

[loulou1986]

I am in an identical position. For me sex has always been something iv just put up with and got on with because its easier and my husband enjoys it. Obviously when we are intimate i can 'enjoy' it but not properly if that makes sense?? Meeting my twin only made the problem worse and although its better than it was its still awkward and uncomfortable and most of the time i cant wait for it to be over! (God it sounds awful to say!) Iv posted before wondering if this is just what happens when you have been together for a while, the honeymoon stage doesnt last forever although for me we never really went through that stage initially. My hubs is a lovely father to our children and reliable and kind but we have never really had a 'connection' as such and we often feel miles apart in every way.
So unfortunately i dont really have any advice for you. If you feel it is something you can improve upon then i think you need to discuss it together. There are ways to spice things up obviously but when you are lacking a soul connection with that person sex will always just be sex... nothing deeper. Its just an act on a surface level, no emotional side to it.
We are in a much better place than we were a year ago. We no longer argue or bicker but the intimacy is always lacking. I suppose you just have to decide if that is something you can live with twinkle? Lots of luck

[G1981]

Originally Posted by twinkle77

Hey there, i have known tf for one and half years..no husband doesn't know abt it..sometimes i think to tell him but i know it would be a bad idea..i would have to risk to see if he would understand..once i was telling him abt one of my past relationships and he got very touchy abt it..i feel like i can't really talk to him abt it...not at this moment anyway as i am working on sorting my self out.

What abt u? tell me ur story...how u met him and how often do u see him etc.. How does it affect your relationship with your husband? What is his reaction to u not being intimate?

Hey! Feel free to DM I would feel more comfortable discussing things re: TF that way.
We met through work, I see him whenever he lets himself be seen! *sigh* so about 3 or 4 times per month at work.
My marriage is not great but it has changed for the better, my husband is good, good dad, good husband, but deals with a lot of depression and such... that manifests as anger in our home, so last year I finally told him that I had enough of it and that we needed to fix it or move on ( I believe the push came from my TF) we have done counselling and he and I did a lot of work and he does nothing but worship the ground I walk on, and yet, here I am unable to fully love him the way he needs me to, which is I believe causing trouble with us again. So, yes, TF has made my life significantly better, pushed me to find myself, awaken and work through stuff, as for my marriage it is a work in progress but I don't know how much more I have left in me.

[twinkle77]

Originally Posted by Somnia

Hi Twinkle...

Have you considered seeking couple's counseling to help your husband with opening up and showing intimacy towards you?

Yes we both have considered it - we decided to work on this together first and take it from there..now i'm thinking after seeing your post that it may be a good thing to do with the counselling too..

[twinkle77]

Originally Posted by grannymary

Twinkle,
I'm sorry for and empathize with you in this situation and I have been through this. Every person and relationship is different, how you handle this is very dependent on your inner conviction\ discernment.

First of all, I prayed for guidance constantly from God, the universe...and everything. This did help me. I found that guidance did come, comforts from Spirit of a sort. I mean in the form of strength, ability to bear what needed to be. I found presence of amazing shoring up sensation that I could trust the forces at work in my life and these things were preparing the ground for new indwelling life and abilities. Bringing in the keys that open unity awareness.

Listen to your heart. The special one beloved of yours is right there with you. In the highest form. And your higher self with the same one. Feel this truth. Whether physically near or far regardless you are together in awareness light of love.

Some people end the relationships with a spouse and can't understand people that don't. I did not. And will not. Unless God makes unavoidable. I was guided by spirit to love my husband via unity perspective. The marriage was in shambles and touching just practically unbearable. The task was to heal the tear in this relationship and balance inner energy centers and clear the channels for the one to come. and TF energy is ready to assist 24/7.

My husband and I grew closer and closer over the years and it isn't as hard after a while, making love is natural and just let it be whatever it is, TF energy cultivates us up and down the love spectrum and allow the flow to work even in intimate places. TF energy becomes you more and more, and it's not a weight on the heart but the opposite is found.

I think of the song love the one your with.

In answer to why is it hard? I am reminded of the saying the bigger fall harder. We do our part from ground up. And the love is coming down. We come to feel complete in it. The feeling is that we are whole. The new love life is from the opposite of needy. It is hard but you are greatly honored. Turn awareness to honor the challenge.

I humbly offer this from the way I've come through the experience. I wish you the best.

Much love.

Thank you so much grannymary for your experience and perspective..you have given me some hope from your situation..

I am just going to go with the flow and pray and keep faith - things will unfold naturally right? Long as i keep trying and honour my marriage because other than intimacy and being openly communicative we have no other issues in our marriage...i know this is a big issue in itself..it's ok from my part but it's just intimacy i need to wrk on since last couple of months...and this only came up because of my twin!!

[twinkle77]

Originally Posted by loulou1986

I am in an identical position. For me sex has always been something iv just put up with and got on with because its easier and my husband enjoys it. Obviously when we are intimate i can 'enjoy' it but not properly if that makes sense?? Meeting my twin only made the problem worse and although its better than it was its still awkward and uncomfortable and most of the time i cant wait for it to be over! (God it sounds awful to say!) Iv posted before wondering if this is just what happens when you have been together for a while, the honeymoon stage doesnt last forever although for me we never really went through that stage initially. My hubs is a lovely father to our children and reliable and kind but we have never really had a 'connection' as such and we often feel miles apart in every way.
So unfortunately i dont really have any advice for you. If you feel it is something you can improve upon then i think you need to discuss it together. There are ways to spice things up obviously but when you are lacking a soul connection with that person sex will always just be sex... nothing deeper. Its just an act on a surface level, no emotional side to it.
We are in a much better place than we were a year ago. We no longer argue or bicker but the intimacy is always lacking. I suppose you just have to decide if that is something you can live with twinkle? Lots of luck

Hi loulou - our situations sound quite similar except me and huuby never really argue - because he doesn't talk much!! He is trying now for sure..hopefully this will bring us closer..and he has been very understanding with me recently.

I'm just thinking that when you have met your twin nothing can come close to that feeling you get being beside them...that connection is just amazing and it feels like you just want to get rid of everyone else and just have your twin by your side..

[twinkle77]

Originally Posted by G1981

Hey! Feel free to DM I would feel more comfortable discussing things re: TF that way.
We met through work, I see him whenever he lets himself be seen! *sigh* so about 3 or 4 times per month at work.
My marriage is not great but it has changed for the better, my husband is good, good dad, good husband, but deals with a lot of depression and such... that manifests as anger in our home, so last year I finally told him that I had enough of it and that we needed to fix it or move on ( I believe the push came from my TF) we have done counselling and he and I did a lot of work and he does nothing but worship the ground I walk on, and yet, here I am unable to fully love him the way he needs me to, which is I believe causing trouble with us again. So, yes, TF has made my life significantly better, pushed me to find myself, awaken and work through stuff, as for my marriage it is a work in progress but I don't know how much more I have left in me.

I will DM you later! x

[Baile]

I have pretty basic and simple relationship rules: if two people cannot discuss every issue and come to a loving understanding, then it's not a relationship worth saving. In this case: I would tell my partner I met someone special, and that it is affecting my ability to get close to that partner. That alone will free up a lot of the emotional blocks that are in fact preventing that closeness. At that point it is up to the two of us to come to some kind of agreement and understanding regarding the situation, whatever that is, even if it means our partnership needs to end. People fear to be this honest in relationships, but anything other than total complete honesty is a waste of our time together on this earth.

Spiritual development is not about learning to have spirit visions, or following this or that belief-specific doctrine. It's about taking responsibility for one's self and self-development via absolute and uncompromising truth, honesty, and moral integrity.